All She Wanted
She just wanted a little something more. Something to numb the pain, she said. Her eyes were
big and brown, slowly but obviously filling with tears that weren't real. She was a great
detective. A fantastic person. But she was a better liar than both of those combined.
It started with an accident. It hadn't been her fault, not at all. Some psycho ran her right off the
road. He had a few cuts and scrapes. She wasn't as lucky. Her collarbone was shattered and she
had a nasty gash above her left eye that was replaced by a Frankenstein scar.
The outcome wasn't pretty. She would wake up in the middle of the night screaming in agony,
with vivid memories of what happened haunting her dreams. No one would understand the pain she was
n, and she didn't try to tell them. She kept it inside. Eventually she was back at work, but it wasn't the
same. Her bottle of pills sat on her desk and every hour she'd pop one. Or two. And the pain would go
away for a while. And she'd be happy.
It took over her life. She couldn't work because she was always sleeping. She couldn't
concentrate because she was always drowsy. For the few hours a day she wasn't suffering from side
effects, she was rude. Obnoxious. Cranky. People tried to help. They stole the pills. They hid the pills. But
she found them. They were her lifeline.
He tried to save her. At one point, he was the only person who understood her. He was there when no one else was. She was falling down an abyss and he couldn't stand to see her ruin her life. She didn't care. She didn't want his help, and that became clear to him. Soon, he gave up too. He stopped caring and he left.
She had no one.
It was a rapid addiction that was growing worse every day. Her hair fell out in clumps. She would
get violent coughing attacks, spitting blood. The pills were dragging her down but she didn't have the
strength to pull herself back up. She just wanted more. The doctor said no. They weren't needed
anymore, she wasn't suffering pain. Oh, but she was. Just not the pain he thought.
She begged. She pleaded. She reasoned with him. She needed more pills! The pain was
unbearable! She would do anything for them. He looked at this hysterical mess of a person in front of
him, her sweat mixing with her tears and smearing any attempt she had made at makeup. With a sigh,
he would take a piece of paper and scribble out another prescription. The tears would stop. A smile
would form on her worn out face. It was just to numb the pain after all.
And then, it happened. The pain disappeared. A calm, radiant feeling settled in her body. She
could still feel the pills in her throat, a half drunk bottle of Vitamin Water resting on the bathroom sink.
Her eyes felt heavy but peaceful. God was she tired. She stood up slowly as to not lose her balance and
carefully walked to her bed. She lay down and pulled the covers over her. For months, lying in this bed
had been torture. Painful, painful torture. Now she felt wonderful. Natara Williams closed her eyes and
savored the amazing feeling of being without pain. She didn't need pills anymore. She didn't need
anything. She just needed sleep. She closed her eyes. And she didn't open them again.