Twilight Princess Screwed Up Story 2, a legend of zelda fanfic

Since I couldn't force myself to finish Toilet Princess, I decided to just do a rewrite of my last TP parody and see how y'all liked it. Enjoy. :)

"Oooooh, goldfish." Said Link, pointing at the moat as he crossed over it toward Hyrule Castle.

As he got closer, it started raining for no reason, as if someone had flipped a switch. Then, as if that wasn't strange enough, Midna started bouncing off the walls from some unseen force, and was thrown over the wall and came back as octopuszilla with a freaky head.

"DOCTOR OCTOGONAPUS! BWAAAAAAHHHHHH!" said Cthulu Midna as a black face appeared on her helmet and shot a beam of lazer out of it's mouth and obliterated the barrier over the castle.

Later, Midna woke up in Link's arms and looked at Link, who also looked at her. They just stared into each other's eyes, taking in the sight of each other, feeling unspoken love that they wanted to confess…then Midna's hangover caught up with her and she threw up on Link's face.

"That's it, no more mary jane for you, drugs bunny." Said Link, wiping off his face.

Then they ran up to the throne room to find Zelda asleep on her throne.

The room then seemed to change for one brief moment as Midna sneezed out a golden aura which landed on Zelda and somehow revived her.

Link and Midna stared awkwardly at Zelda for a moment, waiting for something to happen before her eyes finally opened.

"Thank God, you're alive," said Midna, "otherwise I'd have had to put you on a feeding tube."

Zelda slapped Midna.

Midna slapped Zelda.

(Slap)

This went on for 6 hours.

Then Zelda noticed Link staring at her with a dazed expression on his face.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Zelda.

"Well you know how guys are, whenever they see girls, it zones them out." said Midna.

"Wait, Link's a guy?" asked Zelda.

"OF COURSE HE IS...Why do you think his chest is so flat?" asked Midna (as if that were the only clue).

"Well then if he's a guy, why doesn't he zone out when he looks at you, since you're a girl?" asked Zelda.

"Wait, Midna's a girl?" asked Link.

Midna slaps Link.

Link slaps Midna

Midna slaps Link.

(Slap)

Eventually, Link and Midna got tired of slapping each other and turned around to see a big floating head (no, it's not Andross).

"WHOA!" said Midna.

Link threw a bomb at Ganon, but he ate it.

"He's still alive!" said Zelda, too shocked for words.

Link ran up and slapped Ganon.

"He's still alive!" said Zelda, too shocked for words.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…(COUGH)…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…HA!" laughed Ganondorf.

"That's a stupid laugh." said Midna.

"Hmmm…do you think so? Asked Ganondorf.

"Yeah, try something new, like say, cha cha cha." said Midna.

"Okay, umm, cha cha cha." said Ganondork.

"Uh, not enough zeal. Try adding "charmin" to the end of it." Said Link, trying to stifle a laugh.

"Hmm, zeal, charmin, okay, um…cha cha cha, charmin…HEY, WHAT THE (BLEEP), YOU TRICKED ME! Roared the not-so-brilliant Gerudo King, turning a deep shade of red.

(COUGH)SCREW-THIS!(COUGH) coughed Midna, seeing Danongorf in his berserker form.

Midna then warped the whole possie outside the castle where more Bulbins were waiting for them.

Upon seeing them, the Bulbins activated their energy shields and plasma pistols, and fired at the trio as they took cover behind a boulder (which came out of nowhere).

The rock was getting eaten up by the Jackal's plasma bolts and soon there would be no cover left.

Zelda, thinking as fast as she could (meaning two thoughts an hour), did the first thing that came to mind and quickly pulled a spatula and a can of silly string out of her bra and charged at the two lead Bulbins and hit one in the face with the spatula, killing him instantly, and sprayed the silly string into the other Bulbin's eyes.

"I'M BLIND!" screamed the Bulbin as it ran toward the castle and slammed into an unstable part of it, causing the whole thing to collapse on the rest of his comrades.

Link, Midna, and Zelda watched as the dust settled and saw Ganondorf coming over the hill on a motorcycle, looking badass.

"Well if it isn't unhappy Gilmore." said Link as Ganondorf came riding down the hill.

"WOOHOO! YEAH!" whooped Ganondorf, waving a flag that said "SCREW WORK!" on it.

Ganondorf was just a few feet away from the threesome when Mario drove by on his kart and dropped a banana peel in front of Ganondorf. A one bike pile up was the result.

Ganondorf got up and unsheathed two katanas like a badass ninja. Link did the same with his Master Sword.

Ganondorf: You've soiled my honour.

Link: You've broken my honor.

Ganondorf: You have no honour.

Link: You spell honor like a Brit.

Ganondorf: HAVE AT YOU!

Ganondorf made a stabbing motion at Link, who did a backslice on him.

