The Blue Rose
Disclaimer: I don't own CCS. Just this lovely plot.
Summary: I only met her three times. But after that I realized something. She was a beautiful blue rose. She didn't exist.
Pardon my grammar mistakes!
…
I still remember that day. January first. The first day I moved into my new house.
"—.—
On a nice sunny day, people go outside to enjoy the nice weather. Except Li Syaoran. He was usually the exception to everything.
He was hot.
But he was also antisocial.
He didn't like crowds. The more isolate the place he was in, the better. He didn't like humans.
"They're greedy."
He always said that.
Until he met her.
On that rainy day.
XD
Panting slightly, he moved the last of the boxes into his new house and collapsed onto the ground. His messy chestnut hair clung to his forehead from all of the sweat he accumulated from his little 'work out'. His amber eyes lazily rotated around a few times before he shut them. Boy he was tired. He never knew moving into a new house would be so tiring.
And to think that he worked out a lot too, to keep fit.
Sitting up, his hands pushed against the wooden floor until his back touch the wall. Sighing, he pushed his damp bangs away from his eyes and opened them. His eyes quickly scanned the wall before him for any deformations. Nodding to himself satisfied, his eyes wandered to the floor and he noticed something.
Something white was sticking up from the floor between the wall.
Quirking one eyebrow up, he pushed himself up, and knelt with one knee on the floor. His callous hand touched the delicately thin paper, and he quickly pulled it out.
He examined the piece of paper in his hand and rotated it around a few times. It was normal blank paper, although a little old with the little crinkles and somewhat yellow. He slowly started to unfold it, as if it would crumble to pieces if he pulled too hard. When he finished unfolding the paper, he noticed light ink marks on the paper.
It was in Japanese. He sighed a little, he wasn't that good at reading Japanese yet, even though it had a lot of the same characters as Chinese, but some of the characters were used differently. Maybe he should try reading the first line.
He squinted a little.
January 1st
He raised an eyebrow. It was the same day.
He tried the next line.
What a tiring day! And here I thought that this house would be nice to live in, but after taking a shower (just to get off all that sweat from those stupid boxes) I realized that the pipes are horrible! Apparently they leak, so I had to use double water that I usually would. (Talking about killing my bills this way) And it's extremely hard to adjust the water! It mostly comes out cold by the way. So I'll definitely have fun in the winter. Never mind, isn't it already winter?
He smirked at little. He was laughing at the person's misfortune, but he just found it amusing.
I didn't double check this house good enough. The wallpaper inside the closets are all peeling. Oh well, like I'm gonna go and replace all that, it's just too troublesome. And cost too much money for me. After buying this now crappy house, I'm broke. And you know what? The floor boards squeak! My god, they squeak like crazy. (I'm sorry for using your name in vain, God.) What else is wrong with house?
And it ended there. He couldn't help but find himself disappointed that it ended so soon. Syaoran actually found this piece of paper rather amusing. He never really knew that someone can rant on about something so much, provided that he didn't really interact with the human population much. Not that he really cared though. They were greedy. They all were.
Folding the piece of paper back up, Syaoran placed it on top of a box. He decided to take a shower and get all his sweat off. Then he would take out his futon and go to sleep since his bed was arriving tomorrow.
Syaoran took a step forward and cringe. The floor board he had just stepped on made a loud squeak. It sounded somewhat ominous and haunting, but it was still downright annoying. He needs to get this floor board replace. He took another step forward. It had squeaked again. He didn't hear all this squeaking when he checked out the house, why was it squeaking now then?
He continued walking all the way up the stairs until he reached the bathroom door. It had squeaked the whole way there, with maybe a little odd squeak not heard.
Then Syaoran's eyes narrowed dangerously thinking back on the day when he went to look at the house. His estate manager had managed to talk the whole time he was there saying how well this house was, and that it was very cheap in an extremely loud voice. A voice that was much louder than necessary. Was that why he didn't hear any of the outrageous squeaking?
"… and it's extremely cheap too! You should definitely buy this house. Two nice bedrooms with a master's bedroom that is more than just pretty. The living has a great room and has a lot of space, but it's still definitely homey! A gorgeous kitchen! Look at that! I'm sure you're a great cook, I know just by looking at you! And the girls will definitely love it! And you have a finished basement too! It's…"
Syaoran sighed. How that guy managed to talk the whole way while he inspected the house, he'll never know. Maybe he was one of those people that can keep talking for hours on the same subject? He didn't doubt it.
