I'm always calm and collected. I don't get phased by anything. Mounds of homework, a murderous troll in the hall, even a basilisk that could kill with a look, none of it shook me. When things came my way, I waited for them to roll by. Nothing was really all that fretful. There were people all around us to care for those kind of problems, and if they couldn't solve them, then clearly all you had to do was plan better next time. I didn't get involved in drama, boys came and went. I'd never hated myself for anything I did. I was honest, mean to a point sometimes. People, I knew, didn't particularly like me. That was fine. I liked who I liked, and everyone else wasn't worth bothering with. I didn't have friends, I didn't have distractions. I didn't have war.
••••••••••
It shouldn't be this way. Hogwarts is supposed to be safe. People shouldn't die here. Not like this. My wand was under my palm, ready to draw. A curse shot in front of me. I blinked. Not in my life. I didn't think. Somebody screamed and went down beside me. I turned on my heal and shot the unforgivable curse directly at a large masked man who'd lifted his wand in my direction, "Avada Kadavra," He looked shocked for a mere second before dropping to the ground. I spotted the next DeathEater, aimed and took fire, "Imperio," the man turned immediately and turned fire on his fellows. He killed three, that's 4 down. Another DeathEater must have notice he was kill his own and killed him. 5 dead. The Avada Kadavra curse continued to flow easily from my mouth. Any DeathEater that was in range, I was prepared. I felt dead to it all. In the background I heard the command for retreat. I saw DeathEaters start to fall back. I ran forward to continue but someone grabbed my arms but before I could spit the curse out, they'd pulled my wand away. "Why did they-?" I started asking. "Unforgivable Curses?!" he yelled, it was George, Weasly I think. "They're using them, Avada Kadavra is much quicker… killing them is what matters…" reached for my wand. "No," He said, he looked like he'd been crying. "What happens if you miss?!" He asked, "I don't miss, give," I ordered quietly. "They need to die," I breathed. "They need to be caught and sent to Azkaban!" He held my arms tightly. I shook. "Its like a game, they deserve it. I've gotten 5, you?" I inquired. He looked kind of disgusted. "Don't you care people are dying?" he asked quietly.
••••••••••
I blinked. I looked around, it wasn't all masked men and women. There were kids my age dead, good people dead. I sucked in air and stared. It was kind of like a picture. A beautiful war picture. Something that's so far from one's normal reality that the gruesomeness and horridness of it all seems to become beautiful. "You should leave, its getting you to." He said. "I need to be here, I'm good at it. 5 dead and not a mark on me." "Its not the point," he pressed. "What is then?" I wasn't going to look at him. I'd of had to take my eyes from the scene. It was refueling me, I was ready to fight. Where had all the death eaters gone to? "Its about morals… you shouldn't be like them," he looked at me, disappointed, I guess. I guess, also, he isn't entirely wrong, but still. I didn't want to be clumped in with them, the enemy. "I'm nothing like them." "Killing without thought or remorse? Those are the people who killed Fred," He choked out. He was crying, I could tell. George walked off. Strangely, I wondered if I'd ever see him again.
••••••••••
An hour passed and soon after all the death eaters had returned. Battles continued, and my body count upped. 9 then 15 then 24 then it went wrong. Then something happened. I slammed into the wall, sliding down it. My wand flew from my hand. I stared up at the man blankly, "You've come to kill me." I stated. He grabbed my collar and picked my wand with his free hand and dragged my through the castle halls and then out onto the field. Most of the school that had remained to fight and lived was on the grass. Voldemort stood up front looking proud. "Bow," he commanded, "NOW," He added forcefully. Most obeyed, those who didn't were inflicted with the Imperious Curse. I sat cross legged in the middle of it all. "Bow little girl," he glared at me. I stared back. "…No." There was a snort of laughter somewhere in the crowd. I brushed my hands through my hair. There was blood in my hair. I vaguely wondered who'd had the misfortune of dying like that. Fury shot into his eyes. He raised his wand. "You're a very dumb girl aren't you? It wasn't an request!" I merely stared back. "You should die, wish it were my job…" "Avada-" He started to say but a sword plunged through him and the snake the was wrapped around him. The body fell, and Harry Potter stood behind it, shaking. I rolled my eyes. A little anticlimactic, but it got the job done. I turned around and grabbed my wand from the stunned creep behind me. "Avada Keda-" I was cut off by a hand over my mouth. I was pulled back into a hard chest. "We win," he whispered. It was George again, so he lived. "No more killing curses…" He whispered. "Its over," "No, its not," I mumbled. It couldn't be. Cheering erupted from all direction. "No…" I whispered. "Yes," "NO!" I pushed him off of me and pushed through the crowd.
••••••••••
I didn't know where I was going. I want to kill them all. It would be fun. Yes, fun. Fun. A hand clamped around my wrist. I was yanked to a stop. "Its over, no more. No more!" He yelled as I tried to yank a way. "My brother is dead! I want to kill them just as much as you do! Do you not understand that!?" he was yelling at me. Of course I understood. "Do you not care at all?" He asked through gritted teeth. I turned around and looked up into his hurt filled eyes. His hands came to my face. "You're crying…" He said, I lifted a hand to my face, sure enough it was wet. "I've cracked…" I murmured, He pulled me into his arms. "War does that…" He said hugging me, I felt his body shake. He was crying too, but I didn't say anything.
••••••••••
After everything wound down I was sent to Saint Mungos. Lots of others too. Most for physical things, bloody and beaten with broken bones. Others were like me, lucky to have come out unscathed on the surface but under watch incase we went mad. Which I was. For a long time. doctors would come in often and ask how I felt and I'd tell them the truth because lying was stupid. "I want to kill the DeathEaters…" "I used the unforgivable curses because they were and they wouldn't die fast enough otherwise…" "I'm not sorry for anything I did that night…" I'd tell them every horrific thought, how much I liked to do it. Eventually some of the anger faded, whether because of the therapy or the potions they made me take or just time, and I started to remember other things about the battle the broke me. Mostly George. How genuinely good he was. How human he was. I thought that maybe, for him and his lost brother, I could learn to be good and human again. Even better than before.