A/N Dair phase doesn't seem to stop. I didn't even have this in my mind, I started writing it, and you can help me with your reviews whether I should continue or not. :) I might not be able to write this following week, but if there is interest I'll catch up when I'm back from vacation.

Nate Archibald is throwing a New Year party and all the names that matter on Mahnattan are invited. His first attempt to win the elections for mayor of New York City, failed miserably, so he thinks that he really needs to go away from the political scene with style and class and never return there, even though his grandfather thinks that he did a perfect job for a 26 year old.

His new penthouse near Wall Street is too big for him, yet now he thinks it'd be too small for the crowd of people that are about to arrive to the party. Approximately there would be around 90 people and it scares him. But the invitations are already sent and he is definitely doing this.

Serena van der Woodsen is sharing her time in her mother's penthouse and Dan's new apartment in the same building. Lily moved to Florida for indefinite time and Serena practically owns the place now. Although they have two huge places for themselves, the relationship isn't quite the best. Nothing is wrong, yet she can't help but rethink her decision. Everything between them is so disgustingly predicting and boring, she can't help but feel like screaming at times. Yet she knows, the only reason she won't give up on him is the fact that she is scared that he will get over her in no time and maybe, just maybe try and find his way to get Blair. Even though Blair is spending most of the time in Dubai and Japan, with Chuck, she's scared that both of them will find their way. She jumped into that relationship just like in any other previous relationship she had – without thinking. She never truly worried about the emotional baggage her boyfriends carried with them, from previous relationships or life. But now she has to go to bed, every night with the thought that whenever she watches him being in the middle of a REM cycle, moving his eyes, he's actually dreaming of Blair Waldorf. If at the beginning she was peaceful because she knew that Blair hated Dan's guts, she had the terrible doubt, when Blair called three months ago to tell her that she and Chuck aren't doing well. When two months ago, Blair flew in New York and stayed for two days, they only had a chance for a quick lunch where Blair blurted out that she's just empty and depressed and doesn't know for how long she'd stay in the golden Bass cage. She was engaged to Chuck for years, yet they never discussed a wedding, although through the years it was the only thing Blair wanted. Then Serena realized that she wasn't wearing the huge Henry Winston ring on her ring finger. She caught herself lying how happy Dan and her were, when Blair cut her down, saying that the last thing she wants to hear about was the monkey from Brooklyn. That's when Serena knew that that road was very risky and that Blair was bluffing. It wasn't that Blair wanted to hear about Dan, she didn't want to hear that Dan was happy with her. She could have only hope that Blair wouldn't come back home in the near future.

...

Nate called Dan in his penthouse just two days before the party. It was a laid back night over beer and cigars, and light conversations.

"So, you invited the entire town?" – Dan smiles.

"Only the ones that mattered. About hundred people" – He smiles. – "I don't know why I'm doing this, I thought it was a good idea, but now I'm not so sure". Nate's phone interruppts the conversation and he takes it from the kitchen. Five minutes later, he comes back. – "It was Blair, she and Chuck won't make it to the party."

Although Dan hasn't spoken to her in years, nor seen her, a sharp stab disturbs his intestines. He doesn't say anything, just nods.

"Sometimes, I think that the worst thing she could ever do to herself was getting back with Chuck." – Nate sighs, and lights another cigar. Dan is looking at him, not really glad to get the topic of Blair Waldorf to the table. Yet, he doesn't keep his promise not to talk or ask about her, so he asks.

"Why?"

"Because, people like Chuck remain the same. I don't think they'll ever get married until Blair actually comes to her senses and leave him for good, realizing that she's wasting her time with him. And for what? Chuck always needed a victim, someone who'd…" – He stops. – "I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear about this, let's switch the topic." – And Dan doesn't ask another question about her.

On the way home he is wondering if he will ever going to feel anything alike that love he had for her. Although at home he was awaited by a blond model looking type heiress, since the first day he knew that he was fighting his best to start feeling anything about her.

When he arrives in his apartment, Serena has ordered food and is waiting for him, dressed in cozy silky pajamas.

