On the bus

I rode the bus everyday. Everyday I would be waiting at the same bus stop, at the same time with the same bus driver. Even the people on the bus were the same. It was the only consistent thing in my life. My day usually went something like this: School then home. No friends and definitely no boyfriend. Just me. The people on the bus would barely even acknowledge my presence. Just a simple nod and even that was on a rare occasion. I'm not the most approachable person, I'll admit it, but that's not entirely my fault.

Ever since I was a kid I knew there was something wrong with me, I just didn't understand it at the time. My parents took care of me the best they could but as it turned out my dad had the same condition as I do. He died 3 years ago. It seems like I'm just waiting for my heart to stop, like his did. Ever since my dad died, my mom hasn't been doing too well either. I don't even invite people over to the house anymore. Things are too complicated to explain to everyone, and when I do they give me this look of pity and it just kills me.

Then one day, everything changed. I'll admit it myself, at first it wasn't the best day of my life. Things weren't looking too good for me and life, as well as everyone in it just, seemed so superficial. But like I said, everything changed. She changed everything. After all I've been through one small conversation changed me forever, and my life was good for once.

I got on the bus, just like every other day. Today was different though because it was filled with people. There weren't and single seats left so I shoved my way to the back of the bus and sat on one of the double seats just as someone got up to leave. This was going to be a long bus ride.

Then I saw her, struggling to get to the back of the bus. She was new, I could tell. She looked like she didn't belong, but in a good way, kind of like me. As she approached, my breath caught, she was breathtaking, literally. And then she stopped in front of me, flustered from the journey to get to the back. She asked me with her eyes if she could sit and I just nodded, looking bewildered.

This was different. Never has anyone sat next to me. Because they all knew. They all knew about me and didn't want to get involved. They didn't want to sit next to the freak. She obviously didn't know because she plopped down next to me and smiled sweetly.

"Thank you" She said.

I smiled back but it came out weak and painful, like a grimace. I guess she noticed because she gave me a confused look.

She put her hand out in front of me and said, "I'm Mitchie".

I took her hand in mine and genuinely smiled this time. "Mikayla"

Her face lit up when she heard my voice and smiled brightly. "Where are you getting off at?" She asked.

"I'm going all the way up to the last stop. It's about an hour away" I said as I looked at her. "I haven't seen you around before. How about you?"

"Me too! That's awesome, now I won't have to sit alone for the whole bus ride. I'm new here, but I'm not." I looked at her confused and she continued "Me and my mom moved into the area, she got a new job here. I used to live in the city next to this one, so I've been here before."

"Cool" I said before turning my body to the front and leaning against the window looking out at the cold world. She cocked her head and touched my arm gently; I turned back and looked at her. She smiled softly and just nodded, making sure I was alright. I nodded back at her and searched her face for any sense of realization. Then I found it, her face changed as she looked me in the eyes and saw the pain hidden behind them.

She shot me a questioning look then asked "Why was nobody sitting next to you when I came in on the bus?" I looked down at my fidgeting hands and asked her "Why did you come sit next to me?" She looked down at her hands as well and remained silent.

"Life's a bitch" Her head shot up and looked at me. "To answer your question, life's a bitch. People are scared of living their lives and just fall into the same routine everyday. And then the die. But right before they do, they ask themselves, did I live a fulfilled life? And the answer is No. It's always No." I said as I turned to look at her.

"I saw you from the front of the bus and thought you were beautiful. Beautifully broken. I wanted to make you smile"

"Mission accomplished then" I said with a small smile.

"Not exactly. What's a smile when it doesn't reach your eyes?" She looked at me sadly and with that look I understood why she came back here to sit with me. Her eyes held just as much pain in them as mine did. It was a different kind of pain though, her eyes looked dull and worn out, like they lost the life in them.

"It's not a smile at all." She answered herself. "I haven't smiled like that in years" I said as I looked away again. "Well it's about time you start then"

This was my first actual conversation with someone other than a teacher or my mother for a long time. I remember, because of Mitchie I remember what it felt like to be carefree and just talk, like nothing was ever wrong, as if nothing could ever hurt me.

"Tell me about yourself. You're different than anyone I've talked to in a long time" She said.

"There's not much to say. I'm just like every other kid I guess, with a few differences give or take."

"You're lying." She said "Even I can see that and I just met you."

I gave her a surprised look and asked her, "Why are you here? Honestly."

"Like I said, you intrigue me." I raised my eyes and looked at her, obviously not believing her words. "Fine. I've seen you around school a couple times since I moved here. I've heard things about you. I just wanted to know."

My face went red with anger. "Oh, so you just wanted to get a good look of the freak right? Talk to me and then go laugh about me with your friends. I've had enough if this crap." I bolted up to leave but she put her hand on my arm to stop me and at the moment the bus stopped, shooting me back into the seat, reminding me of where we were.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean it like that. I would never laugh at you. Ever. I just want to be your friend." She looked worried and her eyes started tearing up, there was definitely something different about this girl, something I liked, a lot. I scoffed and said "Fat chance, I'll probably be dead by the time we graduate high school." As I said that, one single tear escape her eye and slid down her cheek.

I tilted my head to the side and looked at her, then slowly brought my thumb to her cheek and brushed the tear away. I caressed her smooth skin slowly and looked deep into her eyes. I realized what I was doing and quickly took my hand off her cheek.

"Don't be afraid" she said as she took my hand in hers and stroked my palm. I could feel the patterns she drew on my hand tingling and wondered why. "You're so fragile. I feel like I could break you without any effort." She said quietly.

"I think you can" I murmured, and I believed it. This girl, this stranger could come streaking into my life and tear my world apart with the snap of her gentle fingers. She smiled. God, that smile. And I smiled back. I actually smiled. A real glint in the eye bright smile. She giggled as she realized what she had done.

At that moment I looked around the bus to find it nearly empty. We were at the last stop and I hadn't even realized it. As we exited the bus, hand in hand, I felt my heart expand. The last time I felt like this was three years ago when my dad held and stroked my cheek. It was when he smiled at me for the last time. Funny how things changed. She motioned to the direction she was going in and I motioned the opposite way. This was the end I guess, people always end up leaving.

"I guess this is goodbye" she said timidly. I nodded and watched her face fall. Before I turned away she cupped my cheeks in her hands and gave me a sweet kiss on the lips. It was soft and welcoming and everything I ever wanted but never felt.

I smiled into the kiss and we pulled away from each other. I looked into her eyes and saw pure happiness and I knew that my eyes matched hers.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" I asked.

And as she turned around to go she said "Yes, you definitely will. Goodnight Mikayla."

"Goodnight Mitchie"

And for once, I knew my days would no longer be the same as before. For once I was going to have something to look forward to without wishing for my heart to stop beating. For once I would have someone to love and someone to love me back. I would have Mitchie.