"GET ME SOME ESSENCE OF STRAWBERRY. I'M DIABETIC!" James screamed, and his would be- beautiful voice, reminiscent of a misty autumn's day, echoed across the Great Hall shrilly.
A skeletal house-elf with a crippled foot limped towards the willowy boy, the pain and extraneous effort causing crimson-tinged tears to leave a startling trail on it's dirty face. But he smiled and curtsied before handing James Potter his usual retro polkadot mug filled with a delectable dark pink liquid fanning steam across his golden face. James scowled as he sipped, snarling, "limp much, Monty?"
Minty decided not to correct him.
"Have you guys heard?" Sirius said, in a hushed voice with a glint in his dark eyes.
"I know." Said Remus, shaking his head sadly, only his eyes and driftwood-coloured hair visible over his Daily Prophet, propped up against a jug of diet pumpkin juice. "Institutionalised racism. Terrible."
Sirius rolled his eyes and leaned in, causing James and Peter to imitate him and Remus to lower his newspaper ever-so-slightly, curiosity getting the better of him.
"The whole Benjy Fenwick drug ring thing? McGonagall knows, he was called out of charms yesterday and Lily Evans said he's been expelled. That's why all the teachers look so... Teethy."
James looked as though he were going to ask more and Peter dazedly asked, "teethy?" But Remus turned to Sirius and asked, skeptically, "and you are so overjoyed about this, because?"
Sirius shook his hair out of his leather jacket and grinned. ""Snivellus!" He whispered triumphantly. "They're investigating right now, maybe even searching dorms, and who's Boring Benjy's number one customer?"
Pete and Sirius looked expectantly to the seat normally occupied by Remus, who was the designated question-answerer. He seemed to take all questions as a personal battle call, no matter how rhetorical. But the seat was vacated.
"He like, went all red and mumbled something about "dorm searches" and "M-rated slash" before dashing upstairs," JJ informed the two, while sliding a peach parfait lip balm across his lips.
"See? I told you we'd be better off just getting our drugs from Peter's mum," said Sirius.
"Yes, well, mummy's aches and rumbles have become rather worse since I started stealing her painkillers, but at least it means she can get up and make me some sausages now. Even if she cries a lot," Peter frowned.
A silence settled over the three until Remus slid back into his chair and poured himself hot tea, with a little milk and no sugar. "Marlene McKinnon is so thirsty I kind of want to quench her with Draught of Living Dead," he grumbled, before touching up his lilac lip pencil.
"Tell me about it," Sirius grumbled. James giggled and set down his mug, before enquiring, "you guys are coming to see me play, right? Because we need to get a fracking move on!"
Siri, Riri and Pete immediately stood up and they strutted out the Great Hall (well, Peter tried to strut but really just galloped a bit. Everybody laughed at him).
"Mr Potter!"
James spin around with his eyes narrowed and lip curled upwards in disgust, before he realised the caller was a very stern looking Minerva McGonagle.
"Yes?" He asked meekly.
McGonagle boogied with fury, crushing little tortillas in her hands. "Follow me, sonny boy!"
To James's disgusted terror, in McGonagle's office stood a wee dementor, and Professor Merrythought, who JJ had feared ever since she had interpreted "my mum said to give you love" badly.
"Take a seat, Potto."