I wanted to write something a little different for these two... Something more comical, compared to my other two fics. And thus, this fanfic idea was born!
...Or something along those lines.
As for its rating... I decided that it was a tad more mature than T, but I didn't think it was necessarily M, either... If they had a T+, this story would be under that category, but considering there is none, M it is. Just to be safe.
As for the title… Yes, I know it sounds strange. It was the first thing that came to mind, believe it or not. And guess what; "H" is for Hervey and Honey, and "S" is for Sigurd and Stickler. …Yeah, I know that's corny, but it was interesting to me how that may or may not have worked out.
It's the small things that piss Hervey off.
Me and Hervey – both bound together forever, aboard our pirate ship - were stuck bunking for the night. Which is nothing unusual, I should add; Hervey and I always seemed paired together, anyway. And given the opportunity, neither of us complained about the bedtime set-ups.
However, by request of Dario, "No funny stuff." And so we had to remain noiseless, yet more specifically, "motionless".
That was the first thing to tick Hervey off. "What's up with that? We're forced to sleep together, but we can't do anything? That's lame!"
Speaking to my distressed partner, I brought up Nalleo, who happened to be sound asleep in the room beside ours. Not only would our disturbance be rude, but I felt that to actually commence something with Hervey would be immoral with a child asleep nearby.
And so, in our pajamas, we lie completely still. Ah, no, let me clarify; While I'M lying motionless, Hervey's shifting for a comfortable sleeping position, as he does most every night.
Yet I noticed that when he seems upset, the wiggling intensified. The bed springs groaned underneath the shifting weight, and his thick comforter shuffled against the fabrics of his clothing. I said nothing, because I knew what was troubling my little partner.
The second thing that made him mad that night was my breathing.
At that point, I was thinking, Seriously?
And the list of odd complaints continued, "I can hear your breathing. Stop breathing." "Your skin's too hot. Don't touch me." "I can feel your heart beating. Make it stop."
Naturally, I found those statements to be full of nonsense. Therefore, I told him so, "Hervey, it's not like I have control over these things. You can sleep on a different bed or the floor, if you'd prefer."
Yet, in my bed he remained. And that was all the proof I needed.
Perhaps just to taunt him, I felt it was my turn to ask an equally-idiotic question, "Would you love me more if I were dead? My body would be cold, my breathing would stop-"
"Stop saying stupid stuff, Sigurd."
"Practicing alliteration, Hervey? So poetic." Amused, I noted.
The ever-witty one, Hervey paused analytically. Then, annoyed, he made a huffy before his slender body turned over on its side. Apparently, someone wasn't in the mood for our usual banter.
But our good-natured teasing did not cease then and there. Hervey the Furious added, "You're such a dumbass."
"Look who's talking." I countered with a chuckle.
If there was one thing I loved – just about more than anything – it was messing with Hervey. His reactions were just so predictable and so… cute. Although, I know how strange that might sound.
And that was probably the next thing that made Hervey angry that night; how I could conversationally annihilate him.
Evermore frustrated, he shoved his face in the abused pillow and moaned loudly.
Immediately, I silenced him, "Ssh! You'll wake everyone up, idiot!"
The wild redhead whirled his body around to lay flat on his back. Creak went the bed beneath him. "But Sigurd!" Hervey argued, "I REALLY want to-"
I put a hand to that noisy mouth of his. "Sh!"
"Pweaf, pweaf, pweeaff?" Before progressing with his pathetic, muffled speech, he lazily shoved my hand away from his constantly-moving lips, and then he pleaded. "Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
The voice of the desperate boy grew impatient, more demanding, and more childish-sounding, "Puh-leease?"
You're not the only one losing patience, my dear. "I said no, damnit. Just go to sleep, Hervey. I'm not-"
Abruptly, Hervey's impatient little fingers grabbed for my lower regions. Honestly, I don't know what he hoped to accomplish by doing so, but it didn't impress me.
"Whoa, whoa. That's off limits tonight, Hervey." I desperately attempted to keep my voice down.
"Come on, Sigurd. Quit being a tight-ass."
"I thought that was your objective right now…?"
"D-ah-Don't be such a tease!" Ah yes, Hervey's ego-bubble popped once more, causing soft laughter to erupt on my part.
But although his ego was destroyed momentarily, his stubbornness did not waver. His hand, now moving up my leg, would prove to be an issue.
"Hervey, knock it off." Hoping to scare him into submission, I dangerously lowered my tone of voice.
But that wandering hand did not retreat. It only persisted and began to venture further.
"Come on, Sigurd…" The pleading Hervey reduced his voice to a whisper, "Just a little bit?"
I wanted to savor the chance of proving my endurance, as well. And so I stayed put, not responding to that desperate mate of mine.
But now that I think about it, perhaps that was not the smart decision.
While Hervey continued his dramatic speech, I felt his trembling body closely cuddling into me. He rocked gently into my side. "Come on, it freakin' hurts a lot, and I think I'm going to explode. It's all, like-"
Sporting enough foresight to see where Hervey's train-of-thought was going, I intervened, "You can jerk yourself off on my leg all you want, but I'm not budging."
Such a stinging comment deserved that next huffy, I suppose. Those hurt eyeballs glared at me, his mood oozing with repulsion. "You're such an asshole. Why don't you wanna? You have no idea how much I NEED this right now, and every single night, I'm being turned on by you, one way or another… It sucks, man."