"Are we that lazy and busy to decorate our own three?" – She smacks a quick kiss on his lips. Dan is hardly even noticing the holidays since he moved in the new appartment, because he never felt that place as his home, but more a trophy he got with the money from the books. Decorating a three seemed like too much work and even though Serena was always getting him already decorated onr, he hated it. Decorating threes for Christmas was for families, he thought, and since his father was traveling with his new girlfriend and Jenny was in London, he didn't think it had sense at all.

"You know what I think of it, plus we can always get someone do it for money, or you can decorate yours. I'm lazy"

The night is quiet, they eat and watch a movie and then he falls asleep. Serena picks up her sleepers and goes back in her penthouse. A terrible feeling tortures her the entire night.

Nate's penthouse is impeccably decorated. The living room with an extravagant view above Central Park, was emptied from furniture. Near the big windows, white Christmas three is decorated with golden ornaments and super tiny lights and it was giving the whole place a beautiful touch. Every window is framed with matching Christmas lights and the huge balcony has ice figures. The bar is equiped with every possible drink someone could imagine to order and on the other side of the room, a small stage is build for the several musicians who were about to perform – from classical jazzers to a DJ for after midnight.

People start showing up around nine thirty. They are all in the mood, happy to attend the hottest party on Manhattan, wearing sparkling dresses and finest tuxedos. Nate is a perfect host. His longish hair is slicked back, so his face as one of his best features is absolutely glowing. He isn't particularly happy or in the mood, but he hopes that once he greets everyone with his golden million dollar smile, he's going to fix himself by the bar and stay there till he can stay on his feet.

Dan and Serena walk through the elevator. He greets them, not being too much excited, but when he realizes another blond is walking behind them, his face lights up. Jenny stands behind them, wearing long black leather coat, and her blond hair is spread across her shoulders.

"I came without an invitation" – She smiles dreamily.

"You don't need one" – He hugs her.

People are having fun, drinking, clincking glasses and laughing. Dan seems to be the only one who has bored face and counts the minutes till the moment he'd go home and sleep. Serena and he didn't really have a nice afternoon, she wasn't in the mood for the party either, but even though he begged her to stay at home and just watch movies, she of course rejected, saying that she's too young for a crappy New Year and that she'd have her old days to watch TV on December 31. They haven't shared a word the entire afternoon after the little fight.

At Nate's she seems like she was having nice time, she met some old friends and Dan remains staying alone at the bar. He was looking at her. People were jealous of him, he knew that. She was all that a man could possibly want. She was wearing short backless dress, sprinkled with silver rhinestones. Her hair was shiny, curled in loose curls and her face was angelic as always. Yet, she didn't cause any emotions in him…She didn't feel like home and he knew that since he got back together with her. He shakes off his thoughts, promising himself that he won't analyze or over think on New Year's. Instead he orders double Whiskey.

As the party gets hotter and as more people get drunker and more laid back, Dan thinks that he really has to go out on the balcony otherwise he feels like suffocating. Of course, there are people too, the smokers mostly, who wanted to enjoy their time outside. The good thing is that the only lights on the balcony are coming from the million little lights that are twisted around the fence and on the table where the ice statues are set. He enjoys the fact that he don't really have to speak to people, because they either are tipsy or drunk enough so they aren't able to see in the semi dark place. He is quite drunk himself, but sober enough to know that he is just fine outside, avoiding Serena right before midnight.

But as the countdown starts, and the people are incoherently yelling, Serena finds him, and just when the clock shows midnight, she hugs him and wishes him happy new year. He know that he's an asshole, for not saying anything to her, or for slightly moving his head aside when she attempts to kiss him.

"God, you're so drunk, we should go home before you collapse" – She starts giggling, her being tipsy as well. Dan doesn't say anything to that, just nods, feeling relieved that he'd meet his bed finally. People are also hugging him and saying Happy New Year, but he is merely listening to them. Serena promises to find Nate and tell him that they are leaving, and tells Dan to wait for her right there.

