As Valentine's Day approaches, I thought I'd repost this baby...
Love, Hugs, and Chainsaws m'friends! ^_^
Sheldon rolled his eyes as he walked into his classroom that he was guest lecturing. There was a female student taking up the very center, front row of the long table that could seat three students with an enormous pink and obnoxious teddy bear with heart buttons for eyes. He almost had it in him to hack into the school's database and get her expelled for the possession and possible selling of a narcotic, but the long hand of his wristwatch ticked to the twelve just in time. He muttered under his breath of how his need to stay on schedule just saved her pathetic attempt at an education… he, then, made it his personal goal to scowl at the girl every time he made eye contact. In the end, it hadn't made a difference. The class was over and the girl was all smiles and rainbows as she almost skipped out of the lecture hall. When the room was empty of the incessantly moronic creatures called 'students', he slammed his palms down upon the table and bowed his head with his eyes closed… "Valentine's Day… HOKUM!"
He hated this day… he hated it more than 'Saturnalia'! Although he was able to escape the banality of high school because of his high intellect, he was NOT able to escape the farcical totality of elementary school. His eidetic memory nearly MOCKED him about those few ridiculous years. The teachers had treated him like some common preschooler instead of the intelligent Homo Novus that he was. A week before the accursed day, they had him doing this bombastic craft of using a Kleenex box and some paper plates to create a 'Valentine's Day Card Holder'. He found it utter unrealistic and refused to participate until they threatened to call his father. He was afraid of his father then… he was drunk and unstable and would LOVE the chance to have a reason to beat him, so… he gave in and created a genius's Valentine Holder. He used his eidetic memory to recreate a perfect R2D2 with his plethora of paper plates, crayons, scissors, paste, and any other tool he found lying around.
The next week found him learning a new topic he'd never given a damn about until the day of Valentine's Day… that topic… sociability. His mother received the list of children in his class and made homemade cheesecake pops for each of them. Sheldon didn't understand WHY even though his mother explained it several times, 'Everyone wants to know that they're liked, Shelly. Now, I've put a card with their names on them… make sure everyone gets one.'
Sheldon went to school that day with a large handbag full of Valentines and a sad, twisted feeling in his stomach. What if… what if no one got him a Valentines… does that mean… does that mean no one likes me? Sheldon, even at a young age, coddled himself and was reminded of what his Memaw said, that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about him as long as he likes who HE IS and… Sheldon loved himself more than anything in the world.
The teacher waited until the end of the school day before allowing the students to pass out their Valentines. She told them to put their Valentine Holders on top of their desks then to lineup in the back (where their cubbies were). Then she gave them all the OK to pass them out. Sheldon had memorized every seat then had arranged the cheesecake pops in that order from back to front. It didn't take him long to pass out his Valentines, but he hesitated to go to his desk. He couldn't express this feeling of dread he had just by staring at the perfect R2D2 on his desk, but there it was… pulsing in his throat. The teacher told them to gather their stuff from their cubbies then head back to their desks to get their Holders. The bell rang for the kids to leave and go catch their buses or rides home and the happy cries filled the air as the kids all grabbed their Holders then ran out…
Sheldon… He stared down the aisle way leading to his seat in the dead center of the room. His teacher noticed his hesitation, but said nothing as he put on his book bag, shoulder the straps of his handbag, and walked towards his desk. He swallowed and felt a tension he only got when he was about to look under his bed for monsters and spiders… with one more deep inhale… he snatched the box and his heart teleported out of his chest… nothing. Not even one of those overrated cards with silly cartoon characters on them. He hugged the Valentine Holder in his arms and rushed out of the room before his teacher could stop him.
Sheldon nor Leonard spoke on the drive back to Los Robles. The memory of Valentine's Day was not one that made him sing a song of praise about the inferior holiday. He couldn't believe that Leonard, the circuitous infatuated chatterbox of amorous affection, wasn't going on and on about his and Penny's plans. Intriguingly so, he looked completely miffed. It was against his better judgment, but… it was a social requirement of the 'best friend' to inquire his change in mood, "Leonard… you seem to be emitting an energy of resentment… did something happen between you and Penny?"
Leonard's hands gripped the steering wheel painfully tight as his voice expostulated with a nagging tone, "I don't want to talk about it, Sheldon."
Sheldon shrugged his shoulders, "Fair enough."
Leonard parked and they both headed toward the front of the apartment. They passed a women with bouquets of roses, couples arm and arm, and even had to deal with a woman talking far too sugary into her phone right outside the glass doors. It was hard to tell which of the men was more disgusted. They walked in and Sheldon noticed Penny was at the mailboxes, but not nearly as much as he noticed Leonard sprinting for the stairs. It was too late for the homunculus, though. Penny turned and stopped short of the stairs as the two of their gazes collided.
