A/N: Okay, this is just the first chapter so I didn't make it very long... Plus, it's my first Glee fic so I'm feeling a bit insecure. Reviews would be highly appreciated. Sorry for any spelling/grammar errors, it's un-betated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. Jesus, what did you think?

Town of Hummelville

Chapter 1

Puck had a problem.

It wasn't one of those usual problems – like having a bird do its job on your mohawk or sporting a boner during biology classes – this problem was actually quite a serious one. For the first time in his entire life Noah Puckerman felt that he needed to make it up to somebody. In this case – Finn.

Now, it was one thing to say sorry when you've stepped on a person's toe, or when you've stolen somebody's antidepressants to get high, and it was a completely different story to impregnate their girlfriend. As reluctant as he was, Noah had to learn that silly fact, accept the consequences and most of all find a way to deal with them. He was an honorable badass and as such he had trouble feeling guilty when it came to sex, but Finn was still his best friend. And absolutely everybody needed a best friend, even a stud like Puck.

Noah tried everything that crossed his mind, going through a whole string of different tactics – from a casual, almost matter-of-fact sorry to a full-blown desperate apologizing, only to end up in the same situation every time: frustrated and in need to throw some loser in the dumpster. It was driving him crazy to think so much about the same, non-sexually related problem - his body simply wasn't designed to endure such pressure. So why wasn't Finn appreciating the efforts? It didn't matter how many times Noah went to his best friend and insisted on forgetting about the whole story, or how many times he offered his porn collection as means of redemption, Hudson wouldn't have it. None of it.

And that was when, most unexpectedly, Fate smiled upon him.

When Mr. Shue decided to take them to a 5-day trip out of Lima for the sake of some much needed recovering of the team spirit (and well, some rehearsing), Puck couldn't help it but smirk to himself, thinking that this was the exact solution he had been looking for. Finn would have no way to avoid him and if Noah was lucky they could even share the same room in the hotel.

"I can't go."

The room fell silent at that statement, all present Glee clubbers staring in shock as Finn rubbed his fingers together uneasily.

"What?" Rachel chocked out in shock. "But you're my loyal lieutenant! I have prepared a list of 77 songs for the 5-day trip, all of which underlying our chemistry perfectly and aiming to deal with your weak points to help you match my great talent of a star."

The wide-eyed, I-have-no-idea-what-just-came-out-of-your-mouth expression with which Finn met the declaration made Mercedes roll her eyes as she got up from her chair and stepped forward, her hands landing on her hips in what appeared to be a slightly menacing pose.

"You better introduce one hell of a good explanation for ditching us, white boy, or else…"

"I bet he just doesn't want Rachel bossing him around for five solid days, non-stop. Even I had my doubts." Artie mumbled, covering his mouth with his hand in an only half-successful attempt to not be detected by the Jew girl. The student in question snapped her goggle-eyed, filled with incinerating indignation gaze towards the boy in the wheel-chair, her hands crossing in front of her chest.

"I beg your pardon!"

"I didn't say anything."

"Guys, GUYS! This has nothing to do with Rachel!" Finn's voice cut them off and they all turned their attention back to the quarterback with a tad bit of reluctance (Oh, c'mon, everybody loved to see a fuming Miss Bossy Pants) "It's just bad timing…" he paused, taking in the others' puzzled faces and reached to rub his brows wearily "Kurt's sick."

From his place at the back of the choir room Puck barely resisted the urge to groan out loud. How could've he not notice? The princess had seemed quite off the previous day – he hadn't even snapped back one of those terribly confusing, elaborated and very, very frustrating I'm-better-than-you comebacks at Noah's comment about the gayness of his purple skinny jeans – so no wonder he wasn't at school today. But so what? It wasn't like Finn could scare the germs away with his height if he stayed behind which meant there was hardly any point in missing the trip. Hudson should've been happy – at least there wouldn't be a chance that the queer queen would try something on him during the five days out of Lima…

"Why is that a reason for you to not come?" Rachel inquired restlessly at the same time Mercedes announced she was calling to check on 'her boy' and left the choir room. Finn let out a sigh of exasperation, making his way to the nearest chair and plopping down, successfully blocking Tina's whole vision range with his broad back.