It is 00:08, when he sees his phone and most of the people who were smoking and drinking on the balcony were all inside, greeting the other party guests, getting more drinks and dancing idiotically on the DJ sets, that just started.

He feels the cold air, watching the park from the ninteeneth floor. Small snowflakes are falling down as he is standing there, rethinking again his life and choices, unable to get off his head what Nate told him about Chuck and Blair. He hated himself for that, and in order to chase those thoughts away, he turns around urgently, meaning to get inside and find Serena.

Few steps away from him, by the door, is a dark figure of a woman. He could have been blind, but he would have recognized her any where. Her Channel Madmoiselle was now getting to his nostrils and he's standing frozen on his spot. She isn't moving from her spot either, she just stands there, with her arms crossed above her chest, one holding the fur lapels below her throat, protecting herself from the cold.

"Happy New Year, Humphrey"- She finally speaks with raspy voice. – "I guess I'm late" – He wants to move closer, to see her face, to see what happened of her, if she was still pretty, or life with Chuck made her tired and uglier. There is no voice in his throat. He knows that he couldn't be that drunk to imagine things, but everything seem so surreal, that even he couldn't imagine such thing in his stories. He takes a deep breath and releases it sharply.

"Happy New Year" – He mumbles. She slowly walks towards him. As she comes to the dim light of the balcony, he sees that she is still the same Waldorf he knew. Her face is pale and her lips are painted in a shiny red lip gloss, semi parted, breathing out steam because of the cold weather. She finally looks at him with her big eyes covered with dark eye shadow. Her hair is curled in long spirals and he can sense the well known scent of it. – "Late for the party? It was shit anyway" – He adds. She is now pretty close to him, and it mortifies him so much, he has to turn around and face the snowy city again. – "Did you see Serena?" - He asks, feeling her standing next to him, almost too close, it burns. She isn't holding the long fur coat anymore, letting it part open, from where he could see her silky dark green dress, and her alabaster skin on the chest and a neck covered with big emeralds.

"I just walked in" – She says.

"Where's Chuck?"- He asks, completely aware that he sounds like a naïve moron. Blair giggles with pain, putting her hands on the fence, next to his and he realizes that there is just one big emerald ring on her index finger.

"Not here, for sure" – She says. – "I didn't mean late for the party" – She adds.

It makes him turn towards her.

"You mean, late, as…pregnant?" – He asks. She looks at him, turning her body towards him. She observes his eyes, the way they were semi closed from the alcohol, his nose, the fact that he was too lazy to shave his week old beard, his parted lips.

"Jesus Christ, Humphrey, you are unbelievably stupid" – She says.

"I'm just drunk" – They are standing very close to each other, not even thinking that Serena can come out there any minute.

"I was really trying my best to get here on time, because scheduling flights for the holidays is a bitch, and for sure I didn't plan to wait for the new year on a beach. I had to be home" – She sighs. He observes her lips moving, unconsciensly and slowly leaning over her.

"How long has it been? Two years?" – He asks.

"And a half" – She adds. – "I saw you kissing Serena at midnight, just when I arrived." – She breaths out heavily each word. – "That's why I meant, I was late"

"Oh…" – He isn't moving his eyes from her face. – "She's my girlfriend, it's what we're doing…"

"Then why aren't you with her, inside, but you're standing here, alone, in the cold"

"I'm the ultimate outsider, if you remember?" – He says. – "And what if you arrived on time, Blair?" – He asks. She shivers from the cold, he can tell, and although he's sufficiently drunk, he can see her face below all the make up, and it isn't happy. She avoids his eyes for a few moments and then, she closes the space between them, with one small step, gluing her even skinnier body next to his, placing both of her cold hands on his neck, looking deeply into his eyes. He can't help, but put his both hands on her waist that seems smaller and different from the last time he held it, he can practically frame it with his fingers, and waits. He wants to kiss her first, he'd die to kiss her, right there and without thinking, but he dreamed of a moment where Blair Waldorf is coming to him, begging him to kiss her. And although he can barely say if that is a dream or reality, he just stands in front of her, feeling every bump from her body, being pressed on his, feeling her waist in his hands, he remain calm and cold as the snow that is falling down. Her long fingers are framing his neck and he has a hard time keeping his eyes open

