[This is the third story in this mighty stupidity-filled saga, I reckon this time I'll actually try to make a real fic]
This tale takes place many years after the original Pong game. Right Paddle and Left Paddle are now retired and sit at home drinking beer, and watching the game on TV. I mean, what else would two paddles that have been hitting a little pixel ball incessantly for years on end do after they're retired? Well anyways, the commercials were on, yes, the loathed commercials with their seizure-inducing colors and beyond hideous jingles. A certain commercial came on that that Right and Left just hated with a passion. It was the commercial for Uber-Pong 2004, a new three-dimensional Pong game for Xbox, Gamecube, and PS2. This game had different characters holding paddles that you could customize, the ball was replaced by a glowing sphere that could do many tricky things. You could even play with two people on one side in a doubles game. Oh, this infuriated the two paddles.
"Look at that, all fancy and high tech. After hitting that god-forsaken white ball for years, we're thrown away and taken over by shiny 3D-models!" The Right Paddle ranted.
"Yeah, now people hold paddles, and they aren't as lonely because there are two people on one side, bah!" Left Paddle agreed
"Ya' know what? I say we go down to those bloody game makers and beat the living shit out of them! But first, I need more beer..."Right Paddle stood up as he said this, spilling beer all over himself.
"Umm, that's a rather stupid thing to do. I mean, frigging look at us! We're old, lazy, and have this hideous beer bellies." Left Paddle gave a blank stare at Right Paddle,"Oh, fine, but no more beer. I'll go get the keys."
Left Paddle got up and hovered over to the kitchen and fished for his keys on top of the fridge. Right Paddle was already at the door waiting. When Left Paddle had succesfully gotten what he went for, he zoomed out the door(right past Right Paddle) and got in the car.
"Hurryap! Ya' drunk bastard." Left Paddle yelled at Right
"I'm comin'..." Right Paddle sluggishly moved towards the passenger side of the car and got in. "So, uhh, do you know where the company is?"
"Yeah you dolt. We've only passed the building about a thousand times one your stupid beer runs."
"Oh, oh yeah, now I remember."
"Pfft" Left Paddle rolled his pixel-eyes and just kept driving down Pac-Man Avenue.
Left Paddle has his favorite Nine Inch Nails album in the CD-player. Currently it was playing "March of the Pigs".
"Hey, why do you listen to this crap?" Right Paddle whined with his drunk slur
"Because I like it, now shut your drunken mouth and just wait until we get to the company." Left Paddle gave Right a quick glare, then turned his attention back to the moving asphault in front of him.
It took about twenty minutes to get to the Hydronigames company office. When the two paddles arrived Right Paddle was slightly less drunk, and Left Paddle was slightly more annoyed at his idiotic friend.
Left Paddle turned towards Right paddle,"So, you gonna go give them a imight ass beating/i?" Left Paddle said with heavy sarcasm,"I sure ain't."
"Mer, you beat your ass I am." Right Paddle burst his door open and moved towards the front door of the office and burst it open.
"Ugh, damn it!" Left Paddle jolted his door open, sped towards Right Paddle, and tackled him to the ground. At this point many of the workers were staring with amazement at the two.
"Umm, you'll have to excuse my friend, he is drunk, and extremely stupid. But, as long as I'm here, I have something to say. How the hell can you just forget about the original two Pong Paddles? Huh? We were the originals, then you make your hideously fancy game and just leave us out. I mean, seriously, you could atleast sneak us in somewhere." Left Paddle shoved the little facts right under the ignorant game developers' noses.
One particularly young developer stood up from the computer desk he was sitting at and said,"Hey, you know what? You're right. There has only been one batch of games made and sent out to stores. We could sneak you in as unlockables for all the new batches."
Left Paddle smiled,"You can do that?"
"YES THEY-MRPH!" Right paddle was silenced by Left Paddle as he started yelling
"Yeah, we can do that, easily." The developer said
"All right!" Left Paddle said
So, the paddles got themselves into the game as unlockables, many gamers enjoyed their presence. They even got their own statistics, Left Paddle was the fastest character, Right Paddle was slow, but powerful. The two paddles were once again in the spot-light for some gaming magazines. After a while the two just went back to staying at home and watching TV, but they had a bit more satisfaction, and didn't burn with envy when they saw the new Pong game's commercial.
