A word with Ed.
Me: hello….
Ed: why're you staring at me like that?...
Me: no reason…*mentally disturbed smile*
Ed: *plays with automail*
Crowd: BOOOOOOOO YOU STIIINNK!
Me/ed:…..
Me: so, let's start. What do you want to talk about?
Ed: How I ended up chained to my bed and dragged here in a swarm of fangirls.
ME: oh yes, that…*evil grin*
Ed: AAAAAALLLL?!
Me: the fangirls have him niiiiiccce and comfy….
Ed: *narrows eyes*
Someone in crowd: I WANT TO TAKE YOU HOME EDWARD!
Ed: *scoots chair in a panicked way across stage* WHAT DO I HAVE SO MANY FANGIRLS THAT WANT TO DO EVIL THINGS WITH ME?!
PERSON IN Crowd: CAUSE YOU ARE SOOO…..*foams at mouth and dies*
me: ok then, let's get to what we all came here to see.
Ed:*looks terrified*
me: LOL, no we're not THAT evil…
Ed *still looking terrified*
Fangirl: we're gonna chain you to your bed again and-!
Me: calm down girls…well, mostly girls.
*Fanboy stands up and gives a speech*
Me: so Edward, what made you decide to get automail?
Ed: *silence*
Me: hmmm?
Ed: *silence*
Me: do I need to let out the fangirls?
Ed: No! no! I'll talk!
Me: good.
Me: let's try again. So ed, what made you decide to get automail?
Ed: well, I was young and stupid, and I thought if I could get limbs and join the military, I could return my brother back to normal using the research I found there. Like I said, I was naïve.
Fangirl: but that's what made you SO DARN CUTE!
Ed: *raises his sexy eyebrows*
Me: ok so let's get to some interesting stuff. Ed, do you think of yourself being visually appealing?
Ed: *puffs out chest* Yes. Yes I do.
Me: *sighs* you're so arrogant.
Me: ed, what do you consider to be the best thing you've ever done?
Ed: well, al and me did make winry a birthday present when we were kids, it was a little brown bear plush. We worked really hard on it, we didn't use alchemy.
Fangirl: I liked the part in book 17, chapter 76, page 24, panel 8!
Ed: WHO'S WRITING A MANGA?!
Hiromu-san: *jumps up* I AM!
Ed: SHUT UP YOU STUPID BOVINE!
Hiromu-san: ok! *sits down*
Me: now for a special guest…..
Ed: WHO did you KIDNAP NOW?!
Me: your girlfriend.
Ed: WHAT?! WINRY TOO?! *blushes and coughs* I mean, SHE'S NOT MY GIRL FRIEND!
Me: sure, sure…..
*winry walks onstage*
Win: hey ed! Is my auto mail ok?
Ed: yes, my auto mail is fine *glares*
Winry: oh, sorry, are YOU okay?
Ed: never better. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? I'M STRAPPED TO A CHAIR!
WIN: *shrugs*
Ed: *still glaring*
me: let's spice things up. Oh, FANGIRLS, bring me Alphonse Elric!
Fangirl: ALPHONSE I LOVE YOU!
Al: *stutters* oh,, um, thanks? *fidgets uncomfortably and manages to look embarrassed through armor.
Me: Alphonse you are the DEFINITION of cute little brother. Do you have ANY FLAWS?!
Al: Well….. I prefer not to talk about them….
Everyone: HE HAS FLAWS?!~!?
AL: Everyone has something…..right? ( -3-')
AUd: LET'S HEAR EVRYONE'S!
BOOOM! *Wall crumbles*
FANGIRLS(who know Izumi's line by heart): WHO are YOU?
IZUMI: I'M A HOUSE WIFE!
*CHEERING*
*IZUMI sits down with Ed Winry and al*
Izumi: well I'VE got some flaws of the Elric brothers' to share!
Ed and al: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG! NOOOOOOOOOO! *AL hides in corner*
Me: let's START!
IZUMI: I'LL GO FIRST!
*Everyone mumbles 'ok…'*
Izumi: Ed secretly TRANSMUTES STATUES OF WINRY!
Ed: I DO NOT!
*WINRY BLUSHES*
AL: Your so cruel teacher…..
Izumi: you're not denying it though are you?
Al: no….
Ed : *Looks at Alphonse with a crazy look to him.*
AL: I'M SORRY!
ED: Well I know some of teacher's secrets!
Izumi: no you don't.
Ed: *pouts*
Winry: I'VE GOT ONE!
Even when Al was 11 he still wet the bed from time to time!
