This is an experimental Story, Yaoi-based. Please be forewarned it is a modern fairy tale, so the plot is extremely in that realm. It does not happen in real life but I'm writing it for the sake of the story itself and for the smutty situations. Thank you for your time!
I hate pretty boys. I just hate them. Every single one of them, no matter how much they deny it...they're GAY. I know some of them just can't help it. They were born that way. So blame your parents' gene pool, blame the company you keep, blame your upbringing and your environment if you turn out to be a fag or if you get born in this world looking like one. I will despise you on sight but hey, don't take it personally. I admit I'm homophobic. Something about that effeminate behavior, that type of flamboyant living and overt 'gayness' repels me. The very worst are the ones that are so subtle you can't even discern them from real men. There are clues to their nature sometimes but those factors tend to fall in a gray area. That's why I'm extra cautious over that type. As long as you keep your distance, I'm fine. And don't blame me for generalizing either. I mean look, your kind are everywhere. Fags on TV, closet homos in church and in the government...even at the place where I work. Damn, you just pop up like fucking mushrooms.
You're probably thinking I must have had a homosexual encounter when I was young that's why I'm like this. The answer is, no I haven't had that shit happening to me. I had gay little boys giggling and swooning over me, been proposed to at a bar by a transvestite but to have actually had that sexual brush with another man, nope. Never. I can't remember ever having had one even when I was young. And no, I didn't have an obscene Uncle fondling me secretly or anything of that sort. I had the typical dysfunctional family upbringing common in this day and age. I also have my rebelliousness and overconfidence in myself that helped shape the brilliant mess you see before you now. My parents have been divorced for some time and I guess the only terrible thing that happened to me was when my younger sister died at a young age. As you can see, I'm a man through and through. Not that I want to brag about it but I know I'm easy on the eyes and girls just about fall over themselves to sleep with me. I had banged most of the high school babes back in my old Alma Mater, the really pretty ones. It got even worse in college. I slept with just about any woman that was willing to get in bed with me, even if they looked like total dogs; I'd have sex with them no matter how hammered drunk I was or if I was high. I was bolstering my alpha male status, flaunting my masculinity just about everywhere I go. I was the popular kid back then; the golden boy in everyone's eyes.
So it really pissed me off when a guy that I knew once to be a manly man in college, turned out to be a queen underneath. When that one friend admitted to me that he was gay, about eighteen years ago, I just lost it. I remember all the times this guy put his arm around me in a supposedly friendly gesture of bosom brotherhood 'affections' and slapped a hand at my ass in rambunctious locker room play; all the times I shared a bottle of whiskey with him and I thought to myself, fuck, you've been hitting on me all the while! After his admission, I rewarded him with a punch in the face and I refused to see him ever again. I knew why he admitted he was gay. It was because he was going to admit he had a thing for me and I just about shriveled up at the thought of another man touching me sexually. It was sick, disgusting! I nearly vomited when I got back home.
Fast forward to my present and here I am...still homophobic. I don't hide the fact too. I've been known notoriously in the office to browbeat and bully fags until they end up in tears and they leave the office permanently. But new ones just can't seem to stop flocking in. I had proposed to my boss that he do a thorough screening of new applicants to root out the gay ones but he refused, on the grounds that he did not share my views and that he was not prejudiced. Besides that, gay discrimination is against the law. You must wonder why my boss never fired me for my behavior. I ask you, how could a father fire his son if he is to own the company in the future? Yeah, I'm riding on the coat-tails of my father's legacy. But I don't care. He was the one that suggested it, anyway. He was confident that I would somehow grow out of my 'selfish-prick phase' as he so gently put it. I didn't give a fuck what he thought then. Things always go my way so if the company was being handed to me on a silver plate, so be it.
Due to my homophobia, I had very few friends in the office, the ones I consider my best mates. I hung out with men and office colleagues that I knew were definitely men and not closet homos. I made sure that they are actually married to women; that they have kids and that they belonged to good, well-bred families. I know because I drilled them on the details of their lives before I allowed them the pleasure of my company. On that note, I dated a lot of women from inside and outside of the office when I need female companionship. Still have the old charm and my good looks, I guess. I work out, keep my tan; keep myself looking nice and clean, wearing my corporate suits and fashionable ties. But even with the ladies at work, I ended up being notorious for one other thing. I was known as 'Erik Slam, Bam, Thank you ma'am Lehnsherr' because once I sleep with one of them, I tend to not go back for seconds and I don't stay in a relationship for too long. It's a bachelor's life for me since I like to play the field, so to speak. I knew I was quietly loathed by most of my office-mates. Not only for the reason I'm a Homophobe but because I'm a jerk and an asshole too. Yeah, I know right? How can I live with myself? I've lived my life like this for so long that I got used to being so despicable and cruel. So when this rookie came into my life, this newbie, I never thought...that someone can change me so completely. His name is Charles Xavier and this is our story.
"Look at that boy! Just look at him! He's just asking to be reamed by one of his homo-faggot species!"I said in a low growl as I glared at the newly hired assistant. He was supposed to be Emma Frost's assistant but for now he's a reserve because Emma was still hung up on her own assistant Raven Darkholme, who had decided that her resignation was just a temporary leave after all when her intention to live in France fell through.
"I don't know Erik, he looks like a nice kid, like a choir boy-"Janos Quested said. We were dawdling in the coffee room, procrastinating as always but of course, we get the work done even if we have to do it half-assed. My mates and I are the top dogs in the office anyway.
"What the hell? Can't you see he has gay stamped all over his face?"I fumed and flung a sour glance back at the boy. I was told his name was Charles something, I can't remember the last name and from the looks of him, he has the seal of approval from the god of straight-looking gays. Let me describe him so you will know why. His wavy, dark brown hair was cut short, parted to the side in a dorky way and he wore metal-rimmed glasses, which somehow enhanced his large deep-set blue eyes. His perfectly formed eyebrows tell me he plucks them and trimmed them to look that way. He was very fair; his skin pale but there is this light blush on his cheeks. His nose was straight but slightly hooked, with faint freckles above the bridge and when he smiled at one co-worker once, I noticed his lips are very red, like he just dabbed lipstick on them and he had this dimple on the left corner of his mouth. The shape of his face was very feminine, even though his body was slightly muscular. He favored wearing cardigans, sweater vests and button down shirts and light slacks. When he moves, there is a gracefulness to him and awkwardness all at the same time. At the moment, he was reading a thick paperback novel and was drinking some fruity-smelling tea during his break time. See how gay he is? I hated him immediately. He must think he looked the part of an adorable novice waiting to be petted and coddled. He had never crossed my path yet but if he ever so much as looked me in the eye, I intend to make it known that I despise his kind.
"Gotta agree with Erik, Janos. He does look kinda soft-"Victor Creed said, eying Janos. The exchange of looks did not escape me. I know they placed bets between each other or some other colleague at the office to see how soon I could send my 'target' packing. But I have noticed that they have grown tired of the game. I guess years of doing this must have lost its appeal to them. They just don't understand why we have to remove these disgusting homosexuals from the workplace. Once I inherit my father's business, that's going to be at the top of my agenda. No gays allowed in this company. I will have the right to reject them even if they are overqualified. Fuck 'em. I don't care if the LGBT community or some poofy schmuck attempts to retaliate against me. I can make the law work for me if I have to. Right now though, I'm weeding them out one at a time. I thought of something really nasty for that rookie, a plan forming instantly. I laughed in an insolent way and pointed to one of the HR personnel walking down the aisle.
