Mac and Will were sitting at the table in his office waiting for Charlie. He'd called down a few minutes earlier asking to talk with both of them.
"Do you have any idea what he wants to talk to us about?" Mac asked.
"No idea. But we're about to find out," he said as he saw Charlie walking toward his office.
"Good morning," Charlie said coming into the office and sitting across from them.
"Good morning," they both replied.
"I wanted to talk to the two of you about an idea I had. I just want you two to think about it for now, okay?"
They nodded.
"I'm thinking about a retrospective of the U.S. military's time in Iraq and Afghanistan as the troop withdrawal continues over there. What went right, what went wrong, the whole gambit?"
"I like it," Will said.
Mac was too quiet, Charlie thought. She knew what he was going to suggest.
"I want to send you and a team to Afghanistan to do the coverage from the ground."
Will looked at Charlie and then at Mac.
"I want you two to think about this and we'll talk again later," Charlie said and left Will's office.
"Mac?" Will asked, trying to get her to look at him. She was eerily silent.
"Yes," she finally responded.
"What do you think?" Will asked as she got up from the table and went to look out his window. Her shoulders were rigid and tight.
He came to stand beside her. "Are you all right?" he asked.
She nodded. "It's a great idea."
"Will you go with me?" he asked, rubbing her back. He wasn't sure if this was something she could do or not. Actually, he wasn't sure this was something she should do.
She looked up at him and said "yes, I'll go with you."
"Are you sure you're okay going back?" he asked.
"No, but I'm going," she said firmly. "Let's go talk to Charlie."
"I'll do it. Maggie wanted to talk to you earlier. Why don't you go see what unexpected emergency has popped up that only you can fix," he joked, pushing her out the door toward the bullpen.
He watched her walk slowly toward the associate producer desks and wondered what this had to be doing to her on the inside? The two of them had been spending more time together lately. Hanging around the office longer than was strictly necessary just to be together, but neither really knew what to do about it yet.
Were they ready for more? Ready to try to step back into each other's personal lives again? He hoped they were, but he knew they were never going to get anywhere if they couldn't talk about some things. Key among these were why she cheated and what the hell she was thinking when she threw herself into a warzone to atone for that sin. He would never understand it, not until she could talk about it…and that was just something she didn't seem willing to do as of yet.
Of course, he wasn't exactly chomping at the bit to reveal what he had said in that voicemail, so he supposed she didn't really owe it to him to be open and forthcoming about her feelings either.
He quietly signaled Jim to follow him into the hallway.
"What's up?" the young producer asked.
"You're coming with me to see Charlie," Will told him.
"Why?"
"Good God, can anyone around here just follow instructions without asking why?" Will wondered aloud.
"No, actually. That's why we're journalists. We ask questions," Jim replied deadpan.
"Shut the hell up and get in the elevator," Will grumbled.
They remained quiet the rest of the way to Charlie's office, but Will could tell Jim wanted to ask more questions. One quick scowl sent in the young man's direction seemed to make him think twice about that.
"Well, are we all in agreement then?" Charlie asked as they walked through his door.
"About what?" Jim asked, looking between the two men.
"Charlie wants Mac and I to go to Afghanistan to cover the troop pull outs," Will informed Jim and watched for his response. He seemed stunned for just a moment and then started to say something, but stopped himself.
"No Jim. Don't censor yourself. I brought you in here for a reason. I don't know what went on over there. Should Mackenzie be doing this?" Will asked.
"You're asking me to break a confidence here Will. I'm not really comfortable discussing my boss and one of my best friends behind her back."
"I respect that and I'm not asking for specifics. Just reassure me that I'm not asking her to walk back into a hell she never recovered from. Please?" Will practically begged.
Charlie watched the silent conversation going on between the two men and almost wondered whether he should leave the room.
"She hasn't dealt with it Will. Not by a long shot. And I'm not sure going back there is the best way to force her to do that, but if she's going to let her guard down with anyone, it's going to be you" Jim said quietly but firmly.
"Ok. Thank you for sharing what you could with me. And thank you for your concern for Mackenzie."
Jim nodded and left the room.
"So, can we start making travel arrangements for you two?" Charlie asked.
"Yeah. We'll need a production team. Not Jim, he'll need to stay here to cover for Mac. Some of the guys on Elliot's show are former military. They would probably be best," Will responded, hoping like hell he wasn't making the worst mistake of his life forcing Mackenzie back into the Middle East.
Mackenzie had been quieter than normal all day. Everything ran smoothly and they'd put on a good show but something felt off. The broadcast had finished almost an hour earlier. Will and Mac were the only ones left in the newsroom. He made his way from his office to hers, a walk he was sure he could complete successfully asleep he'd done it so often. She had all the lights off except for the lamp on her desk. He could see her sitting there staring at the wall, lost in her thoughts.
He knocked gently hoping to not startle her. She turned and smiled at him. "Hey, what are you still doing here?"
"I had a few things I wanted to work on, how about you? Why aren't you at Hang Chews with the team?"
"Didn't feel like it tonight."