His mind though slowly wandered back to that piece of paper he had found.
The floor boards squeak! My god, they squeak like crazy!
Was this person perhaps talking about the same house? And possibly tricked into buying this house by the same person? It was possible. The floor boards definitely squeaked like crazy.
I realized that the pipes are horrible! Apparently they leak, so I had to use double water that I usually would.
Well, if they were talking about the same house then he was definitely in trouble. And didn't this person mention something about cold water too?
-.-
Yep, this was definitely the same house as the one the person described in that piece of paper. Some house he bought. He definitely won't forget the cold water.
Walking down the hallway, he tried to ignore the squeaks, and arrived in his room. Flicking the lights on, he looked around his empty room, filled with just air and a few boxes here and there.
It was time to go to sleep.
XP
A month had soon past since Syaoran moved into his beloved squeaky house with the cold water. He didn't come across another piece of paper, but its not like he ever searched for another one. He believed that it was just a stray piece of paper longer forgotten when it fell out from perhaps someone's diary. Maybe that someone was the previous owner of this house?
Judging from the writing though, it seemed like this paper belonged to a female.
It was a nice Saturday morning where Syaoran didn't need to work. Although it was cold, Syaoran couldn't deny the fact that it was a beautiful day, with the sun shining brightly like summer. But it was because of the cold that he slept in more than usual. So when he got up, he had a mild headache from oversleeping.
Trudging into the kitchen, Syaoran didn't know what to eat for breakfast. Well, maybe he couldn't call it breakfast since it well past noon.
He searched the fridge, but there was nothing in there fitting for a first meal. He began looking through his cup boards; some were semi-full while others were totally empty. Going through the last one, he was about to close it when the back of the cup board caught his eye. The back of it appeared to be a bit demented, with a weird bit of shadow surrounding it. Syaoran leaned in closer, his eyes scanning it until he noticed two white thin pieces of thread coming out from the back cup board, and then it traveled down for two more inches until disappeared.
"What the… did someone try sewing here?" he muttered to himself.
His hands reached forward, and traced down the almost invisible piece of thread. When he added a bit of pressure, the back moved slightly. Quirking an eyebrow, he pushed harder, and the back closed with a thud. The settled dust started rising in the air making him a bit cough,
Instinctively, his fingers slid underneath the thread and he pulled.
If it was a movie, then bats probably would have flown out. But what he saw was a dark space with cobwebs and collecting dust.
And a pink book.
O.O
After he had cleared the little space out, and checked for any other secret spaces, he had taken the book and dusted it out. And now he was in his living room, sitting in his reading chair, staring down at the cover of the pink book.
Sakura's Journal
It was written down in beautiful handwriting in English. The cover was also decorated with cherry blossoms sewed into corners and there were silly faces drawn.
"Sakura…"
The name rolled off his tongue perfectly, but it sounded foreign to him.
Judging this book by the name, he decided that this journal belonged to a girl. He wasn't sure if there were any Japanese guys named Sakura.
He had flipped through it, not reading anything and noted that some pages were ripped out and there were also lots of blank sheets between entries. But there didn't seem to be anything else wrong with the book.
He wasn't sure if he should read it or not, provided that it belonged to someone else, and that it was a journal. Private things were written in there, and he didn't want to step onto it without permission from the owner.
Although in the end, curiosity won him over, and he decided that if this journal was really that important than the owner would have taken it with them when they left, not leave it here to rot in a hidden space behind a cup board.
So he opened it.
January 31
Remember those squeaks? Well, I hear them so much now I don't really hear it at all anymore. I'm just so use to the sound that my brain doesn't even seem to bother processing it anymore. If that's possible though.
Oh my gosh! It's almost February! Well, it's tomorrow, and guess what? The month of love! I hope I can find a boyfriend by then, it's so lonely spending each Valentine alone. It's so sad that I'm twenty-three years old and haven't even had a boyfriend yet. I still haven't kissed one, and of course, I'm still a virgin! Boy, I'm so ashamed of myself! I'm the only virgin left in my groupie. I need to get laid…
February 1
Month of love! Please grant me lurve!! Venus! Goddess of beauty!
