The afternoon lulled onward, and the crisp autumn air flowed, and everything was right with the world.

On the outside.

The wind whispered soft suggestions through the trees and crackling leaves, and danced along the fading grass. It was calm; it was forgiving, smiling at the sun and all its glowing radiance.

Something about the weather today made Stimpy want to vomit.

And he wasn't smiling back. Not today, not yesterday, not anymore.

The air was stiff in there once cozy, crazy house and screamed a certain dire hopelessness.

'Why does it feel like I'm always supposed to be happy?'... He thought with a crazed look in his eyes. A strange desire to turn the oven all the way up to broil surged through his conscious, the hope was that the dinner he so lovinglyprepared for Ren would burn to a crisp, then the oven would catch fire, then the whole god forsaken house. Then--by that time--Stimpy would be nowhere in sight.

Then he would smile again-- and then--

But these thoughts scared him, and he felt sick to his stomach.

'I'm not crazy. I'm just fine, just dandy. If anyone's crazy its Ren.'

'It's crazy that you still--' A little voice echoed, but he shook it off.

'No, no, no... I don't love him anymore.'

At this sudden revelation Stimpy felt his stomach turn a nauseous flip, his heart pounding endlessly and harshly and he wondered why it felt so wrong to even think that. He tittered nervously as he swallowed the tears that longed to be cried, and before he even had the slightest warning--

"Stimpy! I'm home!" He heard the keys jingle as the door crept open.

'Ren!' His mind and breath hitched.

In vain, he took in a breath, seconds rolled by... Hours? Only minutes? He didn't know, but it would do no good to act like his usual self, because he wasn't, but for normalcy's sake and sanity's sake, he would try.

After he caught his second wind, he walked into the living room.

"Hullo." Ren said almost too cheerily, and with the contrast of such stiffness and pain intermingling with enthusiastic glee, it set Stimpy into a much darker mood than before. And it reminded him of their longstanding 'relationship'; Stimpy's pain is to Ren's happiness.

Stimpy didn't reply, instead he tried to relax, leaning against the couch.

Ren looked at the other strangely, not expecting the silent treatment. 'Must be tired or something.' Ren thought as he took off his jacket and hat.

Almost seductively, Ren quirked a most charming smile, walking towards Stimpy in an effort to get his friend to smile, or speak, or something. Cause whether Ren would admit it or not, it was hard to be happy when he saw even the slightest change in Stimpy, especially if it was negative. 'Is he sick or something. Oh jeez, has he been rummaging through the trash again?' Ren thought idly, but still his smiled remained. 'Eeediot.' He added quietly in his mind, but what was once a name called out of annoyance was now a sort of endearment.

He was feeling incredibly well off today, for a change. But ever since he opened the door to their home, he felt an air of... well it just unsettled him to see Stimpy so un-Stimpy like.

He walked over, his arms suddenly open, and at the dramatic gesture, Stimpy flinched and jumped off the couch.

'What the hell!' Both of them seemed to think simultaneously. But they were on two different wavelengths, two different worlds.

"What's wrong, Stimpy?" Ren's eyes widened in uncharacteristic concern, but if you knew Ren like Stimpy did, it wasn't completelyimpossible. "You want me to kiss it and make it all better? Come on, usually I'm the one that's emotionally distant." Ren half joked, half seriously offered with his lazy accent. "How was your--"

Stimpy let out a loud, exasperated sigh, interrupting Ren's attempt at conversation. But deep inside, that's all he wanted, some reassurance. Ren didn't say anything more, looking more or less perturbed by the annoyed reaction, but he didn't realize his eyes looked sad, not mad.

Stimpy looked at those big eyes, full of concern, and something he couldn't quite place. He already felt as though he would crumble just looking at them even a second longer, and at that he turned away and walked into the kitchen.

Ren reached out in an unconscious will, but was too late.

Determined, he steadily walked into the kitchen, trying not to expect the worst.

