Title: When You Need Me
Summary: 'Mac, the best way for us to help each other is to be there when we are needed, no matter what.' Mac seeks out Stella after the press conference and she offers him some much needed loved and support. SMACKED fluff. Some 6.4 spoilers
Disclaimer: I don't own Mac Taylor but I wish I did! This is a piece of fan fiction. It is written for pleasure and not for profit. The characters of CSI New York and any other regular cast and supporting cast members all belong to CBS, Paramount & Jerry Bruckheimer and Anthony Zuiker. All other characters are my own. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.
A/N: Okay so yes I did say I was going to hold off on the one shots for a bit, but due to lack of SMACKED in this so far dull season 6, I had to post this for you all to enjoy. Plus you know the muse, eek! She needed another filler scene...don't we all (grin?) But she knows how much I love writing SMACKED for you all so please enjoy!
No words are said or needed as they stand side by side in Mac's office, watching their commander and chief talk about the case that had nearly thrown them all for a major loop. In the end it was something simple, almost laughable; the reasons behind the so called phantom killer as the case file had been originally termed.
But as Sinclair spoke Stella looked over at her partner, who kept his eyes on the screen, save for the brief glance they exchanged when their names were offered in a shout out of thanks for the rest of the city to hear. But as she studied his side profile, his eyes only shifted to the TV when he thought she was looking; his mind and obviously his heart were elsewhere.
"Mac?"
"It's over Stella, that's all that really matters."
"You okay?" She asked with a slight frown, her eyes begging his for a further explanation.
"Tired," he confessed in half truth as he turned to her with a look that said, I need help but dont know where to start. "See you tomorrow?"
"I was going to head down to Sullivan's to get a drink, wanna join me and unwind a little?"
"I think I'll just go home, see you tomorrow," he replied in a quiet tone, his brow furrowed and his eyes nervously dancing about once again, an outward display of what he was feeling inside.
Stella's arm gently touched his as he turned to leave, forcing him to turn back with a look of misery and expectations. "Mac, something else is bothering you."
Mac opened his mouth, wanting so much to express what he was feeling but not finding the words, so quickly offered a tight lipped expression and slowly shook his head.
"Just tired," he lied but she knew by the tone in his voice it was the time to drop it.
"You know where I'll be if you change your mind," Stella offered as she gave him a small kiss on the cheek.
"Sullivans's right?"
"At your side Mac, when you need me I'll be at your side."
"I know."
"I just hope one day, you'll let me all the way inside."
Mac watched her go and offered himself an inward curse and an outward wince at the truth of her words. After all this time, why did he still fear to open up on a regular basis?
'Yeah I'm fine,' Flack had stated. In all his years of profiling, Mac knew when someone was lying to him. Flack's hurried hand movements, his defensive facial expression and his unconvincing words told the seasoned CSI that an issue was burning deep inside; an issue that needed to come out in a peaceful setting before his friend self destructed.
'Second guessed?' Flack had queried with a scoff and Mac could tell by this rigid stance that the man before him was a little more than pissed at being questioned about his actions and lack of judgement.
'I can take care of myself...' was the silent cry for help that Mac recognized from the man before him; his friend. I want to help you, Mac had tried to get himself to offer. I have been there, I have lost a loved one in death. I know what you are feeling! But never being the one to really go out on an emotional limb he could do little else but spew protocol, praying it sounded like a sincere offer of help to a friend in need. But as suspected, Flack brushed it off; making it seem like nothing in the world was wrong, a trademark move that Mac himself had offered the world around him for years.
'Nothin' else to say...' were the words that Flack had burned into his memory before he took his leave, forcing Mac to hover before an empty desk and wrestling with an even emptier feeling inside.
Forcing himself back to reality, Mac looks around his empty office and finally feels the silence starting to suffocate him. Talk to Stella, his brain finally offered a command that he found himself wanting to obey. He turned and headed out of his office, briskly walking towards her and frowning when he was forced to gaze into the empty space. However, determined to at least get a brief mental reprieve tonight, he headed for the elevator, nervously shifting from foot to foot as it carried him to the main level and then deposited him into the arms of a waiting cab.
The ride to Sullivan's was one of quiet reflection. He remembered watching Flack in the interrogation room with Carter's wife, asking her if she had the chance would she do it again. Why did he ask that? What is he really hiding? Don, what are you not telling us?