"Mom and Burt are out of town on a 'romantic weekend' which, I think, lasts more than a weekend… but anyway, he and I both agreed that we shouldn't call them. They seriously need a break from all of this."

"So do you. Hummel's not a baby, he can take care of himself. I mean, look at his hair…" Puck's voice died away as Finn shot him a glare over his shoulder and the self-proclaimed stud let out a small huff, leaning back in his seat. Whatever, Finnessa. He pursed his lips, remembering to remain calm and not let his temper get the best of him. Mouth shut tightly till they were all in the bus. Right. Stick to the plan.

"I think he's really, really sick." The quarterback admitted, turning his attention back to the others. "He claims he's fine but I know for sure something's off." He lowered his voice, adding in what appeared to be slightly intimidated, disconcerted whisper. "He didn't comb his hair this morning."

All the girls in the room (including Artie for some reason) drew a sharp breath in.

"Oh, my Gosh, is Kurt going to die?" Brittany exclaimed, looking around herself in something like a half-hazed panic.

"He'll be okay, Brit, he just has some severe fever, sore throat and he's so dizzy, he keeps tripping into things when he tries walking for too long." Finn explained, slumping a little in his seat as his lips curved into an uneven line. "But I can't leave him on his own. He obviously needs somebody to take care of him."

For a split second Puck considered pointing out the possibility that Hummel was just pretending to get to be alone with Finn for a few days, but then something else emerged in his mind and he paused, lips parting with the shock of the realization.

Suddenly, Fate wasn't smiling at him. It was smirking.

Puck might not be very bright when it came to school, but he sure knew what to do to get what he wanted when it came to real life. He knew what to say, and when to say it – hell, how else would've he gotten all those cougars wrapped around his finger if he didn't? – and most of all there was very little that he wasn't willing to surrender for the sake of his quests. So when the idea of suggesting to give up his own trip ticket to look after Hummel first occurred to him, he decided to look at it as a challenge, rather than the torture that it really represented. For one, he was more than positive it would win him a whole bucket of brownie points in front of Finn (Kurt was like his baby brother now, right?) and two, once he let the words leave his mouth in front of Rachel, Noah just knew he would get the job. Being as sticky as a gummed label when it came to things like this, the little Jew girl was not going to let it go until she convinced the quarterback to accept the offer. Of course, it took a little bit more time than usual – Hudson's guilt was not quite as charming as most girls gave him credit for – and Puck had to endure Mercedes threatening to cut his balls off and shave his head if he didn't tend for 'her boy' carefully enough but it was all worth it in the end.

He got a bunch of keys, a lot of instructions, twice as many warnings and after agreeing not to tell Hummel anything just yet, Noah went home to get a few things. The victorious smirk that had blossomed on his lips proved to be much harder to get rid of than he though – not only was he about to win his friend back, but it would be a lot easier than having deep, personal conversations with Finn about who did what wrong and why. All he had to do was endure Kurt's girly voice and just as girly whining for a couple of days, not hit the poor sick homo and not throw his gay ass in dumpsters and that was that.

Yes, plain and simple. Puck felt his chest swell with pride at the idea. This. Would Be. Easy.

The bus, along with all the Glee members, left at about five in the afternoon but Puck wasn't there to say goodbye. Instead, he was fighting his way thought the Friday traffic congestion towards the house he remembered only for nailing all its lawn furniture to the roof. Ooh, the good old days (he couldn't help the dreamy sigh that escaped his lips at the memory)! Where did that time go, anyway? The time when there was law and order in school; when all the losers had to take a dive in the dumpster as a 'good morning' and when no one dared to even look at Puck the wrong way out of fear they'd get slushied or punched in the face for it moments later.

