This Word Called Love
"I love you, Gaara-kun," Temari said gently, kissing my forehead as she tucked me in.
"Temari, I'm the Kazekage now, I don't need to be tucked in..." I mumbled sleepily. Since the Shukaku had left me (or rather, been taken from me), I had started sleeping—an act I wasn't quite used to.
"I'm just making up for lost time," Temari said with a wink.
----
"You have an S-ranked mission, Kankuro. You must kill the current leader of the Mist. We're being paid to do this by his subordinates," I told my brother.
"When do I leave?" he replied. At least his answer was business-like, and he was definitely being serious. I always liked that aspect of my older brother.
"Immediately. Pack for a few days, and then leave," I instructed him. It was best to have such missions done quickly.
"Okay," he bowed slightly, just as a formality, and went to leave the room. He paused at the door, and almost like it was an afterthought, he turned to me. "I don't say this enough, but... Just in case, you know... I love you, Gaara," Kankuro said before leaving the room.
I folded my hands and leaned on them, an action I had seen Tsunade of the Leaf do so many times, one that I had picked up almost instantly. 'Again with this 'I love you.' Do they even know what it means?' I thought to myself cynically before turning to my paperwork.
----
"A diplomat from Konoha will be arriving shortly to discuss the renewal of our peace treaty," I explained to Temari. Temari was the main one I sent on diplomatic missions or errands such as these, for she was, sadly, the one I trusted to act most patient. Plus, women thought differently than men—women thought in a broader range, while most men liked fighting rather than missions of diplomacy, such as this one. "You must speak with him before I do, in order to get the first set of forms signed. Then I and the diplomat shall speak, sign the rest of the forms, and that'll be done with for another five years."
"Do you know who Tsunade is sending?" Temari asked, curiosity evident in her voice. 'No doubt she was hoping it'd be the Shikamaru Nara guy... Bastard. Trying to steal my sister from me... Wait. I'm supposed to be answering her question.'
"I have no idea," was my delayed answer. At least the pause I had wasn't a pause filled with killing intent, but rather, a thoughtful pause.
A knock sounded at the door. The only one allowed to knock on my door was my secretary, Nina, so I called out, "Come in, Nina."
"Kazekage-sama, the diplomat from Konoha is here..." Nina said with a bow. She was polite, prompt, and didn't have an annoying accent. I so hoped nothing bad would happen to her... It seemed like I couldn't get rid of the bad secretaries, but the good ones would leave far too quickly.
"Who is the diplomat?" Temari's voice was devoid of any respect or politeness, which was the usual way in which she spoke. However, I already knew that, when she saw the diplomat, she'd put on the biggest act of politeness and respectfulness known to man.
"Ahh, Naruto Uzumaki," Nina replied.
I was completely shocked when I heard that Naruto was the diplomat. After all, he didn't seem like he'd be the type to handle such delicate missions as these. Temari, however, for some odd reason, didn't seem as if she was shocked at all. She simply nodded and followed Nina out of my office, waving to me as she left. It was like she expected him to be the diplomat, or rather, considered it a possibility.
After Temari left, and since Kankuro was away on his mission, the sense of feeling alone set in, once again. I always felt that way when both my brother and my sister weren't accessible, even though only a few short years ago, they had meant absolutely nothing to me. I don't know if I could say I 'loved' them just yet, since I didn't really understand the full meaning of the word, but I did know I didn't think of them as nothing any longer.
But, what exactly is love? Love doesn't feel like anger or sorrow, and in most situations, it's just a biochemical reaction so that we may continue our species. Love isn't defined by one moment, like whether you like or hate someone, but it rather grows over time. At which point can you honestly say you love someone? At which point does love matter?
I fiddled with my pen, no longer truly feeling like doing paperwork (not that I liked the job in the first place). There was nothing to do, expect for sign form after form confirming things that could wait.
----
I awoke to loud knocking. I had somehow fallen asleep at my desk, and I was actually drooling on very important papers... Wait. No, that was just the phone number for Chinese takeout. But, still—if I, the Kazekage of the Sand, had been found drooling on papers at my desk, my sense of honor and responsibility would be questioned. I called Nina inside, and to my surprise, Naruto came bounding in instead.
"Aren't you supposed to be a diplomat?" I growled out, somewhat annoyed by having been interrupted by my nap. Sure, I was napping, but that didn't mean I wanted to speak to someone who was acting hyperactive right after waking up.