Sheldon hated tension and was about to break it up when he saw the tears in Penny's eyes build up and she raced up the stairs. He sidestepped and watched the woman flee then looked to his short friend and saw shame in his eyes. What had transpired was still a mystery, but he found himself almost caring, until a man carrying a basket of chocolate covered strawberries with hearts and lips designed on them and the handle of the basket rimmed with ties attached to balloons. The man went to the mailboxes and looked for a last name. Dear LORD Sheldon hated Valentine's Day. His attention span was taken for a moment long enough to allow Leonard to ascend the stairs. Sheldon sighed and followed suit.
By the time Sheldon got to the top of the stairs, Leonard was already in the apartment and the door was closed. Sheldon reached for the door handle but stopped as he heard the strained sobs next door. Sheldon had already tried to comfort Leonard so his logical mind stemmed that he needed to try and comfort his other best friend. He dropped his hand from his apartment door with a huge sigh and strode over to 4B.
Knock, Knock, Knock, Penny.
Knock, Knock, Knock, Penny.
Knock, Knock, Knock, Penny.
He heard her sniffle and a bunch of other static noises before she made it to the door and opened it only slightly, "What is it, Sweetie?"
Sheldon had seen Penny cry before, but never had he seen her so… dejected. She had bags under her eyes as if she had been crying for days and she was dressed like all of her clothes were dirty… just a tank top, Hello Kitty shorts, and a very loose robe. She wasn't looking him in the eye and that's what worried him the most, "Penny… I am afraid that the Friendship Agreement entails that I 'checkup on you' from time to time and I decided to execute said rule. Therefore, how are you?"
She gave a very small smile, "Would you like to come in… share a hot cup of tea with me… maybe catch me up on what's happening in your universe?"
Sheldon considered that for a moment and nodded, "That sounds acceptable…"
She gave another weak smile and he slid into her apartment then stood in absolute shock. Her apartment was SPOTLESS minus a few tissues building up on her coffee table. She moved to her table and apologized for the mess as she scooped the tissues into her hand and threw them away in the kitchen. He just stared around the room in awe until he got to 'his' chair and sat in comfortable silence until she returned with a mug of tea with the string still draped over the side and the Cornhusker's logo on the side. He thanked her and dared to take a sip and his eyes go wide again… his tea was prepared perfectly. He looked over at her as she sat forward and stared down at her table while sipping her own tea very dolefully.
He waited for her to just blurt out what was troubling her, but she only sat in silence… as if she were basking in her self-loathing. He hated this… He put his cup on the table loudly and put his hands on his knees, "Normally on this wretched holiday; you'd be mewling and indulging yourself with chocolates and ridiculous amounts of champagne, but… I can't help but wonder why you are so sullen. Please, Penny, explain your current emotional state so that I may act accordingly."
Penny licked her lips and stared down at her cup. She looked as if she was going to decline to speak, but she sighed in defeat and tears ghosted down her cheeks as she whispered dismally, "Leonard cheated on me."
Sheldon groaned internally as Penny gave a very cynical laugh before adding while wiping her tears with the sleeve of her robe, "I should be used to that by now. I mean, it's my fault, really. I can't give myself fully to someone and they eventually just find it in someone else. The sad part is… I'm not mad at Leonard… I'm mad at myself. I mean… I think of how utterly pathetic I am to catch my nerdy boyfriend bouncing on top of your assistant and I… I just can't stop crying." She brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her long sleeved arms around her legs and proved she was right as she started to cry again.
Sheldon's eyes went wide… ALEX? Leonard was engaging in coitus with Alex? When… WHERE? He wanted to ask so many questions, but it wasn't his place to ask. He swallowed and stood. He stared at the door for a longer amount of time than he meant to as he plotted his escape, but this was HIS doing. He made her speak, so… it was his duty to comfort her… the question was… how?
He sighed and moved around her coffee table to sit on the side of the couch closest to the door, giving him another glance at his escape. He sat beside her and truly read her body language. She wasn't sobbing anymore… just hiding her face with encircled arms around her knees. His eyes fell to a cluster of her honey burnt hair that usually resided behind her ear and he didn't fight the urge hard enough as his right hand brushed against her flush, heated cheek to wrangle the hair behind her ear. He was shocked with himself, but more so at the shock that he hadn't moved his hand when she looked up and turned her head towards him and found his hand cupping her cheek.