"See that girl? She's Kitty Pryde, the new head of the HR department. She has a thing for me even though she's heard about my rep so she's a bit distant. The thing is, I can still twist her around my little finger. I can put in the word and have her arrange it so the newbie becomes my assistant-"
Janos' eyes flew wide open."What? Erik, you'll get in trouble with your dad again! Don't you remember the last time you did this?" After I had sent countless, suspiciously effeminate men resigning while they were under me, my Dad made it a point that they be steered away from my management. I rarely had anyone staying under me, be it a man or a woman because they could not stand me or in the case of the women, they have outstripped their use to me.
"Ha!Ha! Nice one, Lehnsherr! Let's see how fast you send this one packing-"Victor chuckled, slapping my back.
I shrugged carelessly, a cruel smile forming on my lips."I'll make his life a living hell! He'll slap that resignation on my desk faster than I could stick it into a total dog for a quick one. He'll be crying his baby blues out as he flutters his faggoty fingers in the air, barfing rainbows and shitting flowers for all I care-
The guys howled laughter at my wit and newbie eyed us apprehensively. He must've sensed we were talking about him. By this time, you're probably wondering why I never got sued or appeared in any workplace inquiries, right? I use my connections, of course. I can make it appear that they were the ones behaving indecently in the office, making sexual advances towards me; first one to sound the alarm wins. Good thing my Lawyers and mates back me up. So those fags end up so humiliated after, that they just give up. See how easy it was for me? Like I said, things always go my way. Later in the day, there was a tentative knock upon the door of my private office and when I called for the person to come in, I realized it was the newbie. He averted his gaze and kept close to the doorway. He must have heard about my reputation, like the others that came before him.
"Sir, HR informed me that I was to report to you as your assistant-"Charles said softly.
"What? Stand straight and speak clearly, boy! I can't understand what the hell you just mumbled!"I barked out.
Charles immediately stood straight, chin lifted high and he spoke more loudly, repeating what he had said. He was blushing slightly and he made sure to keep his eyes down, avoiding meeting my eyes.
"What's your name, boy?"
"My name is Charles Xavier, Sir-"I laughed inwardly because I heard the slight tremble in his voice, his huge eyes moist and frightened.
"Well Xavier, the next time you come into this office, make sure to wear something more corporate, got it? This is an office, not a college editorial for a gay fan club-"
"I don't...y-yes Sir!"Charles stammered.
"What? Were you going to say something?"I challenged him. Charles visibly swallowed and tried to speak clearly."I don't belong to a gay fan club, Sir-"
"Hah! Could've fooled anyone! If you want to be taken seriously, try to behave and dress like someone who works in a professional setting-"
"I'm sorry Sir. I'll try my best to look more corporate tomorrow-"Charles bowed his head low, ashamed of his appearance. I just rolled my eyes at him mockingly.
"Fine! Come over here so I could give you your instructions and the memorandum!"I said tersely. I never hide the contempt in my voice and I made it quite plain that I disliked him instantly. Charles slowly came over and took the paper work. I had some instructions written out where he will be seated and what work he will be doing, in a cubicle right outside of my office, away from everyone else. My office was designed that way for a reason. Let's just say, the convenience of having MY office allows me to take my current conquests and fuck them out of their minds when I feel the need to satisfy my raunchy urges at work. Recently, my female assistant vacated the coveted position because she was too besotted with me and I don't like inconveniences like that. I had to let the girl go and I gave it to her straight. She sent in her resignation with HR and left the company, too angry and ashamed to face me after. I had thought it was obvious from the beginning that the sex was only for fun. I wasn't into serious relationships, remember? I suddenly remembered that I banged that girl right on the desk that newbie will be using and that brought an amused smile to my lips. Dad of course, sent me up to the main office later to explain why Charles would be working under me and It was quite opportune that my previous assistant resigned and I told him I badly needed one and he was the only one available. He told me to try and be civil to Charles after he saw Charles's picture in his resume, knowing my penchant for bullying effeminate looking men. I let newbie feel a little more at home at first. I gave him some space because he was too cautious with me and then just when his guard is down, I'm going to pounce.
I have always treated sissified boys like him the same. Always, when they report under me there have been no exceptions. I burden them with paperwork; overwhelm them with reports that need to be emailed and documents that must be prepared online, ASAP. I run them down with out-of-office errands, a free slave if you will, until they are so exhausted. And when they fail to meet my expectations or fail in any of the tasks I assigned them, I let them have it. It was a convenient way to reprove them on their actions and make them feel demoralized and inadequate. I was always careful about the 'colorful' terms I say about them, ragging them to the dogs and back without any word indicating their sexual orientation; I make sure I prevent them from recording any conversations with me that are indicative of discrimination or bullying, by having them leave their cell phones on their in-tray when we have 'the conversation' in my office. So it was no different with Charles. If I wanted him to get me coffee in the morning before getting to work, I have him go to the farthest Starbucks I know that sells some obscure coffee type and I give specific instructions on how I want the reports to look on my desk, all prepared and organized before I enter my office. He flailed about over the mountainous paperwork I gave him and he was so clumsy about everything a few times that I kept telling him repeatedly what a disappointment he was and how poor his performance was. He struggled and aimed to do better but I could see how harangued and worried he looked all the time. After office hours, I see him looking so dejected and down-trodden as he picks up his briefcase from the view in my office, preparing for his daily departure from work. He wore suits this time, but they looked wrinkled and tired, like he was by the end of the day. I enjoyed seeing him look like this.
As the months passed though, the harder I put pressure on him, the more Charles made every effort to improve himself. He was actually getting into the groove of things under me and I did not like that. I wanted to see him break down. I wanted him to lose it and act like a total basket case and humiliate himself in front of his colleagues at the office...but he clung on. He was a tenacious Son of a bitch. I have to admit, he was doing a good job. That doe-eyed rookie was long gone. When he came into the office nowadays, his face was set seriously that people did not see him crack a smile at all. He threw himself into his efforts to do his job right. I also noticed the fact that he tried to act more masculine when around me, to show everyone he was not a homosexual. But the sad truth is, he is still just another nerdy, gay-ass faggot before my eyes and I still didn't like him. Not once did I praise him when he performed exceptionally and yet, he did not question me why. He quietly accepted whatever I threw at him. He was somehow different from the other queers that set foot in the office; he was willing to be subjected to a hellish existence under me and being treated as my personal door mat.
I finally caused a small crack in that veneer of seriousness when our group had to do a small get-together at a bar. Reservations were made so that an entire room was set up for our use only and they had an open bar and a Videoke set up for our enjoyment. Charles had to come because it was Company-sponsored and the headcount was compulsory. The ladies from the office all joined in. I was there surrounded by the male staff of our department, along with my best mates Victor and Janos. Charles sat in with us boys, still striving to prove he was manly. There were twenty of us there. We were all getting into it, enjoying a moment of relaxation, free from the stress of work and deadlines. Charles tried to engage some of the guys in a conversation but he did not have much to say to them so he ended up drinking quietly by himself. That was the day I let the first bomb fall on his head. I started by telling the guys at work how gay reading this so-and-so author is; I was actually targeting the books Charles read during his free time. He read a lot of books during his lunch. Anything that I know that Charles was into, I flagrantly deemed as gay and the boys laughed at my detailed narratives. I was pretending to entertain everyone with the amusing opinion I have of homosexuality. Charles's expression showed his discomfort and he was blushing deeply, as I stole a glance at him from the corner of my eye. I then started to describe how I thought a gay person behaves and again, I was careful to make it seem I was describing just about any queer guy but I was actually describing Charles, his quirks and his mannerisms. I just about flat-out told everyone how gay Charles is. The guys all laughed and some of the ladies joined in on the hilarity. Charles finally couldn't stand it and excused himself to go to the Men's room. He never returned to his spot on the table that night.
