This is for the August fanfic challenge. The prompt was five times/things and I chose "Five Times Juliette Looks Up to Rayna." Thanks again to KarenES for beta-reading this for me.
The first time Juliette looked up to Rayna
Jolene loved Rayna Jaymes. She bought every record she ever put out and she learned every song. When her daughter Juliette was little, she would sing Rayna Jaymes songs to her as lullabies. Her favorite one to sing to her was "No One Will Ever Love You." It always put Juliette to sleep like nothing else would.
So Juliette grew up listening to Rayna Jaymes. Juliette loved looking at her album covers. She wished her hair was the same red gold color as Rayna's. She wanted freckles running across her nose like Rayna's. She loved to stand in front of her mirror with a brush in her hand, pretending it was a microphone, singing Rayna's songs. And when Jolene wasn't strung out on drugs or alcohol, they would sing together. Because her mother had sung it to her so often, Juliette's favorite song was "No One Will Ever Love You" and she would make her mama sing the boy part when they sang together.
And then there were the times when Juliette sang Jolene to sleep. When she was strung out on pills or drunk or both. She sang Rayna's songs to her mama, just like Jolene had sung them to her.
Juliette wanted to be Rayna Jaymes. Or at least be just like her. Singing was an escape from the difficult life she had with Jolene. It was a respite from the tears and the anger and the disgust that she began to feel for her mother as she got older. Juliette would sing whenever she had the chance and whenever she did, it was always a Rayna Jaymes song. She won a talent show when she was twelve singing "Already Gone." She would stand in front of her mirror and sing Rayna's part on "Postcard from Mexico," pretending that Rayna's guitar player was standing right next to her singing his part.
Juliette promised herself that one day she would be just as famous as Rayna Jaymes, that she would sing on the same stage as her idol, and maybe they would even be friends. Everyone thought she was crazy to even imagine it, but Juliette was determined and she was certain she could make all her dreams come true.
The second time Juliette looked up to Rayna
When Juliette was fifteen, she was discovered at a county fair by a talent scout named Glenn Goodman. She was singing another Rayna Jaymes song, "It's My Life," to finish off her set. When he approached her, she was skeptical that he was really who he said he was. He seemed to be trying too hard to be hip and she was pretty sure he was wearing a bad toupee to make himself look younger. He seemed too glib and a part of her thought he might be scamming her. But she was desperate enough at that point to escape both her backwoods Alabama home and her drug-addicted mother that she was willing to listen.
Glenn asked her to cut a demo in Muscle Shoals. In Juliette's mind, the first hurdle would be if, when she got there, the cutting of the demo was legit. So she made her way to Muscle Shoals Sound Studios and, sure enough, Glenn was there and the demo session was scheduled. Although Glenn wasn't thrilled with the selections she chose, he knew this was just to get her in front of people that could move her career forward. He saw her as having the potential to be a huge crossover artist, mixing both country and pop sounds. She was a pretty girl, with big hazel eyes and curly blonde hair. He knew she saw herself as the next Rayna Jaymes, but he saw bigger things for Juliette Barnes.
She worked hard. Glenn got her bookings at larger and larger venues. He got her to move away from singing so many Rayna Jaymes songs and even encouraged her to write her own songs. Juliette started writing the kind of country/pop songs that Glenn told her would take her to the top. She wasn't sure she was happy with the songs, but they seemed to be well-received and so she kept writing them. She promised herself that one day she would write the kind of songs that told her real story, but for now, if this was what it took to get to the top, she'd do it. She knew that her idol, Rayna, had paid her dues for years singing in small venues and clubs, and if Rayna could do it, so could Juliette.
It became clear to Juliette that Glenn was tired of hearing her talk about Rayna Jaymes. At first she didn't really understand why, since Rayna had been so successful. More and more he talked to her about developing her own sound and not being a carbon copy of anyone else. He told her she was smarter than Rayna, that she had a better voice than Rayna, that the only thing Rayna had that she didn't was a moneyed background. She hadn't really known before that Rayna had grown up with such privilege. Glenn told her it was a lot easier to make it big when you could pay for it. He reminded Juliette that she was doing it with talent and hard work. His main focus for her was on becoming a crossover artist, something that would distinguish her from other female country artists and would bring her greater success than if she focused only on being a country singer like Rayna Jaymes. It was hard to ignore the idea that she could become a megastar.