"Do you mind if I?" he asked pointing at the chair in front of her desk.
"Please."
"Actually, I'll be right back," he said. He quickly went to his office, grabbed his bottle of scotch and two glasses and brought them back to her office.
He sat both glasses in front of her and poured each of them a drink. He picked up her glass and handed it to her. He took his glass and tapped hers and they both downed the scotch.
"Thanks," she said. "It's been a day, you know."
"I wanted to talk to you about the trip."
"What about it?"
"I need you to be completely honest with me, Mackenzie."
"Okay."
"Are you really all right to go back? You can tell me the truth. If you aren't ready, or can't, I need to know and I'm not asking for ACN or Charlie, or anything official. This is just you and me and you know you can tell me anything, right?"
She knew he was concerned and had every right to be. They were being asked to go into a very unstable area and he didn't need her being unstable as well.
"I do know that, Will."
"What are your thoughts about going back?" he asked.
"Would it be my first choice? No, it would not. Am I able to go? Yes."
She said it too quickly and with a hollow tone to her voice. He wasn't satisfied. "Will you promise me something?"
She knew he was trying to help. "What?"
"If something happens, or you need some time, or if you need anything you'll tell me? Please?"
He really was very sweet. "I promise."
"Thanks. Charlie has got our transportation worked out. We're going on a corporate jet from here to Paris, refuel there and then on to Islamabad."
He saw the color drain from her face when he said Islamabad.
"Why Pakistan? We're covering the troop pull-out in Afghanistan and Iraq. Why do we have to fly into Pakistan?" she asked, wringing her hands together.
"For the obvious reasons Mac. Nobody has ever really gotten any sort of an answer on how Bin Laden lived down the road from the Pakistani military without attracting any attention. And nobody is buying that the military knew nothing. We'll start there."
He sat back and waited for an argument that never came.
"Fine," she told him, arms crossed protectively around her middle.
"Fine," he replied, wondering if this was really the way they were going to play this. Acting like everything was fine when it wasn't. Pretending there was nothing to talk about when there, quite obviously, was. Were they actually going to spend more than a week together, traveling through dusty back roads and dangerous desert, and not kill each other?
"I don't want to do this trip without you Mac. I will, but I don't want to. But if we can't talk to each other…depend on each other, then anything we produce over there is going to be shit. You know it and I know it. You need to decide before we leave if you can trust me with whatever it is you have going on inside your head Mackenzie."
He set the bottle of scotch down on the desk in front of her and left the office, hoping that over the next few days she would find a way to let him in.
It wasn't until they were on the plane, nearly a week later, that he finally saw the first signs that her steely resolve was cracking.
"Hey," she said softly, as she moved toward the back of the plane, away from the rest of the crew, where he was sitting quietly by himself.
"Hey yourself. How are your ears?" he asked, as she took the seat next to him. She'd had a series of ear infections as a small child and the pressurization in airplanes could still bother her to this day.
"Fine, I brought lots of gum," she assured him, and pulled out a pack from her pocket to offer him some. He took a stick and popped it in his mouth and looked out the window. He was startled a moment later when she leaned her head against his shoulder and took his hand in hers. He tried not to whip his head around in shock.
"I remember being on the plane back to England with my Dad. He had come to pick me up at the Army hospital in Germany. He couldn't stop staring at me for the longest time, like he wasn't quite sure I had survived the whole thing. And when we were nearly to Heathrow he suddenly grasped my hand so tightly it almost hurt."
Will griped her hand more tightly in response and listened with rapt attention as she finally talked to him about some of that awful time they were apart.
"Do you know what he said to me?" she asked. He shook his head no because he couldn't quite find his voice.
"I don't care what the hell happened between you and William. You will not do that to your mother and me again Mackenzie Elizabeth. You did some damn fine reporting over there sweetheart, but it's time to go home now. No more hiding from your heart."
Will looked at her and rubbed his thumb soothingly back and forth along her knuckles. Mackenzie's father had always known how to get right to the point with his only daughter.
"And have you stopped?" he asked.
"Stopped what?"
"Hiding from your heart," he told her.
"I think maybe I have Will," she told him as she curled into his side and tried to sleep.
"I hope so Mac. I hope so," he whispered into her hair.
He kept her hand in his while she slept. They were getting ready to land in Paris and he didn't want to wake her if he didn't have to as he could tell that she hadn't been sleeping well since she found out they were going on the trip. They were only going to be on the ground long enough to refuel and then they'd be on their way to Islamabad. He was hoping she was going to sleep through this layover. She was restless as they landed but remained asleep. It wasn't until they'd taken off again and an hour into this leg of their journey that she woke. She lifted her head from his shoulder and he tucked her hair behind her ear for her.
"Where are we?"
"About an hour out of Paris. I thought your ears might wake you but you didn't seem in any pain, so I let you sleep."
She kissed his cheek and said, "thank you."
"You're welcome." He wanted to talk more about her time in the Middle East but she had to be willing to talk to him and he didn't want to push if she wasn't ready.
"Do you want to work some?" she asked.
