1. Shino's Birthday
By Merro and Renja
"Happy birthday Shino." Said Shikamaru in a bored tone of voice.
"Yay, another rabbit!" Shino exclaimed in as much joy as he could muster. It had been the fifth one he had eaten that day.
"I brought you a *hic* lottery ticket, you like bugs riiight?" Deidara smiled, dumping his gift in Shino's lap.
"Um, this is a sleaslug." Shino replied
"Whoops! I must *hic* have put on my wrong coat today!" The blonde laughed, falling headfirst into the punch bowl.
"And I baked you a cake!" Hidan squealed, bringing the room to silence.
"Oh, you shouldn't have." Shino grumbled.
"It took me 3 damn months to bake this cake! All the ingredients are probably long past expired, but I made it for you!" Hidan gasped dejectedly beginning to role the enormous human sized cake back into the closet.
"Wait! At least cut a slice for me!" Suigetsu shouted angrily, waving his arm to Hidan.
"Well… if you insist." The silver haired man sniffed stroking his luscious silky armpit hair. "I'm going to cut the cake now!" He hinted, nudging the cake.
He frowned when the reaction he got was the sound of Shino picking out a bug encased in the snot of Sasuke's nose.
"I said… I'M CUTTING THE CAKE NOW!" Hidan screamed, his eye twitching in annoyance at the unresponsive cake. "Oh for the love of Jashin, what's taking you so long?!"
He lifted the lid of the cake and stuck his face inside it, only to pull back out and fall to the floor as the stench of freshly cooked flesh wafted into the room.
"OH NO! I must have forgotten to take Sakura out before I put the cake in the oven! None of you liked her anyway right?" Hidan laughed nervously awaiting the reaction of his audience.
A cold dead silence crept across the room, broken only by the clatter of naruto jumping through the half open window and landing smack head first into Sasuke's bum.
"How dare you ruin an Uchiha's perfect bum!" Sasuke huffed. "I'm the last of my kind, you know!"
"NOOOOO SAKURA! My only love, I rejected Sasuke for this and NOW YOUR DEAD IN CAKE!" Naruto wailed, devastated.
"I'm still waiting for my slice, you know" Suigetsu grumbled impatiently.
"Oh right, sorry Suigetsu, with all Naruto's childish commotion I completely forgot serving the cake." Hidan sighed, cutting a slice of what was left of Sakura's brain.
"Oh, the best part! I'm such a lucky boy! Hey Sasuke, would you like to share with me?"
"Sure." Sasuke replied, dislodging Naruto's whimpering face from between his arse cheeks. Together they picked at the burnt and steaming remains of the ugly pink haired ninja that no one liked(Except Naruto, who's a nobody in this story).
"Shino, it's your birthday, make a wish and eat a big piece! How about Sakura's eyeball?" Hidan grinned, trying to look friendly but epic failing.
"Oh, no thanks I don't think I stomach any more food, after all I have eaten five rabbits today…" Shino replied quickly, turning green and running to the toilet.
"Oh no! I need to pee though! Oh, wait, um… you might want to clean your carpet, I *hic* don't need the toilet anymore…" Deidara blushed, fiddling with something in his pocket.
"Oh, come on Deidara, lets get you cleaned up!" Hidan frowned at the girly blonde man, leading him into Shino's pristine bathroom.
"*hic* Ah, I can't seem to take off my pants!" Deidara cried, looking confused and staggering into a wall. (Clank).
"You should the booze, Deidara. Here, this the last time *cough cough* I'll be undressing you!" Hidan snickered, proceeding to take off the blondes clothing.
"Ah, you're such a good friend to me, Hidan *hic*" Deidara giggled like a schoolgirl.
"Anyway, get into the shower and we'll give you nice scrub." Hidan gleamed.
"Will you *hic* make some beautiful music with me?" Deidara asked, his dazed expression hanging into a stupid smile as he was shoved into the shower.
"Um… No, Deidara… Ah, look you've made such a mess of yourself!" Hidan scalded.
"Oh, Hidan cover your eyes! *hic* I don't want you to see me like this!" Deidara said, waving the silver haired man away with his arms.
"But… Deidara, I've seen you naked plenty of times on the illegal gay strip channel- " Hidan started, but his hands were forced over his eyes by Deidara.
"It's not the same! *hic* Now, wash me with this sponge I stole back from Shino!" He wavered, shoving the sea slug into Hidan's spare hand.
five minutes later, from the lounge room –
"OH HIDAN! Don't touch me their, ahhh that feels funny!!"
"Oh for the love of Jashin, I'm so sorry! Did I poke you in the eye?!"
"They sound like they're… having fun…" Sasuke remarked, eyeing the bathroom suspiciously.
"Hey Shino, since it's your birthday, would you like me to take you to strip club?" Shikamaru droned, draping himself onto Shino's couch lazily.
"Depends on a couple of factors… who's paying, and who's stripping." Shino winked sexily at Shikamaru.
And thus, they all went to the strip club.
Authors comments.
Merro: I BLAME RENEA SHE IS AT FAULT FOR THIS MONOSTROSITY!!
Renja: I blame the caffeine, hehehehehahaha….
Merro: NUUU my style has been cramped… and adjusted… and turned into CRACK
Renja: See more!
Merro: … Bruce Willis… ;_;