February 5
My love hasn't been granted yet. Where are you Cupid-san?
And work is such a pain. My colleagues are horrible. Kage always follows that stupid snot face around and takes her beatings. I don't why she even bothers. I think I should get another job. Whoever said being a secretary was easy? Well, I don't know who said that, but it's really hard when it's the CEO that you're working for. I feel so under pressure…
Maybe it's a good thing that I have cold showers? So I can cool down?
February 10
No! It's almost Valentine's Day! Where's my miracle love? My loving boyfriend?
And whoa! I think the CEO is putting the moves on me! I don't know! He keeps staring at me, I don't know, seductively? Gosh, he's a lecher too! He keeps touching me. I don't like him at all. Not that he's not good looking; I think he looks okay, but my god! Such a lecher! I hate guys like that. I really need to look for another job.
All my groupies all have great boyfriends and jobs, now, if only I'm not the odd one out.
February 14
Deadlines up. Boyfriend nowhere to be found. CRUSHED!
February 15
The CEO totally put the moves on me yesterday! He pushed me up against the wall and tried to kiss me! Where did all the laws go?! I never knew he was a molester. And to think I used to look up to him. So I kicked him where it hurt most, and flew away!
Now, I just need to type up my quit letter and look for another job…
February 17
I managed to quit my job. But you wouldn't believe it. The CEO begged me to stay! He said that he was drunk and didn't know what he was doing. What an excuse! But I told him that I made up my mind. So he then he asked if can meet up some time as friends, but I told him that I don't feel the same way and left.
I have to tell him, I can't leave him hanging now can I?
What a Valentine's! I didn't even like the guy…
March 1
I managed to score a temporary job at Tomoyo's fashion company, DaiHi Line. As a fashion designer. That minor in designing sure helped me! Now I'm glad Tomoyo encouraged me take that course.
March 13
I found a job as a secretary in a private company. Yes! The salary is great too. Hope my boss isn't like my last though.
Tomoyo was so sad when I said I found a new job. I guess she loves me as a designer. She said that my designs were funky. I don't know if that's really a compliment though.
March 14
I just met my boss today. Gosh, he's so sexy! He has these hot sapphire eyes, and brown hair that's so messy that it's sexy! HOT! And he's such a nice boss too. Since it was my first day, he helped me out when I wasn't sure how to do some stuff, and gave me a little less work than the usual. He's so nice.
Perhaps this is love one month after the love month? Is it getting granted…?
March 15
He asked me out to dinner!
Hmm… what clothes should I wear? I need to get ready!
April 1
Happy Birthday to Sakura. Today I turn twenty-four.
April 2
Your age is just a number. A countdown to death.
May 21
Emerald eyes as cold as ice
Auburn hair like a falling leaf
It was the end
June 7
I wish I were the wind. Free.
July 2
The world shattered into a million pieces
The blood kept flowing
Never stopping
It was the end
August 26
It flowed
And flowed
So cold
Not like the complexion
Even if it were to end
It was just Sapphire.
October 1
And today marks the end.
Two, o, o, and a six.
And the journal had suddenly ended there.
Syaoran was finally brought back to the world when it had ended. So drastically. It had left him confused. He flipped through the blank pages after the last entry but didn't find any more writing. He stopped and ran his left hand through his tousled hair.
Half way through the journal, after Sakura had dinner with her boss, it seemed she had a sudden mood change. The entries after seemed so depressing, a big gap between dates, and were also much shorter than the rest. But the entries before that were much longer, more cheerful and written more often. He had to wonder what happened to make such a drastic change in her writing and mood. This Sakura was obviously not writing what happens in her day.
But he wanted to know what happened to her.
And today marks the end.
What did she mean?
-.-;;
Half a month had passed since he read Sakura's Journal and he would still go back and flip through it from time to time. The sudden ending was always nagging at his mind. Her complete change of writing was always haunting him and his dreams.
Emerald eyes as cold as ice
Auburn hair like a falling leaf
It was the end
He wanted to know what happened. He had even searched every inch of his house, hoping to find a Sakura's Journal 2. But he never succeeded. All he ever found were spider and cobwebs.