"Your powers are weak, you should not have come." sneered Ganon.

"Yeah, well, I have. We'll settle this the old navy way: First guy to die…LOSES!" shouted Link as he sprung at Ganon, chopping him into sushie.

Ganondorf side stepped Link and stabbed him, sending him flying because this game has such poor physics.

"OW! FUCK YOU, WHOEVER'S PLAYING!" shouted Link.

Ganondorf was about to deliver a charged up killing blow when Midna took Zelda's spatula and flattened Ganondorf from behind.

"Link, now is your chance. Use the Magic Armor!" said Midna.

"Okey dokey." said Link as he activated his power ranger morpher.

"NOT THAT KIND OF MAGIC ARMOR!!!" screamed Midna in annoyance.

Since Link isn't exactly the sharpest bulb in the tool shed, he didn't stop with the ridiculous costume, he even started singing the power ranger's theme song.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! TOO LAME!!!" screamed Midna, exploding into confetti.

Then Simon Cowell intervened in time to save our sanity.

"That was pa-thet-ic."

"YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!" bawled Link.

Then a mech warrior came out of a portal and landed on top of Simon, while Link climbed into it.

The mech warrior buzzed to life and looked down at Danongorf.

"I…AM…MEGATRON!" it bellowed, and gave Ganondorf a super wedgie.

A horrible scream could be heard all the way to Termina.

"You'll…pay…for that." said Ganondorf through clenched teeth as he held onto his nut chucks with one hand, and, with the other, opened a bottle, and out came Navi.

The fairy latched itself onto the Mech warrior's face.

"Hey Listen! Hey Listen! Hey Listen! To eat, you have to chew. To move, you have to walk. There's fire on Death Mountain. And Zoras live in water." said Navi.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! TOO LAME!!!" screamed Megatron as he exploded into confetti.

Link bailed out, now in his Magic Armor, and lunged at Ganondorf, but he went the wrong way and crashed into- you guessed it- the firewall. This cost him half his rupees.

Ganondorf picked him up and threw him to the other end of the ring.

"Oh yeah? Kamehamehah!" said Link, shooting a fireball at Ganondorf, knocking him back.

Link saw the perfect opportunity to finish off Ganondorf- mostly because of the big neon FINISH icon floating over Ganondorf- and then jumped 2,483 feet into the air and came back down, but landed right beside Ganondorf.

"Whatever." said Link, as he casually got up and stabbed Ganondorf in the chest.

"GAH! You may have beaten me this time, and you may have beaten me last time, and you'll beat me next time, and the time after that, and the five times…err…what was my point again?…Ack." said Ganondorf, finally dying.

"Worst death scene ever." yawned Zelda.

Link glared daggers at her, but then noticed a big ball of light on top of the hill and stared at it for a moment before realization dawned on him: Midna.

Link ran toward the light…and got hit by a Ford Explorer.

He picked himself up and saw Midna in her true form.

"I'm a real boy." said Midna gleefully.

Link: WHAT?!?

Zelda: WHAT?!?

Rusl: WHAT?!?

Fado: WHAT?!?

Uli: WHAT?!?

Ilia: WHAT?!?

Tetra: WHAT?!?

Sheik: WHAT?!?

Master Chief: WHAT?!?

Johnson: WHAT?!?

Marth: WHAT?!?

Spongebob: WHAT?!?

Charlie Sheen: WHAT?!?

Bill Clinton: WHAT?!?

"I was just kidding." said Midna.

"Good, otherwise you'd be paired with me." said Zelda.

(Slap)

(Spongebob Narrator: Six Hours Later)

The three stooges were now at the mirror chamber.

"So where's the cake the author promised us?" asked Midna.

"The cake is a lie." groaned Link.

Midna: WHAT?!?

Rusl: WHAT?!?

Uli: WHAT?!?

Fado: WHAT?!?

Ilia: WHAT?!?

Tetra: WHAT?!?

Sheik: WHAT?!?

Master Chief: WHAT?!?

Johnson: WHAT?!?

Marth: WHAT?!?

Spongebob: WHAT?!?

Charlie Sheen: WHAT?!?

Bill Clinton: WHAT?!?

Everyone in the universe: WHAT?!?

"No it's not, I can see it from here." lied Zelda.

"WHERE?" demanded Midna with a weird look in her eyes (more than usual).

"I think it ran into the portal." she said sarcastically.

Midna dashed through the portal, screaming "GIMME THAT GODAMMED CHOCOLATE!" and disappeared from Link's view.

Seeing the opportunity to have Link for herself, Zelda took out a giant sledge hammer, that she stole from Mario, and smashed the mirror, failing to notice that Link had also gone through the portal. :D

BLEAH! BLEAH! BLEAH! That's all folks. Read and Review.