"Well well. If it isn't the great and powerful Numbuh 362. We meet at last."
Rachel stared critically at the adult standing behind her. He was tall, thin, and was wearing a peculiar mix of clothes: Superman socks, a blue cap with an incomplete capital 'E' displayed on it, ridiculously large square glasses, and a pink shirt and pink short with black polka dots. He was carrying a lunchbox, which was also pink. Rarely had she felt so torn between suspicion and contempt.
"And you are?" she replied eventually.
"I'm Nigel's uncle, Benedict Uno. I read Nigel's diary, so I know all about you."
Rachel continued staring at him, unimpressed by his goofy smile. "You read Nigel's diary?"
"Of course I did. Wouldn't you?"
"Well yeah, but I'm his friend and his boss. You're not. You're just his uncle." she answered pointedly. Upon reflection she realized her tone was a bit aggressive, but that couldn't be helped. Rachel was in a very delicate situation right now, one that didn't allow her to put up with dorky adults.
"Hmmh. Well anyway. Nice to meet you." He extended his hand, and Rachel shook it with all the vigor of a Monday-morning kid.
The line moved forward a bit. Four hundred feet above them, the Blue Lightning coaster reached the top of the slope and plummeted down. The delighted shrieks of the passengers reached Rachel's ears, causing her to shiver with fear. The sooner this waiting ended, the better. It was really was the worst part of the roller coaster experience.
"So what's it like being commander of the Kids Next Door?" Benedict asked.
"I can't tell you that. It's classified information."
He nodded. "Of course." A pause, then: "So what do you think of Father? Is he a dangerous villain?"
"So you know about him." observed Rachel. She supposed there was no harm in divulging non-classified information on the supervillain. "Yeah, you could say he's dangerous. Actually, he's our most dangerous enemy. Most operatives are terrified of him, too."
"And what about you? Are you scared of him?"
"Well..."
He tensed his knuckles giddily, ready to ignite. Choose your words carefully, little girl.
"A little bit. But I try not to show it. I have to set an example."
The adult's eyes glinted with something. Maybe it was interest. "I knew it. So what exactly makes him so scary?"
""It's his powers, mostly. And his appearance: that dark skin and those yellows eyes. And his resources seem to be almost unlimited. But the worst part is, he's not even human. He's some sort of…demonic… pseudo-dad."
"And also", she added after a long pause, "he's crazy. He'll grind you up into coffee if he captures you. And, so far as we know, he can't be destroyed. Weakened, yes, but not destroyed."
"I knew it." remarked Benedict. "I knew those Kids Next Door were afraid of Father!"
Rachel frowned. The man's voice had just gone from smooth and suave to gravely, scratchy, and smug. For some reason that voice sounded familiar. But where had she heard it before? She couldn't put her finger on it. At school? None of her teachers fit the description. She obviously hadn't come across the voice in the course of her job-if Rachel were in the company of an adult villain, she would already have been attacked. Where, then? The answer lay tantalizingly out of reach.
Reluctantly, the Supreme Leader stashed the matter in the back of her mind. There was no point in letting it eat her up, especially since she was supposed to be having a good time. She could ask Harvey to help her when they reunited; he was really good at tackling this kind of problem.
"So, where are your parents and Numbuh 363?" asked Benedict.
Again she frowned, this time in confusion. She had a vision of her mom scolding her for talking to weird strangers. "How do you know my brother's code name? It's supposed to be top-secret."
"Top-secret? Rachel, it's not secret if you use it at school and in front of your parents." he retorted sarcastically. "Anyway, if you really want to know, I learned Harvey's 'code name' from Nigel."
"I see. And did Numbuh One divulge any other information?" said the blond girl dryly.
For some reason, this made Benedict curl his lips into a smirk. "Actually, he might have mentioned a few secrets. Like the fact that you went joyriding after becoming Supreme Leader again, and that you managed to fall out of your ship."
Rachel's heart tightened. She let out a growl. "That's not possible! I never told Nigel about the incident." Then, realizing her mistake, she sheepishly collected her wits. "And besides, I wasn't joyriding. I didn't steal that ship."
"Of course not." said Benedict, still smirking. "But the fall you took did make you afraid heights, didn't? That's why you made a bet with Numbuh 60 that you would ride a roller-coaster."