This tale takes place many years after the original Pong game. Right Paddle and Left Paddle are now retired and sit at home drinking beer, and watching the game on TV. I mean, what else would two paddles that have been hitting a little pixel ball incessantly for years on end do after they're retired? Well anyways, the commercials were on, yes, the loathed commercials with their seizure-inducing colors and beyond hideous jingles. A certain commercial came on that that Right and Left just hated with a passion. It was the commercial for Uber-Pong 2004, a new three-dimensional Pong game for Xbox, Gamecube, and PS2. This game had different characters holding paddles that you could customize, the ball was replaced by a glowing sphere that could do many tricky things. You could even play with two people on one side in a doubles game. Oh, this infuriated the two paddles.
"Look at that, all fancy and high tech. After hitting that god-forsaken white ball for years, we're thrown away and taken over by shiny 3D-models!" The Right Paddle ranted.
"Yeah, now people hold paddles, and they aren't as lonely because there are two people on one side, bah!" Left Paddle agreed
"Ya' know what? I say we go down to those bloody game makers and beat the living shit out of them! But first, I need more beer..."Right Paddle stood up as he said this, spilling beer all over himself.
"Umm, that's a rather stupid thing to do. I mean, frigging look at us! We're old, lazy, and have this hideous beer bellies." Left Paddle gave a blank stare at Right Paddle,"Oh, fine, but no more beer. I'll go get the keys."
Left Paddle got up and hovered over to the kitchen and fished for his keys on top of the fridge. Right Paddle was already at the door waiting. When Left Paddle had succesfully gotten what he went for, he zoomed out the door(right past Right Paddle) and got in the car.
"Hurryap! Ya' drunk bastard." Left Paddle yelled at Right
"I'm comin'..." Right Paddle sluggishly moved towards the passenger side of the car and got in. "So, uhh, do you know where the company is?"
"Yeah you dolt. We've only passed the building about a thousand times one your stupid beer runs."
"Oh, oh yeah, now I remember."
"Pfft" Left Paddle rolled his pixel-eyes and just kept driving down Pac-Man Avenue.
Left Paddle has his favorite Nine Inch Nails album in the CD-player. Currently it was playing "March of the Pigs".
"Hey, why do you listen to this crap?" Right Paddle whined with his drunk slur
"Because I like it, now shut your drunken mouth and just wait until we get to the company." Left Paddle gave Right a quick glare, then turned his attention back to the moving asphault in front of him.
It took about twenty minutes to get to the Hydronigames company office. When the two paddles arrived Right Paddle was slightly less drunk, and Left Paddle was slightly more annoyed at his idiotic friend.
Left Paddle turned towards Right paddle,"So, you gonna go give them a imight ass beating/i?" Left Paddle said with heavy sarcasm,"I sure ain't."
"Mer, you beat your ass I am." Right Paddle burst his door open and moved towards the front door of the office and burst it open.
"Ugh, damn it!" Left Paddle jolted his door open, sped towards Right Paddle, and tackled him to the ground. At this point many of the workers were staring with amazement at the two.
"Umm, you'll have to excuse my friend, he is drunk, and extremely stupid. But, as long as I'm here, I have something to say. How the hell can you just forget about the original two Pong Paddles? Huh? We were the originals, then you make your hideously fancy game and just leave us out. I mean, seriously, you could atleast sneak us in somewhere." Left Paddle shoved the little facts right under the ignorant game developers' noses.
One particularly young developer stood up from the computer desk he was sitting at and said,"Hey, you know what? You're right. There has only been one batch of games made and sent out to stores. We could sneak you in as unlockables for all the new batches."
Left Paddle smiled,"You can do that?"
"YES THEY-MRPH!" Right paddle was silenced by Left Paddle as he started yelling
"Yeah, we can do that, easily." The developer said
"All right!" Left Paddle said
So, the paddles got themselves into the game as unlockables, many gamers enjoyed their presence. They even got their own statistics, Left Paddle was the fastest character, Right Paddle was slow, but powerful. The two paddles were once again in the spot-light for some gaming magazines. After a while the two just went back to staying at home and watching TV, but they had a bit more satisfaction, and didn't burn with envy when they saw the new Pong game's commercial.