When he came to work come Monday, he was wearing a dark gray suit that raised one of my eyebrows. It was jaunty and somewhat similar to a style I would pick. He combed his hair back, not parted to the side and he was not wearing his glasses, perhaps he had contacts on. He behaved as if he did not remember the mean words I said at the bar about him, even though they were just insinuated. At lunch, he did not read any books but instead I saw him at the Lounge room used by the male workers and he was actually using one of the billiard tables we had set up there and he was playing by himself. At one point when there was no paperwork coming in yet, I saw him playing with a racing game on his mobile phone. He was actually doing the things I would have been doing and I bristled at it. He was trying to show me how much of a man he was. That was it.
"The fucking queer is trying to get at me!"I told Janos and Victor as we ate at one of the top diners in the area. They both quietly listened as I told them the deal with Charles and his actions.
"Did you see him these last few days? He was trying to imitate me! As if that would make him look more like a man in front of everyone else!"
I thought I would get some sympathy from Vic and Janos but they laughed uproariously instead and it pissed the hell out of me. I could feel my face burning with humiliation as they laughed. My plan had backfired on me.
"I did not crack a joke here, you shitheads! I'm suffering a bad case of a fag attack!"
Janos tried to control his laughter."Well that's what you get for trying to tell everyone he's gay, even if you did it in an underhanded way. Everyone knows your style, Erik! Though I have to admit, you do say some funny points when you go on one of your homophobic diatribes-"
"Fuck off, Janos!"I growled at him and that got them laughing again.
I wanted to blow up at them but instead, I was trying to think of a way to get back at Charles, enough to make him retaliate and then the opportunity presented itself when he came knocking at my office, asking if he could take a leave on Halloween. He mentioned that he always had a family reunion on that day each year and that he was asking if he could attend it. At first, I told him sure, he could go. But he just piqued my wickedness by giving me exactly what I need. A few days after, I got him talking about his planned trip, if he had booked a flight and what airline he would be taking. He must have thought I was getting on friendly with him that he excitedly showed me his tickets. I noted the time stamp and I was telling him to enjoy his time with his family. He gave a small smile at that along with an odd look but that was that. On the day that he was to leave, all packed up and ready at the airport, I had my driver stop him from leaving with a message about an emergency at work. Of course, he was fuming silently, trying to be understanding about it (so my driver tells me) and then he became outright furious when he realized that the emergency was that he was going to house-sit for me while I go on a short trip to Switzerland. I had my driver lie for me and inform Charles I had to go on an important 'overseas business trip'. He had no choice but to miss his flight and stay so he can take care of my household affairs for a week. I lived by myself in an apartment complex and I gave Charles laundry and cleaning instructions and that if he does not follow them, he'll have to answer to me.
Imagine how mad he was when I got back from Switzerland and I gave everyone true Swiss chocolates except him, just so I could rub it in. Some of my friends came over into my office asking me about my trip and wanting to know if I enjoyed it and I loudly told them how fun and relaxing it all was. Charles glared at me from his table. I could see his pretty little face right out the Plexiglas wall that separated us and he wore his glasses that day. As the day neared it's end, he finally knocked on my door and asked if he could speak to me privately. I had him sit on a chair in front of my desk and then I stood up and checked his in-tray. His phone was there. Good. Then I calmly and insolently sat back in my own chair before my desk and smirked at him. He didn't mince about or falter. He got right to the point.
"What is this about?"
"Sir, I don't want to sound like I am accusing you of anything but if you had an important business trip to go to, why didn't you tell me beforehand so I could have cancelled my own trip? You knew I booked tickets for my flight back home to my relatives!"Charles tried to keep himself calm and professional, but his eyes looked wounded.
"It was an emergency trip, Xavier! And I left my phone at my apartment! That was why I had my driver inform you-"
"From the way everyone here at the office is talking, it did not sound like it was a business trip. It sounded more like a vacation to me-"He cut me off, the nerve of him!
"I met up with a client about the details of an acquisition. The client had to show me around and see the sights-"This was in fact partly true. I did meet up with a client but it was not exactly about an acquisition. It was more of buttering up one of our known clients there so we can push for more business ventures in the company. Still, I did extend my trip more than was necessary. But Charles did not know that. I hardened my expression and narrowed my eyes at him. I spoke in the angriest tone I could muster.
"Anyway, why the fuck do I have to answer to you? You are just my assistant! And yet you come in here accusing me of just lazing about? I only went on that trip for business! What are you saying here? That you are not up to the job? Hmm? If you can't accommodate the needs of this department and your superior, if you can't be relied on to do your job, you might as well quit! I'm not holding back the door for you! It's always wide open! You are free to go! I don't need you! You've been nothing but an annoyance to me!"
Charles stiffened at my words. He had never looked me in the eyes before. He was always careful to keep his gaze averted because he knew that if he tried to stare me down, I would put some meaning into his look and that I would probably announce to everyone that he tried to make a pass at me. That was how I had done in those other gay assistants who came under me. But now, he did not care about that. He took his glasses off and met my eyes with his own and I could see the hurt in them...the pain. He looked close to tears. When he did that, I finally had a good look at his eyes and his face. I never tried to notice how he really looked like before. When our gazes met, I did not know what the hell happened to me. My heart suddenly started to race. I chalked it up to a feeling of nervousness because I may have gone too far with him. He has very beautiful eyes. I never noticed them before. Clear blue, large and expressive. He had the kind of eyes that if you look into them, you could get lost just staring into them. The way his face also looked at the moment, so poignantly hurt made me feel so guilty that I almost wanted to stammer an apology. I could not understand why I would feel that way. Up close, his face was just exceptional. He was beautiful and austere at the same time; I have no other way to describe it. Like an avenging angel perhaps? An anguished, working-class every man that looked like royalty? Shit, listen to me, right? I could have spouted poetry describing him in detail! I think I suffered some temporary insanity at that time-
When Charles found the strength to speak, his voice was soft and sad, clotted over with suppressed tears."Sir, I don't know what else I could possibly do to make you see I'm trying so hard! I'm doing the best I could at work so that you can see that I want to meet your expectations! I want to prove to you that I'm not like the rest! I'm only here to do my job and to stay if I can! What more do you want from me?"
He wiped at his eyes to prevent the tears from falling but he was too late and there was a small line of wetness flowing down his right eye to his cheek. He still held my gaze, looking more boyish and beautifully tragic as he tried to control himself.
"Even if you don't say it outright, Sir. I know you think I'm a gay. Everyone here at the office tells me how much of a self-professed Homophobic you are but I didn't want to let that get in the way of what I needed to do here. I came here for the work, to add the name of your company to my resume and step up the ranks. That's all! Please just accept me for the work I do, not for what you think of me personally! I'm sorry that I am an annoyance to you but it makes me want to prove to you all the more that no matter what you put me through, I'm going to stay-"
That stunned me silent. No one had spoken to me like that before. He should have been shouting curses; he should have voiced out every caustic remark, every angry thought he had of me. And yet, he was imploring me, asking to be accepted and knowing I would never do such a thing for someone so beneath me and someone homosexual. I think I somewhat get why he did not want to resign from under me or move on as an assistant to someone else. He wanted to be acknowledged under me; to get a promotion under my name and with my recommendation. I suddenly lost my mind, that's it. That was why I don't understand why I said the things I said to him at that moment.