"Ne, Gaara-kun, why are you being so mean...?" Naruto's voice was whiny and drawn out. Just his tone got on my nerves. But, finally, as an attempt to get me to actually speak with him (I suppose), he began talking seriously. "Kazekage-sama, I am here because the Hokage-sama has instructed me to be more diplomatic. Please tolerate me," he finished with a small bow. After bowing, he looked up at me, as if questioning whether or not he had done this part right.
I couldn't help but chuckle at this—it was kind of funny how Naruto was trying so hard to be serious, considering he was talking to a long-time friend. True, I had told him to act that way, but I guess he took me far too seriously. I reached out for the papers that he was handing me, and said with a sigh, "Relax, unless you mention something about actually planning on invading Suna or something, I'll sign the peace treaty."
I glanced down at the papers he gave me. On the front sheet was a sticky note that read in Temari's handwriting, 'How do you put UP with him?
"Did you annoy my sister?" I asked as I took a sidelong glance at my calendar. Yes, indeed, it was in the middle of 'Hell Week'. That meant it couldn't have been entirely Naruto's fault—Temari was a bit off during this time of the month.
"No..." Naruto muttered. Obviously they had had some sort of argument, or something. Not that it mattered.
"You know, if this was a real diplomatic mission, annoying the Kazekage's sister would be a war declaration," I said, leaning forward. "Sit," I instructed after I was sure that that statement didn't go over Naruto's head.
We discussed trivial things for a little while, and then we began discussing people. This was a subject that Naruto was very interested in—he liked talking about his comrades, and he gave me a lot of information. Once again, had this been a real diplomatic mission, giving out such information would have been silly, but... I let it go.
Finally, he began talking about Lee, after he discussed nearly half a dozen others. "Lee is doing great! He's been training everyday, no matter what, and because of the surgery, he says that his strength is just a little stronger than what it was before...!" Naruto trailed off, and shuffled uncomfortably.
For the longest time, I had never felt any remorse whatsoever about crippling Lee. I told myself, 'He was in the line of duty,' and left it at that. I never fully contemplated what it meant to cripple, or to kill until recently.
"Did you hear what happened to Baki-sensei?" Kankuro asked. We had been talking after a mission I had to go on. I was sitting at my desk, in my usual manner, but Kankuro had a chair turned backwards, and was leaning against the back while talking to me.
"Something happened?" I wasn't really interested, but it was common protocol to ask about one's ex-teacher.
"Yeah. Someone cut off his right arm. Now, he can't do any jutsu, or anything," Kankuro explained.
"So he's stopped taking missions?"
"Are you kidding? The only way out of the life of a ninja is death, you know that..."
After that discussion, I couldn't help but think about Rock Lee. I had taken the strength of someone who relied purely on his bodily strength, but he kept trying. Crippling a ninja was like torture, because, especially in the case of people like Lee, that wouldn't keep them from living the life of a shinobi. And I had hurt him in that manner when he was so young...
"I shouldn't have crippled him. I should have killed him... But I was too far gone in the sadistic pleasure of hurting someone to make myself feel alive..." I muttered. My words were laced with remorse, and I'm sure Naruto understood that I felt sorrow for my past self.
"You know, Lee said he's glad he didn't die," my head shot up. Sometime during my last sentence, my head had drooped to facing the desk. "He says... that he wanted to die, protecting someone he loved—not himself."
"What... what does it mean to love?" I had been wondering for so long, and now, it seemed that this was an appropriate time to ask.
"Love..." Naruto scratched the back of his head. "I don't know what love is exactly, but... I think it's when you have a person who's close to you, and if you can honestly say you'd give up your life for them, then you love them... Sorry, that probably doesn't help..."
"It helps more than you can think," I replied. I scribbled my signature on the paper and handed it to Naruto. "Thank you for coming."
----
Temari decided she wanted to tuck me in again. She never tells me when she wants to, she'll just randomly walk in my room, cover me up a little better, kiss my forehead, and tell me she loves me. Kankuro was following her, for some reason.
"I love you, Gaara-kun," she said affectionately as she kissed my forehead.
"I love you, too," I replied.
There was a moment of silence, and Temari and Kankuro passed silent looks. "And you, Kankuro," I added, not wanting my brother to feel left out. They both shared a smile, and I could tell what they were thinking—'We finally got him to say it', or something along those lines.
"Love you, too," Kankuro replied. They both left the room to let me sleep.
"Thanks, Naruto," I mumbled sleepily, knowing that Naruto was probably at least halfway to his village, and couldn't hear me. But still, I felt a thanks was in order.