Title: Gone

Author: Erin M. Blair

E-Mail: eblair@sonic.net

Classification: SRA--Story, Romance, Angst.

Content: Mulder/Scully Romance. Mulder POV.

Time Span/Spoilers: Two Fathers/One Son.

Rating: PG

Distribution/Archive Statement: OK to Gossamer,

Xemplary, After the Fact, Ephemeral, Spookys, FanficX, Basement

Office Archives. Other archivists - please ask me first.

Date: First draft was written on: July 18, 2003. Written and

edited during the past several months. Final draft: October, 30, 2003.

Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter.

Acknowledgement: Thanks to Jen for beta reading my

story.

Summary: How come Scully's gone from Mulder's life? Will

she ever return to him?

------------------------------------

GONE

Written by: Erin M. Blair

------------------------------------

There was a time when I thought Scully

would always be with me forever. I thought

she was my anchor in a troubled world. Unfortunately,

the day that I thought would never happen *did*

happen. The day when Scully left me and the

X-Files came completely out of the blue.

Never to come back.

It was hard to believe how only a day went

by and then Scully was gone for good. I pretty

much drove her away from me. I'm pretty much

to blame for her leaving the X-Files.

And me.

I can't believe Scully left the X-Files - it's

hard to believe she left after seeing Diana

Fowley kiss me. She said, "I can't be with you

when you don't trust me anymore."

I know she's hurt. I saw her face flush

with pain as she directed those words to me. I

know how she thinks that I destroyed the

trust between us. I understand how angry

she was, mad even, at me.

"Mulder," I tell myself, "Don't go

there." Unfortunately for me, I still go

there. I still want her to be with me

and as my partner on the X-Files. I strongly

question my actions surrounding her leaving.

I wish I could take it all back. I want

to take back all of the accusations that I threw

at her at the Lone Gunman office. I

went too far. I wish I could go back through

time and reconsider my actions surrounding

Diana and Scully.

* * *

I remember the day she left me. It was shortly

after our discussion about Diana in the Lone

Gunman's office.

"Mulder," Scully said to me as we just got

back from meeting with Skinner and Kersh about

the X-Files with Jeffrey Spender. "This time, I'm

not sure if I can go on..."

"What happens to "If I quit now, they win,"

Scully?"

I could never get over Scully's sorrowful

expression on her face. The dead look in her

blue eyes spoke volumes to me. All

I wanted to do was to try to show Scully

how much I felt for her, but she didn't

want any of that. I could hear her sigh. She

looked like as though her heart was breaking with

the loss of me. "I feel that we've lost our trust

in each other, Mulder. I trusted you with my

life but now--things have changed."

Scully didn't want to say anything else to me

and I noticed her mood was reflective through the entire

day. What things had changed? We got the X-Files

back and still Scully wasn't happy. I wondered why. I

needed to know why she thought things had

changed. "What has changed between us, Scully?"

"We lost the trust, Mulder. You don't trust me

anymore. You'd rather have Diana as your partner."

"Scully, you're wrong," I said to her. I wanted

her so much. I just wished she knew how much I needed

her. "You mean the world to me. I would die if

anything ever happens to you. I trust you

more than I ever trust anyone else."

"Does that include Diana?" Scully asked.

I didn't know what to say to that. All I wanted

was for Scully to know that I trusted her. "I trust

you, Scully."

Scully left the next day for parts unknown to

me. She didn't even tell me goodbye.

* * *

When Scully left me and the X-Files, I didn't

have the heart to go on cases. My spirits were

too low, and I took my vacation days to go to

Martha's Vineyard. I still had a family home

there, and I just wanted to get away.

I had to come to realize that Scully was gone

for good. She was never coming back to me.

When I made that realization, my cell phone

rang. It was buzzing in my jacket and I

answered it. "Mulder," I said dully.

"Mulder, I need you to return to DC as soon

as you can," said Skinner.

"Is this a new case? I told you --"

"I want you to come back to DC. I have this

new case about a murder in California that

needs to be investigated. You're

the best profiler that I know..."

I really didn't want to go on any investigations

until I figured out what I wanted to do with

my life without Scully. "Is this an X-File?"

"Yes, this is an X-File. You are going to

be undercover as a married man in Arcadia,

California."

I groaned. I didn't care if it was an X-File. It was

the last thing that I needed. "I'm not sure

about this..."

"I can guarantee you this would be good for you."

"I guess I'll do it." As long as I didn't think about

Scully, I would be OK.

* * *

I caught the red eye to DC. It had been two days since I

got back, and it had been over a week since Scully left. I

knew Skinner wanted me to do that undercover assignment

as a part of a married couple. I could have asked Diana Fowley

to help me, but if Scully lived in the same town, then I

would rather not risk it. I called Skinner on the cell

phone. "Who is my new partner? Is it Diana

Fowley? Or some unknown FBI agent that I haven't

even met yet?"

"You'll see when you come in. You're going to be

surprised," said Skinner.

"Is this about Scully? I doubt she'll be my partner

again."

Skinner said again, "You'll see, Mulder."

I went to Skinner's office and I sat down in the

waiting room, waiting for Kimberly to acknowledge

me. I had no idea what to expect, only to have a

new partner again. I really didn't want a new partner

because I remembered what a disaster Krycek turned

out to be.

