Getting to Know You: A Collection of FMA ficlets
Note: These ficlets are in no way connected to each other. Some do not even come from the same universe. They are in no chronological order, nor do they fit within any sort of theme or plan. They are merely tiny windows into characters lives as I see the need to write them. There may or may not be spoilers in them, read at your own discretion.
Disclaimer: The characters contained within do not belong to me. They belong to the respective creators, owners, and licensors of the Fullmetal Alchemist anime and manga, as well as the Chinese fangame Bluebird's Illusion. They are not mine, and I make no profit of any kind from these works of fiction.
Warning: This first one requires real warnings. Nothing explicit, but definite violence, psychological games, and not entirely consensual yaoi and psychological incest. This story involves the character Pride from the fangame Bluebird's Illusion, in which Ed is turned into the homunculus Pride. Comments are welcome.
Pain
Pride didn't understand his brother. At best, he could sometimes anticipate his brother's actions; at the worst… Well, now, for instance. Pride had been searching for his brother for the better part of the morning, ever since he had awakened in his corner of brother's room to find him gone from his bed. Pride knew what others sometimes thought of him. Contrary to belief, he was far from stupid, and even if he had been, even the stupidest animals are able to learn patterns from enough repetition. He knew this disappearing was one of the other sin's ways of punishing him when he'd been bad, just as he knew what was to come was the quickest way to be forgiven.
Pride knew these facts, but he sometimes wished, in the small part of him that still could, that he could stop the pain he could see in his brother when the other sin looked at him. He knew this was what Brother wanted him to do… but somehow it didn't make Brother happy. It didn't make Pride happy, either, but he counted his feelings as very little compared to his brother's. He wished he could understand what made his brother mad, what he did that was always so wrong.
He would stop, if he could. He'd once thought it was his eyes that so bothered his brother. He'd thought he'd had a solution, had thought long and hard about it until Brother had gone so far as to ask him what he was doing. Pride knew he didn't think often, but this had been worth the effort. Until Brother stopped him. Brother had stopped him when he tried to dig his own eyes out, the one action he had come to in his thinking that should have made Brother happy. Instead, Brother had seemed especially mad after that incident, and it had been three days before he'd let Pride find him.
Pride knew Brother only let Pride find him when he was ready to forgive Pride for his sins. Pride shuddered as he continued to look for his brother. He remembered that time well. Brother had made some comment about his Pride's "fucking dead eyes" and that had led Pride to decide that if they made Brother mad, then he didn't need them any longer. He had time to register horrified disgust on his brother's face as he dug the fingers of his right hand into his eye, and then he didn't have time for much thought at all as his brother tore his hand away from his face and bodily threw him against the wall. Pride had collapsed to the floor, bewildered but well used to these episodes. That had been quickly followed by his brother's departure and three days of despairing panic as Pride found himself without his anchor.
Pride drew himself back into the present as he found his brother. He didn't flinch, even as the roundhouse kick connected with his jaw, sending him into the wall. The successive punches brought a similar lack of reaction. The fiercely, painfully possessive kiss that followed, as Envy pinned Pride's body against the wall with his own, however, told Pride they had moved on to the second part of the forgiving. Pride understood the rules here no better than in any other aspect of his life. All he knew was that his brother expected something from him, something that would make everything all better for a while… something that Pride didn't know how to give, but that Brother seemed more than capable of taking.
A whimper escaped the sin. "Envy." This was the only time Pride would call his brother by his name. It felt wrong, but it was part of the game, the…whatever this was, together with the pain and the almost-feelings the kisses and touches brought. Pride had learned quickly that calling him 'Brother' would only make him angrier which meant the forgiving would take longer.
Pride blocked everything out as the look in his brother's eyes told him his brother wasn't seeing Pride anymore. Pride closed his eyes in defeat. Sometimes he didn't believe his brother ever really saw him. Someone else belonged in his place, someone Brother wanted to see there desperately. He shuddered as he felt his fingers snap under his brother's grip. It hurt but it made brother happy, as happy as he ever was. Pride moaned, forgetting where he was. Almost-memories pushed at him, but found no purchase in the blank slate of his mind. He didn't, couldn't understand his brother. But this, this pain, he understood. He felt his lip tear and bleed under his brother's teeth and let his body go limp and unresponsive under his brother's questing, hurting fingers. Pain. Pain Pride understood.