AN:
Because I can =D
Explosion
Have you ever had a fight with your best friend? It's one of the most horrible feelings you could possibly experience. At least, for me it is. It always leaves me with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I can't help but feel scared, alone. In the end, I always realize that it's both of us to blame, and that he may feel the same way that I do. We always fix it, and while it's never forgotten, it just becomes a part of who we are.
I hate fighting with him.
I sigh and look at my wall, blinking back the tears in my eyes. I was an asshole as usual – that's me, right? I'm the sarcastic, snarky asshole known as Kyle Broflovski. I can't just leave well enough alone. We were fighting, yeah, but then I had to turn around and add comments onto the end of it. Things had settled down, we just weren't talking – that was all. Then I have to go and be passive aggressive – I'm not usually flat out aggressive towards him. That energy is reserved for the fatass – and bam.
It's like magic. All I have to do is open my mouth, or in this case, let my fingers tap away at the keyboard. And then wow; I've fucked up yet again.
He just got his football scholarship. He came to me, excited and laughing and I let him down. I just smiled and nodded, as if it didn't matter to me. It matters more than he'll ever know. Of course, I think he could do so much better than just football, but it's his passion. I should have jumped up and danced with him.
Instead I said there and congratulated him, told him I was proud. The look of disappointment on his face will haunt me tonight, I just know it. He asked me why I never get excited. Why I sit there and act like I don't care – I care about other people, I show them that I do.
I just knew he'd get that scholarship. It wasn't a surprise to me. I've been helping him with his studies so he didn't get kicked off the team. We've been talking about this scholarship since grade ten. Still, I supposed I should have showed a little more enthusiasm.
I look towards my window and bite my lip, really trying not to cry now. It'll work for a while, and hopefully I'll fall asleep before my eyes give in to temptation.
It's not that I don't care about Stan, that I don't feel ecstatic when things go our way. It's just that I always want them to, so badly, that when they do, it's more of a relief than excitement.
I know we'll be okay again, or at least I hope so. For now, I'm just going to sit and wait for things to get back to normal, because I really do hate fighting with my best friend.