"Just a single please," Stella requested the bar tender at Sullivan's as she sat alone; wishing her partner was at her side. After Grave Digger, Mac had once again turned inside himself, before finally confessing the words the dying man offered hit home about his father and own mortality. She had stayed up with him for hours that night; not really expecting to make as much emotional headway as she did, but was happy when that night concluded with him offering her a goodnight kiss and a genuine smile of content. Today, however, he was back to being his troubled, closed off self.
"Damn you Mac," she whispered, not realizing she had an audience, the very man she was cursing was now at her side.
"Guess I deserved part of that," Mac's warm voice instantly broker her from her morbid stupor, forcing her shocked expression to lock with his surprised one.
"Mac I um...how long have you been standing there?" She asked, quickly recovering and offering him a wry smile.
"Just got here," Mac replied as he slowly eased himself into the chair beside her. "Sorry."
"Just cursing your stubornness Mac, not you."
"I know and I deserved it," he finished with a slight smirk. "Beer please," he motioned to the bar tender and then looked at his partner with a weak expression.
"What is troubling you Mac?"
Flack," was the one word that finally allowed her to pry away at least one outer layer.
"Something other than the fact that Lindsay saved his ass?"
"I'm worried Stella."
"I know you are, so am I," she gently touched his arm and offered a loving squeeze.
"You know when Claire died, I had told myself and everyone around me that I was fine, I didn't need help and probably did a few stupid things that might have gotten myself killed."
"Just a few," Stella replied softly, making Mac look at her with a sideways smirk.
"I guess what frustrates me most is I know what he's going through and I want to help but much like myself doesn't give a damn about anyone else helping him. He won't open up and I can't force him. I didn't and I can't expect from someone else what I myself refused to do."
"You let me help you," Stella reminds him, watching him look down the neck of his beer bottle.
"I did. How do I help someone that doesn't want help?"
"To show you have his back no matter what and just be there for him. Just like me, you'll be at his side when he needs you most. Make sure he knows that he can come to you at a time that works best for him, not you."
"Not me..." Mac's voice trials off as he takes another swig of his beer and then looks at her with a weak expression. He pulled out his phone and stared at it in misery.
"At least leave a message," Stella suggested. "Let him know you are at least thinking about him."
"I..." Mac started and then stopped. "I will," he finally resigned, knowing she was right. He slowly dialed Flack's number and as he suspected, got voice mail.
'Don, it's me. I know you are hurting right now and I just want you to know, I know the pain of losing someone you love very much and wanting to close yourself away. But I'm here if you need to talk. Anytime you need to, you know I dont sleep either. Call me. Mac.'
"Was that okay?"
"It was perfect," she answered warmly, knowing inside he wasn't seeking approval for his words but mostly for the tone of the lifeline he offered.
Mac put his phone away and looked at Stella with a weak expression before turning back to the half drunk bottle in his hands; allowing a heavy exhale to escape his lips, his body finally starting to sag from the emotional weight he was finally able to dispel. And although he was sure he was in for another sleepless night, the fact that he had offered help and support to a friend I need, made his heart a little lighter.
Stella's hand rested on his back, gently rubbing and giving is shaken nerves a much needed boost of caring concern. To feel her fingers move upward, softly teasing the nape of his neck, forced a sideways smile to his tire lips; a fitting reward for her wanted actions.
"Feels good," Mac mumbled as he took another swig.
"I'm glad you're here Mac."
"Me too."
They sat in silence a bit longer before Stella gently touched his hand, forcing his warm blue eyes to lock with her warm green ones.
"Missed this."
"What?"
"Us."
"Us?"
"Yes us, after a case, unwinding together; talking, being together as friends."
"Friends..." Mac's voice trailed off once more, forcing her to look at him with an arched brow. "Just friends?"
"Mac?"
"You know when Jessica died, Flack had whispered that he was going to marry her; just thought he'd have time. I hate that expression. Time is never on our side Stella."
"Makes you want to appreciate all you have been given and blessed with," she whispered as she leaned in a bit closer. "I'm not going anywhere Mac, I never have been."
"I know and..." he paused as he looked back down at his fingers that were now nervously fidgeting with the sweaty bottle in his hands. "And maybe it's time I did something about that."
Stella looked at him in surprise as he looked back up at her and offered her the first genuine smile she's seen from him in days.
"You know I care for you Mac, you know that right?"
"I know," he stammered, his heart starting to race at the words dancing about in his head, battling his heart to make his mouth offer what he's feeling inside.
