AN: It was supposed to be crackfic kinda story, but I somehow feel like I lost my crack-fic touch in the middle there :) I hope you enjoy anyways. Oh and this is kinda AU-ish, but only for the fact that TW London and Yvonne Hartman still exist.

It was Monday morning. And Jack had ordered all of them to the conference room. Technically that was nothing out of the ordinary, seeing they had their daily morning briefing round about now. But Jack somehow looked less than excited.

Ianto was last to arrive, balancing a tray of coffee for every team member, as well as their guest, who already looked slightly impatient at him.

"Right, now that all of you have arrived we can start," the woman said, and Ianto couldn't lose the feeling this would not be over soon, or that this had nothing to do with morning briefings. Their guest had a ... rather 'official' look.

"My name is Greta Mitchell and I was sent here for a refresher on sexual harassment at the working place…" she started, walking around the conference table and handing out several papers.

"Did you just say Sexual Harassment?" Gwen asked.

"Who exactly did send you?" Jack asked curios.

"Why would we need a refresher to begin with?" Owen asked the same time as Jack and Gwen threw their questions in the room.

"Director Yvonne Hartman sent me, assuming you are long overdue for this," Greta informed the round and looked at no-one specifically.

"Of course she would," Jack just said. Ianto rolled his eyes, Owen groaned, Tosh starred down her now empty coffee mug and Gwen just looked confused, as if she was trying to figure out who Yvonne Hartman was.

"Why now?" Ianto asked, looking all professional.

"Because the last one was…" Greta started, before looking through a few papers and finding what she had been looking for a moment later. "… was about 2 years ago. You are aware, Mr. Harkness, these are supposed to be held once a year?"

Jack looked unimpressed at Greta. Ianto would even go as far as saying he was annoyed. But then again it was Torchwood London and Yvonne Hartman – of course he would.

When there was no response from Jack – who decided for once to be smart enough and not have the last word – Greta Mitchell turned towards a laptop and started with what she came here for.

"Sexual Harassment is bullying or coercion of a sexual nature, or the unwelcome or inappropriate promise of rewards in exchange for sexual favors. It is unlawful to harass a person (an applicant or employee) because of that person's sex. Harassment can include "sexual harassment" or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature."

Looking into the round during Greta Mitchell's presentation, he saw more or less all of his team looking bored and just plain annoyed, which amused Jack to no content. The only exception was Ianto, whose face already changed six shades of red, probably thinking of the exact same events Jack was thinking about right now. Events that most definitely included sexual favors and verbal 'harassment'. But Jack knew for a fact that Ianto was far away from complaining and happily participated in his own version of 'harassment'.

"So… in connection with this I will be holding one-on-ones. I know that everyone has questions and most of these are certainly more easy to discuss when not everyone is listening…" Jack all of a sudden heard Greta. He had sort of drifted away pretty much from the beginning, not really listening to whatever the woman in front of him had to say. But that certainly got his attention again.

"One-on-ones?" Gwen was the first to ask. Jack could see that if she hadn't, Owen or Tosh would have been next.

"What exactly are you…. Exactly expecting as an outcome from these… one-on-ones?" Owen asked confused. A question, it seemed, everyone in this round did have on their minds. And maybe it was a bit of a ridiculous question, seeing this was supposed to be a refresher on sexual harassment. So the expected outcome was predictable.

Instead of an answer Greta was just looking at Owen matter-of-factly.

Jack was about to answer to Owen's question with his usual sense of humor, but it was Gwen who replied before he had a chance.

"Let me give you a short cut to what is going on…" she said and saw Greta looking at her expectantly. "I slept with Owen," she said, pointing at Owen. Owen almost spat his coffee out in surprise, Ianto almost chocked on the sip of coffee he had just moments earlier and Jack couldn't help but grin – while patting Ianto's back, who was coughing. "Like twice, maybe three times. But it was kind of work related, cause I'm actually engaged to Rhys. But he certainly did not force me to it. I mean, if he had, I would have taught him a whole new level of pain…" Her last comment got a snicker from Jack and an almost smile from Ianto, who had managed to recover from the coughing.

"I want to sleep with Owen, but… well I slept with Tommy though. He used to be in our storage facilities, frozen and only woken up once a year. So, not sure whether he is considered employee," Tosh was next to say. Her revelation – at least the first part - didn't surprise anyone really, not even Owen.

"I'm only sleeping with Jack. Although, technically I was sleeping with Lisa as well, but she was Torchwood London and …. Well, I hid her in the basement until she was trying to kill us all and Jack shot her. So, not sure she counts into that as well," Ianto informed her after having been so silent during this. His revelation wasn't as much of a surprise as everyone was just so taken aback by the matter-of-factly tone of voice. Ianto usually was a very private person.

"I'm only sleeping with Ianto. Though, I am certain I could – if I wanted to – have Gwen as well," Jack said, winking at Gwen, who blushed, but also laughed. "Can't say there aren't any sexual favors involved with Ianto and me though – but I always figured he gives as well as he takes. And it surely isn't harassment if you enjoy it," Jack said, hearing Owen groan and seeing Tosh and Gwen just grin at him. He continued a moment later. "I also used to have something with a leader of Torchwood Cardiff…" He surely didn't miss Ianto's expression at that, which he had to admit, gave him a few thrills. "But that was before the term sexual Harassment ever existed, so I'm sure that doesn't really qualify…"

"Well, as already mentioned I slept with Gwen. I could have Tosh and I am certainly not going anywhere near these two," Owen said, pointing at Ianto and Jack for his last statement. Jack made an effort to look shocked, while Ianto just rolled his eyes again.

When the whole round looked to the front of the room to where Greta was standing, they all just saw her looking horrified. There was silence for a few moments, before Jack got up, pulling Ianto with him.

"Let me help you and speed this up," Jack said, looking at Greta, who was still standing on the same spot, not looking any different to what she looked like a few moments ago. "Anyone in here feeling sexually harassed or bullied? Does anyone feel like they are at disadvantage with anyone because of being either male or female?" Jack asked, looking at everyone and saw everyone shack their head pretty quickly. "Does anyone see any need in this refresher?"

More shacking of heads.

"Good, I guess we can get back to work than," he said, smiling. For him this was over. "Ianto… I would need your assistance with some work-related artifact…"

"Just because it happens on your desk or it involves some office-kink-fetish doesn't mean it automatically qualifies as 'work-related'," Gwen yelled after them, smiling, seeing the color on Greta's face drain a moment later completely. Maybe this had been a bit much for her then. But it should at least teach her a lesson.

"Why don't you let me and Ianto be the judge of that," Jack just replied, laughing, when Ianto dragged him away even quicker.

"Welcome to Torchwood Three, where we do things differently. Even sexual harassment," Owen just said and a moment later Great was left alone, wondering where the hell she had walked in on.

"Bloody Torchwood."

*-*-*-* FIN *-*-*-*