That's when, in unexpected accuracy, they met each other's gazes. Stimpy shuddered but tried to shake it off, hating the fact that when he looked in those eyes, he still felt... things. Things he didn't like to say out loud even to himself.

'I used to be able to express myself.' Stimpy realized sadly.

He remembered a time when he was happier, when they were happier. But it was all a meddled, insane blur, colored with random bouts of affection. From both sides.

It still happened occasionally, but Stimpy was the type to want it all the time, as Ren knew all too well.

Ren saw Stimpy's half-lidded eyes and thought just one thing. But it brought on a medley of emotions, emotions Ren didn't like to think about, cause it made him want to feel... things.

They both snapped out of it abruptly.

Stimpy looked at him and managed a half-smile. "Want some dinner?"

Ren sighed in relief; glad he actually said something. "Sure, buddy."

Ren took a whiff and groaned in approval. "Smells good."

"It's your favorite!" Stimpy squealed familiar with the routine, and almost forgetting his turmoil. Almost.

But it felt good to feel normal for a moment.

Ren smirked while Stimpy got some oven mitts to get the dish out the oven. He stood on his toes to open the semi-reachable cabinet, pulling out a plate, dishing out Ren's favorite casserole, and got him a drink in a matter of a few moments.

'What a cute little housewife he is.' Ren thought randomly, smiling wider at the thought.

Stimpy placed the plate on the table, and instead of sitting next to him as usual, he walked over to the oven again, slowly turning it off. He then went to the counter and leaned against it.

As good as it looked and smelled Ren couldn't eat. Well, maybe just a bite.

In a few minutes, the whole thing was devoured. Ren burped then looked guilty, so he took the dishes to the sink and washed it.

Stimpy was still working through the thoughts in his head, but was unexpectedly pulled out of them, expecting for Ren to tell him to do the dishes. But he didn't.

"Thanks." Ren muttered as he quickly washed, dried and put it away.

Stimpy quirked his brow and whispered a, "Welcome."

Before Stimpy had the chance to speak, Ren walked over to him and put his hand on the other's arm comfortingly.

"You're acting strange today." Stimpy almost growled.

"Not as weird as you are anyway." Ren shot back.

Stimpy didn't say anything, just flinched away from Ren's hand.

"I'm out of here." Stimpy finally said, turning to leave, forgetting about his suitcase he packed earlier, which was placed on the edge of their bed upstairs.

Ren was frustrated and almost wanted to let him go, wherever it was, but his curiosity overtook him.

"Wait, what?"

Stimpy turned around and looked at him straight in the eye. "I'm going out." And I'm not coming back.

Ren chuckled, but inside he was about ready to fly off the handle. "Out? Where? Oh that's right," He slapped his hand to his face, remembering something, "The washing machine is still broken. You goin' to the laundry mat? Cause I've got some really dirty under-"

"No. I'm... just leaving." His heart skipped a beat, as Ren finally seemed to understand what he meant.

"What? What time will you be home?"

'Guess not.'

"Never." Stimpy sputtered out.

Ren's face turned red, concern was gone and anger replaced. "Where ya gonna go, huh? Do you have some little friends I don't know about?" He sneered, "or do you have a little boyfriend to go see?" He rolled his eyes, but at the same time, his heart did a leap at the thought.

Stimpy's eyes narrowed. "Why yes, Ren, I may just do that. Thanks for the lovely idea." Sarcasm and biting anger raged through his words.

Ren felt his temperature rise a few degrees. "You... you've been seeing another Chihuahua! Why?! How!" He raged, though he could feel his eyes getting watery. He couldn't help feeling a pang of jealousy and then... there were those.. feelings again. "If I ever see him, I'll--"

Stimpy simply scoffed. "You'll what?! And how do you know it's a him? Or a Chihuahua for that matter?!" He added the last part just for the hell of it, cause he really wasn't seeing anyone else. It hurt too much.

Ren exhaled sharply. 'He really does have someone else.'

"How do you know anything? How do you know?" Stimpy snarled. Ren's breath hitched and though he didn't realize it, Stimpy saw tears running down his friend's face.

