I got my brother to watch Host Club, and now he loves it. He wanted to write an interview with the characters, but then that eventually changed into an actual series. The ideas he came up with made me want to write one, too. (Also, he always makes me out to be an idiot.) His will probably be funnier...
Sachio is based on my brother.
The following takes place at no particular time of the year or original storyline. It just fits somewhere into the theme with the delightfully eccentric characters of Ouran Academy.
Otouto
What Type is Sachio?
Middle-school second year, Sachio Hanazono, opened the door to music room number three—a room full of butlers. Standing at 5'6", Sachio was a skinny boy with mousey blonde hair and freckles. His blue eyes were usually half-lidded in disinterest. This was no different. He was completely unresponsive to the older boys in tailcoats.
"Welcome to the Ouran host club," Kyoya greeted, though he didn't care to look up from the black book in which he was writing. "How might we help you, Young Master?"
Kyoya could calmly handle the situation while staying in character. Tamaki could not. "Sir, refreshments have been prepared," he said with a bow, prioritising his character. "Please come this way." Sachio didn't say anything.
"We haven't had a male guest apart from Bossa Nova," Hikaru droned.
"Especially not a middle school student," Kaoru added.
"Don't go jumping to conclusions, Milord," they said in unison.
"This is the host club?" Sachio confirmed. He glanced around at all the rabid fangirls being entertained by the other three hosts. "So you're butlers today?"
"That's correct, my boy," Tamaki beamed. "Isn't it simply stunning? We are mere servants for our young maidens, and—"
"Sempai, please don't start up a fuss," Haruhi pleaded as she passed by with a tray of tea that needed to be restocked. She looked to Sachio a little more kindly. "What brings you here?"
No one could have been prepared. No one could have expected this expressionless child to make such a request. Sachio smiled and stuck his hands in his pockets. "I wanna join the host club!"
After all the guests had left, Sachio stayed back with the hosts and was formally introduced to them all. He sat in the middle of one couch, being faced by the entire club on the one across from him. They simply stared curiously. Sachio remained calm. Maybe they were testing him to see how well he coped under awkward situations. After all, being a host might be more uncomfortable than most people would realise.
"Why on earth would you want to join our club?" Hikaru and Kaoru asked. Sachiro mentally kicked himself for thinking that people in a host club would be taking anything seriously.
"What the guys mean is that it's not your typical kind of club," Haruhi chuckled. "What would make a middle school student want to join?"
"I have a talent," Sachio shrugged.
"What's your talent?"
"It's conveniently related to my interests." Sachio smirked wryly. "Women love me. I can't get rid of them."
The club members were astonished by this boy's confidence! Not even fourteen, he was trying to tell them he was some kind of chick magnet!
They had never dealt with something like this before. People had come in asking to be apprentices for one bizarre reason or another, but this was entirely new. No one had ever wanted to become a host.
"I understand completely," Tamaki acknowledged. "You have skills and quite a face. The youthful mischief in your smirk must surely make the ladies blush. You have a talent, and you wish to use it to its full potential to make women happy!"
Sachio glanced at the other hosts. None of them even seemed aware of how oddly their president was behaving. "Yes?"
"Excellent! Now, all we need to do is-"
"You'll be considered," Kyoya cut in. "Understand we can't accept something like this without prior thought."
"Kyoya!"
"Kyoya-sempai's right," Haruhi agreed. In the blink of an eye, Tamaki was off sulking in the corner.
"Don't be sad, Tama-chan," Honey whimpered, pulling his beloved Usa-chan up under his chin. "Here. Have some cake."
Once Sachio had left, a club meeting was called to order. Haruhi wanted to go home and study, but no one would be escaping so easily.
"Alright, men!" Tamaki bellowed. "We have never accepted another member without good reason. We must take this decision into careful consideration."
"Blackmail is good reason?" Haruhi buzzed.
"Daddy's sorry!" Tamaki apologised as he glomped the cross-dresser. "The trauma must have been horrible on your inexperienced mind."
"Get off me, sempai."
"What do you think, Takashi?" Honey queried with the tip of his fork hanging on his lips and smudges of icing around his mouth. Mori just shrugged.
"Stop harassing Haruhi, Milord."
"Why must you be such a pervert?"
"It would seem he was telling the truth," Kyoya interrupted.
The twins' jaws dropped. "Haruhi really is traumatised?" they questioned in unison.
"Haruhi!" Tamaki wailed through teary eyes. "Have we really done such a thing to you?"
"I'd be lying if I said no."