"Are you sure you want to stay under me, Xavier? You know how much of a slave driver I am-"
He didn't say anything but his expression grew resolute. He and I both know he was doing great as my assistant and he showed an exceptional acumen for the business. I've seen the treatise he did for analysis and his own written reports. I could actually get him promoted. We also both know that he could not just remain stagnant in his position, that would be unfair to him and based on his performance, he deserved a better slot in the ranks. He spoke firmly this time, his eyes determined.
"I do, Sir-"
I gave a small shrug at that and smiled."I know I've put you through a lot, Charles and much as I hate to say this, you truly are doing great at this job. If you want to stay, fine. But I think we can make arrangements for an apprenticeship under me-"
Charles's eyes widened."P-pardon?"
"We can't just have you staying as an assistant now, can we? Since you've made your point that you've been trying hard to meet my demands! I'll bring this up with HR tomorrow. Remind me if you must and put it on my schedule-"I drawled out. What?
"I'm not sure I understand? You're not pulling my leg are you, Sir?"Charles said timidly, suddenly losing all that flame and fire of emotion he showed me earlier.
"Oh for crying out loud! You want me to spell it out? I'm promoting you! And by the way, I will reimburse you your plane fare. It will come out of my own pocket. I apologize if my business trip had caused you such trouble-"What the hell am I saying?
Charles was too shocked and startled by my magnanimous behavior at the moment and the uncharacteristic praise that I had uttered to him for the first time. And I even apologized to him! Honestly, even I was shocking myself. I don't know what happened to me. If it was the look on his face or his eyes that did it or maybe aliens from another planet had grabbed hold of me in Switzerland and they did their alien version of lobotomy on me, who knows? But I suddenly found myself...liking Charles. Perhaps just a tiny bit. I liked seeing the perseverance in him, that fiery honesty. Anyway, there was no taking back what I had said. What's done is done and I could beat myself up about it later. I think I was still possessed by this stupid need to make it up to him that I took a box of Swiss Chocolates, the ones I was reserving for myself and handed it to him. I suppose I was giving it to him to prove that this was not a cruel prank but that I meant my actions professionally.
"Here, your present. I forgot to give it to you-"It was bigger than the ones I gave everyone else. Charles could only look at the box in awed silence. He was that shocked that he was rendered speechless. I actually moved forward on the table, took his hand to turn it around and placed the box on top of his open palm.
"Snap out of it, Xavier! Get your present and just go! Leave my office if you don't have anything else to say!"I cried out sharply at him, pretending to be annoyed with him again.
Charles finally scrambled up from the seat and took the box, hugging it to his chest. He stood there and then he smiled at me so endearingly I felt my heart racing again at the sight of him happy like this. Jesus, help me! Am I liking him more than I had let on? Did I just go temporarily gay? I didn't know if I should get mad with him or at myself. I may start tearing up at the walls and howling out that I made a terrible mistake over this but I could not take it back anymore. I've started this just because of the look in his eyes and the expression on his face.
"Thank you so much, Sir! Thank you! I'll do my best!" He finally closed the door behind him and for once, he left work smiling and happy. I gave him that smile and now I'm so miserable because I did something extremely stupid. It would be so cruel of me to take back everything that I had said. Hell, I could do it too, can't I? I've treated others worse than how I treated him. I've beaten up a queer on the streets once for whistling at me. I've said the cruelest words to his kind and had done deeds I was previously proud of, humiliating those homos back in college. But now just with a look from an obviously gay man, I've doomed myself by committing to this insanity! I went back home drinking myself to a stupor to try and forget what I had done but when I woke up in the morning, I remembered everything. I can't even stop thinking about his face, his eyes and when he smiled at me. I decided I was going to be dismissive and cool towards him this morning but when I arrived at the office and he had my coffee ready, with all the papers in order as usual, I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was the odd way he was looking at me. And he was smiling again! Damn that smile! I wanted to wipe it off his face with one mean word but I greeted him a 'good morning' instead when he greeted me first along with the smile. It wasn't a big grin. It was a small, endearing one that lit up his face and eyes and he looked like this cherubic boy you want to wrap up in your arms and hug tightly. God, I want to slam my head on my desk for thinking that about him!
The day went about as usual but there had been no animosity between us. Usually he was quietly brooding or speaking solemnly when addressing me, while I would speak to him contemptuously and rudely, looking down on him in an insolent manner as if he was a worm beneath my feet. Now there was this odd shine in his eyes and lightness in his voice, especially when I remembered his promotion and I had met up with HR about it. Kitty was there and she was shocked to know that for the eight month period of hell I had imposed upon Charles, it was indeed madness that I am now promoting him. The news spread like wildfire at the office. Not that what I had done did not come with a good turn. The people around the office actually stopped me in my tracks to ask about Charles and that they think I did a good thing to promote him. Even my dad called me up in his office to commend me. But I made it clear that I only did what was right, not because my worldview about homosexuality had changed. Anyway, Charles was happy and he was amiable to everyone, especially towards me after what I did for him. It just sickened me that he had to go and do that. I didn't want him thinking I was going soft and then spreading a story around that I was actually nice to him. What would people think? So the day after that, I was more tepid and reserved towards him and he immediately understood that this does not change things between us. It just lessened the hidden loathing we have for each other. Now how the hell am I going to get rid of him if I am promoting him? How? I could have just picked up a boulder and dropped it on top of my head!
Janos and Victor actually ragged me about it but I told them the excuse about Charles threatening labor laws at me that was why I did it.
"Shit! Are you losing your edge, Erik? You could've threatened him back! You're usually good with mind games like that! What the hell happened?" Victor cried out.
I shrugged."He did mention I have a bad history with previous employees under the company and the labor department will look into that plus he put in a good argument when I was about to sack him-"I lied through my teeth.
"You're being strangely resigned to this, Erik. It's not like you-"Janos said suspiciously but I waved him off as well, looking annoyed.
"Well what the fuck, ok? What was I to do? He was smarter than the others!"
"So you admit he got one over you? Are you gonna go around with a sign over your head that you've been beat?"Victor challenged me. That got my blood boiling.
"No! I've got something big planned to avenge myself on him! Just you wait!"I vowed angrily.
As I was talking to them about this and they were making suggestions on how I could get Charles, I realized we are behaving like a bunch of childish trolls out to cause misery on someone who did not deserve it. That guilt I felt at the way I've been treating Charles, it hung over me like a cloud that when I got back in my office and Charles spoke to me about a report I needed to follow up, I lashed out at him because I hated the fact that he made me feel this way.
"If that report was so important why the hell did you not notify me sooner?"I asked him sarcastically. Charles was taken aback by my abrasiveness and spoke quietly. He did not want to make waves about it so he told me he did try to contact me but that I must have been busy since I did not answer his call.
"Fine! Just bring it in! I'm doing it!"I barked out and then I fumed silently in the office after I slammed the door close. I don't know. Maybe the lack of sex is making me short-fused and making me act so crazy. For the past few months, I've been going out and meeting with friends but I did not go on my usual dates and I did not pick up any willing woman at the bars I've frequented. Maybe I should try and go out, relax and enjoy the company of an easy lay to drain the worries off and take this lunacy away from me. So I did. I slept with a woman whose name I could not even remember after I left work that day. I met her at some bar and I took her to a cheap motel, making sure I had my condoms ready. I thought it was going to help get my mind off things but while we were having sex, I wasn't even in the mood. Sure, my body was responding but it felt like I was just going through the motions that it left me unsatisfied. That was the first time that has happened to me. It must be because of all the stress at work, my advancing years (I'm 37 but I'm looking for an excuse, so sue me) or maybe I was still hung up on Charles unknowingly getting one over me.