The next hurdle for Juliette was seeing if Glenn really could get her noticed with producers and labels. When he called to tell her they had a meeting at Edgehill Republic, she nearly passed out. Edgehill was Rayna's label; hell, Rayna had practically built the label from nothing. Edgehill was one of the most powerful labels in Nashville and Glenn assured Juliette she was just what they needed. More than anything, Juliette wanted to sign with Edgehill, just like Rayna Jaymes.
"Do you think I'd get to meet Rayna Jaymes?" she asked Glenn when he told her about the meeting. "I just love her and I'd love to meet her."
"Don't count on it," Glenn said, clearly exasperated. "She's country royalty and she's not going to meet and greet every potential signee. But you can be bigger than Rayna Jaymes, Juliette. You are going to be bigger. Just remember that."
Juliette took that in, because in her mind, she wanted to be royalty too. The day they had their meeting at Edgehill, she was starstruck as she sat in the lobby and gazed at all the record cover art covering the walls, highlighting all of Edgehill's country stars. But none shone more brightly in her eyes than Rayna Jaymes. After the meeting, during which she was presented with a contract that Glenn quickly snatched up, she was walking on a cloud. As she walked through the lobby, she turned to Glenn and said, "I can't wait to see my first album cover up on that wall. Do you think they'd put it next to Rayna's?" She knew Glenn was cringing inside, but she hadn't been able to stop herself from asking. It was hard to let go of her idol.
Glenn sighed. "Juliette, I think you're going to be bigger than Rayna Jaymes. You have something she doesn't have, the ability to reach beyond the country audience. You're going to leave Rayna Jaymes in your dust one day. And I think that day is coming soon."
Juliette opened her mouth to protest, but then she thought about what Glenn was saying. Even just turned nineteen, she was crafty. She had practically raised herself and had built a thick skin after all the years living with Jolene and enduring the hardships of life with an addict. She had been working towards this goal nearly all her life and now she was at the precipice. Maybe Glenn was right, maybe she needed to change her way of thinking. Riding someone else's coattails really wasn't her thing. And Rayna Jaymes made her think about Jolene and that wasn't a pleasant thought. She followed Glenn to the elevator and smiled a little smile thinking about how nice it would feel to surpass the queen of country music. At that very moment, she started thinking about her own career and being Edgehill's number one artist and showing the privileged queen that the hardscrabble princess could rise even higher.
The third time Juliette looked up to Rayna
The third time Juliette looked up to Rayna, she did so literally. She was trying to be all zen with her mother and Dante, her mother's sober companion, on their first day in New York City. When she lay back on the ottoman, she noticed something out of the window that was looking down at her.
"You have got to be kidding me!" she cried furiously as she looked up to a full-size ad of Rayna Jaymes and that damn American Beauty makeup on the building across from her hotel. It was bad enough to have to tour with the woman but to have her staring down at her in her hotel room was too much.
"I'm paying $1,500 a night for this room and I have to look at Rayna damn Jaymes the entire time?" Out of nowhere, Juliette wanted to cry, something she very rarely did. She could kick herself for ever taking that stupid bottle of nail polish. If it weren't for that, she'd be on this tour by herself, as it should be. She wouldn't be forced to make nice to Rayna and she wouldn't have to carry her around in her plane. She couldn't even gloat over getting Deacon Claybourne in her band because Rayna had fired him before she could steal him away.
She couldn't believe she had ever idolized Rayna Jaymes. Now she knew that Rayna was just an entitled Belle Meade debutante who had had everything handed to her on a silver platter, including her career. Rayna Jaymes didn't know what it was like to grow up dirt poor and wondering if there would be money the next day for food. She didn't know what it was like to grow up with an addict for a mother. Juliette had to concede that Rayna had experience with addiction, based on her long relationship with Deacon when he was still drinking, but Rayna had her rich family to run home to, as opposed to Juliette, who had no one. Having her likeness looking over her shoulder like that was demeaning.
