Hey this story may have sporadic updates as I have two other stories on the go and an infant, but I will update the story that gets the most reviews first.
Mind Over Matter
Hermione pulled herself up off the bathroom floor gave herself a metal shake and forced her rational mind to over take her panic and hysteria. She had been pushing aside the obvious signs for too long. She wanted to put everything that happened to her at Malfoy Manor to the deepest pits of her mind and pretend it never happened, she even had been considering obliviating herself, but it seems fate will not let her run from her nightmare. She could not obliviate her memories of what they did to her when she had living proof growing inside of her right now.
Hermione had been using all the chaos of the final battle and the grief from all the lost lives as a smoke screen for her withdrawn and emotional state for the past few weeks and even her illness for the last week and a half, claiming her body was just physically worn out emotionally and physically. It was only through the sheer strength of her mind that she had been able to keep herself together, mind over matter she kept telling herself. She had been fighting a constant battle within herself for over a month using her rational mind to keep her emotional despair in check. She didn't want anyone to know her shame, she had every intention to continue to force the nightmare away and go on with her life; her rational mind having won the argument that to slip into a state of self-despair and pity would only allow her attacker more satisfaction and continued control over her.
However, her newly discovered (although to be completely honest, acknowledged might be the more fitting term) condition had her reeling for a new plan. She had had her suspicions for over two weeks but had stubbornly not allowed the thought to fully form, her rational side allowing her emotional side this win because rationally she knew if the thought turned to be reality it would be a devastating blow. But she couldn't ignore the truth anymore a simple spell had given her the confirmation last night. She had allowed herself last night and this morning to grieve and wallow in self-pity but as it was now nearing midday it was time to pull herself together and come up with a plan, after-all she was now responsible for another life.
Her rational mind took over and started going through a checklist:
Step one accept that she was pregnant, check.
Step two, are you keeping the baby? Even-though she knew that even most of the most hardened pro-life activist would at the very least be sympathetic to her not wanting to cary a part of her rapist within her for nine months, she still couldn't even bring herself to seriously consider it. This baby was half of her as well and she knew she couldn't hurt her baby for it's fathers' crime.
Step three, how are you going to keep the baby safe from it's father? The answer to that was easy - he could never know, how to keep him from finding out was going to be a lot more difficult. The only thing she could think of was to pass the child off as someone else's, but she refused to deceitfully seduce a man and trap him with another man's baby, that would make her no better than her attacker. Sleeping with someone under any sort of false pretence was equivalent to rape as far as she was concerned. And being a victim herself she thought her vote should count for a lot. She would need someone who knew the truth but was willing to raise the child with her. Her first thought was of Ron, but a strong voice in her mind insisted that he would not be man enough to stand by her once he knew the truth. Plus, other than that one snog at the battle they hadn't discussed where they were and had only held hands and had a few kisses god nite. It hurt, but her rational side accepted the possibility that he couldn't handle this and tried to prepare her for it.
Not for the first time she was tempted to curse Harry for being too noble and saving that ferret's ass, he should have let him burn. But it was not her friend's fault that he was a hundred times the man that Draco only wished he could be. She knew he would regret that decision himself when he finds out what really happened to her. She allowed herself a few more tears over the pain and guilt she knew Harry would feel over what happened to her, but she was determined not to let him blame himself, if she couldn't wallow, neither could he. She knew she needed help and someone to talk to, not wanting to upset Harry any earlier than necessary and knowing that the situation really called for a woman's perspective she finished freshening herself up and headed out to find Ginny.