I suppose that bout of sex just left me with a bad taste in my mouth and made me even more high-strung. I was quietly frustrated that entire day and I was dismissive and cold towards Charles as usual. He in turn, kept his distance, becoming aloof and serious again. Why am I doing this to myself? I could just use the old routine of accusing Charles of sexual advances to get him fired from work or to force him to resign. But I didn't. That was my last ace in the hole. I'm saving it up as the worst possible thing I could do to Charles. Damn, I'm so fucked up! That night after work I went to another bar, looking for some woman to get in bed with to get me through the night. I decided to go drinking first to buoy my spirits up but I got so drunk that when I tried to pick up a girl I ended up saying rude, sexually aggressive words to her, forcing her to go sleep with me, that one of her friends called the bouncer and I got beat up and thrown out of the bar. I haven't been punched like that before. I temporarily blacked out and when I woke up, shivering from the cold I was still on the pavement but my inebriation had gone away. I started to get up, weak and staggering about. No one helped me up or offered assistance. I didn't expect it anyway. The whole fucking world is one big ball of indifference. It made me feel like loathing the entire human race. I hated the world and I hated myself. I started to weave about as I walked and the edge of my vision was hazy. Then I saw the last person on earth that I wanted to see coming out of a movie theater. It was Charles. He was not wearing his glasses that moment he stepped out, he saw me immediately and our eyes met again. He saw the state of me: my sullied brown coat, my bleeding lip and bruised face. Then the look of concern and worry on his face warmed my heart.
"Sir! What happened to you? Were you mugged?"He went towards me but he did not reach out to help support me, knowing that I would be disgusted by his touch.
I shook my head and offered a slurred response."No, I was thrown out of a bar for trying to hit on a girl and the bouncer taught me a lesson in manners-"
"I'm sorry to hear that Sir. Do you need help? Do you need me to call you a cab?"
I waved him off."No! Just go home Xavier! I don't want you talking to me!"
He eyed me warily, assuming I was drunk."I know you don't like me coming close to you but I can't leave you like this, Sir!"
I was touched by his genuine concern for my well-being but I pretended to act annoyed."Fine! Get me a cab!"
Charles tried to hail a cab but none was coming around on this corner of the street so Charles asked if we could walk up to the main street. I agreed and stumbled after him as the buildings and the lights danced before my eyes and my insides swayed coldly in my belly. As we neared a lamp post, we noticed a blatantly homosexual drag queen wearing a hot pink dress and platform heels, smoking and leaning against it. His eyebrows were angrily painted in a black line over his paint by numbers eyes and his exaggerated brown lip liner pouted out as he blew cigarette smoke our way.
"My, aren't you boys mighty fine? I could have me a go at both of you!"The horrid thing cooed at us. I was horror-struck and so repulsed by being addressed by it. I reacted instantly and without any forethought. I struck out and punched the fucking ass bandit whore so hard in the face that the thing bleated out a short cry and fell down unconscious.
"Fuck! Shit! You fucking stupid dumb-ass homos! Fucking cocksuckers! I hate all of you! Why don't you all just die of AIDS?" I shouted down at it and I began kicking at its side. Charles was terrified by what I had done but was equally terrified that we might make a scene and get the attention of the authorities. He stopped me from going on and then he bent down to check the fallen homo-faggot to make sure that he, it, whatever it is will be ok. In his fear, he frantically hailed for a taxi cab and when he got one, he grabbed my arm and shoved me in. He told the driver my address and he was about to leave me but I reached out and clamped my hand on his wrist.
"Get in here, Xavier! We need to talk!"
"Sir, you're drunk, you are in no position to talk-"
"I'm not drunk! I can say what I fucking want and if I want to talk, we'll talk!" I hollered out at him. He was so anxious for me to get going that he finally relented and got in the cab with me. I was telling him the truth, I wasn't drunk anymore. Only dizzy from when I was beat up. I had a clear grasp of what was happening. I put an arm about his shoulder so he would sit close to me and he reacted by sitting stiff as a board.
"You know, Xavier. We never got down to discussing that crucial part of our office relationship. I wanna ask and you better answer me honestly. Are you really gay?"I drawled out slowly. Charles eyed me mistrustfully before answering no.
"Good!'Cause if you act like that fucking homo clown back there, I'll beat the shit out of you, you got that? All that disgusting behavior...all of them should be shot dead! Wiped off the face of the earth!"I rasped out vehemently. Charles was silent for a while and then he spoke quietly.
"Why do you hate them, Sir?"
"Why? You ask me why? They're like fucking amoebas! Like viruses, spreading an infectious disease over the natural order of things! They're all over the fucking planet! Can't you see how abominable they are? Their lewd, unnatural behavior-"
"I don't see them the way you see them, Sir. I admire them! In fact I think they are rather intriguing. They are honest about who they are and they aren't afraid to show it to the world. They have a right to behave in whatever way they want and they have a right to be themselves because that is who they want to be. This is a free country after all-"
"Don't involve politics in their defense! They are a disease, Xavier! They spread their filth, their ideals and their eyesore. But you know what? The thing I hate the most are those closet homosexuals that try to infiltrate the decency of a professional institution. You never can tell if they are really straight or not-"
Charles seemed to shake at my words and he responded shrilly all of the sudden."Why should someone's sexuality affect their work ethics? That does not stop them from being successful individuals, Sir! Do you want me to tell you what I think of you, since you are in a tell-all mood? I think you are a close-minded, homophobic bigot who also happens to be a chauvinistic pig, thinking you are God's gift to women! I don't know if that is because of a feeling of overcompensation to prove your manliness or if you were raised to think you really are the epitome of male perfection! You think you are better than other people but you are not! The world does not revolve around you, Mr Lehnsherr! And if you keep up with this type of behavior, people will just hate you behind your back and they will keep thinking you are the world's biggest asshole!"
We both grew silent because of his outburst and we did not say anything else to each other as we neared my apartment. The cabbie quietly drove on, wisely keeping out of it. Charles did not move away from me nor did I move away from him. In fact, I still had my arm around him as I mulled over his audacious judgment of me. Everything he said about me was true and to have someone really say it to my face like that, it kind of felt like a dousing of cold water over me. Sure, I had people trying to tell me off and calling me harsh names in return, but never with such a vehement feeling as this. Somehow he still looked concerned for me and he was even giving me advice to change my ways. I was amazed by his reaction and the strength of his character. Charles paid for the cab fare and he got out first and then he deposited me on my front step. He was saying his good bye so he could make his way back home but I reached for the hem of his coat to stop him from leaving me.
"Wait-"
He stared down at me, brow furrowed questioningly. I gestured towards my door."We aren't done talking yet. Let's get inside-"
He looked uncertain. He didn't want to enter my house at all but after much cajoling and forcing, he finally agreed to come into my apartment. I like my place. It's the typical bachelor's pad. I rarely ever take a woman here, for obvious reasons. My friends like coming over to watch basketball games and drink brewskies with me here on occasion because my Plasma TV is the best out on the market and comes with a great surround system. Charles was familiar with my place and without being told, he went to the kitchen, got me a bottle of Hildon water, imported from the UK. I took it and gulped it down in large swallows and then I sat in the sofa and gestured he sit next to me. Again, there was this hesitation from him but he sat next to me and we were both silent once more. Charles broke it this time.
"Sir, why do you hate so much? Why are you like this?"He said softly and when he turned those blue eyes at me, I felt my heart skipping in my chest again. There was no hatred in his eyes. There was only concern. The tender way he looked at me at that moment, it just went deep into my being. With super-human effort, I ignored it. I shrugged and leaned back on the cream colored sofa, sighing.
