Replacement.
Summary: "Am I but a replacement?" his tears cried. "Do you still love him, not me?" SLASH. Angst Oneshot.
Warnings: Angst, gore, OOC, slash (male/male), happy ending
Disclaimer: Me no own Harree Potty.
He was once self-confident, sure in his ways.
Now, he is just a shell, broken and shattered, never to be fixed again.
XxxX
At first, he thought it was true love that they had together. Soft words were spoken, understanding the other more. Flowers, simple gifts were exchanged during the courting. Then, they shared their first kiss. Tender, loving,gentle. They shared all of their firsts that day, made love in front of the warm fire, on the fur rug where they shared numerous cuddling sessions.
Confessions of love were made as daily rituals, never failing to reassure the other that they were loved, before leaving their refuge.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Then, everything changed.
XxxX
They had arguments like any other couples, but they always made up, along with the great sex.
That one time though He strangled him, making white and black spots appear in his eyes. He scratched at His hands, tried to make Him let go. He couldn't breathe and soon fainted.
He woke up to the white ceiling, walls, white everything of the familiar Hospital Wing. He was on his bed, one specially made for him, being the most frequent patient. Madam Pomfrey and He cooperated to make it their birthday present for him.
Hearing sobs, he turned to his right, and there He was. On a chair, His head in his hands while he kept wailing out apologies. When He realised he was awake, He hurried to tell Madam Pomfrey the news and collapsed on the bed.
"I'm sorry, sorry sorry! Please don't leave me…"
He stared at the ceiling, feeling strangely bereft of any emotion. Later on, he was told that he was in shock by a tearful Madam Pomfrey.
His larynx was destroyed.
XxxX
After that, He rarely left his side. However when He did, He always came back shortly, checking on him frantically, if there were any new wounds.
He had to make do by using a spell which made selective thoughts write themselves out on a space above his head. He was always smiling, trying to be optimistic. He had promised that it would never happen again, and he believed Him.
He was very protective, and never let him out of His sight. He even ordered him to always inform him when leaving their quarters, even their bedroom.
The next time, when he disobeyed Him and went to the bathroom to get his glasses, he slipped and had a concussion.
He felt a sharp pain to his eyes and woke again.
He was back in his bed. He could feel the same cotton sheets around him, keeping him safe from the cold. It was dark, so he tried to tell someone to turn on the lights. He felt a familiar calloused hand hold his, and heard a hoarse voice plead for his forgiveness.
"Please forgive me, I never meant it, I thought if you never needed them anymore, you would never leave my sight again… Forgive me!"
Smiling softly at Him, he tried to tell Him that he would always forgive Him, no matter what He did. His gratitude and relief made His voice sound choked up.
"Thank you, Thank you!"
Later on, he was told by Madam Pomfrey that it was not at all dark, all the curtains were pulled open, and the sunlight was pouring in.
Facing the open window and feeling the warm sunshine on his face, he ignored the stinging behind his eyes and smiled contentedly at Him whenever He came by, never giving away any hint that he was hounded by nightmares at night, unable to sleep.
The nerves in his eyes were disconnected.
XxxX
He spent his time learning how to listen more, and had a more somber and serious air around him. However, he still spent much of his time with Him, cherishing each moment.
The last straw came when He mistook him for another. A mere simple common name.
XxxX
His whole body sagged in soul-deep sorrow, regret and despair. Traitorous tears escaped from under his fused eyelids, his throat clogged up in his disarray of emotions.
" Am I but a replacement?" his tears cried out for him words that he would never be able to speak. "Do you still love him, not me?
"Despite all I have endured and forgiven, despite the love I willingly gave you, you still think of me as him?
"I am the one standing in front of you, the recipient of your affections, the one who returned your feelings. Yet, you still love him, the one who not only refused you but also publicly humiliated you?
"You not only call me his name, you made me look like him. Since you can't change my voice, you erased it. You made me him.
"Am I not enough?"
No, He said, fumbling for words. I love you, not him. It was just a slip of the tongue, just that. You are all that I've ever wanted.
"Yet, you called me his name. Is that not a big enough clue?"
No, I'm sorry. I just can't help it. Both of you look so much alike…
He never listened, he merely turned away and walked to the door. Before leaving, he looked longingly at Him.
"I love you, but I am not my father."
He left, leaving a heart-broken and regretful man behind.
XxxX
Months later, Harry Potter opened his door to Severus Snape.
He held a bouquet of wild flowers, snowdrops and lilies. His favourites. Just like when He first gave flowers to him during the courting.
Handing the bouquet to him, He allowed a few tears to drip down His cheeks.
"I'm sorry. I love you, Amor. "
Just like that, Harry smiled at Him happily, eyes shining suspiciously with what looked like tears. Tears that just exclaimed-
"I love you. "
XxxX
He was once self-confident, sure in his ways.
Now, he is just a shell, broken and shattered, never to be fixed again.
Then again, he didn't mind being broken along with his Severus, and that was what counted.
That was the end. :) Hope you have enjoyed this story!
Just to clear things up, Harry had some magical eyes custom made. Think of them like Moody's.
Severus does love Harry in his twisted way. However, at that time he still loved James deeply.
1) He strangled Harry so that he would never speak, and so that He would never have to hear the vocal differences between them.
2) He stabbed Harry's eyes so that he could imagine his eyes to be hazel, like James'.
3) Due to his injury, his flesh of his eyelids fused together.
4) Harry looked just like James in every way then, so Severus accidentally called him 'James'
5) In the end, they got back together as Harry understood the reasons Severus did those things. He was not happy with them, but he understood. Severus spent those months apart trying to decipher his feelings, as to whether he loved Harry or James. He came to the conclusion that the reason he missed Harry was not because he missed the things James did. He never did knew James after all, it being an unrequited love. He missed the things that Harry did, the things that made up Harry.
They exchanged letters for a few weeks before Severus had the guts to approach him in reality again. Then, they lived happily together. THE END
Hope this helps you understand!
PS. I couldn't resist this!