Author's note: Trigger warning, and yes I meant to type this all in lowercase letters, it's for effect (like David Levithan and John Green in Will Grayson ,Will Grayson) and yes I know this sucks it's my first attempt at self harm angst feedback is welcome I can take criticism. Enjoy x

i sat in the back corner of the locker room shower, shirtless with my arms wrapped around my pale, bruised torso. i rocked back and forth slightly trying to push away the memory of what had just happened.

i have two rules for getting through high school, rule number 1: shut up, rule 2: ignore everyone. and i just happened to have broken both of them. i tried, i really did try to follow them and since they usually harassed me in the locker room but this time it was different. now, being made fun of for being gay was inevitable but when they made fun of my crush was different. louis tomlinson was perfect, call me fag and princess and trash but call louis trash and i will freaking lose it. i shoved one of the smaller ones to the ground and all hell broke lose, they ripped my shirt off and they hit me. and they hit me and it hurt so bad. the worse part was the saw the scars and now i'm not just a fag, i'm an emo fag.

i heard the sound of the locker room door opening and shutting and i let out a small whimper and tried to make myself disappear.

voice: anyone in here?

oh shit was that him. i started panicking and watched the shadow of his thin body walk towards the shower. when he finally came into view, i whimpered again and his eyes locked with mine

louis: oh my god are you okay? what happened?

he came over and knelt in front of me, a look of concern on his face.

me:

louis: who did this to you?

me:

the concern was replaced with determination and his eyes hardened, i felt my stomach drop. i wasn't going to be known as a squeeler. and all that crap they tell you saying"telling someone makes you feel better", yeah its definitely crap. all it did was get you beat up, and besides, it violated rule number 1. i shook my head, still not saying anything. i would not break down in front of louis. i could cry alone and maybe in front of a few bullies but never in front of louis.

louis: harry, (he knew my name!) why can't you just tell me?

oh i'll tell you why. i cannot tell you because if i do i will be violating both of my rules, if i tell you i will break down crying, if i tell you i will want you to hold me and just tell me everything's going to be okay, if i tell you i'll want to kiss you. so i will not tell you.

me:

louis: fine just... just stand up.

i felt his strong arm wrap around my waist, lifting me off the ground onto my feet. i winced, feeling some of the scars on my sides popping open again. i stared at the ground, even though i was taller, he was much broader and muscular than i and he lifted me easily. i knew this was because i stopped eating a year ago, and i just sat in my room listening to music and staring out the window. well, sometimes i did homework.

louis sat me on the bench and knelt infront of me again. i felt my heart rate pick up and i self-consciously wrapped my arms around my waist in an attempt to hide my body from him. the next thing that happened, well it was amazing, louis hugged me.

louis freaking tomlinson hugged me.

and that's when i started to cry. letting out everythign i've been holding in for almost three years. all the pain, the anger the sadness all at once. and all louis did was stay there and he held me.

and that's more affection i've gotten in three minutes then i've gotten in my entire life. it was wonderful.

louis: hey harry its okay, its okay can you tell me who hurt you?

he moved away slightly, his hands still semi around my waist and i stared into his bright blue eyes with my dull green ones.

me: everyone.

he looked at me kind of confused at first, but then he understood and moved closer. at first i thought he was going to hug me, but then i felt his soft lips against my dry ones and i started crying again. immediately louis pulled away and began apologizing,

louis: ohmigod harry i'm sorry i thought you were- did they-?

instead of answering his questions vocally, i just kissed him again. the feeling of his lips was better than anything i've ever felt before. i melted into him and pulled him closer, even though i was having this moment of euphoria, i knew it would take a long time before i could really be happy.

and that was okay.

i'd always thought i'd meet louis at like a stupid party and we'd get close, and i'd slowly open up to him, i didn't expect it all to happen at once.

but here i am, now sitting on louis tomlinson's bedroom floor, after the locker room incident telling him everything. and he listened patiently, letting me cry at parts i needed to, and holding me close when i seemed unable to was until i got to the part about my dad.

me: it just kind of happened, i mean first my mum left us and before that, my dad was always a little too close. and once she was gone.

i shook my head at the memory and felt myself tear up

me: he kept touching me and i knew it was wrong but my dad was huge, muscle wise i mean, like he was built. and when i told him to stop he kept doing it then he pulled my shirt off and-

louis: harry...

me: no i'm not finished. and he's been doing almost everyday since then and he won't let me leave unless it's for school and he hates it when i meet new people and-

louis: harry.

he was a bit more firm this time so i stopped.

louis: you don't have to finish it's okay. isn't this a bit overwhelming?

i thought for a moment, i suppose it was but after three years of not being able to tell someone i needed this. but he was right, i should stop.

me: okay.

louis: now, can i take this off of you?

his fingers played with the bottom hem of my long sleeved shirt

i winced at the question.

louis: no no no not like that love i'm not trying to have sex with you or anything i just want to see something.

i nodded and helped him lift up my shirt. although i really didn't know him for that long he was the only one i really trusted. so i let him see me, even though it was extremely uncomfortable, i knew he wouldn't hurt me in anyway. he gently took one of my arms, running his fingers carefully over the old and new scars.

louis: baby please don't hurt yourself, you're beautiful. i like just like this, and don't let anybody tell you that you're any less than perfect.

i knew he meant what he said, but i still didn't believe it. anyone who hated themselves knew that believing anything positive people said about you was just so hard. normal people always tell people like me "oh you're gorgeous", "i wish i looked like you". well no you don't. well i suppose i don't know anymore, i don't look in the mirror.

louis: look, i could say this until i'm blue in the face and you probably still wouldn't believe me so c'mon.

he stood up and i stood after him, following him into the bathroom.

louis: close your eyes.

i did, and i felt my stomach drop when i heard him shut the door. i knew what was on the inside. and i wasn't sure if i was ready for this.

louis: open your eyes.

just for louis' sake, i opened my eyes slowly watching myself appear from behind my eyelids on the mirror in front of me. he stood behind me, his hands resting gently on my waist, keeping from falling since i could feel my knees going weak. louis looked so strong, but delicate at the same time. but in comparison i looked like death. i felt myself tearing up then he wrapped his arms around my torso and rested rested his head on my shoulder. when he spoke, i couldn't help but smile a little when i heard him mumble into my shoulder,

louis: i know you think you're horrible and ugly and so many horrible things, but i don't just like you i love you the way you are. i love that you're tall, i love your curly brown hair and your bright green eyes. they may be dull now, but i've seen the way your eyes sparkle when you get excited about something. which isn't very often but they're still beautiful. and i've seen your smile a few times when mr. cate makes a stupid math joke, and i've seen the way you look at me.

louis: the way you look at me, makes me feel so excited that you're looking at me in that way. if anybody else looked at me like that, i wouldn't give them the time of day. because they're not you. you make me happy. you make me smile and scream on the inside. you're the one who broke my heart every time you looked away from me. mister harry styles, you take my breath away. and i would like you repay you. so if you please,

he looked up into my crying eyes, the look was almost pleading.

louis: please, Let Me Fix You.