Sheldon couldn't help but feel a pinch in his chest at her face. She looked so vulnerable at that moment… she looked like a damsel in distress that he couldn't allow to be eaten by a dragon. He showed compassion in his face as he rubbed his thumb under her eye and wipe the tears away. She leaned into his hand and closed her eyes in a heavyhearted way and Sheldon's chest set on fire. He ghosted his fingers over her cheek then let his hand drop as he spoke as softly as he could, "Penelope, if my presbyopic, addlepated roommate cannot see you for your transcending core of tenderness and acceptance that has made you a valuable addition to our social circle then it is only fitting that he should be reduced to copulating alone with his diseased pizzle."
She opened her eyes and gave him a very tired smile, "Thanks, Sheldon… I don't know what a pizzle is, but… I can imagine it was an insult at his private areas."
Sheldon dropped his hand from her cheek and tapped his nose signaling she was correct and Penny gave a chuckle. She took in a deep snort of mucus and moved her legs down to the floor, "So… how was the tea?"
She asked to change the subject and he appreciated it as he turned his body forward towards the table with his hands on his knees, "It was quite perfect… may I say that you are the only person that ever gets my orders correct. My food, my accessories, and my drinks never suffer in your hands. Even my own mother cannot make tea the way I like, yet… you managed to get the right temperature, the perfect sugar and honey amount, and even the correct number of stirs. You may have your moments of subpar thought processing, but in the end… your focus to detail is the most gratifying part about you. Penny… you will not allow Leonard's stupidity to make you a recluse, will you? I cannot stand for you to vaporize your presence from our circle. Please do not cry anymore. You're far too exquisite to strain your face with such sadness."
He turned his body slightly to make sure his words were the correct ones and he was met with Penny pushing her hands down on top of the middle cushion of the couch with both arms and launching her lips against his. The initial contact was a fast collision and brought stars to his eyes but her lips were so soft that they felt like rose pedals pressed up against his mouth. She moved her velvety kiss over his bottom lip and applied suction. It made a rumble in his chest that pleased him to no end… but also made him panic. He jumped off the couch with his cheeks aflame and his breathing starting to go erratic.
Penny's face went into full regret as she leaned herself back into further cushion of the couch and she pulled her knees to her chest as she spoke, "I'm… I'm sorry Sheldon. Force of habit."
He tried to slow his heart down with deep breaths as he let out a lone huff; he licked his lips, and cleared his throat, "No. No. It is I who should've been better prepared for your emotional riposte. Good… goodnight, Penny."
He headed to the door and opened it to move through, but Penny's voice stopped him, "Oh… SHELDON… Wait!"
He spun around slowly with the door's handle in his hand and watched her sprint into her bedroom. She spent only a few moments until she walked back out with her hands behind her back and a small smile. He tilted his head as she stopped a few feet from him with a very suspicious smile. He narrowed his eyes and she quickly brought her hands around to present him with a box of Red Vines with a ribbon around it, holding a card with a drawing on it. He just stared at it and Penny wiggled the box, "It's for you Sheldon… Take it!"
She gave an involuntary sniffle from her bouts of crying as he took it from her cautiously and took out the small card that didn't open... just had R2D2 standing beside a washing machine with a bubble over R2's head with a heart in it on the front. Below the image was something written in Penny's handwriting. He had to squint to read it and he gave a small smile to the words… it said, Happy Valentine's Day, Laundry Buddy!
Sheldon looked up at Penny and she gave a gorgeous smile, "Happy Valentine's Day, Moonpie!" She moved in and pecked him on the cheek and wiped her nose on her sleeve. He stared at the card for God Only Knows how long before he spoke, "This… this is the first Valentine I have ever gotten. Th… Thank you, Penny." He looked up at her with teary eyes and gave her a real smile.
Penny had a saddened look on her face, but it softened at the happiness that was splattered all over his face, "You're welcome."
Suddenly, his face twisted into its normal, serious look, "Penny… I have not gotten you a Valentine… but know that I will be giving Leonard some much deserved torment when I get back over there… would… would that suffice as repayment for your thoughtfulness?"
Penny looked at him slack jawed for a moment before she chuckled and pushed her hair behind her ear, "That sounds perfect. Go give him Hell, Sweetie."
She gave him a wink and a smile as he nodded and gave a smirk. He clutched the Red Vine box in one hand held the Valentine in the other right in front of him and looked at it as he walked over to his apartment, hearing Penny's door close behind him. He couldn't stop smiling, even as he entered the apartment with Leonard sitting at his desk and turning to question where he had been. Sheldon dropped the card down to look at Leonard… the 'I'm Going to Kill Batman' smile curled upon his lips.