And on such a cloudy day, with showers from time to time didn't help his mood. The gloomy day felt like eternity. And when it started pouring when he left for work, it didn't help his mood either. So he had to wait until the rain died down to leave, since he wasn't rich enough to buy a car yet and had forgotten to bring a long an umbrella with him this morning.
It didn't help that the day was a bit chilly too. So he walked home slowly, the wind biting his skin, and the wet ground seemed to reflect his gloomy complexion now and then. But to him, it was just an illusion. A reflection of a reflection. His surrounding's were quiet, with the exception of few a passing cars. That's why he liked his neighbourhood. It was peaceful.
So he continued walking slowly, savouring the fresh air and tranquility. Until…
"Move it! Move it, move it, MOVE IT!!"
He cringed at the sudden loud noise, it completely shattered the silence. Turning around, his eyes widened. It seemed to happen all in slow motion, the girl with flowing auburn hair behind her as she ran, her shining emerald eyes wide, her pale face almost ghostly, was what he saw of her as she continued to speed forward. And bumped right into him.
But because of the sudden impact, he fell down on painfully on his back, along with some extra weight on top of him.
"Oomph!"
Breathing in once calmly, he leaned up, resting his weight on his elbows, and peered down at the head of auburn hair buried in his chest. The girl laid on top of him, with her bare legs between his, so if a stranger were to pass by, they would probably wrinkle they're nose in disgust and continue to walk.
Syaoran waited for the girl to stand up, and apologize for bumping into him, but it never happened. She just continued to lay on him. Sighing, he pulled gently at one of her auburn strands to try to get a reaction from her, but she continued to lay there.
"Excuse me."
She moved a little at the sound of his voice, and finally looked up at him. Her big emerald eyes were filled with tears when she stared into his amber eyes. Syaoran, a little shocked at her reaction looked away for a bit before turning back to face her. Her eyes were still full of tears on the verge of spilling.
Sighing yet again, Syaoran gently held her by the shoulders and pushed her until she was kneeling on the ground, and he in a sitting position, an arm resting on his knee.
They stared at each other for a while before he broke the silence.
"What?" Syaoran asked, a little intimating.
She twitched slightly at his voice and looked down at the ground for a few moments before looking at him again.
"It hurts!" She wailed, screamed a little, with her frail voice. She pointed down towards her right knee that was scraped. It was oozing with blood, and appeared purple and grey around the larger cuts. Syaoran quickly concluded that all this happened from the fall not too long ago.
He stood up, excess water that soaked into his jeans rolling down until it was know longer capable, and offered her his hand. Emerald eyes stared at the hand for few seconds before placing her smaller one in his. Syaoran immediately enclosed his hand around hers and effortlessly pulled up swiftly in one pull. He watched as she wobbled at little at the sudden change in latitude until she stood firmly on her feet. She peered up at him under her bangs.
"Do you want to go to a hospital?" He asked, looking down at her scraped knee, the blood rolling down her bare legs and soaking up her white sock that were quickly turning red, and he looked back up at her eyes.
She shook her head furiously, if not violently.
"No." Her frail voice was firm.
He nodded, not knowing what else to say or do. He took in her appearance. She was short compared to him, a head shorter, she has long auburn hair that almost reached her waist with long bangs that framed her face, making her bright emerald eyes stand out. She wore two layers of tanks tops, white on the bottom and black on the top, the black tank had a metallic silver embroidering with a small cherry blossom branch at the top right, with cherry blossom petals falling, and over the tank tops was an expensive looking white jacket that he concluded was from Guess, or any other expensive stores. She wore a knee length navy blue skirt, with a little slit on her right left, about an inch long, with snow white clean sneakers.
His conclusion was that she was a spoil little teenage brat. So what she said next completely threw him off.
"Don't worry about it," She said, her eyes were dry now and she gave him a small smile. "Sorry about bumping into you and being a baby about it!" She laughed a little nervously and scratched the back of her head.
He watched as she peered at surroundings, and began wrinkling up her noise, in what seemed like recognition. Then she turned her head back towards him.
Giving him a big smile, she said, "See you!"
And she ran back towards the direction she came from.
"Bye…"
: S
Emerald eyes as cold as ice
Auburn hair like a falling leaf
It was the end
He couldn't help think about that weird incident that day, walking home from work. That girl seemed to match the description in the journal. Emerald eyes as cold as ice. And she had auburn hair just like written in the journal. If it were brown eyes, then maybe he might not have been thinking about it as much, but emerald eyes are rare. You don't come across them often.
