It's Warped And you Know It!
A Fic By Marauder-Girl
A/N: It's official… I've lost it! I truly have NO IDEA how this FG scary thing worked its way into my head! Am currently watching An audience with Al Murray and he's taking the piss outta Rupert Grint! LOL! Anywho… back on track… I came up with this a while ago… but totally forgot about it until today…. When I found the receipt with the prep notes scribbled on it in my pocket… So prepare for insanity people… it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Disclaimer: Um… this is probably the weirdest disclaimer ever…. I do not own Harry Potter or any related characters… They belong to J.K. Nor do I own any of the Barry Trotter Characters they belong to Michael Gerber, who originally used J.K's characters…. So that means J.K technically owns all of it… But she doesn't… I'm just gonna shut up now… I'm going around in circles… Suffice to say I DON'T OWN ANY OF THEM!
A/N2: I'm going back to my Game show roots YAY! Roughly based on 'Friends like these' A BBC production (Which I also don't own!)
Chapter One: What the hell….?
It was a quiet day in fandom. Most other fanfic writers were on holiday celebrating the freedom for the short time of two weeks…. But somewhere things were about to clash and a crazy idea was born. This little idea had found the mind of an equally crazy writer and so chaos was about to begin. Across certain fandoms, characters were starting to disappear and arriving in a place they knew they didn't want to be in….
Scene: White room Harry, Ron, Hermione, Sirius and Dumbledore are currently there-
HAR: Oh No!... Not again, please for the love of Merlin NOT AGAIN!
HERM: Drama queen!
HAR: -Sticks out tongue-
RON: -Laughs-
SIR: Now people now is not the time to be childish…. –Notes strange looks-…. What?
HAR: Since when have you been anything but childish?
SIR: Good point! But that still doesn't mean we have to overreact.
DUM: What are you babbling on about, what are we doing here?
ALL: -Look nervous-
HERM: Should I tell him or you?
HAR: You….
HERM: Welcome to Fan fiction Headmaster…. Be prepared for you worst nightmare….
DUM: …. Oh dear…. I've heard about this 'Fan fiction' thing from Severus….
SIR: Yup…. Well now be prepared to experience it….
MV: HI THERE!
HAR: -Groans- Not HER again!
SIR: I now retract my previous statement…. Harry overreact as much as you want….
MV: Hey! I resent that!
DUM: I find her amusing….
HERM: You haven't been around her long enough…. You'll learn….
MV: And I DEFINITELY resent that….
RON: Okay you crazy loon! What have you got in store this time!
MV: -Glares- Fine then…. I've been drafted in to create a 'Parody Game show'…
RON: Parody game show…? Why am I suddenly very scared….
MV: Um…. Put it this way you should be….
ALL: -Gulp-
MV: Anywho it's time to introduce…. The other team!
ALL: -Shock- OTHER TEAM!
MV: Um…. Yeah…. This one is a little different from my previous attempts…. Its involving two different teams…. And you're one of them.
HAR: Why am I afraid to ask who the other team is….
HERM: Because we all are….
SIR: Come on…. May as well get it over and done with….
MV: Aw…. Sirius I didn't know you cared….
SIR: I don't…. I just wanna get this insanity over as soon as possible!
MV: Fine I get the point…. Introducing Barry Trotter!
HAR: WTF?
MV: Ermine Cringer!
HERM: -Goes red in face-
MV: Lon Measley!
RON: Holy St!
HERM: RON!
MV: Alpo Bumblebore!
DUM: Oh…. Dear…
MV: And finally Serious Blech!
SIR: This has trouble written all over this….
HAR: You don't say!
MV: So there we have it…. The other team…. Come on in guys!
The Barry Trotter gang mosey on in-
ALL: -Jaw drop-
BAR: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!
MV: Um…. How to explain this….
SIR: I've got a good explaination…. FG INSANITY!
ERM: Oh…. So nothing out of the ordinary then….
MV: For you lot yes! For this lot not quite so….
ALPO: Excuse me miss just who are you and why have you brought me here? I have a school to be running….
BAR: No you don't…. Erm took over remember…. And then you tried to youth me to death…. Hey wait a minute aren't you dead?
ALPO: -Begins to cry- You just had to remind me….
MV: However for the purpose of this, he is a living breathing person. A ghost is no good for what I've got in store…. Oh and in answer to your question I'm MV and I'm here to torture you….
ALPO: Really! Woo-Hoo!
HAR: Am I the only person in the room who is freaked out?
HERM: Nope not the only one….
RON: Uh-huh!
SIR: Ditto!
DUM: I'm quite disturbed by this whole situation….
SIR: Well at least you learn fast…. She's crazy and not to be trusted.
MV: Hey enough with the pick on MV…. I have a show to run and you guys are soooo not being helpful.
Scream is heard-
RON: Um…. MV why is he sniffing Sirius's um….
MV: Ah Man! Bad dog…. Get away –Newspaper floats in air and smacks Lon around the head-…. Um Sirius sorry about that…
SIR: -Looks pale-…. Mmmble wwwwble…. Scary…. Boy….
