THE X-FILES MUSICAL
THE X-FILES MUSICAL
A/N: This isn't a totally original idea. Some of the scenes and lyrics in my version of The X-Files Musical are inspired by Evil Dead: The Musical.
PS: I do not own any of these character or X-files neither do I have anything to do with the X-files except watch it religiously.
SCENE 1: The X-Files Basement: Song Ripped Off: Evil Dead Musical's Cabin In The Woods
Characters Used: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, John Doggett, Monica Reyes & Agent Harrison
ALL SINGING
We're all gonna be jammed in this office, it's really stuffy
Oh My god we hope nobody lets out a little bit of a fluffy
We're going to be delving deeply into each X-File
We really hope that this musical makes everyone smi-ile.
Here's a twist, to make it better, we better put up a litte warn
There's going to be some swearing and Mulder likes Po-orn.
If you're stuck up, then perhaps this musical should be missed
Because if you're stuck up and read this you may get pissed!
We never take a holiday there's no time for that, but we take time out for a sing-sing!
Because there's no X-files to investigate today, so instead we decided to sing!
In The X-Files Basement (oooh)
If ya read please comment(yeah)
We're five Agents on a quest for the truth
For one reason or another we're stuck in the X-Files basement(yeah)
Fox Mulder:
All the best agents are here
For the second best musical of the year
I am really good, my popularity's off the chart
But I'll never be as good as that guy from S-Mart!
Dana Scully:
I'm partnered with the hottest Agent, his name is Fox
I secretly love him, and everyone should see his…. Sox
He's really tall and so thin
That's why I love him
John Doggett
I'm a former New York cop and don't you forget that mate.
Because I push people to walls and say, "You Got That Straight."
I am really street tough, by the book, and I think Mulder's a lou-out.
But one thing I must say, Reyes is really freaking me out!
MONICA REYES:
I must say, I secretly love Doggett, but I sense he's a real hard-ass
You think I'd be use to him since I worked with him in the pa-ast
But I think he thinks I'm really weird, but by god I hear him swear
Because he thinks I talk to people that aren't even the-ere.
AGENT HARRISON:
I'm not really an agent anymore, I'm just here because of my looks
I'm an accountant who use to take care of the X-files boo-ooks
I've read the x-files, I believe in everything even a magic wand
But the only reason I'm in this musical, is because it needs a blonde!
JOHN DOGGETT
Harrison may not know much, just take a look at her fate.
I will say this to you Harrison, "YOU GOT THAT STRAIGHT!"
ALL:
In The X-Files Basement (oooh)
If ya read please comment(yeah)
We're five Agents on a quest for the truth
For one reason or another we're stuck in the X-Files basement(yeah)
FOX MULDER I really hate to say this, but I really hate a skeptic I hate to really say it.
DANA SCULLY: He calls me skeptic, but that's because I keep saying he's full of shit
MONICA REYES: But for me and Doggett it's the other way around, I'm into paranormal
JOHN DOGGETT: And unlike Mulder, I really don't think that's very normal
AGENT HARRISON: Can I come… oooh. Please can I come. I want to see you all in action
ALL
Listen to us all now, please don't make a mistake, we may not act professionally
Besides what you may think, we all take our work seriouslyyyy
Listen to us, we may like to drink, and we may like porn, and we may like late night talk shows and a lot more…
But we're all dedicated to the core.
In The X-Files basement (ooh)
If ya read, please comment(yeah)
In The X-Files Basement (oooh)
If ya read please comment(yeah)
We're five Agents on a quest for the truth
For one reason or another we're stuck in the X-Files basement(yeah)
SCENE 2: AGENT SCULLY ASSIGNED: Characters: Blevin, CSM and Scully
Blevin: "Agent Scully. Are you familiar with The X-Files and Agent Mulder?"
Scully: "Yes sir. I'm familiar with Spooky."
Blevin: "Excellent… We need you to debunk his work. To work with him and provide scientific explanations to his cases."
SCULLY:
I can do that, I can provide scientific evidence oh yeah.
I'll work with him, that I'll do, I think we'll make a good pair
But one thing I won't do, I'll never ever do and that is be a spy
Because that wasn't on my Job Description when I joined the FBI
BLEVIN:
I'm not asking you-ou to spy on an Agent, That I'll never do-oo
But you're an Agent, I'm your boss and you'll do what I tell you-ou
If you disobey
There'll be hell to pay.
SCULLY
Since I have no choice, I'll do my best to do what you ask sir
I'm professional, I'm rational but I'm beginning to see you're a wan-(cough cough)
But please tell me this before anything else, that friend of yours
Who does he think he is, lighting up a cigarette indoo-oors?!
Scene 3: First meeting: Characters: Agent Scully, Agent Mulder
Mulder: Welcome to the FBI's most unwanted. Who did you tick off to get this assignment… Scully?
Scully: Actually I look forward to working with you.
Mulder: Really I was under the impression you were meant to spy on me
SCULLY
How dare you Agent Mulder? How dare you question my qualification?
If you're going to be a prat Mulder I will use big words in retaliation.
This will confuse you, you'll go glassy eyed while I will always disagree.
What do you say to that? Agent Mulder, it's going to be hell working with me
MULDER
I'll tell you-ou, what I'd do for retaliation. I'll frustrate you expecte-edlyyy.
I believe in everything, from UFO's, ghosts and a really good porn movieee.
Don't take my mag, I was reading that. To annoy you endlessly
I'm going to ignore your first name and forever call you Scullyyyy.
MULDER & SCULLY
We don't like each other at fir-irst. But necessity will bring us togethe-er
But right now we all know that the author's picturing you/me in tight Leather
We hope the author doesn't screw with us to badly, arrgggh the Frustration!
If he does, we know what to do, runaway, make a break from his Imagination
ME: No you won't
Mulder & Scully Yes We will, our threats you can not ignore
ME: You can't, because I've now locked the only door.