"Someone I knew from a long time ago betrayed my trust and ever since then, I lost any faith in people. People, they are all dirt to me. They show you this false side of themselves but they are all ugly inside. So why should I be any different? Why should I not shove the dirt right back in their throats?"Charles's eyes widened for a moment at my response but then he recovered.
"Oh. Then are you saying Sir that it is ok for you to wallow along with them and become like them? Do you have to live by the adage that if you cannot beat them, you join them? Why not rise above it? Why not be different?"
"Why do you ask so many damned questions?"I said, sounding annoyed again. He gave a short laugh at that.
"You asked me to come in here to talk with you. How can a conversation start if a question is not asked and there is no interesting exchange of banter?"
"So you find conversations with me interesting then?"I challenged him.
"No, Sir. You are too one-dimensional, if you want my honest opinion. You only stick to this hard-bitten belief of hating anyone different from you and from the way you treat women, I would have to say you probably hate women too-"
"That's not true! I love women! I give them all the loving they need in bed!"I said playfully but Charles did not find humor in my jesting. He grew solemn.
"Mind if I note how honest to a fault you are? I have never had anyone thoroughly run me down with a list of all my endearing flaws-"
He blushed at that."I know about your reputation at work from the beginning, Sir-"Charles said in a low voice, his eyes downcast.
"Well I don't deny any of them because they're all true-"I said gravely. I was drowning in those blue eyes again when he lifted them to regard me. Then my eyes fell to his lips. So rosy red. I bet he just put on some rose-tinted lipstick over them or something. His lips were distracting me so much that I was the one that looked away first. I felt the back of my neck growing warm all of the sudden. We had already taken off our coats and the heater wasn't even on.
"Do you hate me, Charles?"I asked quietly, keeping my own eyes averted this time. Charles did not answer at first and when he did, I admired his candor but I grew uncomfortable with it as he continued.
"I hated you at first. I thought you were the worst person I have ever met in my life and there have been so many times I wanted to quit but I did not want to give you the satisfaction that you got to me, because I kept thinking things will get better somehow and when you promoted me and even praised me...I thought to myself there must be something more to you. There must be an actual human being underneath all that narcissistic, inflated ego of yours. I think...I think you can be a better person, if you wanted to-"
I don't know why I suddenly felt so disturbed by his words. It's like he was telling me I might as well have been singing Kumbaya with him and praising Jesus for doing one good deed. I'm disgusted by that touchy-feely stuff, It made my skin crawl and I grew even more distressed when Charles asked me:
"Why did you do it, Sir? For a moment there, I thought you were going to fire me or force me to resign-"
My eyes widened at that. What the actual fuck! What do I say to him? How do I respond? Should I tell him I had an insane epiphany about him but that I couldn't take it back? My thoughts felt like mush because I don't know what response I could give that would not sound ridiculous. I don't even know what lie I'm going to foist on him so instead of answering I got up and mumbled that I need to take a quick bath upstairs and that he should wait for me and my response. But what happened was I ended up staying longer in the shower, hoping he would leave on his own. I even brushed my teeth. I dawdled way too long before my bathroom mirror that I was startled when Charles actually called out to me from my bedroom. He was still here! I hesitated for a moment before the closed bathroom door and then I drew in a bracing breath and pulled the door open.
"Sir? I've been calling for you but you weren't answering. Do you still need me to stay and talk? I'm sorry but it's getting kind of late, so-"
I don't know what hit me then. What crazy thing possessed me to do what I had done. Seeing him standing there in my dimly-lit bedroom, wearing a pale blue button-down shirt, loosely unbuttoned from the throat and exposing his pale and smooth neck, I just lost it. That look on his face, his tender eyes seeming to question and beguile; everything about him. I felt this strange urge to kiss him. I grabbed his shoulders and guided him towards my bed. He was too startled to react at first and then I had him sitting on the edge of the bed. I only had a towel wrapped around my waist. His eyes were wide and surprised as I lifted a hand up and touched his lower lip with one finger, tracing over it softly.
"You looked like you were wearing lipstick all the time. I guess I was wrong-"I whispered and then I bent down and kissed his lips. I kissed him with an aching gentleness that was so uncharacteristic of me. It was always the mindless, torrid kissing when I kiss someone, it was always perfunctory but this...what I did to Charles, it was just not me. I did this for some time; just gentle and slow, my tongue diving into Charles's trembling mouth, softly. My eyes were initially closed but when I opened them too look at him, I saw that his eyes were the size of saucers, trembling in their sockets as he stared at me while I kissed him. But he did not move away, nor did he bite me or lash out. He let me continue. His lips were so tender and like a woman's, yielding. I nibbled gently at his lower lip that it caused him to start up and shiver as if he had a fever. I could feel his face growing hot against mine and it was spreading down to his neck and his body. I think I was burning up in much the same way. I could practically hear his heart beating fast inside of his chest. Charles had kept his hands awkwardly to his sides while I kissed him and not knowing what to do with them, he crossed his arms in front of himself, letting me continue. He tried to twist his head away at some point but I used one of my hands and grasped him by the chin as I kept on kissing him. Charles moaned into my mouth that it sent this thrill through me. I pulled back and we were gasping over each other's faces, breathless. He tasted like candy. He must have been eating something sweet while he watched a movie earlier. Charles's wide eyes had now slowly become heavy-lidded and there was a look of eagerness and barely suppressed lust on his face.
I bent down and I licked seductively at his lower lip, causing him to shiver again and then I took his wrists and guided him to put his arms about my neck. I continued with the teasing kisses, licking at his lips, nibbling and sucking at them that it caused him to start up each time as if electrically shocked. He nuzzled closer, wanting to be kissed, his mouth parting open in his urgency for more. His arms were still wrapped about my neck and now he was gently and tentatively running his hand through my hair and the back of my neck. I felt my skin race with goosebumps and heat when he touched me. He moaned again and now he was the one that kissed me back, eager for my mouth. He did it so gently and in a shy manner that I thought he was adorable, the way he tried to be demure about it. The act shocked him into realization. He was kissing his superior in bed! I could see that written across his face as he shrank back in horror.
"S-sir? I thought...I thought you hated-"
I didn't answer him. I pulled him close and kissed him hungrily, my tongue diving into his sweet, red mouth. He melted against me when I kissed him deeply. He just simply grew resigned to it. I wrapped my arms around him and we just kept on kissing until we were breathless and gasping again that we had to stop. Both of us are burning up. I knew I couldn't let him leave without something happening between us. Whatever just happened, it had to continue. I reached forward and started to unbutton his shirt and then Charles reached up to stop my hand. Our eyes met and I could see how anxious he was yet still aching for more.
"Sir, what are we doing?"He moaned out.
"Erik-"
"Sir?"
"Call me Erik. Say my name. I want to hear you say it-"
"E-Erik. Why are we doing this?"
I didn't answer him. I undid my hands from his hands and I continued to undress him. He didn't exactly tell me to stop, did he? I managed to remove his shirt, his shoes and socks but seeing how frightened he was, I didn't make a move to remove his pants yet. I had to get him so aroused first that his fears and his anxiety would disappear that he would be willing to have sex. I think the reason why he did not make any objections was that he was afraid I would hurt him, after seeing what I had done to that queer by the street lamp earlier. The knuckle of my right hand was still throbbing and slightly bruised from when I had punched that sissified freak. And I had my own fears to contend with. What I'm doing here right now...I can't seem to stop it. The reckless thought of having sex with him, I should have been repulsed by it. Maybe it was because, I felt differently about Charles. He was not like any of them. I gently brushed the back of my fingers to his blushing cheek. I could see his eyes trembling with unshed tears. I guided him to lie back on the bed and I swooped down and kissed him again before he could say anything. I did it in a wrenchingly tender manner that was unlike me. He was burning up once more, his eyes closed this time as he savored my gentle kisses. His left hand was raised up close to his face, the other was in a loose fist on the bed. I touched him and kissed him like this, my hand trailing down to his belly, my fingers nearly brushing the fly of his zipper. He was quietly weeping as we kissed, his brow still furrowed anxiously. I pulled back so he could recover his breath and then he opened his eyes, imploring me.