Al:* fidgets*
Ed: HA! YES HE DID! HA. HA. HA. * smiles crazily*
Izumi: *gives him the lame eyes.* you're just trying to get the attention away from you.
Ed: PEH!
*Granny Pinako walks on stage*
Pin: OH ALL OF YOU CALM DOWN. I've got some things about everyone here I could spill.
*everyone goes into hysterics*
Me: ok, let's change the subject.
Me TORTURE TIME!
*video screen lowers*
Me: al, your first!
Al: oh no,…
*documentary about kittens comes on*
Video: Feral mothers will often abandon a kitten if they are sick.
AL: *is already in tears*
Video: once abandoned, there is little to no chance of survival.
Al: nooo!
Video: * goes into the horrible part of documentaries where the food chain is shown* *hawk is shown swooping down and catching the kitten in its talons* and the food chain begins. *ENDS*
AL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
ME: (crying) *sniff* al, I'm with you on this one.
Ed: ok, I don't like cats, but that was pretty awful.
Winry: that…that was BAD.
Me: Winry your turn!
Win: oh great.
Video: welcome tooooooooo, THE AUTOMAIL WRECKAGE SHOW!
WIN: NOIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
MOVIE: *BANG, CRASH, BOOM, CRUNCH*
Win: NOOOOOP0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Half hour later…
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*everyone looks tired and crazy, Winry is hyperactive still, and panting*
Me: let's move on.
Me: Ed, here's yours…
Ed: I CAN TAKE ANYTHING! MWAHAHAHAAHAHAA!
Me: oh really?...
Movie: MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK,!*shows pictures of milk*
Ed: NOOOOO! I CAN'T TAKE IT!
Everyone: *laughing really hard and pointing in tears*
ED: *looks menacingly at me*
Me:*hops up and runs away*
*with video still playing, Ed goes mad, attacking innocent fangirls, while hunting me down*
2 hours later…
*last of the cleanup crew is seen leaving stage*
Fangirl: EDO-KUN TOUCHED ME! I GOT TOUCHED BY ED-CHAN!
*realization sets in over crowd…*
FANGIRL: HE TOUCHED ME TOO!
FANGIRL: HE RAN INTO ME!
FANGIRL: I GOT WHACKED IN THE FACE WITH HIS WONDERFUL BRAID!
FANGIRL: …..*pants heavily while looking insane* WEEEEEEELLLLLL, IIIIIIIII FELT HIS BUTT.
Ed: *blushing profusely* DID NOT!
Me: hehehehe, so let's move on….so did any of you figure you had this many fans in this world?
Al: I Didn't even know there was another world!
Ed: I figured somthin' like this.
Al: did not.
Ed: DID TOO!
Me: GOD do you people ever stop fighting?!
Everyone: NO.
Me: ….alrighty then, now it's time foooorrrr, last but not least…. POPULARITY VOTES!
*audience takes out clickers*
ME: WAIT! NOT YET!
*Envy, Riza, Roy, Ling, Ranfan, Fallman, Armstrong, Maes, and Hovoc get on stage*
Me: AAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDD,…..START!
*clicking is heard*
-later-
Me: and now the winner issssss….*looks down at card*….BLACK HIYATE!
*crowd chatters*
Me: all right, all right, it was EDWARD.
*unbelievably load cheering from one half of the audience*
Me: Second is Roy…
*other half cheers*
Me: Third is Alphonse AND Hughes….
*everyone cheers*
Maes: * kisses picture of Elecia and hold up proudly*
Me: fifth is Riza And Ling….
Crowd; YYYAAAAAAAY!
ME: 6th is Winry and Izumi, 7th is Envy, 8th is Havoc, 9th is Ranfan…
Me: 10th is …. Armstrong and Fallman!
*no one cheers, but Armstrong still rips of shirt*
Win: THESE POLLS ARE JACKED UP!
*everyone in the last places concurs*
*Ed and Roy are seen battling it out with glares*
*envy starts tuning into his true form*
*Winry gets out her trusty wrench*
*Roy puts on his gloves*
*Al protects his kittens*
*Izumi manages to look menacing while throwing up blood*
*ling orders Ranfan and Foo to protect him*
*Havoc lights another cigarette*
*Maes gets out throwing knives while guarding Eleicia's picture*
*Ed rips cloak off*
*talk show ends and lights dim, I'm left in a emptied auditorium with several of the scariest people looking at me menacingly*
Me: hahaha… well t-this was f-fun r-right?!
Ed: NO.
Envy: welllllll….. It kinda was….
Everyone: SHUT UP ENVY!
*Ends with everyone closing in on me*
THE END