Hell to Pay
Disclaimer – This is not meant to be serious literary stuff. Not at all. No, really. I own EVERYTHING, the story, the concept, the whole shebang! However, any references to Supernatural, the characters of Supernatural or any other programme is purely co-incidental and therefore belong to somebody else. Probably Eric Kripke. Seriously. Waddya mean, you don't believe me?
Right then. On with the story…
POP!
The demoness dusted herself down, smoothing the figure hugging black dress over her curvaceous figure. She smiled seductively to herself as she ran her hands slowly over her hips. Ah crap, she couldn't contain herself any longer…
"WOOOHOOO! Oh YEAH! Who's the daddy? WHO'S THE DADDY?!" She punched the air triumphantly and proceeded to do a silly little J-Lo dance, lost in her own world. "Oh yeah, oh yeah, I went and did it, I went and did it! Oh yeah! Oh yeah…" She gyrated to a stop as the sudden realisation that she was not alone dawned on her. She stopped mid-wiggle and stared at the two guards. One had a cheese sandwich hovering millimetres from his open mouth, a look of disbelief on his face. The other scratched his arse absent-mindedly and frowned. The dog just stared, one massive back leg kicking idly at an unseen flea.
"Err, ma'am? You got your security card?" The second guard cautiously approached the over-excited demoness. He knew her type. Worked for one of the high flying flashy departments. Deals and Acquisitions or something. Bad as lawyers, this lot…
"Security card? You're kidding, right?"
"No ma'am, sorry. Been a bit of an emergency down here. Security has been racked up to red. All passes to be checked."
"But you know me!"
"No ma'am, I don't. Never seen you before. Although, after that, I sure won't forget you in a hurry!" He grinned nastily at her. The slap left an angry red handprint across his cheek, burning into his skin. "Now ma'am, there's no need for that! I'm only doing my job!"
"Not very well, numb-nut! Your dog's pissing against the Gates!"
"What? CERBERUS! BAD BOY!" The guard waved the demoness through and turned to remonstrate with the three-headed dog. He grabbed a well-used rolled up newspaper and smacked the dog across all three noses. "How WACK! many WACK! times WACK! have I told you NOT to do that?" The Hell Hound whined, his tail, the size of a gas main pipe, tucked between his huge back legs. "Satan! I swear this damn dog gets worse."
The other guard chewed slowly on his sandwich, watching the whole tableau of the fabled three-headed guardian of the Gates of Hell getting wacked over the noses with a rolled up newspaper and sighed. "Damn dawg never learns. Fancy a sandwich?"
"Oo, ta." The second guard took the sandwich and stuffed half of it into his mouth, chewing loudly. Cerberus dribbled, his six eyes pleading with the guard for a morsel. The dribble formed a river that ran ankle deep over the screaming souls of the new arrivals. Fire and pitchforks they had expected. Gallons of dog drool had not … "She's in a whole heap of trouble, you know."
"Who?"
"Miss Fancy Arse. You didn't hear?"
"No?"
"Seems she's gone and done a deal with one of the Winchesters. Dean, I think it was. Gave him a year. It's all over the boards."
"Which boards?"
"The Infernal Movers Database board. 'Parrently, he did the old crossroad routine, up Miss Fancy Arse pops, grants him his wish, kissy kissy, thank you very much and goodnight!" The guard finished the sandwich with his second bite and grinned.
"Whoa. Didn't she read the memo that went round 'bout them Winchesters?"
"Obviously not. Coo, I would love to be a fly on the wall of the office when she sashays in!" The guard laughed nastily. "Got any more of them sandwiches?"
"Bugger off. I've got one left and it's MINE!" The first guard clutched the sandwich tightly. "'S my favourite. Baloney. "
"Figures. Seein' as that's what you talk most of the time. CERBERUS! NO! Oh crap, not again!" The guard sprinted after the three-headed dog as the spirit of a dead cat flashed by, screaming catty abuse at the pursuing Hell Hound. It shot up a dead tree and stood on the top branch, hissing like an infernal kettle. Cerberus roared furiously at the cat, his massive front feet on the bow of the tree, the nails gouging deep scores into the dead bark. The dog totally ignored the stinging slaps of the newspaper across his rump as the guard tried to restore some kind of order at the Gates of Hell…
………..
The demoness swayed into the office, a smug, self-satisfied grin on her face. The office fell silent as she walked in, her hips swinging suggestively. She stopped mid-sway and stared at the sea of faces turned towards her.