"Only temporarily. But where did you hear the truth?!" she asked, confused and vexed. "I didn't tell Nigel anything."
Benedict affected a tone that was clearly supposed to be reassuring. "Well see, Nigel told me that Numbuh 60 to make bets, so I just put two and two together. It's very simple."
"Thanks, I suppose." said the operative with a sigh. "Wait a second...that makes no sense. Tell me how you really found out!"
Benedict let out an exasperated grunt. "Fine. Numbuh 60 was at Nigel's house, and I overheard them talking about your secret. There. Are you happy now?"
"No, but thanks for being honest. Now can we please stop talking? I need to get into rollercoaster mode."
"You're right." nodded the adult blithely. "Let's take some time to reflect on how dangerous this pastime is. Do you know the Blue Lightning has gale-force winds at its highest point? In fact from what I've heard, the wind up there is so strong that the coaster leans to the left and right. I sure hope it doesn't fall over the edge."
"Do you mind?! Some of us are trying to stay calm!" snapped Rachel.
"Sorry." apologized Benedict. "I'm just saying, I hope you brought your parachute. I know I did." he added under his breath.
A few minutes later, Rachel made it past the gate. She came to a stop on the platform, just next to the coaster's waiting seats. Once she sat down, there would be no turning back. But now at the moment of truth, the old mental picture came back to her haunt her. She saw herself three hundred feet up in the air. The wooden mountain and train wobbled dangerously under the force of winds she'd never experienced before. "Don't worry Rachel! These rides are designed to resist a hurricane." her dad reassured her. But the words had hardly left his mouth than a colossal gust lifted the whole coaster off the tracks and catapulted it halfway across the park.
Naturally, as soon as they had run out of forward momentum the forces of gravity took hold and they dropped like stones. This didn't seem to be bothering her dad, who was now snapping pictures of her. "Don't worry! I'm sure incidents like this happen all the time!" he shouted with unwavering giddiness. "They're probably bringing trampolines to our landing point as I speak!"
And suddenly Rachel wasn't in the amusement park anymore, but in Manhattan. The concrete surface of the street below was rushing to meet her and her SCAMPER was hopelessly out of reach.
No, she couldn't do it. She would have to tell Numbuh 60 and the High Council that the roller coasters were out of service during her visit. But no. That would just be prolonging the inevitable. She couldn't walk away, and yet taking a seat was beyond her courage.
There she stood, on the platform, until the staff member snapped her out of her indecision. "Are you getting on, little girl?! The train's ready to leave!" Rachel could see a lot of people staring at her, both inside and outside the coaster. It was now or never. She jumped aboard.
With a jerking motion, the vehicle began moving. Soon they were clickety-clacking their way up the wooden slope. Rachel had no intention of looking at the ground, but neither did she want to cover her eyes and come across as a five-year old. So she settled for staring fixedly at her compartment's floor.
"Pick your head up, Numbuh 362. You're making me sick!" Oh no. Why was he following her around? Before Rachel could ask him that, he spoke again. "Tell me something. What happens when you're forced into a situation which precludes acrorophobia?"
It would be easy to blackmail her, Ben reckoned, but he wanted to give her a chance to redeem herself first. To do that, all she needed was the proper motivation. "How do you think Numbuh 274 will react?"
"Numbuh 274's a traitor. I don't care what he thinks!"
Ben allowed himself a discrete smile. There was no denying the anger with which she spoke. "Impeccable acting…" he said under his breath, a little too loudly.
"What was that?!"
"Uh, what if Numbuh 274 is only pretending to be a traitor?"
"Why would he do something like that?"
"Maybe he wanted to continue being friends with you. Although he may reconsider after learning about your secret. One of his best students, forced to step down because she went joyriding and fell out of her SCAMPER…I can't imagine how disappointed he'll be."
"No. I won't let that happen!" With a massive effort, Rachel pivoted her head and stared at the gradually deepening chasm. In the process, she noticed that a number of large birds were hovering around the roller coasters, no doubt lured by the peanuts and fried chicken pieces that some kids were throwing at them. "It's nice to see the birds." she uttered shakily, before retreating back into the comforting sanctuary that was the floor.
"Maybe a little snack will calm your nerves." Benedict reached into his lunchbox and pulled out a frozen ice-cream. "I've got just the stuff. Who wants some broccoli ice-cream?!"