MV: Um…. Yeah…. Again sorry, he has a dog brain…. Long story….
HAR: Well that explains a lot….
MV: It does doesn't it…. Well Anywho guys its time to mosey on with the show…. So if you'll please move through to the studio we can begin….
ALL: -Groan-
MV: -Growls- Just get out there!
The two teams move outside into the studio-
DUM: Hmmm…. Not bad….
HAR: He still hasn't learned has I he?
ERM: Apparently not…. Whoever he is….
HERM: You don't KNOW who he is?
ERM: Um…. No!
HERM: He is Albus Dumbledore, one of the most renowned and powerful wizard in the world.
ERM: Never heard of him…
HERM: -Fuming mad-
RON: Herm… just calm down… The calmer and saner you stay the easier and quicker it will be for all of us….
SIR: NOW there's something I'd never thought I'd see…. Ron extolling the values of logic to Hermione…
HAR: Me too…. –Shudders- Scary!
RON/HERM: -Almighty glare of death- (A.K.A: The AGOD)
HAR: What… it's true!
RON/HERM: -Dark AGOD-
HAR: I'll shut up now….. –Shrinks away-
MV: Ah… it's so good to be back! I've missed this insanity….
SIR: How old are you now? I mean the last time you tortured us… You were well younger….
MV: -AGOD-
BAR: Um…. Dude I think you better stop…. She's looking kinda pissed.
SIR: -Ignores everyone- Come on you've got to be getting on a bit ….
MV: -Growls-
SIR: -Still oblivious- At least in your twenties….
MV: That does it! Sirius Black I AM NOT THAT OLD! I am 19 GET IT!
SIR: Really? Well with the way the last thing went on, you certainly could've fooled me!
BAR: Man what a total idiot…. Anyone know when a woman has that look on their face, they're bound to be hormonal…
ALL FEMALES: -AGOD-
BAR: -Oblivious- And therefore trouble for us men…
ERM: Pity he doesn't practice what he preaches –Raises wand- haemorrhoidus!
Nothing happens-
ERM: Huh?
MV: Oh yeah you won't be accustomed to this, but when you're here… Um… I block your powers…. You know so you can't cheat and/or hex one another into oblivion….
BAR: Then how are we expected to do anything?
BUM: I think you are going to be actually expected to work….
BAR: Oh the inhumanity….
DUM: I think I'm starting to see the similarities….
HAR: HEY! I am not a drama queen, not like that spotty introbanged freak….
BAR: Well I'd rather have an introbang than some crappy lightening bolt scar…
HAR: Hey my scar is cool…. Yours is just geeky…
BAR: Loser!
HAR: Retard!
BAR: Er… Loser!
HAR: Hah you can't even come up with more than one insult you… Er… retard!
MV: Okay boys I think this has gone far enough!
HAR/BAR: -Smouldering glares-
HERM: -To Ermine- Why do I have the feeling that only you ad me are the only ones with sense around here…
ERM: I think you may be right. Oh yeah and if Serious asks you for money…. You know they guy hasn't said anything at all yet –Glares upwards- (M.V: Sorry, sorry) Say NO!
HERM: Right…. I'm not gonna question why because I know I'll be scarred for life by the answer…
ERM: See I told you… You have sense…
SER:….. –Evil smirk-
ERM Oh no…. he's got the smirk on….
MV: -Claps hands in a director fashion- People we really have to be moving onto the stage…. And no arguments…. I'm getting tired of them already….
DUM: Really? But we've only just begun –Pulls microphone out of robes- "We've…"
Horrible screechy record sound-
MV: Oh no you don't…. That's worse than arguing… For the love of God just don't sing at me!
ALL: -Grins mischievously-
MV: And don't grin like that either…. It makes you looks as if your up to something… and we all know that your not…. So just get your backsides out there…
ALL: -Grumble and troupe out-
MV: That's better, isn't it all so much better when we cooperate…
ALL: NO!
MV: Whatever, get a little more accustomed while I go get the host…. Toodles!
A/N: I think I'll leave this first chapter there…. Mainly because I haven't decided who the hell the host is yet –Grins-Also I think I'd better explain a few things. The Barry trotter crew are the slimier, irratating more unpleasant version of the usual characters…. Plus they're about twenty times more insane…. So imagine that when you are reading this…
Um… yeah Lon has a dog brain after an accident which left him with a hole in his skull, before that he was your average teenage communist (I swear I am NOT making this up)
Barry looks around the age of nine but is in reality around 36 years old… Bumblebore tried to kill him by making him younger…
Bumblebore is just insane and wants to take the wizarding community away from us normal people (Muddles)
Serious is a sort of con man that always gets conned himself…. Ended up in aztalan for tax revision (whatever that means)
And Ermine is the only remotely sane one… and is married to Barry (what was I saying about sane….)
A/N:3 Finally if you haven't read The Barry Trotter books I advise you do because they are hysterical!