Juliette had not been interested when Marshall had talked about endorsement deals. She had thought it was demeaning to sell herself for a product. But if Rayna could do it, then maybe she needed to rethink her position. If she was going to continue her quest to be the undisputed queen of Edgehill Republic's stable of artists, she needed to make sure people were watching her. If it took endorsing a product and having her face plastered everywhere, then maybe she needed to do that. Anything to get the spotlight off Rayna and back on her. Where it belonged.
She made her mother and Dante leave the room so that she could sulk in private. This was just all wrong. She got as far away from the window as she could and curled up in a chair in the bedroom of the suite. She angrily wiped away the tears that were running down her face. She did not want to cry about Rayna Jaymes. Her life had been completely messed up ever since Rayna Jaymes became a part of it. And now she had to look at her damn face, bigger than life, looking down on her as though she were lording it over Juliette. Again.
The fourth time Juliette looked up to Rayna
At a meet-and-greet during the New York City stop, Juliette saw Rayna's daughters and went up to speak to them. It was obvious that they were big fans of hers and she knew that got under Rayna's skin. So spending a few minutes encouraging them was kind of a way of getting in a little dig towards her rival. When they asked her about how she got started in the music business, she confirmed that she had started at an early age and that she hadn't let anything get in her way. When the older girl made a comment that Juliette had not let her mother get in the way of her success, it occurred to her that it might not have been a bad thing if Jolene had been more involved as a parent. Although she couldn't imagine doing things differently, it made her wish for a moment that Jolene had cared for her the way that Rayna obviously cared about her daughters.
When she turned away, she saw Rayna and decided to approach her. When she asked Rayna when she was going to let her girls start singing, Rayna was quick to tell her that she wanted to keep them away from the business and protect them as long as she could. Juliette told her that they were lucky to have a mom that looked out for them the way that Rayna did. Although she didn't say it to Rayna, she admired the dedication she had to raising her daughters. Jolene had never had that kind of dedication; she was too busy trying to figure out where she was going to score her next hit. Juliette found herself wishing that she'd been as lucky as Rayna's daughters, to have a mother who loved her and tried to help her make the right choices.
She didn't want to look up to Rayna, but she did. For this small thing, she could afford to give her some credit. But then Rayna had to mention Jolene and it all went out the window. It was like she couldn't resist digging Juliette about the bad stuff in her life. And so she turned and walked away, yet again cursing the fact that she had to do this tour with that saint Rayna Jaymes.
The fifth time Juliette looked up to Rayna
Rayna came to her mother's funeral. She hadn't really expected her to, but there she was. As if all these months of bickering and cat-fighting had never happened. Kind of like she had dreamed years earlier, that she and Rayna would be friends. But they weren't really friends, even now, and this certainly was not the kind of occasion she would have expected to be sitting next to Rayna, having a conversation.
Rayna talked about losing her own mother, so she knew how it felt. But it wasn't the same. Juliette knew that no matter how much pain Rayna might have had in her life, it couldn't come close to the pain she had lived with. She'd had to overcome so much to get where she was. She'd never felt like she was good enough. When you were the daughter of the town laughingstock, the town drunk, the town whore, the town druggie, you had to fight harder, you had to develop a thick skin, you had to learn to harden your heart against the whispers and the laughter and the looks. Juliette had scrapped her way to the top, but she didn't feel like she'd won anything. In fact, she'd just lost the only person who probably loved her in spite of herself.
She told Rayna that she had never felt good enough, that maybe if she had been good enough all this would be different. And then Rayna said "That's not true, you are good enough."
When she was a little girl, when she was a teenager trying to make a name for herself, to hear those words from her idol would have meant the world to her. And right then, in that moment, they meant the world to her now. She had no illusions that she and Rayna had made some sort of breakthrough or that they had somehow mended all those broken fences, but in that moment Rayna Jaymes had said the words she needed to hear and in that moment, Juliette Barnes was grateful. And in that moment, she felt a measure of respect, on both sides.