"Erik, I've never had sex before. Please-"He uttered in a soft plea. He looked like he was unsure. He didn't know what to do but I could see his arousal; his need. He was a virgin! Haven't made it with one of those in a while. Some say the first time is always the best but what the hell do people know? All that bleeding and crying and pain you are causing another...it wasn't really enjoyable. It was messy and awkward, putting a damper on the fucking. I recall that during those times, I had sex with virgins as a means to build up my own male ego; 'popping a cherry' as they call it and adding the girl to my list of conquests. With Charles, it was just uncharted territory for me so I really don't know what will happen.
I traced my fingers softly over his face and pecked a kiss at his lips. He was just beautiful."I won't hit you, Charles. If that is what you are frightened about. I just want to touch you and make love to you. Do you want me to stop?"
His lower lip was trembling and he looked hesitant; he did not know what response he would say to what I had said. He was afraid, but he was also too aroused to stop now. He was possessed by this same need that gripped me, that it threw all caution to the wind; that it was a reckless and intense feeling that we both wanted to explore. Just so I could egg him on, I reached up and touched one of his hardening nipples, tracing around the pinkish Aureola. He was galvanized by the touch, his face going an even deeper red and he let out a small moan. He looked ashamed of his own lust but he did not fight it anyway.
"So sensitive-"I teased him. I then slowly bent down and kissed his nipple and then I licked it, gently sucking and nibbling at it and then I went for his other nipple. He writhed beneath me, moaning in pleasure. He hesitantly reached for the side of my face, with his burning palm pressed to my equally burning skin. His other hand reached up to try and stop his own mouth from uttering anymore lusty cries. But he just couldn't keep it dammed up. His breathing was hitching as he let out another moan. I cautiously reached down and touched him through his pants. I felt how hard he was and he thrashed beneath me even more violently as my hand fondled him. He let out a shuddery cry and nearly pulled away. His eyes were wide and agitated again so I spoke to him gently.
"I'll make you feel good, Charles. I'm just trying to stop myself but I want to lose control and make love to you so badly, it hurts-"
"I'm a man, Erik. I think you are just drunk-"Charles said by way of an excuse for why I'm behaving like this.
"I'm not drunk. I know what I'm doing and I know what I want right now-"
I reached up and touched his cheek tenderly, running my fingers over his pale skin, my palm tracing down to his neck. His skin was still so hot. I bent down and licked his lower lip again and we started kissing. If he really didn't want it he could have stopped me, but he didn't. He was tentatively putting his arms around me once more. I kissed him with more of my passion, my ardor, so he would really feel how much I desired him. I was kneeling over him as he lay beneath me and the towel about my waist had come undone. His eyes slowly opened and then he saw my erect cock, bobbing up between my legs. I saw where his gaze went that I broke the kiss and pulled the towel away, throwing it to the floor and then I unbuttoned his fly and pulled the zipper down. I slowly took his pants off of him, along with his underwear. He still did not make a move to stop me or pull away. He was afraid but he let me continue. I pushed him back onto the bed and now I did not hold back. I kissed him hungrily and I ran my hands over his body. I touched his chest, his belly and his hips. My hand went down even further and I touched his behind. His face was so red with shame and arousal but he let me go on. I liked seeing that expression on his face. He looked even more sexually desirable to me. God, I want to fuck him so bad! I never had a feeling as crazed and uncontrollable as this!
The lust in him...he never made any effort to hide it. His heavy-lidded eyes convey it; his trembling, burning mouth moans it out and his feverish body writhes around restlessly for more of it. Even down below, his cock was straining with arousal, the pre-cum shining on it's head. Out of curiosity, I reached down and touched his sex, caressing the shaft gently.
"Erik! Oh God!"Charles wailed out and then his body was arching up as I gave him a hand job. Touching another man like this, doing this to him like his body was so familiar to me...I've completely gone mad and surrendered to my lunacy! I don't recall suffering any recent head injury but the actions I am doing right now are indicative of one that had gone completely insane due to a blow to the head. I loathed homosexuals and effeminate men but why am I in bed with another man? What does that make me now? I pushed those thoughts away from me, because my own sexual craving for him was all that mattered. I suppose having sex with him is no different than how it is with women. I'd fucked women in the ass before so I know we needed some form of lubrication so that it wouldn't hurt him too badly. I didn't have any condoms stashed around at the moment so I decided to go bareback with him. It didn't matter. I rummaged around in one of my drawers and I found some KY. With trembling hands, I slathered some of it on my cock and his behind. He trembled violently when my fingers went to the cleft between his ass, massaging his hole. His blush deepened again and he let out a weak moan, shutting his eyes tightly for a moment. He was still lying down on his back, facing me. I positioned myself on top of him and parted his legs gently.
"Ready?"I asked him in a soft voice. He responded with another of his trembling moans, opening his eyes and I saw the blazing heat in them, the hunger. He wanted me. He wanted me to go on. His arms were thrown up in abandon onto the pillows and then I entered him slowly. So tight and so hot. He made these grunting noises along with me, his had a higher octave than mine. He sounded hurt. Both of us are basted in sweat, our skins sliding hotly against each.
"Charles?"I whispered against his cheek, wincing as I tried my best to hold back and not shoot my load before I'm done with him. He whimpered and the tears squeezed out of his eyes as he nodded minutely.
"Please Erik, please-"Charles moaned, his arms and his legs wrapping around me, indicating he wanted us to continue. My hips thrusted slowly, deeply into him; my own cock straining and hurting with building sensations. I wanted to quicken but I didn't want to cause Charles so much pain. I moaned tightly at his neck, kissing at the hollow of his throat and licking at the sweat, while his own moans filled my ears. I liked hearing him moan like this, breathless and desperate sounding. Oh that heat in him! That blissful tightness! It was killing me with pleasure. I quickened, breathing deeply of him, my arms propped at his sides as he clung to me. His eyes were closed but he opened them in a half-lidded gaze of lust, staring up at me. I couldn't stand it anymore. I went even faster, my hips pounding up against him that his cries grew louder, quickening in time to my pumping motions as I fucked him hard. He was driving me crazy with so much lust. I was desperate to end these peaking sensations, to find release in him. We went faster, our cries mingling in the air, frantic to reach that inevitable climax and then I did come inside of him. He started in shock when he felt the gush of my come in his backside. And then I collapsed on top of him, gasping. The room resounded with our gasping and our ragged breathing. When the heat had passed from me, I slid to his side and then I drew him close to give him sloppy kisses. I think I fell asleep for some time and when I woke up, it was still dark outside and he was still next to me, sleeping. I pulled him close again and kissed him possessively. He woke up in an instant, returning the kisses and then I was forcing him to lie on his stomach next so I could take him from behind. I still want more.