Rachel thought she must be dreaming. But the ice-cream was lime-green, and full of chunks of dark green matter.
He extended a spoon to her. "Want a taste?"
In one swift motion, she snatched the utensil and threw it overboard. "If you try feed me another spoonful, the ice-cream is going overboard too." she warned.
"Suit yourself." Shrugging, he dug into his snack with all the relish of a fat kid eating cake. "It prevents cavities, you know." He noted between two licks.
"And it's also poison. Healthy teeth tend to work best when you're alive."
The adult shrugged once more. "Relax, Rachel. If this stuff were poison, would Evil Adult Industries be marketing it on a global scale even as we speak?"
Rachel felt her heart tighten painfully. "Say that again?"
But Benedict chuckled merrily and patted her on the shoulder. "I was only teasing you, you pansy. It's not broccoli ice-cream. It's pistachio. And the green stuff is gummy candy. "
"Rachel, are you there? It's Harvey!"
Rachel's hand instantly went to the walkie-talkie in her pocket. "I'm here. What is it?"
"We've got trouble! I'm at the big rectangular swimming pool in the Water Kingdom, and I just spotted the Delightful Children. They put some sort of powder in the pool. And now something's happening to the kids inside. Their eyes are turning blue, and a fog's rising from the pool!"
"It could be a crude form of delightfulization... Where are Mom and Dad?"
"Swimming in an adjacent pool. They think we're playing 'Escape the Zombie.'"
"Why am I not surprised?! Just try to avoid the zombies for now. I'll be there in ten minutes."
"No, I don't need any help! I can reverse the brainwashing by using a big photo flash, like Sector V did last year."
"Negative, Numbuh 363. The flash trick might not work this time, and in any case I don't want you getting kidnapped. I'm coming."
"Hey, I thought zombies were supposed to be slo-aah!"
"You don't really think he'll last ten minutes, do you?" Benedict remarked casually. "Numbuh 363 loves to play the hero on solo missions. He has an ego bigger than the Moonbase."
"I know." acknowledged Rachel tersely, giving her companion the barest of nods. "But what am I supposed to do right now? I need at least ten minutes to reach the Water Kingdom."
"By foot, yes. But if you go by air, you'll get there faster."
"And how am I supposed to do that, ?! I can't fly. Unless..." Rachel glanced at the birds and found her answer. In two quick motions she severed her metal restrainer using a L.A.S.E.R. (Light Armament Severs Extremely Rapidly). Then she stood up on the train's ledge, leapt into the abyss, and landed on the back of a passing cormorant.
"Try not to lose your grip. It's a long way down!" she heard Benedict call out.
"You there. I'll give you a bucket of fried chicken if you take me to the water kingdom right now!" she shouted to the cormorant through closed eyes. She gripped the bird's neck feathers tightly and hoped dearly that she hadn't made a serious mistake.
As Ben watched, the little brat's impromptu taxi altered its course and rapidly lost altitude. It was fortunate that Numbuh 362 hadn't noticed his vocal lapse earlier on. Yet at the same time, he felt strangely disappointed. This had been a fine opportunity for the Supreme Leader to show some real perceptiveness. But it hadn't happened, judging by her body language. She might be remarkably brave when the situation called for it- as she'd just proven- but could not possibly hope to compete with his superb intellect. It was this simple-mindedness, more than his superpowers, intelligence, and good looks, which explained why they would always be one step behind him. Then again, this shouldn't have been a surprise to him. For all their resources and physical abilities, Rachel and her teammates were only kids.
Having finished the ice-cream, he took out his pipe and blew a smoke 'KND.' Then, with a casual puff, he erased the acronym.
He was filled with pride at his Delightful Children's actions. Not only were they perfectly obedient, but they waged war on child-kind on their own initiative. And they usually did so with an inspiration and efficiency that astounded Ben.
A plume of blue smoke, at least three hundred feet high, was rising from the Water Kingdom. Maybe he jump off the coaster and join the party going on there. Or not. After all, he had come here to unwind.
His thoughts lingered on Numbuh 362 again. Masquerading under the Supreme Leader's nose had been a blast. It didn't even require a disguise, because Father was the disguise. So simple, so easy. No wonder the trick hadn't occurred to him until now. Yes, this could be the start of a wonderful pastime…There was only one question: who should his next victim be. Then again, who said he needed a new victim?