Harry Potter And The Urinal Of Wisdom
by Ali Johnson
Harry sighed on his way to Potions class with Ron and Hermione.
" What's the matter Harry?" Ron asked
" Oh, its nothing." Harry dismissed
" Come on tell us." Hermione insisted
" Well, I have this problem," Harry began
" Yes," Ron pushed
" You see I have to go to the bathroom." Harry said
" And you're afraid you'll get in trouble for being late, don't worry about it Harry, when you gotta go, you gotta go." Ron laughed
" No, that's not it. You see, the closest bathroom is weird." Harry continued
" Oh Harry, we all know it smells awful, but I did a spell on it, its perfectly sanitary." Ron said
" No, uh, you see, uh, I was using the urinal and it started to talk." Harry said
" Funny, Harry, very funny." Hermione said
" I am not joking." Harry said
" What did it say?" Ron asked
" It said that it was the Urinal of Wisdom." Harry said quietly.
" Harry, you'd better start from the beggining." Hermione said
Flashback...
Harry ran up the steps in a hurry after Potions lesson. He'd had to go since before Potions but he didn't want to be late and Snape wouldn't let him go without taking away points.
" Hey, Mr. Potter! No running in the halls!" It was Filch, but Harry ignored him; he really had to go! Harry skiped up a magical step and into the boys bathroom.
Good, he thought, no one else is here, I hate going when other people are around.
He relieved himself and let out a sigh.
" That was close." He said to the empty bathroom.
" I agree, you looked quite panicked when you came in here." A voice said.
" Who's there?" Harry asked looking around.
" It is I!" The voice replied
" Who is I?" Harry inquired still searching for an individual.
" The proper phase is ' who am I?' and in answer to that question, you are Mr. Harry Potter, you have used this bathroom 3891 times, and you defeated the Dark Lord Voldemort as a baby." The voice answered amusedly
" I know who I am, but who are you? And where are you?" Harry questioned
" Your search is over! It is I, the Urinal of Wisdom!" The urinal said
" Ahh! My god, are you serious?" Harry asked
" Yes, I am quite serious." The urinal said stiffly, " I just don't understand why people don't believe me when I tell them."
" Excuse me..." Harry said running out....
End Flashback...
" ...And that's how it all happened." Harry explained
" A little of that was way more than I needed to know." Hermione said
" That's scary." Ron said, " It remembers how many times you've used that particular bathroom. Disgusting, I wouldn't want to know. A talking urinal, are you sure no one else was in there?"
" There might have been, I was in shock when it started to talk, I hope that if some one else was in there, they didn't pay attention to how many times I've gone in there." Harry said
" Harry, he means that some one else could have been in there trying to scare you and take pictures and blackmail you, what if it was Malfoy?" Hermione explained
" Malfoy, no! My life is ruined!" Harry yelled. Everyone looked at him like he was crazy for a moment then went back to their business, " You know," Harry said, " This is a case for, Harry Potter, Star Detective!"
" Uh oh." Ron and Hermione said
" I'm sorry with the help of his faithful sidekicks." Harry added, " Hermione and Ron."
" This means trouble." Hermione said
" After Potions, meet me at the Great Hall for your assignments." Harry said mysteriously walking ahead.
" Should we just go along like always?" Hermione asked
" Might as well, it might prove comical." Ron replied shrugging.
After Potions.
The Assignments;
Harry was to ask around and inquire suspicious people.
Ron was to guard the boys bathroom while Hermione did some tests and spells and security stuff.
Hermione was to run tests on the Urinal and set up a security camera with magic to see if anyone was hiding and scaring kids.
" Allright, you know your duty. Go out and do it now." Harry said. Hermione and Ron went up but Harry remained behind to inquire upon people.
" Was it you?" He asked a first year.
" Um...no." The boy said running to his friends
" How 'bout you, did you do it?" Harry asked sternly
" Uh...do what mister?" The second year girl asked nervously
" You know what you did!" Harry said quietly
" I didn't know anyone was looking, I didn't mean to have an accident." The girl yelled running away crying.
Meantime...
Draco walked up to Ron guarding the boys bathroom
" Step aside Weasley, I have to go." Malfoy said
" No, Malfoy, I want to see you squirm." Ron laughed
" Harry been talking to any more toilets, lately?" Malfoy asked.
" You!" Ron accused
" Yes, I did it, he didn't zip his fly for an hour afterwards, I have the pictures that will humiliate him." Malfoy said
" Yo, Malfoy, we destroyed those pictures like you asked us." Goyle said walking up
" What you destroyed them?!" Malfoy yelled
" You told us to." Crabbe said
" I said nothing like that." Malfoy said
" No, but I did." Harry said. He was wearing a Sherlock Holmes type outfit, " Another case solved." He mimicked in Malfoy's voice.
" Argh!" Malfoy said rushing into the bathroom. Hermione rushed out.
" I do not want to see that." Hermione said
" Ah, another case solved by the Great Harry Potter." Harry said putting on a pying glass.
" Not again, he gets so damn lucky!" Ron said
Until then, join us for the next story in the Harry Potter Files.