"I was referring to Hanazono," Kyoya sighed. He turned his laptop around to show everyone else at the table what he had been looking at. It was photos and video footage of Sachio. "He's in the drama club. His father is Japanese, his mother is Dutch, and his sister is a second year high school student here. True to his word, he catches the eye of nearly every girl in the middle school, twelve of which claim to be his girlfriend."
"So he's already got loony fangirls?" Hikaru guessed.
"Not quite. It would seem that they're all his girlfriends. Some of them are even aware of the other girls."
"He's a player!" they all thought, absolute horror written across their faces.
Tamaki slammed his palms on the table and stood up. "This is unacceptable!" he flared. "For any man to toy with any woman's heart is unacceptable! He may seem young and innocent, but that child will never be a true host!"
"Isn't that what being a host is about?" Haruhi thought aloud. "I mean, we each see at least a dozen girls a day, and none of it's actually meaningful." Her words weren't intentionally that sharp, but they cut Tamaki deeply and sent him back to his sulking corner.
"Haruhi's right," Hikaru nodded. "He's already doing what we do anyway, but..."
"I don't think it's gonna be fun having someone who seems so smug about it hanging around," Kaoru finished for him.
"Besides," they both said, "what role would he play?"
"He seems cool among the middle schoolers," Hikaru observed, "but Kyoya-sempai's already our cool one."
"He's at least two years younger than any of our guests," Kaoru added, "but Honey-sempai's our boy lolita." Honey giggled cutely.
"It would take further observation for us to come up with that," Kyoya noted.
"By which you mean stalking," Haruhi translated.
"If it helps."
"Milord!" Hikaru called. "Quit moping. We've got planning to do."
"Why?" Tamaki grumbled. "I'm just some kind of heartless playboy."
"No one said that," Haruhi and the twins argued, "nor will they."
Kyoya, always being prepared for things like this, whipped out a photo of Haruhi sitting on the floor in pink pyjamas and reading a book with her long hair flowing over her shoulders. "First to find Hanazono's type gets this." Tamaki's daddy instincts let him know what it was without even needing to look. He was immediately on his feet and ready for action along with the twins.
"Takashi and I wanna play, too," Honey insisted. Mori nodded in agreement.
"Kyoya-sempai, I really don't want you to be giving out pictures of me."
"Well," Kyoya smiled, "I guess you're just going to have to win."
Haruhi slumped her shoulders. She wouldn't be able to take it. She wouldn't be able to take another manipulative person in the host club.
THE FOLLOWING DAY...
TEAM A:
The Hitachiin brothers jolted at the magnitude of girls hanging around Sachio's desk as they entered the classroom. They were watching him play his Nintendo DS and chattering away frivolously. Sachio would smile and reply, but he wouldn't make eye contact.
"Sachio-kun!" they beckoned. Sachio glanced up curiously, and all the females hanging around followed his line of sight. In fact, everyone in the room glanced over. Sachio went back to his game. He ignored them! "Ne, Sachio. Don't be rude." The twins approached with their hands in their pockets.
"What are you doing here?" Sachio asked, but not spitefully so.
"We just came to say hello." The older boys grinned, hanging around each other's necks.
Sachio paused his game and looked up with a smile. "Hello," he said. With that, he went back to his game.
"Is he trying to be cute?" the Hitachiins sneered silently.
TEAM B:
Honey and Mori caught up with Sachio in the cafeteria at lunch time. "Sachi-chan!" Honey chimed with a wave from his perch on his cousin's shoulders. Sachio's eyes nearly bulged out of his head for a moment as the girls who were yet again gathered around him started giggling. "Let's eat together!"
Sachio ventured over and looked up at his sempais. "Are you even allowed to be in the middle school cafeteria?" he asked. "What are you lot up to anyway?"
"We just wanted to have lunch with you so we could chat," Honey explained with a cute and almost guilty look. Mori grunted his agreement. "We can have cake together!"
"Do you really think you need to eat more cake?"
Honey froze. He climbed down to the floor once Sachio was gone and measured his belly with his hands. Mori knelt down and grabbed him by the wrist. "He didn't mean it like that."
TEAM C:
Haruhi was wearing a wig and a middle school uniform. She was used to this, but why on earth was Tamaki dressed like Sherlock Holmes?
"Sempai," she whined, "can I go now? You don't really need me here, do you?"