"Sure, we can do some planning," he said opening a notebook.
They worked until about an hour before they landed in Islamabad. Their security attaché came around handing out their protective vests and helmets. The vests had the word "Press" across the chest. The security attaché went over security measures and their expectations of everyone in the group.
They were all getting their vests on when Mac saw Will was having some trouble with his.
He was trying to tighten the vest when he felt her hands on his side adjusting the belt for him. "Too tight?" she asked.
"Perfect, thank you. Were you okay getting yours tightened down?"
She smiled at him, "yes. This gets really hot," she said tapping the vest, "but I don't care how hot you get, this does not come off unless we are inside a secure area and even then, I'd prefer you keep it on."
"I won't take any unnecessary chances, promise."
They landed and got all of their equipment into the vehicles they'd be using both in Pakistan and for the drive to Afghanistan. Will and Mac were in the back of an armored SUV. On the way to their hotel their driver was telling them about the various areas they were driving through when Mac recognized the area they were in and grabbed his hand. When he looked over she had her eyes squeezed shut. He quickly pulled her into his side and put his arm around her. She buried her head in his shoulder.
"I'm right here, I've got you," he whispered in her ear. Her arm went around his waist. "We're out of the square area," he whispered. She didn't move.
"How long until we get to the hotel?" Will asked their driver.
The driver responded, "just a few more minutes."
He was rubbing her back, trying to comfort her. He felt her arm that was wrapped around his waist relax a little. "I'm sorry," she said into his chest.
"Was that where it happened?"
She nodded. "We don't have to go back through there, we will avoid it while we're here. If we need something from there we'll have one of the team get it for us, okay?"
"Will you go with me to the square?"
"Mac, you don't have to do that."
"Yes, I do. But I can't do it by myself."
"Anything you need, I'm there."
Later that afternoon, as they all scattered to separate places to unload their belongings and equipment at the decrepit looking hotel they would be staying in, Will tried to watch Mackenzie's every move out of the corner of his eye. He watched the practiced ease with which she moved about the place and envied her for just a moment. Though she had had a much more privileged childhood than he had, she knew a lot more about being out in the field than he did. He had spent years, maybe too many years, sheltered comfortably behind his anchor desk.
He startled every now and again at the sound of gunfire coming from soldiers at a nearby shooting range. And he heard the low drone of fighter jets patrolling the skies above them. It was an entirely foreign experience to him, but as Mac's nerves settled a bit, she seemed to relax into the once familiar rhythm of life in a war zone.
A few hours after they arrived Will found her sitting cross legged on one of the twin beds in their shared room. She was listening to her iPod and reading a newspaper…in Russian.
"Shouldn't that be in Arabic or Urdu or Farsi or something?" he asked, nodding his head toward the paper.
"No. I picked it up at the airport before we left. It keeps my mind occupied," she told him as she pulled her earphones from her ears. "Besides, I don't speak Arabic, Urdu or Farsi. I speak Russian. Would have come in handy thirty years ago in Afghanistan."
"You would have been ten," he replied.
"True. And you would have been twenty-three. What evil, nefarious deeds were you up to then Billy?" she prodded.
"Nothing that your ten-year old self would have understood."
"What about my forty-year old self?" she asked, pulling on his arm and forcing him to sit on the bed next to her.
"Your forty-year old self knows all about my misspent youth," he replied, tucking a damp strand of hair behind her ear. "How the hell do you get used to this heat? And the noise?"
"It takes a while, but then it almost becomes normal. When I first got back from here, I couldn't sleep. It was just too damn quiet. I was staying at my parent's house out on the edges of Oxford and all I could hear at night was the damn cricket's chirping and the wind in the trees. Where the hell was all the shooting and noise from the Army trucks and the planes? I spent nights wandering the house, then I started putting on old John Wayne movies and World War II epics. All that gunfire seemed to lull me to sleep."
"I couldn't sleep either," he whispered to her. "The whole time you were gone, I would leave the news on all night. I left the television on ACN and my laptop set to the BBC News. I was afraid if I didn't I might miss something. Some little tiny piece of news that might give me a clue where you were and if you were safe."
"I left you a letter you know…just in case something happened to me. You're not supposed to tell people that after you get back. All the soldiers say that. That it's bad luck to ever open that once you come home safely. But I still have it Billy, if you want to read it."
"I don't know if I'm ready for that Kenz. I want to be here for you right now and I have a feeling if I read that letter I'll fall apart. Does that make sense?" he asked, grasping her hand.
"Yeah, it makes a lot of sense Will. Thank you."
"So, whose idea was the shared room? Yours or Charlie's?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Neither. There are six of us here and there were only three rooms available. I thought you'd prefer me to one of the A/V guys you barely know."
"True," he replied.
"That, and I figured you'd appreciate seeing my bare legs a lot more than theirs," she told him saucily as she stood and dropped her pants to the floor and headed for the bathroom.
"I'm going to go take a bath" she told him as he stood transfixed by the sight of her in nothing but a loose t-shirt.
"This is going to be a long week" he muttered to himself and flopped face down on the bed.