Alice in the country of texting
Summary
This fic is based in the present day and stars Alice at school with her friends Peter, Ace, Vivaldi, Blood, Eliot and her English teacher Mr. Nightmare. While the six of them are in school Alice starts getting creepy texts from her stalker the Joker. Then things start getting very… interesting.
Alice hurried into class after her friends and took a seat between her two good friends Peter and Ace. She was an exchange student from another country and had been staying with a man named Julius and his son Ace. She was worried at first that she wouldn't fit in, but everybody loved her.
Her teacher Mr. Nightmare walked in slightly late. He was usually a bit tardy because he had a bad case of tuberculosis so nobody could blame him. Luckily Mr. Nightmare was always followed around by his student teacher Mr. Gray who never let Mr. Nightmare strain himself.
"Today in class we will continue to read the English classic 'Alice in wonderland'' said Mr. Nightmare, his voice ringing throughout the class room. He reached for his book in his pile of papers that covered his desk, but found nothing.
As is on cue Mr. Gray came running through the door of the classroom with a copy of said book in hand.
"I was trying to tell you that you left your book behind, Sir" He said taking a few deep breaths trying to catch his breath after his run up the stairs.
The whole class erupted into a fit of laughter. Alice tried to stop her giggles but when she even heard her eloquent friend Vivaldi laughing behind her she couldn't help herself. Little bells of laughter slivered from her before she could cover them up with her hands
"Seriously Alice, I can't believe you would laugh at someone else's expense, its so rude" Said Vivaldi's twin brother Blood from directly behind her.
She turned around in her seat and scowled at him but saw his shoulders shaking too as he laughed at her annoyed expression.
"How dare you be mean to MY Alice" hissed Peter from Alice's left side.
"Possessive much? I was just joking around" Blood replied flippantly.
"Alice do you need me to hit him for you?" asked Ace from her right side in a cheery tone that she found quite out of context with what he had said.
"Calm down guys, please don't start ANOTHER fight, remember the last time one broke out in class" Alice persisted.
The three boys all grumbled in agreement and Eliot reminded all of them that he didn't want to put his other arm in a sling.
They all got back to work reading their books but before Alice could finish her first page she felt her cell phone vibrate in her pocket. She assumed it would be Boris. Boris was a bit of a punk and usually didn't show up at school and this wouldn't have been the first time he had called her in class.
Alice snuck her phone in front of her book being careful to make sure nobody would see. She turned it on and looked at the caller ID, but didn't recognize the number. She opened the text message.
Hi Alice, I got yor numba, this meens I can cal ya al tha time JOKER
She groaned, this Joker guy had been stalking her every since the second semester and he was really creepy. Luckily Ace always walked home with her and she usually had one of her friends with her so she could avoid running into him alone. She typed back hoping to stop him texting her again.
Joker, leave me alone and HOW did you get my number? I'm in class and even if I wasn't I still wouldn't want to talk to you! ALICE
Hopefully that creepy-creep would get the picture and leave her alone. She looked back at her phone to see he had already replied.
But I luv ya Alice and I luv ya soooo much that I wanna do lotsa things to ya JOKER
What? What did that even mean. Thankfully Alice had been blessed with a blissful mind and had no idea in the slightest about what Joker had been hinting at. She typed again, fueled by her confusion.
What? ALICE
If ya wanna noe so bad I'l tel ya, I'm tuchin meself rite now wile I think of ya ;) JOKER
Alice was getting even more confused by the second. What did that even mean? Was he touching his arm or his face? Was it a code word or something like that? She was utterly perplexed and decided to ask her friend Peter what it meant. He was a smart guy and Alice was sure he could tell her.
"Hey Peter, Can I ask you something" Alice whispered nudging the fair hair be-speckled boy beside her.
"Sure what is it?" He asked eager to help his friend who he had a not so hidden crush on.
"Joker started sending me texts and he said something I don't understand" she said as she handed him her phone.
"I'll see what I can do" replied Peter, he felt privileged that Alice had asked him for help first.
Alice watched her friend as he read the text messages. Peter's face went bright red and he began to reply to the message furiously.
STAY AWAY FROM MY ALICE OR YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF DEAD! ALICE
Peter felt very proud of himself as he added a few exclamation marks for good measure. He handed the phone back to Alice with an accomplished look on his face. Alice thought he looked more like somebody who had just single handedly vanquished a dragon instead of someone who had sent a text message. Joker had already replied.
Waz dat Peta? Whi dos a Guy lyk him spend time with ya and not me? Alice I could show ya a reel gud time 3 JOKER
What did Joker mean by a real good time? Did that mean he wanted to go to the amusement park with me. Well Alice couldn't do that because she always went with Boris since he was the amusement owner's Son. Boris's dad Gowland had even given her a platinum ticket so she could go whenever she wanted. Maybe Joker wanted to use her Platinum ticket?
By now Ace had noticed what was going on and plucked the phone from Alice's hand. Ace looked over Alice and Joker's previous text messages with his trademark look of cheerful indifference. He started humming something that they had heard on the radio station while replying to Joker's newest lewd text.
"All done" said Ace as he pressed the send button.
"Will he stop texting me now?" Alice says hopefully as Ace returned her mobile.