Wah, wah, wah… It went on, but due to my current state of exhaustion, the audibility of his whining seemed to fade, as my head became drowsy.
"Don't you wanna be with me like that?" Was the last thing I heard before an awkward pause entered the room.
…Right. It's my turn to say something now. "Hervey, I'm not in the mood."
"Then I'll MAKE you in the mood."
"Not gonna happen." I groaned in aggravation. Really, Hervey's my age? To this day, that still surprises me...
"You embarrassed to be naked in front of me or what? We've taken loads of baths together!"
A strange, morbid part of me was enjoying this strange, morbid predicament. My Hervey was just so desperate, towards which I couldn't help but want to tease him further.
It delighted me, to say the least.
"It's not that... And you know I don't mind seeing you naked." I added, hoping to add some lemon juice to that aching part of Hervey's distressed, egotistical self.
To my amazement – and perhaps displeasure – Hervey ceased all conversation. It seemed as though the poor boy was fed up with my wordly torture.
All was quiet, momentarily. Honestly, it was quite nice. I was almost enveloped in a sweet, comfortable slumber…
Well, "almost."
If only Hervey would stop moving…
As soon as his head slammed into my shoulder once more, I had to say something to prevent the madness. "Stop moving around. You're driving me crazy." Half-awake, I heard myself moan towards my partner.
He giggled a response, "I can't help it! I can't get cozy! I can't go to sleep, 'cuz I just wanna cuddle with you!" Why is he talking like that? Honestly…
Inwardly, I had a logical conference with myself. "Maybe I should just go to sleep, or at least, PRETEND to go to sleep. Then, perhaps, he'll leave me alone." "Maybe I should leave and find a different, empty bed to sleep in." "Maybe I should kick Hervey out." "Maybe I should…"
I chose the former option and remained silent.
Which turned out to be the next thing to aggravate my dear friend that night. The groggy form beside me rose, then spoke again, "You know what, Sigurd?" He spoke too calmly… It felt unnatural. "If I was the doting lover, I'd let you off with that. But not today. Not tonight. I'll just have to show you…"
And bang! Hervey's small body landed flat on top of me.
His erratic breathing, his touch, his heat… the way my lover's mouth was parted ever-so-perfectly to kiss… It was then that I noticed my own body; the same symptoms of undeniable love.
Maybe I DO want this as much as he does. Without intention, my fingers tenderly traced along the scar on Hervey's cheek. So soft... "Fine. I surrender. My ship is your ship." With my voice, you could sense defeat, but traced across my lips graced a smirk.
Eager to commence, Hervey began tracing my body with soft, fleeting kisses, all the while attempting to remove my nightshirt, to which I humbly obliged.
…But well, I'm sure you don't need ALL the details, am I right?
Within the next few seconds, I eventually succumbed to him. How could I not? He's the most beautiful-
Slam! Our bedroom door flew open. As the intruder took his first step in the room, me and my partner watched in horror.
The intruder beheld the perfect image of a dominant Hervey, lying across my naked, pounding chest. Neither of us had been stripped of clothing completely, yet Hervey's fingertips dug dangerously underneath the waistband of my pajama pants.
By taking a second glance, they could see my hands, one of which was located on Hervey's hip. The other arm was draped calmly around his back, pulling him into a closer embrace.
A third glance was not needed by Dario the Pirate.
"Goddamnit, you dumb bastards need to get the hell t' sleep right now!" Dario shouted at the top of his lungs. "And keep your horny, lovey-dovey-asses away from each other! I'm tryin' t' sleep!"
Slam! This time, the door was slammed shut, leaving us totally bewildered. Our eyes went from the door to each others' faces, then upon seeing our shared reactions, we laughed lightly together.
As our urgency subsided, both of us lie underneath the blankets together, and he cuddled tenderly into my shirtless chest.
He spoke, as he often does. "No action for Hervey. This sucks." He faked a sulk, which – in that moment – I thought was kind of cute.
I merely breathed a content sigh. For some reason, the smell of his hair was quite enticing. Salt of the ocean, sweat from a hard day at work, but all-in-all, its scent was distinctly that of my lover.
At last, we both became ensnared into sleep's consoling trap.
In another one of his frustration huffies, Hervey added, "Sigurd, I hate your guts."
"Love you, too."
As an added bonus to those who have enjoyed reading this fanfic, I now present a few quick bloopers!
[TAKE ONE!]
SIGURD: "And that was probably the next thing that made Hervey mad that night; how I could conversationally PWN him."
Ah ha ha, oops.
…Pardon my language, by the way. I believe… ha ha, I've been spending WAY too much time with Hervey the Furious lately…
This can't be healthy for me.
…Okay, you can stop recording now. Seriously.
…You know, now that I'm thinking about it, why did I agree to this script?
[CUT!]
[NEXT!]
SIGURD: "Sporting enough foresight to see where Hervey's train-of-thought was going, I intervened, 'You can jerk yourself off on my leg all you want, but I'm not budging.'"
…Geez, I can't believe I said that. That sounds… horrible, terrible… Not to mention, kind of disgusting. Eew.
Wow.
(to the oddball fanfic author) Do I REALLY have to say this?
[CUT!]
[NEXT!]
SIGURD: "But that wandering hand did not retreat. It only persisted and began to move to locations unknown…"
Well, I knew where its destination was, but I'm not going to tell you, because that would be indecent.
[CUT!]