"What?"
Another demoness, the office mouse, sidled up beside her. "Oh, Britney, what have you done?"
Britney stared distastefully at the lower demon. A mere clerk? Addressing her with sickening familiarity? "What do you mean, mouse, what have I done?"
"You shouldn't have done that, Britney, you really shouldn't have. All Hell has broken loose in here because of it! The boss has been in meetings all morning! I took in Coffee and Angel Cake and he threw it at me! There's been all kinds of top level demons from Head Office in here and seriously, your name has been at the top of their list!" She dragged Britney over to the water stand. The boiling water bubbled and churned in the blue plastic container. Britney poured herself a beaker of the sulphurous liquid and drank deeply, trying to calm her nerves. She knew she would be in trouble for doing the deal, but she had no idea it would be this bad…
"OK, what's been said?"
"I don't know all the details, but…"
"Ah. Miss Seers. Nice of you to join us. Can we have a little word?" Britney turned slowly and stared into the burning eyes of her boss. His twisted face had one of those little 'Boss' smiles playing across his lips. The one that appears every time an officious middle-management type knows he's got the opportunity to make an underling's life that little bit more miserable than it already is. Britney swallowed nervously and crushed the paper beaker in her hand, dropping it unseen into the recycling bin.
"Yes sir."
"There are some people here who would like to talk to you about your latest little deal."
"Can I ask who?"
"It's whom, Britney, whom. Infernal Revelations Sector."
'SHIT! IRS!' Britney felt her blood run cold, which was a pretty unusual feeling for a demon. She slowly followed her boss into the Conference Room, fully aware that every pair of red eyes followed her every move. She knew that everyone of them was thinking, "There but for the Grace of Satan go I…"
The door slammed behind her and she glanced around the room. Two male and one female demons stared at her, their hands folded on the huge conference table. Their expressions were unreadable. The two male demons were pretty nondescript – the usual bad pinstripe suits, one had one of those dreadful joke Simpsons ties on, the smouldering red eyes, the greased-down hair, the usual. But the female – dear Satan, she looked like the Librarian from, well, Hell, really. Jet black hair was pulled back into a rigid bun, the hair pulled so tight as to give her a slightly surprised expression. Thick, black rimmed glasses perched on the end of a sharp nose. Her severe suit covered a white blouse buttoned up to the neck. And her eyes… those eyes… Britney felt herself crumbling under the laser glare of two ruby red pinpricks of light. She reached weakly for a chair and slid down onto it opposite the three IRS inspectors.
"Who said you could sit down?"
Britney leapt out of the seat as if her arse was on fire and stood shaking, still clutching the back of the chair. Her boss had dissolved into the background. He had a habit of doing that. It drove the cleaners mad.
"My name is Ms Zeitgeist. Infernal Revelations Sector. You are Britney Seers?"
Britney's mouth was dry. She tried to speak but no words escaped. She nodded.
"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"
"No ma'am. It's up a tree."
"What?"
"The cat. Cerberus chased it up there again and the guard tried slapping him with a rolled up newspaper, but it didn't have any effect and the cat was just hissing at him, the dog not the guard, and the other guard was just watching eating a cheese sand…" Britney swallowed again, sheer terror in her eyes. "Um, no ma'am. Just a bit of a sore throat."
Ms Zeitgeist stared at Britney, one eyebrow raising. This was even more disconcerting as her expression of slight surprise meant that her eyebrows were already halfway up her forehead. The eyebrow damn near disappeared into her hairline before coming to rest back in line with the other one. "Hmm. Well then. Onto the reason as to why we are here. I understand you made an Acquisition this evening."
"I can explain…"
"You will have ample opportunity to explain when I say that you can!" Ms Zeitgeist's voice was sharp. "Now. I understand that the recipient of this deal was a certain," She glanced at an open file. "Dean Winchester. Is that correct?" She peered over the top of her glasses at Britney.
"I…"
"IS THAT CORRECT, Ms Seers?"
Britney nodded again. Realisation as to the seriousness of the matter was starting to sink in.
"Did you receive memo number 372418 slash 3?"
"I…" Britney shrugged.
"Memo number 372418 slash 3 clearly states that no member of the Winchester family was to be dealt with without the express permission of the IRS. Are you telling me that you chose to ignore a direct order from our department, Ms Seers?"