And now here he was, walking around the empty streets in winter, pondering over the little incident. The sun was beginning to set, and the winds were beginning to get slightly stronger and colder, biting into his skin mercilessly. But he was used to it, so he paid little attention.
Syaoran came across a little park in his neighbourhood that he never did visit. So as the night sky began dropping light bits of snow, he walked into the park, and what greeted him was a lone girl sitting on the bench, watching snow land onto her palm and melt. Her long auburn hair flowing gently along with the wind.
His eyes traveled down to her right knee, and noticed that it had stopped bleeding and was cleaned up although it wasn't bandaged. He looked back towards her face; she didn't seem to notice his presence yet.
"Yo."
He watched as she jumped at his voice, and quickly looking over towards the source of sound. When she noticed that it was just him, she relaxed a bit and gave him a small smile.
"Hi," she replied back. She patted the seat next to her. "Come sit."
Obliging, he sat next to her, the seat freezing cold, and he shivered a bit. Emerald eyes looked over to him in worry.
"Are you okay? Is it too cold?" She asked, worry laced in her weak, frail voice.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied back, give her a small smile back to reassure her. A small smile that not everyone saw.
She gave him a little look that said she didn't believe him, but left it at that and didn't pursue any further. They sat in silence, weird comfortable silence that he found almost soothing. But a feeling was nagging at him. He wanted to know if she was the girl in the journal. The cheerful girl that suddenly turned depressed.
"So, what's your name?" He asked, hesitation evident in his voice.
She looked over to him in the corner of her eyes, her emerald eyes were bright. They were laughing at him silently.
"There's an unwritten rule, where one must give their name first before asking others," she told him, almost seriously, but her eyes told him otherwise.
"Li Syaoran."
She nodded, then thought for a while, whether she was thinking of his name or hers, he wasn't sure.
"I'm Arukasu."
The name sounded foreign to him. It didn't sound like any other Japanese name or word.
"I'm kidding!" her voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked at her, eyes shining with a bright smile. She tilted her head a bit, and said, "It's actually Sakura."
And it hit him.
Sakura's Journal.
His eyes widened slightly, could this possibly be the same person? Some how, he didn't doubt it, the way she talked, and acted, was very much like in the journal. The one that he found intriguing. The one that he couldn't stop thinking about.
The one that haunted his soul.
"So what are you doing here?" His eyes snapped back towards his.
"Huh?"
"What are you doing here? This park is usually empty."
"Oh, um… just taking a walk."
She gave him that look again, the one that said I don't believe you.
"In the middle of winter?" She asked, her voice sounded almost challenging.
"Well, you're sitting in the park, in the middle of winter," He replied back.
She pouted at him, and then looked forward.
"But I'm just enjoying this snowy winter one last time." She said it so quietly that he almost couldn't hear her.
One last time? He didn't understand. Just when he was about to ask, she talked first.
"It's not always this pretty when it snows, so I want to enjoy it, especially since I'm in the mood to. Besides, time is running out."
He was lost. She was running out of time?
"So…" She looked at him over her shoulder, her eyes were filled with so much emotions, that he couldn't quite pick any out. But he still saw one clearly.
It was sorrow.
-.-
"So… this marks the end. The real end."
That was what she had said. That was also what she wrote in her journal.
After that, they had sat in silence for a while again until she bid him farewell. So here he was, walking home in the cold, totally confused. He didn't know what to do. He was just so confused, but he couldn't do anything about it. And he couldn't ask her either. He had read her journal, invaded her privacy. He couldn't possibly ask her why she turned so depressed.
Arriving at his house, he sat down on the porch, rubbing his hands together, trying to get some warmth back into them. His eyes looked over his lawn, eyes wondering. And landed on a small light glinting behind a bush, just in front of the porch. He reached forward, and swiped it from the ground.
It was a small translucent bag, half covered in snow with a crumpled up piece of paper in it and shattered pieces of a broken mirror. Opening the bag up, he took the piece of paper out and laid the bag on the porch. Maybe this was page from the journal?
He unfolded the page, smoothing out the wrinkles and began to read.