"Yeah I think so, I'm much more tactful then Peter and I don't think Joker will be bothering you for a least another hour" Ace said with a sly grin. Alice read over the latest messages her phone had acquired.
Sorry Joker but I'll have to turn down your offer. Ace is already satisfying all my womanly needs so your help isn't necessary. In fact we're just about to sneak out of class now. Knowing Ace's stamina we'll be busy for a least an hour. Please don't text me during that time ALICE
What did Ace mean by satisfying my womanly needs? Was he referring to the time I was on my period and he went to the store and bought me pads? But why would Joker want to buy me pads? And what was that talk about stamina? Ace is very athletic, but I don't know why I would sneak out of class to watch him play sports?
"I don't get it?" Alice asked Ace the look on her face was of utter confusion.
"Really? You don't get it? Well if you don't get it allow me to explain. I just told Joker that- OW" he said turning around to see that Vivaldi who was sitting behind him looking very cross. She had of course just hit Ace across the head with her copy of 'Alice in wonderland'.
"Don't spoil Alice's innocence, Ace, it is beautiful and is something that should be protected, We will hit you again if you explain this to her" Vivaldi said with a firm finality in her voice.
"Okay, I get, don't try and chop my head off" Ace replied his cheery smile still in place.
Alice looked back at her phone and to her dismay found that Joker had already replied to Ace's text.
Alice dont tel me that yor screwin him! It cant be! Yor such a dirty hor sedusin that man hoos carin for ya's son! Wel arnt you a litle slut. I still wanna bone ya tho so whi dont ya cheet on tha dum jok JOKER
Alice wasn't even going to try and make sense of that meaningless jumble of words. Why was she nailing things into Ace? And why did Joker have a bone?
Vivaldi was an experienced women and Alice decided to ask her for help next.
"Vivaldi can you-" Alice began before Vivaldi cut her off.
"Say no more Alice, Let us clean up the mess these silly boys have made" Vivaldi answered already knowing Alice's plight.
"Thanks Vivaldi" Alice replied happy that this mess was about to be cleaned up.
Vivaldi looked at the previous texts with an upturned nose and a look of disgust and occasionally gave Alice a sympathetic look. She then started to daintily tap away until she had completed the message. She returned Alice's phone with a smug look of a conquering queen. Alice read the message with Peter and Ace reading over her shoulder.
Forgive us for Ace wrote the last text message. We Alice find it a most unsightly form of deception. But we must proceed with our last subject. Joker we greatly detest you and wish you away from our sight. If we find you in any way to be abusing that request we shall decapitate you on sight. If you do indeed value your life you shall avoid us, that is all ALICE
Alice ar ya feelin alrite? Ya sund al wird and old, do ya need to go to tha doctors? JOKER
"Vivaldi couldn't you try and right like Alice. There is no way Joker will buy that" Ace said.
"Alice is a proper lady and we typed like a proper lady. I see no problem with our message" Vivaldi replied nonchalant tone.
"Hopefully Joker will think Alice is mental and stop stalking her" added Blood finally joining the conversation.
"I won't have somebody tarnishing Alice's reputation" Cried Peter grabbing the phone from the other and typing something none of the other could see. He finally calmed down after sending the message and handed the phone back to Alice.
MY ALICE IS NOT CRAZY AND MY ALICE DOESN'T NEED TO GO TO A HOSPITAL TO CHECK HER SANITY ALICE
The five of them looked at him in dismay.
"Now I sound like a real nutcase" Said Alice blankly. She didn't care about what Joker thought of her anyway.
"You need to work on your impulse control" said Blood leaning back in his chair as he chuckled to himself.
Ace just shook his head still grinning cheerily and started to hum again as he continued to read 'Alice in wonderland'.
"We must agree with Alice and say that you have made her sound like a mentally unstable raving lunatic, but we also agree with our brother that Alice may have some peace because of it" Vivaldi said trying to cheer up the crest fallen Peter.
"Sorry Alice" Peter apologized.
"It's okay Peter, hopefully Joker will stop sending me weird things now" Alice said to the boy. Peter nodded and went back to reading the novel.
"Can I read the messages" asked Blood leaning over her shoulder so he was right by her ear.
Alice jumped and got annoyed when she saw the smug expression on Blood's face.
"If you must" she said passing him the phone. Blood loved to mess with her and could be a bit of a jerk. But she knew he never meant any harm by it and he never said anything like that seriously. When he did cross the line luckily his older twin sister Vivaldi was always there to kick his butt.
Blood read the text messages with a raised eyebrow and a bemused expression he nudged Eliot to show him the message as well. Eliot didn't seem to find the messages funny at all and read them in a type of silent horror.
Mr. Nightmare had noticed that a group of students seemed to be distracted. He walked over to their group without their notice and saw them to be gawking over Alice's mobile phone. He snatched it out of Eliot's hand and the six students looked up at him in terror as if he was about to bring forth the apocalypse.
Mr. Nightmare read over the text messages, his face void of expression. He handed it back to Alice when he was done.
"Never bring that out in class again or it will be permanently confiscated. That object is disgustingly filthy and full of repulsiveness that I may be sick. It contains some of the worst grammar I have ever seen in my life"
I was getting really big OCD panic attacks while writing Joker's texts messages. It was killing me to write incorrectly, yes I know I'm a freak, but… I AM PROUD OF IT!