"Agent Mulder, you can come in," said Kimberly. She

peered through the door to Skinner's office.

"Thanks, Kim." I replied to her as she held the

door, directing me to Skinner's office. I

walked into Skinner's spacious office and went

to my regular seat on the right, not wanting to

notice the empty seat next to me. "Skinner, I

understand you wanted to talk to me?"

I could see Skinner nod with concern for me. "How

are you, Mulder? I know it's been a week

since Scully left."

"I'm fine, Skinner."

"Are you sure?" questioned Skinner. "I have been

worried about you, Mulder."

"Sir, I'm fine. What's this case about? Who is

going to replace Scully?"

"You're not getting a new partner. Your partner

wants to come back to be on the X-Files," said Skinner.

I turned to face Scully, who walked in to sit down

at her regular seat, and my face flushed with shock.

* * *

I got up from my seat and walked towards Scully. I

couldn't believe Scully was standing there in

Skinner's office. I directed my 'Scully, what

are you doing here? I thought you were gone for

good!' at Scully. I couldn't believe my wish

for her to come back was granted.

"I needed some time to think, Mulder. It was hard to

grasp my feelings about everything. I was so scared

of losing you to Diana that I couldn't think

straight," said Scully. "I know you trust me, Mulder. I

am sorry for what pain I've caused you."

"I'm so glad you're back; what made you change

your mind?"

Scully gave me a rueful sigh. "I felt like a fool,

Mulder. I'm jealous of Diana Fowley. She shared a

part of you that I never had. She calls you by

your first name and you never let me call you Fox. I

have to admit it bothers me."

She left me because she was jealous of Diana

Fowley. I didn't know whether to laugh

or cry. I wonder why, being the profiler that I

am, I couldn't see this coming. "Scully, how come

you never told me this?"

"I tried, but you just kept on telling me the virtues

of Diana Fowley. I just felt that you loved her, not

me."

I wanted to hold her but wasn't sure if I should

even dare. However, I needed to tell her how I

felt towards her. Scully deserved to know how

much I love her. I wanted Scully in my life

and I was afraid that she would leave me. "Scully,

do you know how much I trust you? I trust you

more than Diana Fowley. Sure, she helped me

with the X-Files but we accomplished more

than the time I was with her. You've got to

believe me. Your science and rationalism have saved

me a thousand times. You've kept me honest and

sane. You have grounded me and made me feel

like a whole person," I said.

"I was insecure, Mulder. More than anything, I want

to be your partner in every sense of the word. If

you'll have me, that is," replied Scully.

I couldn't believe Scully was here with me. I

wrapped my arms around her waist for a hug. Then I

watched her tiptoe to plant a kiss on my forehead. Then

my eyes gazed into her blue eyes. The heat

between us was intensified. I wanted more than

anything to kiss her. "Scully...Let's go in

our office. I don't want anyone to see us

kissing. Know what I mean?"

Scully nodded and she agreed with me. "That's a

good idea."

Scully and I walked down to our basement office where

we started to kiss again. My mouth met hers; her lips

were warm to the touch. I couldn't believe that I was

finally kissing Scully on the lips. Sure, I tried to

kiss her in the hallway at my apartment months ago

but this was the first time we completed a full mouth

kiss. I just wish we had kissed in the very beginning; our

lives would have changed if we had decided to become more

than just partners. Unfortunately, I was afraid that

she would rebuff my efforts.

When we finally came up for some air, I was still

close enough to Scully's body to hear her heart

beating. "Are you happy that we kissed, Scully?"

She nodded. I could tell from her blue eyes

that she was shedding happy tears. "Mulder,

you don't know how long I've waited for this to

happen. I wanted you to know how much

I love you but I was afraid to tell you. I was so

scared that you might tell me you didn't

love me or wanted to remain partners..."

I knew exactly how she felt, but I was afraid

she might rebuff me! "I was so scared that you

might turn me down. I always told you how much

I love you, but you told me that I was crazy

or something."

Scully's eyes narrowed. I think she was

remembering our conversation from a few months

back. "Mulder, you were so drugged that I thought

you'd forget you ever said that. That's why I didn't

take you seriously."

"I understand, Scully. I let you off the

hook for that. I do know that it wasn't a

good time to tell you. I should have tell

you much earlier than that. The truth is,

Scully, I'm glad you're not gone. When

you left me, my whole reason for being

didn't exhist without you. You mean so

much to me, Scully. You always will." I smiled

gently at Scully. I feel so alive now

that Scully's here.

She's not gone. I shouldn't have said 'never

to come back' as I should always believed

she might return to me.

She's right here, loving me fully and

unconditionally. Her blue eyes gaze up at me and

I could feel her close to me. She knows the

truth of how I feel about her. I will never

lose her again.

I know that now.

End of Story.

Feedback: I love to hear from my readers. Please

send your comments and questions to: eblair@sonic.net

Author's Notes: I have truly enjoyed writing

this story. This was another story coming

from me wondering why the relationship

between Mulder and Scully seemed so

off in the episode, "One Son." It bothered me

so much that I have written so many fics on

that one epsode alone! :) It just amazes me

how one episode could equate so many stories.

I would like to thank my beta reader, Jen, who

was an enormous help for me. :)