So.. Always happened. Have you stopped watching it on a constant loop yet? I haven't.
My self-inflicted fan-fic hiatus is officially over! I simply cannot not write something after that. So here you go. My re-hashing of what we saw, and soon to come, my imaginations of what we didn't.. Rawwwr!
Disclaimer: If I owned then they wouldn't be... oh..wait... what the hell is supposed to go here now Caskett is doing the deed? At any rate, I still don't own them. Wish I did.
As she confesses it all in just a handful of simple words she feels the vise grip release. The constant tug and pull of unvoiced feelings finally, finally, allowed free. She hopes it's enough but worries it isn't. His eyes show disbelief, fear; hot and coiling anger and confusion. So much pain she has inflicted on him. But his hitching breath, and the pulse rapidly thrumming in his wrist, under her tight grasp, speak of hope. Still softly burning, somewhere under all the pain she has caused, she feels hope.
"I just want you.."
She lunges for him, stops herself before he can pull away again. Her mouth hovers a breath from his but he makes no move to close the distance. He holds back and her heart breaks. Is this what he has been experiencing for four years? While he has waited for her to take off the blinders? She's been so very wrong. Blinded by a misguided search for the truth. It hasn't been her life since he waltzed in with his cocky smile and tender heart. Since he doggedly poked at her cracks and insistently pounded the rhythm back into her heart.
His gaze bores into her, trying to gauge the truth in her words. The meaning of her actions. She finds she has nothing else to say. 'I love you' would feel contrived in this moment. She thinks it might be exactly the wrong thing to say. He'd said it twice and she'd ignored his plea in her anger. The last thing she wants is for him to do the same. And so she waits, fingers twitching and pulse pounding in her throat.
Her hand raises, her fingertips reaching toward his lips. It's uncontrollable. A memento. 'Just in case,' she thinks. In case this is where it ends. It reminds her of so long ago in the freezer.
I just want you to know how much I..
How much she wants him. Only him. She never made it last time, never got to tell him. Cold overtook her and forced her to the black before she had the chance. But he knows now. 'At least he knows,' she thinks. She makes contact and it burns down her arm, sets her heart fluttering in her chest as the hardness in his eyes turns to fire. To hunger and desire.
But before she can drown in his stare, she's skidding across the floor and pushed against the door with a resounding thud. A momentary pang of fire shoots across her shoulders, the muscles over-taxed and bruised from her struggle on the roof, from hanging onto the ledge. It's gone in an instant as his mouth descends on hers, as he makes his way down her jaw. She runs her fingers through the short hairs at the back of his neck and guides him lower. Light stubble grazes her neck and a gasp escapes her lips. She feels it all the way to her toes. Long shut-off feelings sparking back to life. It's never been like this.
His ministrations are brutal and possessive, hungry. It's not even close to what she had expected when she'd knocked on the door. The walk from the swings to his apartment had cemented her faith that he was what she wanted, what she needed. But she had thought perhaps long overdue conversations and light, teasing banter would ensue. Tentative, first steps. She'd even entertained the ridiculous notion of watching those movies with him. The usual game of dipping in toes and then retreating to safe places. She'd been counting on the fact that he was 'Castle'. That he was loyal to a fault and forgiving of all sins when it came to her. However, all thoughts of pacing on her part had gone out the window when he'd addressed her so coldly, her last name spurring her into action, making her reach for his face and pull his mouth to hers. Desperate and slightly wild.
If this is his retaliation, a hostile takeover, she will let him have it his way. There's nothing left to lose. Her killer is gone; back into the shadows. Her job is gone; thrown away with a smile, at the realization that being a cop isn't what defines her anymore. Her wall... Obliterated when he had walked away, said they were over and meant it. Not really an issue for months now anyway, if she's honest with herself.
And if she's going to be brutally honest, she may as well admit his hands roughly gripping her sides and his mouth dragging his teeth down her neck, biting at her pulse point, toward her clavicle, and lower, is fulfilling many a late night fantasy.
'Go with it, Kate' she tells herself, arching into his touch, biting into his shoulder. 'Talk later.'
His mouth leaves a warm trail of moisture along her sternum, between her breasts. His lips press firmly against her, creating a suction, drawing her in. Like he's trying to breathe in her very essence and take away her pain. It's then that she realizes he's fixating on the puckered mark. Knowingly or not, Kate's not sure, but it causes her to chest to heave as she intakes an uneven breath.
It's then that he stills. His breath coming in ragged pants, his forehead resting against her chest for a moment before drawing back, his mouth hanging slack in shock. His gaze, transfixed and spellbound. Reverently he goes for the buttons on her shirt, peeling away the fabric and revealing the small reminder of such immeasurable pain.
But she won't let their fear define them anymore. She is alive, she is whole and her heart pumps strong and steady. She takes his hand and places his palm flat on her chest. She covers it with her own and wraps her fingers gently around his, squeezes and holds the deep creases of his heart-line in place over her scar. The pads of his fingers rest gently at her throat. Her other hand rises to touch his face, her fingers playing at the dimple in his chin, tracing the line of his jaw. Perfect.
It feels right this way. Linked and connected by hands and mouths and hearts. It's not raw want, but a deep-seated need. Sweet and delicate, a press of lips. Soft tugs and gossamer touches. Love and reciprocation. She hopes he can feel it, believe it.
Truth conquers all. She'd chosen the inscription in the spur of the moment, at the request of her father who had looked to her broken and simply said, "I can't." She'd thought he couldn't decide in that moment, that the options were too great. A long list of latin phrases ready to be carved into stone. And so she had chosen the one that stood out to her. It had been a promise to her mother; a vow to herself. She never realized, not until sitting on the swings in the rain and the fog with an empty seat beside her, that the truth she had so desperately been searching for wasn't answers or justice for her mother. Solitary in the deluge, with the city behind her blurred away and the fog creating eerie silence, one phrase kept repeating in her mind.
'I can't.'
Can't breathe at the thought of it being truly over. Can't imagine a world without him in it. Can't imagine being herself without him. Can't bear the thought of yet another lost opportunity. Not anymore. She'd found her truth and it was him. He was her light. Guiding her away from harm and leading the way.
He is her constant. A source of strength and courage. The voice in her head when all was lost and the end was certain. Always.
And now, as he pulls back slightly with hooded eyes and soft breaths, she thinks he's found it again too. Found the truth. Love. In her.
"Veritas Omnia Vincit." - "Truth Conquers All"
'Even emotionally delayed, communication-challenged idiots,' she thinks with a smile as she twines her fingers with his and leads him toward the bedroom.
Shout-outs to Avi, for being a kick-ass beta on the fly and flail partner. I didn't think anyone could put my flail to shame. I might have been wrong. It's a close call between the two of us. And to Nicole, for not being mad at me for posting this without her getting to do her usual job of ass-kicking. You're not mad right? Right? Love you McRib!
See that button down there? It almost feels like 'shutting the front door' when you click on it and send me a review. ;)