Dear Stuart
I'm writing this letter from a hotel roof in london. Donna said that writing you would help me not think of you so often. I'm not sure how she reckons that, but I figured, why not?
I'm not going to go on about the sights here, you wouldn't care for it. You were right. I haven't had a better shag yet, not for lack of trying though.
I feel like a twat writing this. This feels almost like I'm writing something Lisa would send Romy. It's not though. And it's not goodbye, no matter what Donna thinks.
I told you I could wait, and I will. I'm not like Vince though. I want to see the world a bit before I go chasing after you again. You'll see me again someday. After all, I am the one that got Stuart Alan Jones to ask me to stay. I could say beg, but we both know you'd just throw away the letter if I said that.
I'm not that 15 year old kid you met for the first time anymore. I'm Nathan Maloney. It doesn't have as much of a ring to it as your name does, but it sure has the same meaning here.
I know how much Vince means to you and I hope you guys get it sorted out. I jimmied the door hinge of Vince's new car a bit that that sod bought him and sent him K9, by the way. Just in case you wanted some background if it came up. Sometimes, you lie just as badly as Vince does.
You'd never have asked.
I would ask how Alfie is doing, but I seriously doubt you will write back. I wrote Lisa instead. Romy still hates me, not that I care all that much.
See you when I do, I guess.
Nathan