"But we're a team!" Tamaki insisted. The plan was for them all to be in teams of two so that they could watch each other's backs and avoid being caught. Since the twins (after careful consideration of the consequences) decided they didn't want to be separated, Haruhi was stuck with the club president. "Don't you want to be on a team with your daddy?"
They were hiding backstage in the theatre, watching Sachio's rehearsals. Neither of them could figure out what the play was just from the dialogue.
"Ryuu-sama!" the heroine cried. "Is it true? That you-" Sachio lunged forwards and pinned the girl up against the prop window pane. She squealed with fright.
"That I care for Mitsuki the way you believed me to care for you?" he finished for her, his face hanging dangerously close to hers. "How cruel of you to distrust me. These lips can't lie to you. They were made for..." He smirked devilishly. "Other things." The young actress blushed deep scarlet.
The fangirls in the audience squealed excitedly. Sachio's fellow actors were there, but they seemed used to this kind of thing and read through their own scripts.
"He's good," Haruhi noted.
"That won't make him a host, though." Haruhi blinked her chocolate eyes up at her sempai. He seemed uncharacteristically serious.
Sachio out-shined his fellow club members and got ready to leave. The hosts followed him out to the front courtyard.
"This is pointless," Haruhi sighed. "I think we've already seen what kind of person he is."
"Sachi!" Haruhi and Tamaki jumped at the sudden appearance of a girl with a blonde ponytail and a high school uniform. She came running across the courtyard and nearly tackled Sachio to the ground. Sachio was absolutely mortified to see her.
"Rin!" he snapped. "What do you want?"
"Don't be mean, Sachi," Rin pouted. "You shouldn't call your nee-chan by name."
"And you shouldn't call me by that stupid nickname! Get off me! What if someone sees you behaving like this?"
"I'm allowed to hug my baby brother."
"I'm not a baby!" Sachio flared. He was glowing red by now, either from fury or pure embarrassment.
"Alright!" Rin laughed. "Calm down. Have you got everything?"
"Yeah," Sachio murmured.
Rin cocked her eyebrows and grabbed her brother's head. She rubbed the smudge on his cheek with her thumb before releasing him. "Thanks," Sachio mumbled.
"Brilliant!" Tamaki cried, exposing himself and making Sachio's eyes bulge with horror again. "That's it! I've figured it out!" Rin raised her eyebrows curiously.
"What have you figured out?" Sachio growled.
Tamaki pointed fervently at the child. "The younger brother type," he labelled. "You're at that perfect awkward age where you're still wondering about all these knew feelings. You're on the line between cute boy and handsome man. Girls instinctively want to look after you and watch you grow up."
"What?" Sachio squawked.
"Suou?" Rin presumed.
Tamaki was already on one knee with Rin's hand in his. "And you must be Sachio's sister. Your elegance almost had me thinking an angel had descended from the heavens." Haruhi rolled her eyes.
Rin tittered coyly. "You're funny."
"Don't ignor-" Sachio clapped his hands over his mouth, surprised at the weak sound he had made as his voice crackled. Rin smiled smugly at him.
"That's it!" Tamaki praised.
Haruhi only had to make eye contact with Sachio for him to know what she was trying to say. "This is why we were surprised to have you volunteer for the host club."
Since they were in a team of two, Tamaki and Haruhi only got half of the prize each.
"Can I at least have the top half with your face?" Tamaki requested.
"No."
Wow... This already feels extremely fast-paced for me. All these characters speak their mind! I didn't think it would be this exhausting... Yay for trying new things! *dies*
I'm not trying to liken us to Tamaki by making us halfers. Our mother really is Dutch.
It took me forever to decide on a Japanese name for my brother. Mine was easy because everyone calls me Rin anyway, but James is difficult to work with. These are the names I considered, what I think their meanings are, and my reasons for even thinking about them.
Sachio – fortunately born (James was nearly dead when he was born [ZOMBIE BOY])
Raidon – thunder god (self-image)
Taro – boy or strong boy (this was kind of a cheat)
Kamlyn – variation of kami, god, lord (again, self-image)
Ryuu – dragon (I like dragons)
Kamenosuke – turtle's helper (it made me laugh)
Koji – child, little (I'm not sure if this would be ironic or just me living in the past)
Naoko – honest (sarcasm)
Saburo – third son (Sabu-tan would be a cute nickname)
Tomi – riches (he claims he's going to win the lottery some day)
Torao – tiger man (James was born in the year of the tiger, but there's an inside joke to this...)
Yukio – snow boy (I prefer to think of him as an ice boy)
Check out James' stuff. His pen name is Numb3rSe7en.