"A happy start of the year. Because these past few drained life out of me." – She replies, inches away from his lips and he still doesn't let her out of his hands and her open fur coat is covering practically both of them. Nobody can see that he's holding her underneath it. – "Midnight passed, but…" – She lightly pulls his head towards her and kisses him. He tastes like whiskey and his lips are warm and soft as she remembers. She can feel his fingers digging into her waist, holding her even more firmly, maybe even too hard, like a punishment or maybe fear that she'll disappear. What starts as a gentle kiss with mouths semi open, continues into a passionate make out. He inhales sharply and forgets about everything. There is no Serena, no apartment on the Upper East Side, no money that aren't bringing him happiness, no Chuck Bass, nothing. Just him, Blair Waldorf and this New Year kiss that seems to suffocate them both. But neither of them stops. She hugs his neck with her arms so firmly as if she's afraid he'd go away. He holds her with one hand on her bare back, and the other placed on her chest, moving slowly to her neck, where he can feel her pulse. She bites his lower lip, knowing that it'd drive him crazy, and he lets her without protest. Kissing Blair Waldorf was stronger than any alcohol he was willing to drink that night. They have always been synchronised, their lips like made to rest on each other.

When finally they both stop for air, with swollen lips from kissing like they never had before, he takes his hands off her and covers her chest with the coat. She instantly feels colder than before.

"Were you jealous?" – He asks, hungry inhaling cold air. Her lips are no longer shiny red. The lipstick is all ruined around her chin and lips, and he knows people will know she has been heavily kissed. He runs his thumb over her lower lip, because of a habit that was always making him excited, and because touching Blair's lips was always causing him fire on the inside. Her eyes are glued on his face, full with desire and he knows that she's content he still reacts helpless when she kisses him.

"I saw you didn't kiss her back" – She says with a smirk and satisfaction that he still cares.

"How long were you observing, Blair?"

"Enough" – She says. He tries to cover her chest again, even though the fur coat isn't meant to be buttoned up.

"Why he let you wonder through New York with a coat that can't be buttoned, you'll catch a cold"

"Because he doesn't care and neither do I. We're done. Dead. "

"So you came after me? To ruin my life and what I have with Serena, knowing that I wouldn't resist you… at least when I'm drunk?"

"No. I just wanted a New Year kiss. A real one. Because I haven't have it for a very long time. Are you both happy?" – She snaps. He looks down.

"Why would you care?"

"You loved her once" – Blair adds quietly.

"Yeah, when I was a teenager. Now it's just a habit, but you should know best.

Serena's voice comes from the inside, giggling and they know she's close.

"Go inside" – Blair says, with voice colder than the air. Serena's voice is getting closer and even though the music is loud, they can hear her talking to someone saying "Dan…home…I still…want to…party"

"No" – Says Dan.

"Dan, go inside, I told you why I came, now it all seems stupid and childish, so go!" – She repeats, and she can pretend but Dan knows she's hurt. Another "no" comes out of his lips. He slowly takes her hand, and drags her in the dark corner of the balcony.

"Then take me out of here." – Blair says in the dark.

Serena never comes out on the balcony, even though Dan and Blair wait in the dark corner for another fifteen minutes. Then Blair, goes through the living room, incognito the same way she entered and Dan follows her within five minutes. He spots Serena dancing with Nate's PR from his campaign, a thirty something, awfully rich bastard, but he doesn't feel not even a tiniest bit jealous. He doesn't even bother to go and look for his coat.

