Author's Note- I'm planning on really finishing this story. I've got the first five chapters written. I've got a good feeling about this one, so please give it a chance. I'd like to give a huge thanks to Fall Down Again Bella for prereading my chapters and helping me, and to SodasGirl099 for helping me with the general idea of this story. I plan to have a song for every chapter, some working with only one scene or phrase and some working for the entire chapter. If I absolutely cannot find a song, I'll use a quote from one of the books. I'll keep a playlist on my profile so go check that out. Listen to the songs, tell me if you think they work. Please, tell me what you think by clicking on that little Review button. It makes me smile inside.
Disclaimer for entire story- I am not Stephenie Meyer and I don't think any of you would think I was if I said I was, so I'm not her and I don't own her story or claim to. And, I cannot sing or play any sort of instrument so I do obviously own any of the songs I use for the chapters, I just listen to them maybe a bit more than I should. I do, however, own a copy of all the Twilight books and an iPod with all of these songs on it.
Song for the story (my inspiration)- "When It Rains" by Paramore
Chapter One – Away From the Sun
"Away From the Sun" by 3 Doors Down
A small wad of paper hits my arm and bounces onto my desk. I snap out of my trance and look around me. Sitting next to me, Mike is looking at me eagerly. I sigh and unfold the paper.
Free tomorrow night? Party at Tyler's.
I don't want to lie to him and give him the hope that I will go to the party with him tomorrow night by saying that I'd go. But, I don't want to lie and make him think that I have plans tomorrow night by saying that I was busy. The only way I could come even close to telling the truth was by telling him that I didn't know. So, I turned towards him and shrugged my shoulders. He looked slightly disappointed, but he knew from the past that I often had no idea what I was doing over the weekend.
There was no way I could just tell him what I was planning to do. He'd try to stop me, but for the wrong reasons. I couldn't tell him that if I was successful with my plan that I wouldn't be busy tomorrow night, but I wouldn't be able to go anywhere. I couldn't just walk up to my boyfriend and tell him that I'm planning to kill myself this afternoon. Something told me that just wouldn't go over well.
The bell rang, I gathered my books and Mike walked over to me and took them from me. He insisted walking me to all my classes, even if we didn't share them. We walked in silence to my Spanish class. I could feel everyone's stares on the back of my neck. I should have gotten used to the stares, I was one of the "popular" crowd. I was supposed to be in the clique where everything was perfect and you had millions of friends and there was no point in dreams because life better then your dreams. But I didn't fit in there. People thought I did. But I don't think I can really fit in anywhere. That was mostly what lead me to my decision.
"Bye, Bells. I love you," Mike said, his lips brushed mine quickly.
"I love you, too," I whispered.
We both lied. Mike did not love me, and I most certainly did not love him. But, it was easier to lie to everyone and ourselves. We lied because we needed each other to stay at the top of the school. We lied because it was easier than having the whole school question you. We lied because we didn't want to admit that we wanted so much more from life. We lied. And, we both knew it.
Spanish and Trig passed much faster than I wanted today. Before I knew it, Jessica was telling some long story that I really didn't care about on our way to lunch. Mike met up with us in the line. He greeted me like he hadn't seen me in a month instead of two hours. He pulled his arm around my waist and held me next to him, tightly.
We moved to our usual table in a large pack, Mike and I at the center of it. I did a quick scan of the same faces around me. Then, I looked across the rest of the cafeteria. A group of five in a corner caught me attention.
Two of them, the Hale twins, Jasper and Rosalie, had moved here a month earlier. Their parents were lawyers and had decided that living in the city wouldn't be good for their kids. Rosalie was easily the most drop-dead gorgeous girl anyone had ever seen in their life. Jasper was just as beautiful, but something about him made to step back when you went to talk to him. Maybe it was the scars covering his arms and neck from a dog attack when he was younger. I had never seen them talking to anyone else, until today.
"Jess," I asked, I knew that she would already know the new students' life stories with how much of a gossip she was. "Who are the new kids sitting with the Hales?"
"Oh, the Cullens," she sighed, looking over at them eagerly.
I sat down and waited for her gossip skills to work their magic for me. I didn't have to wait long.
