Whispered conversations and shuffling feet cut through the relative quiet of the Great Hall as students took their seats at their house tables, waiting to be addressed by the headmaster. They had all been called there unexpectedly, and were nervous and excited to find out what was going on. Wild speculations were moving back and forth quickly, but no one had any real idea of what was happening.
A hush fell over the hall as Professor Dumbledore rose from his seat at the staff table. The staff was looking quite solemn, and a few rather anxious, but Professor Harry Potter, the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, was grinning quite madly. This did not help anyone's nerves, however, as Harry had earned himself a reputation of eccentricity almost as extensive as the Headmaster's.
Dumbledore cleared his throat, then took up a glass and spoon and clinked them a few times to gain everyone's attention.
"Alright, alright, everybody sit down, quiet down." he began, "I've brought you all here to recite the annual obituaries." More whispers broke out, mostly because neither the staff nor the students could recall this ever happening before. "Like every year, we'll start with A, and we'll end with Z." He said this all in an oddly dramatic fashion, as if, of course everyone knew what he was talking about.
"Alright," he continued, "Is the band ready?" From a conveniently placed stage to the side of the staff table came a squeak that everyone recognized as being Professor Flitwick, unofficial choir director at Hogwarts. "Ready!" he called in a croaky voice.
Dumbledore continued, "Alright, hit it Boiles." This, of course, was referring to Ravenclaw sixth year, Raymond Boiles, who was head of the music department this year. Flitwick counted off in the same voice as before, "And a one and a two…"
The band burst into a resounding introduction, startling many people who weren't expecting such quick paced and, well, strange music. It sounded like Halloween…
Suddenly, Professor Potter leapt up from his seat and bounded to the front of the hall. He ripped off his teaching robe, revealing tight black leather pants and a long-sleeved black button down shirt. He was apparently wearing a glamour, for with a snap of his fingers, he suddenly had thick black rings around his eyes, making him look strangely wild. His eyes, usually a lovely emerald green, were a dark red, and his hair was no longer the cutely messy mop it had been that morning. It was now completely straight, and remarkably longer, almost to his shoulders.
Whatever the students were expecting, it certainly wasn't this. However, he wasn't through yet. Professor Potter snapped his fingers again, and suddenly the Great Hall was plunged into darkness. A spotlight burst into existence, shining somewhere on the Hufflepuff table. Then, the professor started singing to the strange music.
"A is for Amber, who drowned in a pool."
Everyone turned to the spotlight, which was shining on a Hufflepuff third year named Amber McArthy. She was suddenly dripping wet and had dark rings around her eyes. She grinned maniacally and bounced up to where Professor Potter was still standing, joining him in a strange rhythmic dance. She belted out the next line herself,
"B is for Billy, was eaten by ghouls!"
William Raymond, Ravenclaw second year, looking rather bloody and gory, sped up to the front table and selected the next person,
"C is for Curt with disease of the brain!"
Curtis Brockway, Slytherin fourth year, stumbled forward, bleeding from his eyes, and slurred,
"D is for Daniel, derailed on a train!"
Daniel Farthings, Gryffindor seventh year, came up looking strangely misshapen and bruised.
"E is for Eric, who was buried alive,"
Eric Markley of Ravenclaw jumped from his house table and rolled up front, landing on his feet in an impressive maneuver. He wore a wrinkled suit, and his fingertips were a bloody mess. He cried,
"F is for Frank, who was stabbed through the eye!"
Frank Longbottom of Gryffindor, holding a wicked looking blade and staring sightlessly from an almost empty eye socket, bounded forward and called,
"G is for Greg who died in the womb,"
Instead, a seventh year girl from Slytherin flew to the front, weeping and clutching her stomach, bleeding through her dress, and sobbed,
"H is for Heather, was sealed in a tomb."
Heather Smith of Hufflepuff gave a smirk, striding to the front. Her face was withered and drawn, and very pale.
Professor Potter once again burst into lyrics, however this time he was joined by every student in the gruesome group clustered at the front of the hall,
"One by one we bite the dust! Kick the bucket, begin to rust! Give up the ghost when your number's up, we all fall down. Ashes to ashes, bones to paste, you'll wither away in your resting place! Eternity, in a wooden case. We all fall down."
Everyone in the Great Hall sat in shocked silence for a beat while a short interlude began. Nobody understood what was happening, even the students who were being picked, however the students who were picked had always had an inclination towards the macabre. They were the students that people tended to avoid, who were shy, or creepy. They were having a great time. This was their domain, and they were proud to share it.
"I is for Isaac, who lost his front brakes,"
A bruised boy with glass embedded in his face leapt up from the Ravenclaw table and sang,
"J is for Johnny, was bitten by snakes!"