"And why would you care?!" Stimpy's voice tweaked and got higher, a frantic edge to it.

"Don't even go there with that overprotective boyfriend stuff, cause its too dang late! I'm not gonna be your plaything anymore!" Stimpy screeched, not caring that every word that raged out of his mouth made Ren flinch and whimper, cause he liked having the upper hand for once. "I can't stand living everyday with your confusing psycho crap, wondering if huh, maybe today Ren won't try to break my neck!" Stimpy was already near tears now.

Ren bit back a flustered scream, trying to calm down, they talked about his hot temper before and how to handle it, but damnit, it was so hard to hear this coming from the one person who really ever gave a crap about him. And it stung too, cause it was all rang true, and no matter how many times he would apologize, he knew the scars were still there. He just stood there and took it, cause he deserved it.

"Don't tell me you care now, for god's sake! Do not!" He pounded his fist against the counter so hard it almost splintered the wood. "And I don't love you anymore!" Stimpy cried out, then a second later, he was in tears, trying to comprehend all of what he had just said.

"How long?" Ren weakly sputtered out. He didn't know how to take that, they rarely talked about how they felt, and well Stimpy did, but that was expected. But now he was finally realizing it's been like this longer than just today, he was just too blind to realize the warning signs, the little remarks, the forced smiles, everything.

Stimpy didn't answer, as he slowly let his body sink to the floor, a shuddering breath following. He looked at Ren, almost daring him to say anything more.

'--Oh god, oh god, god god god I want to just kiss you I want to hold you forever oh god I hate you son of a bitch I'm going to kill you just love me--' Stimpy's thoughts violently overtook him, as his eyes became almost catatonic.

Stimpy's mind was a bomb shelter. He let Ren explode on him and hit him and scream, cause inside he knew Ren could love and did love but didn't know how to show it. He kept the relationship happy and balanced, he kept things together. He let Ren scream at him all those years, hurt him, abuse him, and though he did realize he was sick enough to enjoy some of it, he knew other sides to Ren no one else had seen but him. That's why he stuck with the insane little asthma-hound.

A few minutes of very stiff silence followed, then Ren spoke.

Ren laughed nervously. "Did that f-feel good to let out?" He took in a shaky breath, finally seeing how bad he was really shaking.

Stimpy's eyes were in a furiously angry, depressed gaze and didn't reply. He took in a strangled breath and got up slowly.

Ren started to talk again, though he knew his voice was shaky, and he hated that. "Well, I... Stimpy. I know you think I don't.. care. But I do think I understand you pretty well, considering I'm usually just a masochistic bastard." He tried to smile, but didn't dare.

Stimpy grumbled.

Stimpy took in a disturbingly wheezy breath.

"But, you know?" Ren laughed again, "I realized something."

"What?" Stimpy spat out like poison.

"We've been through so much together, you know?" He was no good at this. He coughed nervously. "I just thought we'd be together forever, as much as I tried to get rid of you." He tried to joke, and when he saw Stimpy's livid glare, he sighed. "I.. I mean I was young and stupid, I was cruel then, Stimpy. Don't you see how hard it is for me to even say this?"

Stimpy exhaled sharply, "Yes! You're the one who is a clear soci-sociopath, not me! I can understand feelings and I can feel them too!" Stimpy almost laughed at the pure sarcasm dripping off his own words.

"Damn! How could I have not seen this coming?!" Ren seemed to be talking to himself more than Stimpy. Stimpy knew this was Ren's bubbling pot ready to spill over, but amazingly, Ren kept it relatively under control. "You're so different, Stimpy." He whispered.

"But you're my best friend." Ren stated as if that might solve all their problems.

"Is that all I am, a friend?" Stimpy yelled incredulously.

"No, I didn't say that! I said best friend!" Ren corrected.

"What am I to you anyway! I'm not a mind reader you know!"

"OK!" Ren screamed, suddenly grabbing Stimpy, shoving him against the counter. It was much harder than Ren intended, cause he saw him wince in pain. He muttered an apology, stroking Stimpy's side that rammed into the edge of the counter.