Down, in front of the building, everything is white and the snow falls heavier. Blair is nowhere to be seen. Once again that terrible feeling of losing her, the bone in his throat and the urge to vomit his intestines is ripping his body. He starts counting how many drinks he had, what day is that day, how many blocks is Nate's place away from his… He starts doubting that he invented the whole thing up, there was no Blair up on the balcony of Nate's penthouse. But the taste of her strawberry-cinemon lipstick lingers on his lips and it kills him. The street is crowded with cabs and drunk people in them, yelling, making out, drivers that aren't happy to drive on that very night. All Dan can feel is panic and anger, and if he had a gun in that moment he'd probably shoot his head. It seems to him like he stands there for an eternity, and just when he's about to turn around and go upstairs and kill his liver with another double Whiskey, yellow cab stops in front of him.

She opens the door and he gets inside fast.

"Williamsburg" – Blair tells the cab driver and he starts driving again.

"What? Blair, it's cold there, the heating is off and…"

"Then where, your place?" – She asks, placing her both hands over her chest.

"I thought, the penthouse…"

"Nobody knows I'm in New York, and I don't want to see my mother right now" – She says sharply.

"Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you. The loft is as cold as outside." – She turns her head slightly towards him and gives him one of her tiny smirks, with her long lashed eyes semi open.

He doesn't dare to touch her in the cab. Not because he's afraid that someone will see them, but because he's afraid the whole thing is a dream and any movement will destroy it and he will wake up.

The loft is dark when they enter. He turns on the lights, but only a few of them work, and again they don't give too much light. The place is dusty. He can't remember when was the last time he came over there to write, and since Rufus travels the country in those past six months, the place is a mess. Blair doesn't say anything.

"So?" – He says. – "You want something to drink? If there is actually anything…"

She observes him, walking behind the counter, opening cabinets and looking for a bottle of any alcohol.

"You had enough and I don't want to drink" – She says. But he still manages to find half full bottle of Scotch.

"I better not be sober this night, Blair. I better be very drunk when you'll decide to leave. " – He says.

Inside is really very cold, and Blair can finally feel it. She tries to keep the coat over her chest but her feet are frozen. As Dan takes a long drag from the bottle, she comes closer to him and takes it from his hand. It is the first time, Dan sees her drinking from a bottle. And it wasn't just a tiny sip.

"I have to get warm" - She says after she finishes.

The furniture in the living room is covered with white sheets and the place is no longer warm and welcoming as she can remember.

"Give me that bottle" – Dan says, takes her hand and leads her into his room. He opens his closet and takes all the blankets he can find in there. He spreads them on the bed and then lies beneath them. Blair stands by the bed in the semi dark room. – "It's a bit better like this." – He says. He doesn't know if that would irritate her, or she really means to stay that night.

"Thank you" - Blair whispers and slides under the blankets, still wearing her fur coat. Although he's stiffed, she sticks her body next to his, and hugs him.

"For what?" – Dan asks.

"For this. For taking me here."

"How drunk are you really Blair?" – He finally asks.

"I had three long sips from your staled Scotch. I'm not drunk" - He turns his head towards her and tries to see her face in the dark.

"You're lying"

"I'm not" – She sighs, still hugging him firmly. – "I won't even ask how drunk you are"

"Enough to be here with you. "

"If something goes wrong, I'll say I kidnapped you" – She giggles.

"It's not funny Blair. I'm cheating on my girlfriend."

"You cheated on me, far worse than this simple warming in bed with blankets and all clothes on, in your empty loft."

"And a kiss" – He adds.

"I told you to go, you said no, remember?" – She cuts with his words like a razor.

"I want to know what happened that made you come here. "

She stays quiet for a while, just breathing in and out and there is nothing else to be heard but her heavy breathing. It isn't much different she thinks, (them cuddling in bed) than those careless nights spent in that bed, when he was loving her.

"We're simply not meant to be, as I always thought."

"Just like that?"