"Well, the big one's Emmett, he's a senior, and the small one's Alice, she's a junior, and the gorgeous one with the green eyes, he's Edward, he's also a junior," she said, pointing them out. "They're all adopted and just moved here. Their dad got a job as a doctor at the hospital so they moved here. Rosalie Hale has already got an eye on Emmett, and he seems to like her too, so no one has any hope to get him. Alice and Jasper are in my homeroom, and they were flirting the whole time. But, I don't think Edward has seemed too interested in anyone yet, so there's still hope."
I listened to the Cullen's story half-way once she got going. Emmett looked like a less-scary version of the Hulk. Alice had a pixie-like look to her. But, I couldn't dwell on them very long. My eyes wouldn't stay off of Edward. His skin was as pale as his brother and sister's, and it almost seemed to glow in the florescent light. He had bronze hair that stuck up in every direction. His eyes were emeralds set into his marble skin. To say that he could be an Abercrombie model would almost be an insult. He looked more like a Greek god.
Edward looked up and met my gaze for a moment. He waited just long enough for blush to appear before he gave me a dazzling crooked grin and looked back to his friends. My heart sped up slightly and I felt embarrassed to let some stranger do that to me. Luckily, Mike was involved in an argument with Connor about sports, so he didn't notice.
After lunch, Mike and I made our way to Biology. He sat on the edge of my desk until the bell rang. I stared at the empty seat beside me. Both seats would stay empty if I was successful. My mind wondered to the plastic bag of stolen sleeping pills. I hoped it would be enough to do the trick.
Before I could worry about everything going too wrong, Edward Cullen entered the room. He walked to the teacher and handed him a slip of paper and headed towards the empty seat next to me. I turned in my chair so that I could just barely see Mike. He had a look on his face that said I-really-don't-want-to-care-but-I-do.
"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen," he smiled.
"Hi, Isabella Swan," I said, a tiny blush creeping onto my cheeks, "But, please, don't call me Isabella. I prefer Bella."
"Bella," he tested it. "I like it," he commented.
We couldn't talk much longer. The lights turned off and a boring movie began on the TV at the front of the room. As soon as the lights were off, a strange feeling like static electricity flowed through my veins. It seemed to be coming from another place in the room. I tried to concentrate on the movie, but I couldn't help trying to figure out the feeling. They seemed to be coming from somewhere beside me.
As soon as the lights were back on, it was gone. The bell rang and students piled out of the classroom. I walked in a daze with Mike to Gym. When he kissed me before I departed to the locker rooms, I couldn't help but wonder if I would hurt him today and how much. Our affection for each other seemed only skin deep, but it had to hurt him at least a little. All through Gym, my mind kept wandering to the plastic bag in my locker. I wouldn't exactly call it nerves, I was more curious to how the whole process of dying was. Was there a Heaven and Hell? If so, which would I be sent to?
The final bell rang, finally. I said goodbye to my friends and retrieved the bag from my locker. I hurried to the girls' bathroom. There would only be a certain amount of time where no one would be there to stop me. I checked around and saw no one. I pulled out my note and taped it to the mirror above one of the sinks, my hands shaking.
I'm sorry if I hurt anyone. I just couldn't take it anymore. Life just became to hard to live, and it really was all a lie. I'll be happier this way. Again, I'm sorry. Please, don't try to stop me, I've made up my mind. Everyone will be better off without me, anyway.
Bella Swan
I pulled the water bottle out of my backpack and stared at myself in the mirror. Past the plain brown hair and plain brown eyes, I saw a girl who was dying inside. She wanted to break free of the mold she was forced into, but only knew one way how to. I knew what I had to do. I was tired of living this lie.
I stuck my hand into the bag and grabbed a few pills. I didn't want to know how many. I just forced them into my mouth, took a drink of water, and swallowed. Tears began to cloud over my eyes. I started to fumble for more pills. I couldn't control the tears that were now falling freely over my face.
Someone screamed from the door. I didn't look up at them.
"EDWARD! GET IN HERE! SOMEONE CALL NINE-ONE-ONE!" a high-pitched voice screamed.
I fought to hang on to consciousness, a battle that I knew I would all too soon lose. As blackness started to take over my vision, a Greek god ran into the bathroom. I felt cool arms slide underneath me and lift me up.
"It's all right," a velvety voice soothed.
I heard the faint sounds of sirens as I gave up my fight to blackness. I just hoped that help had been too late to ruin my plan. I hoped that I had been successful.
A/N- Please, please, please leave me your thoughts, comments, concerns, etc. in a review. Clicky on the little review button and write something and you'll make me smile inside. Thanks!