On the Origination of Catboys
by Valemon
Disclaimer: Don't own B-Daman, sorry.

Armada enjoyed many things in life: a scratch behind the ear or under the chin, a good catnap, a bag of high-grade catnip, a ten-course meal (one of his most beloved things of all), crafting b-damans... And, on occasion, payback.

He had lost an excellent batch of his best b-damans several years ago, at the hands of one of the most ungrateful little boys he'd ever known. Long nights of toiling over his work table were gone in the few seconds it took for the boy to shatter them with his best work of art. He held on to that resentment long after the boy and his master disappeared, cultivating it in the dark recesses of his mind and waiting for the one day he would be able to punish that boy.

That he would find that boy skulking around at night, while Yamato and his friends were away, was pure serendipity. That boy was likely waiting around for Liena to notice him before running off again. Moonlight limned his face, and for the moment that ugly scar didn't look quite so ugly. If forced, Armada might be willing to admit that that boy didn't look half bad.

He wondered vaguely if Mie had accidently slipped catnip into his supper. It would not be the first time.

Had Armada been a cat of normal weight and height, his attempt at cat-like stalking would have caught the boy off guard. As it was, the night was just silent enough for the boy to hear him. Bright blue eyes flashed as the boy whirled to see him approaching. Oooh, shiny. Armada liked shiny.

"What do you want," the boy sneered. His arms crossed in front of him in a gesture that Armada was sure looked defensive. In the moonlight, the boy's skin was so pale. Like milk. An involuntary purr started up deep within Armada's chest at the thought. Mmmm, milk.

Armada fought hard to keep his tail from swishing behind him. "You were a very bad boy, Enju."

The boy smirked at that. "It's what I do."

His tail fought him with every ounce of strength it had. He frowned as he gave up self control. "You're not sorry at all, are you?"

Uncertainty wavered briefly in the boy's eyes, but it was quickly hidden by that mask of arrogance he always wore. Liena liked masks too, Armada noted. They would be well-matched someday. But now... now the boy had shiny eyes and skin like milk, and Armada was hungry.

Armada didn't think he would be to blamed. The boy was enticing, and taking advantage of him would be adequate payback for him destroying many nights of hard work. And really, it had been a long time since he played with a human toy. With this in mind, he pounced.

The boy collapsed easily under his gargantuan weight, even with all those muscles that made Armada doubt the boy was anywhere under the age of fourteen. All things considered, the boy was putting up a very good fight. Armada simply purred and let his tail swish away as Enju struggled to escape the prison of yellow fur (and fat, which Armada would never admit to). Once the boy's struggling tapered off, Armada shifted around to taste his prey. The raspy, broad red tongue brushed over one of the boy's knees. It was time to play.

- Two Months Later -

"You're getting too fat," Mie pointed out to him.

Rather than deign to respond to her quite yet, he gave a great yawn and stretched as languidly as he could. It was quite a feat with his weight. She did have a point, though. He was fatter and more ravenous than usual, and his belly felt weird. Now it was almost painful. He stopped mid-stretch as something actually hurt, then curled up on himself in hopes that it would go away.

All the while, Mie watched him with an almost calculating look in her eyes. Then, before he could hiss at her to go away, she went off on her own.

Maybe the last meal was bad. Maybe the eggs were undercooked. Maybe -there was another jolt of pain again- he had a kidney stone or something. Maybe an alien had taken residence in his intestines and was trying to break out and would be tapdancing on Mie's bar.

Mie and Liena marched in with clean towels (all marked with the Cat Cafe logo), water, and a sense of purpose that made dread trickle down his back. No. No way. It just wasn't possible.

A couple of hours later and the universe proved that yes, it was possible and yes, he was going to pay for taking advantage of Enju. Armada was left curled up and panting on the floor while Mie and Liena cheerfully towelled off a litter of kittens that looked to be half-human. Armada had remained in shock and denial since the first was presented to him, so Mie and Liena took charge of cleaning and feeding the kittens with warm milk.

Armada, the b-daman sage, had kittens. Three of them. What kind of unholy universe let a male have half-human kittens? Maybe it was a demon. Bierce was a demon. This was all Bierce's fault. He wasn't sure how, but blaming Bierce seemed to be the best option available.

It took him a while to recover. Whatever had cursed him with male pregnancy (Bierce, he was sure) had not cursed him with the ability to produce milk. Thank the B-damage for small favors. He knew he was supposed to feel maternal and stuff like that, but he really wanted nothing to do with them. It was just as well that Mie and Liena fawned over them. Maybe his kittens would be adopted by Mie. Mie was a good mother and an excellent cook. He liked Mie. And surely Yamato wouldn't mind three new siblings.

Once he was well enough to devour another ten-course meal, Mie and Liena came up to him with the kittens. They had fine, short golden fur, which he was sure would end up like his, but only one of them had opened its eyes.

Bright blue eyes.

Armada couldn't decide whether to be horrified and shocked that the thing even existed or pleased that it looked cute. He settled on shock. Shock was easy to do.

There was the telltale tap on one of the windows that usually signified Enju's visitations to Liena. The poor girl (how was Armada going to explain that he had... uh... "sat on" her potential boyfriend?) trotted out the doors with one of his kittens still bundled up in her arms.

Curiosity won out and he perked his ears to catch their words.

"Look, Enju," Liena chirped cheerfully outside the cafe. "Armada had kittens! This little boy is just one of three. Isn't he adorable?"

Silence was Enju's only answer, though it was punctuated ever so often with the mewlings of kittens. Armada's mind still tripped over that. Kittens!

Liena continued, oblivious to the situation. "We're going to wait until Armada gets over the shock, then see whether or not he wants to keep them. If he doesn't, Mie's gonna adopt them. Isn't that sweet of her?"

The response was so quiet that Armada almost didn't hear it. "Oh my god," that boy whispered in a strangled voice that was almost as horrified as Armada felt.

"Oh, look! He even has your eyes!"

There was a loud thunk as Enju either fell over or into something.

Maybe that would count as revenge.

-End-