None of them said a word, but then something unexpected happened.

Ren's rare affectionate side came out and he let go of everything he had been told about feelings and how it was bad and unmanly and he --

Kissed him.

Stimpy's eyes widened, feeling sick. But then he realized it wasn't the usual selfish, urgent kiss... and suddenly became calmer.

Ren just held him closer, wrapping his arms round Stimpy's waist.

They never kissed like this.

Stimpy decided to let in the long over due affection.

So he kissed back.

Stimpy's eyes fell into an adorable half-lidded stance, letting the tidal wave of old feelings resurface.

Ren kissed him affectionately, tending to every detail, making sure he was enjoying the kiss as much as Ren was himself, if not more. He wanted to show Stimpy everything he could never say out loud and that turned out to be...

Something that was vulnerable and soft, yet passionate and intense.

A few agonizing moments later, they both stopped kissing to breathe.

They were both breathing shakily, and Ren had a lusty afterglow of thoughts, wondering why he never thought of doing that before, it was more than satisfying. Though Stimpy tried to ignore it, but he couldn't help but feel the same.

And then Ren mouthed out the words Stimpy never thought he was ever hear.

"If I did that for nothing, then I must really be a sap."

Stimpy let out a strange, relieved titter, and unconsciously held on to Ren tightly.

"He-hey!" Ren struggled to say, having trouble breathing.

"Oh shit!" Stimpy cursed, which was funny to Ren, cause Stimpy never cursed.

Stimpy let go of the other and moved away a few inches.

Ren sighed then looked at the other, his eyes wavering. "Stimpy." Ren suddenly said, and he looked around to see if anyone was watching.

He gave Stimpy a quick peck on the cheek and leaned in close to his ear.

"You may have stopped l-lov--" His voice quivered for a second, then he started again. "Lo--ving me." He drawled it out like it was painful, but he wanted to prepare himself for what he was going to say, hell its not like it would make a difference in Stimpy's mind. And that's exactly what Ren thought as he leaned in a little closer, "and I don't blame you."

Stimpy frowned.

"I don't think I can live without you." Ren said so quietly, Stimpy could barely understand much less hear what he said.

"Iloveyou." Said Ren all in one breath. He turned bright red then turned and sprinted up the bedroom or bathroom... or wherever.

Something screamed at him to go after Ren, so he did.

"Wait! Wa-wait Ren!!"

And what really drove Stimpy crazy was that outside it was still overtly pleasant and bright. He felt sick again.

"I.. REN! I STILL LOVE YOU!" He sobbed, almost collapsing to the floor but catching himself on the heavy coffee table as he reached for the stairs.

He didn't hear a response, so he began awkwardly running up the stairs, stumbling but sufficiently holding unto the banister.

He finally reached the top, running into the bedroom, finding Ren in tears on the bed. The suitcase was on the floor.

"Yo-you we-were really goin.. to leave?"

"Yeah." Stimpy managed to reply.

"I meant what I said, even though I know how you really feel, Stimpy." His breath became more even and settled now.

"Yeah, I know."

"You do?"

"Sure."

"Are you... still leaving."

Stimpy furrowed his brow, thinking.

"Yes."

"Ok." Ren was too exhausted to protest, he knew they both had enough yelling.

Stimpy grabbed his suitcase and looked at the shuddering form on their bed.

"You'll come back?"

"I think... maybe."

That was good enough of an answer for the both of them.

"Hey, uh Stimpy?"

"Yeah."

"Do you really still love me?"

"Maybe."

"See ya around." Ren whispered, clutching the covers.

"Bye."

Though Ren didn't see it... as Stimpy turned to leave...

He finally smiled.

Fin. (A/n: My first attempt at trying to grasp my own understanding of Ren and Stimpy's weird little love/hate relationship, and in turn, trying to make it believable and not too depressing. If anyone enjoyed this one-shot, maybe in the future, I'll write more Ren/Stimpy stuff, or a sequel to this.)