AN: hints at ZaDr, blood, character death and angst
Through So Many Splintered Trees
I hold him in my hands. He is broken. He is gone. I finally won the war. But why do I feel as though something is missing? I cannot say for sure. Everything will dissolve into chaos soon. Without him there is nothing to ground me in this insane world. Nothing dependable, nothing to look forward to. Nothing. Why does my life suddenly feel so empty? Gir is crying.
How long has it been this way? Me kneeling in the snow, holding his lifeless corpse and waiting for it all to come crashing down on me? The trees are bare, devoid of leaves. The branches resemble skeletal hands reaching toward the cold glow of the full moon. There is no one here but us. Us and the dead.
I stand stiffly and carry him out of the trees step by agonizing step. I can almost feel their presence as I near the tree line and the graveyard comes into view. He's still bleeding. It hasn't been too long. "Dib. .I'm sorry." I brush the backs of my knuckles against his cold pale cheek. The rest of him is still warm.
"Zim." I turn to look at the translucent shape hovering just near the tree line. Why now of all times does my mind wish to give me false hope?
I want to scream, but I'm far too winded. I want to cry, but the tears have long since frozen to my cheeks. I want to fix him, but he's already gone. The misty form looks familiar. Suddenly it clicks. "Dib?" My voice is weak, choked with tears. The form nods. Fresh tears fall, freezing to my cheeks.
"Zim. It's better this way. Believe me." I can only nod dumbly. The trees look broken, just like him. As though the bark was removed from them and all that's left is splinters. I turn back around and carry him to the grave. His mother's grave.
There is a twitch in his hand but I know it is not a sign of life. I've destroyed the only person who would ever care that I existed. Who ever knew about me. Without him I am nothing but another face in a sea of others. He was invisible just like me. Nobody will care but me. And within a week? He will be all but forgotten. Nothing more than another stone marker in this cemetery. Lost and forgotten in a torrent of the chaos that will soon be rained down upon this planet. Ah, the explosions have started. Heh. He never knew how much destroying all his havens and work would help me along in my plans.
But why do I still feel so horrible? What is this emptiness inside me that makes my spooch feel more and more like that thing called lead? Why do I miss him? Why do I want to feel as peaceful as he looks? Why do I want the comfort of the grave? My own little stone marker next to his? So I can be beside him forever that's why. Because we were the only ones to acknowledge each other. I never wanted him to leave me. He swore he'd stop me. Why does that oath seem so empty now? Because he's dead. He wasn't strong enough.
His name was Dib and I loved him. So why did I kill him? He stood in my way. I did it for my empire. An empire I know doesn't care about me now. By the time I learned the truth it was too late. I tried. Human gods know, I tried. I couldn't let the only person who ever cared die. But I didn't make it in time. I got here just in time to watch in horror and disgust as my nanites broke him apart from the inside. I caught him as he fell to the ground coughing blood.
I'll never forget those last words, that last touch, they way he felt in my arms and the cold feeling that spread through my gut and grew like an icicle grows on a tree limb. His exact words were "I guess you won space boy. It was fun while it lasted. Just tell my family I loved them. Have fun with your new world Zim." Then he had his lips pressed to mine before I could respond. I liked the kiss. It was the first time for both of us. At least he wouldn't die completely untouched.
I never knew I could cry. I've never had anything to cry about before. Not until now. And now that I've began I doubt I'll ever be able to stop. Maybe I'll drown this world in my tears. I don't know if I could stomach making enough tears to do that. The bleeding has stopped. I should go. I'll leave him here by his mother unit's stone marker. I can't stop the thoughts and 'what if' scenarios playing through my head. I'm so tired. So very exhausted. I feel completely numb now. That coldness in my gut has nearly consumed me now. And as I walk through forest, through so many splintered trees, I see the love we could have shared but will never have.
Fin