"I don't want to hurt you Mac."
"I think I do that enough to myself," Mac admitted in an almost inaudible whisper.
"You don't have to be afraid Mac; not if it's something we both want."
"Do we both want this?" Mac queried, forcing her to lean in a little closer, a warm smile on her lips as she neared his ear.
"We do," she whispered as her lips brushed his sensitive lobe, forcing small shivers to be felt down to his feet. "You do such a good job taking care of everyone else, including me, but now it's time to let me take care of you."
Mac looked at her sideways, her soft cheek brushing his rough one, his eyes drowning in the sea of emerald before him and before Stella could offer another word, he leaned in and tasted her lips with some hesitancy before pulling back.
"Been waiting a long time for that Mac," Stella confessed as she leaned in close and offered herself another taste of Mac Taylor. "Don't make me wait too much longer for the next one."
"I won't, I promise." Mac's eyes finally offered a look of hunger and wanting and knew he had to take his leave before he offered something in public he was sure he wouldn't survive.
"Want to leave?" Mac suddenly asked, his heart finally starting to take control from his protocol dictating brain.
"Only if you're coming with me."
"That was my intention," he confessed in truth.
Stella found herself unable to move fast enough at his almost unimaginable invitation, but finally found herself walking behind Mac out of the bar, taking his hand and holding it firmly in his as they reached the entrance. Mac didn't look down at the their hands; their first real outward display of affection away from the office. He felt his core starting to warm further as they headed toward a waiting cab.
"Where to Sir?" The cabbie turned around to ask.
But before Mac could offer his address, Stella piped up and gave the cabbie hers, forcing her partner to look at her in shock.
"Stella?"
"Like you said Mac, time is not on our side."
"I don't want to hurt you either."
"Turning down my invitation tonight will hurt me more than you might know."
"I don't think I could say no even if I wanted to," Mac confessed in a quiet tone, looking down at the soft hand clasped in his and then back up to the smiling face of his beloved partner. "In my heart I want this, I think I always have; just never wanted to ruin our friendship."
"It can only grow stronger as we draw closer Mac," Stella assured him. "That I can promise you."
"I want that."
"So do I. And this is a good start."
Mac's lips curled into a warm smile, prompting Stella to rest her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes; allowing her tired brain to play with his warm scent, adding fuel to her already growing desire to the man in her grasp; a man she'd soon share more than a friendship with.
They reached her apartment and Mac hesitated at the door before allowing himself to enter at her second whispered invitation.
"Mac..." Stella started only to have him quickly wrap his arms around her, force her lips to his and crush them with all the passion he could muster, wanting to show her that she would never have to wait as long for the second as she did for the first display of emotion.
His arms wrapped around her back, fingers getting lost in soft golden curls; while Stella's fingers started to tease short dark strands, her other hand snaking under his jacket, playing with the loose folds of his dress shirt; both hearts starting to race with heated anticipation.
"I need you Stella...oh god I need you," he begged in her ear, his body starting to betray his desire for her. But before she could offer her own whispered need in return his phone buzzed to life and she was instead forced to listen to an angry curse as they both pulled back.
"Mac..." she warned with an angry moan as he reached for his phone, her brain telling her it was work and their moment was now over; maybe never to be restored?
"It's Don," Mac informed her as he looked at her with a weak expression.
"You have to take it Mac, he needs you now."
"But...Stella I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry, I'm not going anywhere, are you?"
Mac eye's searched hers, frantically seeking the lifeline he was begging to hold on to. When he finally found it his face relaxed. "Will you wait?"
"For as long as long as you need."
"I mean tonight."
"Thats what I meant," she smiled as she kissed his lips once more and then nodded to his phone. "No matter when Mac, I'm here when you need me."
"Don," Mac finally answered as he allowed Stella to ease off his suit jacket and then lead him over to the couch. He sat down beside her, one hand on the phone and the other held firmly in his. Her free hand gently massaged his neck, her touch soothing his nerves as he listened to his tormented friend's anguished words. He would squeeze her hand, begging for support to which she would squeeze back, giving him at that moment what he needed most, brusing away a stray tear and promising in her heart to offer him the love she knew he needed and deserved; telling herself he would return it full force.
And while he was able to offer his friend some help and comfort in his time of need; as the evening progressed his best friend would show him that she was at his side, offering him love and comfort in his time of need.
THE END!
A/N: Okay so what did you think? Hope this piece made you smile at least once! Please let me know.