"NO! I didn't, he just… I was on call and… I don't remember… He wanted to do a deal…" A tear slid down her cheek. She was trapped. She had seen the memo. They all had. And then, one night after work and after several tequilas, she had been feeling defiant. The Winchesters had been the talk of the D&A department ever since John had done his deal for Dean's life. When the second deal came up, it had seemed too good an opportunity to miss. After all, hadn't Derek got a promotion for that one? OK that was all water down the river Styx now, what with Derek going all maverick and setting up his own army on Earth and then getting shot by Dean, but she had conveniently ignored that bit of the story. Promotion. She was ambitious. She was just showing initiative. They had told her to do that in her six month review only a few days previously! How was she to know that the IRS had their beady little eyes on the prize?
Ms Zeitgeist smiled slowly. "You do know that I can hear your entire internal monologue, don't you?"
"Oh crap…"
"Oh crap indeed, Ms Seers." The Librarian from Hell leaned back in her chair, her fingers forming a steeple and smiled lazily. "Tell me. Why did you originally join us?"
"I…I was a bully. I made some girl's life a misery in the eighth grade. She hung herself one day before her freshman year started."
Ms Zeitgeist laughed. It was not a nice sound. "Oh yes! I remember now! And you died shortly afterwards and have been working your way up through the ranks since, I believe? Started off in Revenge?"
"Y-y-yes ma'am?" Britney was dreading what was coming. Punishment. Was she going to be busted back down to Revenge again? Because that would suck out loud!
"Oh no, we're not busting you down." Britney winced angrily, remembering Ms Zeitgeist's ability to hear internal monologues. The woman leaned in, licking her razor-cut thin lips, that nasty smile still there. "Oh no, my dear, it's much, much worse than that!" She leaned back, laughing merrily. The two male demons stood up. They were huge. Enforcers…
"Oh please, Satan, no!" Britney backed away from the two demons, her fingertips touching the wall. She had nowhere to go.
"Oh please Satan, yes!" Ms Zeitgeist laughed again as the two demons reached towards her…
………….
"Betty? Betty Whineburger? WAKE UP!" Britney's eyes snapped open and she sat bolt upright, gasping. As her eyes focused through the thick glasses, she could see the sea of freshman faces around her staring in amusement. One kid, obviously a jock, pointed and laughed.
"Gee, get the geek! Ugly Betty don't know where she is!" The entire class burst out laughing, ignoring the shouts of the teacher for calm. A bell sounded and the scrape of chairs deafened Britney. The students gathered up their books, still ignoring the bellows of the teacher that their history homework was due this Thursday and NO excuses and poured out of the classroom. Britney/Betty gathered up her books and shuffled out into the congested corridor, searching for a clue as to where she was. Obviously it was a school, but where? A gaggle of cheerleaders in burgundy and yellow outfits stood clustered at the end of the hall, their perfect noses wrinkling in disgust at lesser mortals. Britney remembered how she had been one of those cheerleaders once…
She dived into the nearest toilet and stood stunned in front of the mirror. Thick glasses, broken and held together with a sticking plaster, framed brown eyes. Her eyebrows seemed to have been fed some kind of miracle-gro because bushy was probably the kindest word to use to describe them. Acne erupted all over her face, the ugly red spots covering her chin and forehead. Greasy hair was pulled into two pigtails and a turquoise shirt was covered partially by a yellow and green striped tank-top. A strange metallic taste filled her mouth and, hesitantly, she pulled her lips back to reveal more metalwork than the average foundry.
She was a freshman.
Worse than that.
She was an ugly freshman, the worst of all possible teenage worlds. Braces, acne, bad hair, very bad clothes, she had the lot. Britney felt rising panic inside her and she dived into one of the cubicles, retching into the bowl. She locked the door behind her and sat hunched on the toilet, tears pouring down her face. They'd sent her back. As a freshman. Oh Satan, how much punishment could there be?
She heard the door swing open and two voices filling the room. She strained to listen, still desperate for a clue as to where she was…
"Listen Will, I know what Giles said, but the thought that there could be demons in the school is just so not funny. I have enough problems with the vampires. Anyway, how do we know what to look for?"
"It's easy, Buffy. Demons have to reveal themselves if you can learn their name. All we do is go through the school rota, access all the student's records and see who's come in in the last couple of weeks. Can't be that many."
"And then?"
"Easy-peasy. I set up a Devil's Trap and we exorcise them! I've got all the books and rituals and everything!"
"Hmm. Will, why does this crap keep happening at Sunnydale?"
Britney stuffed her fist into her mouth in panic.
Sunnydale High…
The end.