"Similarities attract, nit differences, Dan. He wants to win that Empire back, and I want New York. He wants long and boring business dinners, I want to read a book. He wants power and money and I sometimes need simple life... I just don't feel comfortable there with him any more. I don't think he even noticed that I was gone. " – She stops and sighs. – "I don't think I love him any more." – The words are hitting Dan hard, and he feels he becomes sober right after she pronounces them. – "I don't love him for a long time." – The way she says it, like a burden falling of her chest, makes him think that she needed time to say it out loud and admit it to herself. Her hand slowly drops from his chest, and she slowly moves her body from his. It's instantly colder he can feel. – "After all, it really turned out the way you said it would. And the worst thing is, I do think I deserve this misery" – Her voice sounds sharp but he can feel the sting in her throat, and he knows she's thankful the room is dark so he won't see her teary eyes.

"You know…" – He starts. – "Every day I think that this is how it's supposed to be. I live in a very expensive apartment, my books are selling great, I traveled the entire country promoting them… "Inside" got its seventh foreign language translation." – She is now on an elbow length away from him. – "I have Serena." – He adds and he can see her turning her head to the other side.

"I'm sorry for intruding your life" – She says, and takes off the blankets, ready to go, when he grabs her hand.

"Stay Blair" – He says. – "All these things I just told you…I have them…but it doesn't mean any of it makes me happy." – Her body is no longer pulling to get away from that bed. She stays where she is, letting him put the blankets over her again. She lies down, putting her head on his pillow, her body towards him and he hugs her even closer. – "I am not happy. " – He adds. – "Everyday I pass by your building, I'm seeing the places you shopped and ate, every now and then your mother has lunch with Serena and uses some words that you used to say. I haven't wrote a single word in a year and a half, because I'm afraid I'll end up writing about you, and I can't let myself suffer again. And nobody mentions you, and I think I have fooled myself, I forgot about you, and then out of nowhere… somebody will mention your name. And then you'll show up, with your red lips and your eyes, looking at me like there is nobody else in the world, and I know you'll trick me again, and I'll end up writing about you again and Serena will know…no matter how you turn this story up, I'll end up fucked up in the head. But it doesn't matter, this is still surreal for me, and I'm glad I'm drunk, otherwise my heart wouldn't make it" – As he speaks, she puts her hand over his face and strokes his jaw line. He stops when she does it and can hear her sniffing quietly. – "Why do you cry? You always find a way to survive, Blair." – She doesn't reply anything, letting her tears wet the pillow.

"I don't want to ruin your relationship with Serena, or disturb you…I just thought…that maybe if I start the year with you…" – He wipes of the tears from her face with his thumb.

"Just start it?" – He smiles. – "I just wanted to start life with you, Blair. Simple things… like waking up before you so I can make coffee for you, or watching damn Breakfast at Tiffany's till I won't be able to look at Audrey's face ever again, or take you to East River bank in the middle of the night, for no reason, so we can cuddle and watch Manhattan in the dark… I don't have any of it, I don't want to have it with others.

"Have you proposed to her?" – She asks.

"Are you even listening to me?"- Dan can't believe what he hears.

"Answer me"

"No."

"Will you? Soon… or ever?"

"No." – He sighs. – "Will you go back to him?"

"No" – She replies.

"Are you sure?"

"I flew over half the world Humphrey, hoping and imagining that you'd be kind enough to talk to me, why would I go back."

"Do you feel warm now?" – He asks, although the air in the loft is quite chill.

"I am"

Silence covers the room and they relax under tha warmth of the blankets and their own bodies, still being extremely close to each other. As they slowly drift to sleep, she moves closer to his face and presses her lips to his.

"Are you leaving?" – He mumbles into her mouth.

"Humphrey" – She says. – "Should I draw to you? I want to be here. In New York. If you possibly want me to be your friend I'll be happy. I'd even accept to be your mistress…" – She says very quietly.

"I don't want you to be my mistress. You weren't born to be anyone's mistress. I want you to be my Blair Waldorf."

"What we gonna do? You won't change your mind in the morning once you sober up?" – She asks.

"What time is it Blair?" – He asks her.

"Around 2AM"

"Has Serena even bothered to call me? I won't change my mind. I want you."

And they fall asleep, hugging tight on each other. Blair would kiss him every once in a while in the middle of her sleep, and he is not sure if their romance ended at all, because all of it reminds him of the happy days.

Not sure if tbc