The blush rose to his cheeks again, his eyes heavy with desire for me. He wanted another go, too. I guided him to lift his ass up a bit, parted his legs then I used some of that KY and fucked him senseless once more. His cries rended the air with that wanton, ragged lust in his voice. I can't stop wanting him and taking him. I wanted to fill him up with all my heat and my own lust. I wanted to drive him insane with the same pleasure I was feeling. The sex. I can't begin to describe how fucking incredible it was. It was like I was melting, merging with him and it was like we were one fluid being. It felt as if I was so sexually starved for him. I wanted him that badly. I felt the hairs on my body stand on end just to hear him moaning for more of me. I don't remember how many times we kissed and touched and fucked each other. I've never had something as desperate and raw as this strange desire for him. He was so willing to do anything, giving his body freely for my pleasure. When we were done, it was almost dawn. I wrapped my arms around him and we slept until noon. It was the weekend anyway and we had no work. He was the one that woke up first. He was already dressed, about ready to leave but I called out to him.
"Where are you going?"I demanded.
His shoulders hitched up stiffly. He turned to face me, his face filled with fear."Sir?"
"Come back here!"
He hesitantly made his way back and began stammering a response about what happened between us.
"Sir, about last night. I don't know what happened. Please don't beat me up because I-"
I snatched one of his wrists and drew him close to myself and kissed him again. That shut him up. I licked slowly at his lower lip, savoring the plushness of it. He moaned and sighed into the kiss and then when we parted I drew him close into my arms. He was breathless and blushing furiously, his body heat rising up.
"How many times do you need me to tell you? Call me Erik-"
I gently caressed the hair away from his forehead and he was surprised by my gentleness, eyes wide and still somehow wary of me.
"Charles, I won't hurt you. Don't be so afraid of me-"I soothed him, tracing my fingers softly over his face.
"But Erik, last night was a mistake. I-"
"Stop thinking about that for now! I don't want to think. I just want to feel! So take your clothes off and come back to bed!"I growled at him affectionately. Charles's eyes grew round at my words; he was too stunned that he just sat there, mouth hanging open and he did not comply. I let out an exasperated breath and started to unbutton his shirt for him and take the rest of his clothes off of him.
"Jesus! You can be slow sometimes, you know?"I complained and then I guided him back to bed and hugged him to myself. He had taken a bath and he had used my soap. I could also smell my shampoo in his hair. I pressed my nose to his hair and breathed in. I liked the smell of it. It was this citrus-sandalwood scent that smelled manly yet there was a sweetly juicy note to it. I kissed his temple and sighed contentedly. He lay there quiet and meek as he regarded me. We didn't say anything to each other for some time. I pulled back from him slightly so I can prop myself up on one elbow and drink in the sight of him.
"I wasn't drunk, Charles. I kept telling you but you just won't listen. I know what happened last night-"
"I'm sorry-"Charles said in a subdued voice.
"What are you sorry for? It's me who should be sorry! You think this is easy for me? I was the one that kissed you and forced myself on you! What does that make me now?"My voice rose in anger. I wasn't angry with him. I was angry with myself. Charles looked uncomfortable, at a loss for words. I shook my head slowly.
"Damn!"I muttered and eyed him. He did his best to keep his own eyes down, frightened by my anger. We didn't say anything for some time. Finally, I let out a tired sigh.
"Look at me, Charles-"
He lifted his eyes to look up at me tenderly and goddamn it! I want to make love to him again, just seeing his face like that! I ran my fingers gently over his brow, caressing downwards so that my fingers traced over his cheekbone.
"Don't involve the outside world, Charles. Let's just...let's just pretend that inside here, its different between you and me-"I told him gently. He looked like he was on the verge of tears again but he nodded, accepting what I had said. I reached gently for one of his hands so he can touch my skin.
"Touch me. It's ok. You can do what you want with me. You can let go and lose control-"
Charles let out a soft moan and hugged me to himself, kissing my cheek. He was so feverish again. He breathed hotly against my throat that it sent those flashes of heat and goosebumps down my skin, like fire and ice. Is it really like this when you do it with another man? Maybe because it was so different, it made it all the more dangerously erotic and sensual. The sex with him, it was just so intense and earth-shattering, it just about destroyed every inch of my sanity. He was the one that had me lying on my back, impaling himself on my cock. He rode me and he was so open and honest that it showed even in the way he made love to me. He was really into what he was doing with me, undulating so wantonly, leaning back so I can have this indecent view of his body, showing me his behind sliding up and down on my sex. The cries coming from his throat, like it was hurting him because it felt so good to have sex with me, it just aroused me and broke down all my defenses. How many times did we have sex that day? I couldn't even keep count anymore. But all I remember was how good it was to fuck him. I remember the natural smell of his skin, how hot he was and how gentle he was with me. I couldn't stop kissing his lips; I couldn't stop touching him. Like every moment was like our last time in bed together. We only stopped to eat what I had ready in the kitchen. There had been no time to even heat the cans of soup we had or toast the bread. We just ate to get that bodily need over and then we go and fuck each other frantically all over again. His hips must be killing him! The skin on my cock was looking a bit red and run through. The solution was to sleep for a bit, kiss for hours and then fuck again after. I couldn't stop myself because I wanted him so much. We had exhausted sex, that slow and almost thoughtless meeting of our hips together; our sex losing volition, just aching to be united and then there was that wild and frenetic one where we just about ram against each other violently, grabbing roughly at each other. We spent two days together and I can't even believe I could have sex that long...and with a man no less!
I almost did not want it to end, but I had to let him go. We had work the next day. When he left, I thought about what had happened between us. Perhaps now that I had fucked him so thoroughly, he would finally stop haunting my thoughts. That I could now drop him and treat him indifferently. That has always been how it was between me and my sexual encounters with women. I had supposed it would be the same with him. But when we met in the office come Monday and I saw his face, I felt my heart skipping madly inside of my chest. My pulse was racing at those remembered moments of lust and hot sex and I think he thought the same because a look of pleasure crossed his expression at the sight of me. He bit his lower lip and then he offered me a small, seductive smile. He had my coffee ready and the reports and the papers all organized as always.
"Good morning, Sir!"Charles greeted me affectionately. I looked up to see if anyone was passing close to my office because the blinds were drawn away and our doors were open. Seeing a few people about, I greeted him coldly with an annoyed stare and my silence. Charles noticed how frosty I was that his expression grew sad, averting his eyes from me. He knew my reputation so he had an idea why I was behaving this way towards him. I treated him the usual way. I was dismissive towards him and abrupt. I showed everyone outside that I glared at him behind his back.
"Xavier! Where is that report from Sales? I asked for it ten minutes ago!"I shouted out at him from my doorway and Charles looked up at me with those wounded eyes from his desk and I thought my heart would break at the sight of him. Why? Why do I feel so terrible that I am doing this to you? This is who I am! I'm the Boss from hell! The homophobe! I treat women like dirt to assert my masculinity in front of people and I think everyone else is beneath me! I'm the egotistic bastard who thinks highly of himself! But why do you make me feel this way? What is it about you that you make me feel like I'm the worst scum on earth because of the way I am treating you now?
Charles swallowed and looked back at his screen as he kept typing in front of his computer, his fingers flying on the keyboard."I'm finishing it right now , Sir! I'm sorry for the delay-"
"Get your head out of the clouds, Xavier and do your job! What have I promoted you for if you give me such a poor performance?"I said in a loud and gruff voice for all to hear. Charles winced at those words yet he did not say anything anymore but got right down to his work. He went about the office that entire day looking pale and lifeless; he could not hide the sadness he felt. He wasn't crying or anything but it made me feel guilty seeing him react this way towards me. What was I to do? I have my reputation to keep! And if people saw me treating him differently, what would they think? I didn't try to explain myself to him. When the day ended, Charles was practically rushing to leave the office. I watched his departure from the glass wall of my own office and he did not see the pained expression on my face. I was surprised by the wetness on my cheek and when I touched it, I realized that these were my tears. I was crying and I did not even know it.