Jonathan Marks of Slytherin bounded forward, skin discolored and with a large snake wrapped around his neck and belted,
"K is for Kimmy, was shot in the head,"
Kim Rhodes of Hufflepuff came forward with a generous portion of her skull missing. A few people wondered how she could talk with no mouth, but they were reassured as she sang,
"L is for Larry who bled and bled!"
A boy came forth, soaked in blood and covered in gashes, leaving a trail of shiny dark liquid as he moved, and sang,
"M's for Marie who was burned to a crisp,"
A girl, unrecognizable for all the black charred flesh that made up her face, twirled forward from the Slytherin table and exclaimed,
"N is for Nicky, was pummeled by fists!"
Nicky Sordes of Gryffindor, heavily bruised and missing teeth, joined in,
"O is for Olive who live life too fast,"
Olive Frampton, Ravenclaw, who had seemed to have aged sixty years or more, hobbled up and sang,
"and P is for Pat, who swallowed some glass!"
Joining the group, Patricia Carson added her voice to the chorus:
"La la la, la la, la la. La, la la la la! La la, la la, la la, la la, La, La, La!"
"One by one we bite the dust! Kick the bucket, begin to rust! Give up the ghost when your number's up, we all fall down. Ashes to ashes, bones to paste, you'll wither away in your resting place! Eternity, in a wooden case. We all fall down."
As the grim yet jaunty song continued, more and more students were getting into it. By the second chorus they were already singing along, and a few were dancing with their friends in small groups. Lights were flashing, a few first years were screaming, and all of it was pure adrenaline to Professor Potter and the other singers. They were more energetic than ever.
Professor Vector leaned over and whispered to Professor Sprout, "I've been waiting for something like this to happen ever since Potter graduated; though, I never thought it would be this….exciting." As soon as he finished his sentence, Potter whipped around and flashed Vector a smarmy grin, before bursting into the third verse.
"Q is for Quentin, who took the wrong trail,"
Quentin Trimble skidded forward, hair full of twigs and covered in insects and small animal bites, and sang,
"R is for Reyna who rotted in jail!"
Reyna Saele of Hufflepuff was brought forward, heavily scarred, wearing a prison uniform, and glaring evilly at anyone who caught her eye. She barked,
"S is for Steve who was shot with a bow,"
Steven Barilles stumbled to the front, clutching the arrow that was protruding from his stomach, and cried,
"T is for Tori who froze in the snow!"
Victoria Gent, rather stiff and shockingly blue, shuffled forward a bit and stuttered,
"U is for Uric, was trampled by hooves,"
A Ravenclaw boy ran forward, his skull in a strange shape, and sang,
"V's for Vanessa, who fell of a roof!"
Vanessa Lafont, her neck at an uncomfortable angle, called in a very strained voice,
"W's for Will who was hit by a car,"
William McCarthy, horribly bloody and covered in glass bits, brought to mind Isaac's faulty car, and people wonder if it was he who caused this state. Winking at the masses and grinning a bit, he cried,
"X is for Xavier, who sunk in the tar!"
An entirely unidentifiable boy covered in dripping black goo oozed forward and gurgled,
"Y is for Yessy who fell from a plane,"
There was a pause here, and people were looking about for the next person to come forward, when a great crash sounded from the middle of the hall. Swiveling their heads wildly, people finally set their eyes on a mangled girl's body lying between the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables. She had crashed straight through the charmed ceiling and hit the floor with a sickening crack. People were starting to get nervous, looking at her unmoving body, but relaxed when they saw her twitch a hand in a weak wave. Professor Potter just grinned and sang the last line himself,
"And Z is for Zach who simply went…"
Here, all of the dead chorused together,
"INSANE!"
Professor Potter suddenly burst into hysterical and uncontrollable laughter. Tears were streaming down his face, he was gasping for air, and all eyes were on him. Quickly, before anyone could register the difference, he straightened, put on a solemn face, snapped his fingers once, and disappeared in a crack of white light.
Everyone stared at the spot where he had disappeared from, gaping incredulously. They cast their gazes to the front of the hall where the rest of the people were, but they, too, were missing, including Yessy, who had been splattered on the stones a moment before. The lights returned to normal, revealing the teachers who were sitting calmly, eating the food that had appeared, and one by one, students sat and began doing the same. The hall had almost returned to normal when the Great Hall doors were flung open and in trooped Professor Potter, leading the rest of the students—who were thankfully back to normal.
Ignoring the stares, the students trooped back to their seats in silence, huge grins overtaking their faces. Professor Potter strode up to the head table, sat, and began to eat. He looked up to see the whole school staring at him. Swallowing the bite he had in his mouth, he asked innocently, "What?"