Damn, he missed that so much at times. Glee club had ended up changing him in ways that he had never expected it to…

For example, he never thought he would be entering the Hummel-Hudson residence legally, willingly and with the permission of one of the owners. Man, I used to throw eggs at these windows when Mr. Hummel was not in… He shook his head, shooing the thought away as he closed the front door behind him and headed to the basement where he knew Kurt's room was.

Climbing down the stairs as quietly as possible (Hell, he had absolutely no desire to wake up the princess if he was sleeping. He didn't want to endure any more of those stupid smart-ass remarks than he had to.), he took his time observing the atmosphere from above. The room was huge and much, much better illuminated than he had expected. It looked like it had been taken out from the cover of a furniture magazine with all those expensive shit arranged around it with impressive care and patience, just so plain meticulously, it was downright sickening… And it was tidy. How could it be so tidy? How could a guy live in such squeaky clean- Oh, wait. Fancy was not exactly a guy, was he?

"Finn?" a soft groan sounded around the room, and a small movement to the right caught Puck's attention. There, right under a pile of what appeared to be silky covers, something stirred and a tiny dainty hand pushed the material away, revealing a pair of squinted, blinking red eyes.

"Wrong knight, Princess." Puck snickered, enjoying the way his voice made Hummel stiffen before redirecting his disbelieving and very, very glassy gaze towards the Jew.

"Oh, sweet Dolche…" the boy whined, struggling to sit up with the help of just one hand as the other one reached to rub against his brows. "The fever's gotten so high I'm becoming delusional."

Puck couldn't hold back another chuckle as he descended the staircase completely, sauntering his way to the sick singer. Finn hadn't been exaggerating about his step-brother's condition. Hummel did look and sound horrible. His voice was soft and slightly hoarse, his face even paler than usual (while his cheeks looked unhealthily flustered), lips dry and chapped and the usually perfect hair left in a stunning mess that Noah had never witnessed before. The almighty Mayor of Gaytown was a wreck.

"Trust me, Lance Bass, if you were delusional, this wouldn't be how you'd be imagining the Puckasauras." He smirked, lifting his palm with the intention to try and see if the smaller male's forehead was too warm, but Kurt just let out an incoherent growl and swatted the offending limb away.

"If you ever haunt my imagination, it would be in a scene where I shove your own filthy sock into your own filthy mouth. Now how did you get in?"

Puck just smirked, pulling back a little to fish the keys out of his pocket and dangle them over Hummel's head far enough so he wouldn't be able to snatch them (something that the Jew suspected the sick singer would have the inexplicable desire to do). Then he watched with a certain amount of wicked delight as the realization dawned upon Kurt's face, turning into a mortified, shocked and even slightly fearful grimace.

"No. Nonononono! You're not serious, Finn's not serious, he wouldn't do this to me!"

"I think he already has, dude." Puck shrugged with a grin but much to his surprise Hummel's misty eyes shot up to glare at him.

"Don't call me 'dude'!" the boy barked (he literally did, the rough, croaky tincture adding up to the feeling perfectly). "Don't even open your mouth! Just turn around and walk away. And leave me the keys!"

"Wow, for someone who's about to lose their voice, you sure yell a lot. A lot of stupid things."

Kurt's glare darkened even further at that comment and much to Puck's horror, the sick singer forced himself on his feet, his small hands managing to give only one feeble push to the Jew's broad chest before he slumped against it, breathing with difficulty.

"Just leave. Go, I can take care of myself."

Noah's arms reached out almost completely on their own, wrapping around the sinking form moments before Kurt's knees had give away. A small snarl followed the action but Puck hardly cared, much more concerned about the hot forehead that pressed against the exposed flesh revealed by his neckline and the trembling, ice-cold hands clutching his arms to care about anything else.

Hummel was much worse than he had anticipated.