March 16
I feel so disgusting. I stood in the shower for hours. I tried everything to get the smell off of me, but I can still smell it. Every bit of it. I wish I can think back, and say that it was all just a bad nightmare. And when I wake up, it'll be all over, but I can't. Because every bit of it was so real. The pain. The blood. Everything. I can't get it out of my mind. I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know what to do.
He raped me.
And I want to die.
His eyes widened. He couldn't believe what he had just read. Now he knew why she turned so depressed. And he couldn't blame her.
Noticing that there was another page, he turned to it.
October 1
This shattered mirror will mark the end of my life.
The line kept echoing in his head. It so true yet he couldn't believe it. She committed suicide.
T .T
He ran. He ran as fast as his legs could take him. He was heading for the park. He hoped that she was still there. That she didn't leave yet. He needed to talk to her.
By the time he got there, he was panting heavily, but he saw her. And that made his heart less tense.
Her back faced him, but this time she seemed to notice his presence as she turned around. Her emerald eyes seemed teary as her eyes wandered down to his hand with the her journal entry and wandered back to his amber eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said it to him sincerely.
"How?"
"You read it?"
"Yes."
"Then you know everything." Her eyes stared at him. Almost accusingly.
"Did… you really…"
"It's true. I was almost run over by a car when I walked to the park, and I slit my wrists right here." Her eyes gazed down towards her left wrist, two red thin lines were evident.
"Then how?"
"How?" She tilted her head slightly, and smiled. It was haunting. "I don't know either. When I passed out, I seemed to be staring down at my body. I guess I'm a ghost then."
She turned around, her auburn hair turning with her. Her back faced him.
"But I know," She started, "that today it'll be over. I can leave here. I can leave this disgusting place." She turned her head, her eyes pierced through his. "I'm going to disappear."
"No!"
He took a step forward.
"You can't!" He yelled at her. He needed to get it in her head. "How can you give it up so easily? You can't be that weak! Does this make you feel better? How about all the other people that you hurt?"
She turned again and faced him.
"I feel a lot better. And the people that I hurt? Don't make me laugh. They were all just fakers, they never cared. They only pretended that they do, when they heard I slit my wrist, they probably didn't care. They probably went, 'Eww, I know that thing?'. And they would probably forget everything. The world I lived in, status is everything. And it still is."
"But I can't imagine how someone that was so cheerful, so innocent, killed herself. You were so happy before that all happened."
"I was naïve."
"But you were always happy. You really didn't care what anyone thought of you. You lived the way you wanted. And nobody can stop you."
His eyes grew dangerously close to tears.
He didn't really know why he cared so much. But he just did.
"But I was violated! I couldn't go on… I felt so disgusted."
Her eyes also grew a bit teary like his.
But his eyes finally caught on, and he noticed that she was growing a bit transparent.
"It wasn't your fault."
She sniffled, and nodded her head.
She was going transparent amazingly fast, and he couldn't do anything to stop it. Nothing at all. So he just stepped forward and hugged her.
"I think I might be attracted to you." He admitted. He wasn't sure, but he never so much affection towards another female. In such a short span of time at that.
She gave out a little strangled laugh.
"I think… maybe I do too." She breathed in sharply. "But it's too late."
And she disappeared in his arms.
T.T
And the story ends there! Just a short little story with some drama. Sorry about the ending by the way, I know lots of people won't be satisfied with it. Maybe I'll think of writing a short little sequel… No promises! Oh, sorry if the ending seemed rushed.
This was just a little plot that popped into my head, and it was bugging me so much that I just had to start writing it. I thought this plot is original, which probably isn't by the way, but if it's awfully familiar or the same to any other stories then it's just a coincidence! Although when I wrote this, I had different idea for this story. I was thinking of turning the plot idea into a whole story with chapters, but I figured that it'd probably be too draggy for my liking. And I was also thinking of making Syaoran find entries of Sakura's journal according to the day it was and he would find the date matches with his day. But, again, I thought that would be a bit draggy, and too much work, so I just made it so he found her journal, which she stashed in her secret little place. XD
So the story turned out a lot more different than what I had originally thought. It's somewhat unsatisfying, yet satisfying at the same time. I have no idea why though!
Well, I hope you enjoyed the story. And please review. I think, depending on how many people want to read more, I'll write a separate sequel. No use writing a sequel if no one's going to read it!
So please review!