Authors note: My second MM fic. Alternate JO/DG wedding day fic for WM/JO fans. Please read & review & let me know if you want to here about their wedding & adventures in Montreal.
Disclaimer: As always I own nothing. If I did she'd never have gone to Buffalo, lol.
This was all wrong she thought to herself as she rubbed the run marks from her cheeks for the third time and re-applied her mascara. She could scarcely cover the shadows below her eyes or bring colour to her cheeks. This was not how she'd imagined her wedding day. She did not feel beautiful or more importantly happy. Darcy was a good man, this was not his fault, all he had ever tried to do was make her happy, he had even relocated for her… but he just wasn't… She dare not think the name; the guilt of it all made her eyes well up again. How had she gotten herself into this mess she wondered, not for the first time? However today ended it would end in sadness.
"You alright in there sis?" Came her sister's concerned voice though the door.
Julia cleared her throat and tried to say in a clear steady voice "Absolutely, I'll be out shortly."
Murdoch lay flat on his bed staring at the ceiling. He hadn't moved in hours, hadn't slept in days. He felt paper thin, like a ghost. His eyes had been dry for some time but the salt had crusted on his cheeks. He felt like his soul, if souls exist, had frozen over, his mind a stark winter, silent and alone. So alone, every love now dead or gone. He wanted to cry for his sister but his eyes remained dry just stinging, he couldn't find the energy to rub them. Every corner his mind turned cut him to the quick, if he steered it away from Julia it rested on his dead fiancé. Alone, alone, alone an endless undeniable conclusion. How had it come to this? Was he such a wretched creature undeserving of love? Silently contemplating faith and fate he brooded over his own inadequacies and his faltering belief in God.
Julia had escaped outside for some air, her dress although fitting perfectly seemed to be suffocating her. She could not bear the smiles of her family and their probing questions as to her wellbeing. She felt terrible, she was doomed no matter what happened today and yet the restless clock would give her no pause. If she backed out now it would be a terrible act against a man who loved her but if she went through with it, it would be a terrible act against herself. She stood now in the garden staring blankly as the breeze cooled her face and caressed her neck. She let her eyes close and was instantly hit by a thousand recollections of William, from their first kiss to the look in his eyes when he watched her. Her eyes snapped open and she choked back a sob. This was impossible, all at once her rationale dissolved, she felt a wildness overcome her, desperation. She slipped her feet from her wedding shoes, grasped the hem of her skirt in her left hand and set off at a run, a run unlike any since she was a small child on the first day of summer.
There came a knock at his door, he heard it as if from underwater. He didn't flinch, didn't move, just closed his eyes and wished the world away. Moments passed then the knock came again, more frantic. Still he was unmoved. "William?" croaked a familiar voice, he felt himself rising to the surface of himself again, "Please…" it was a quiet open ended plea. He felt as if he was floating as he moved to open the door. For a moment they stood looking at each other, his eye sockets looked so dark he could have been struck in the nose, his cheeks puffy yet pale. She pushed through the door in a hurry, throwing herself against him, embracing him roughly like a child woken by a nightmare. He didn't respond, swaying on his feet. He felt as if he were in a dream. Eventually she released him, pulling back to look into his face, desperation etched into her features. He turned away from her moving back to the bed where he sat slumped staring at the floor. "Please William, let me stay" the voice was almost a child's whine "I belong here… with you" the voice was growing quieter and trailing off.
He blinked and looked up at her "You're not wearing any shoes." The absurdity of it made her chuckle in a short strained way. He had laid himself flat again so she pushed the door closed, locking it again, then she moved to his side and lay down against him. She took his hand pulling his arm across her and there they laid silent spoons. He could not find the energy to move away from her and the sweet smell of her hair had brought a lump to his throat. As time passed the warmth that she generated lulled him into sleep.
He didn't know how much time had passed when the second knock came, shaking him from his sleep. He felt her tense and her hand clasped his arm. The knock came again firmer "Murdoch!" it was Brackenreid, the accent unmistakable. Murdoch gently removed himself from the bed; she curled into a tight ball shivering. Murdoch opened the door to his inspector blocking the opening with his body. Brackenreid looked ready to shout but clocking Murdoch's state couldn't help but ask "Hells bells Murdoch, are you alright man?"
"Fine" came Murdoch's closed reply.
Brackenreid looked doubtful but wasn't prepared to push the subject so he reverted to the original purpose of his visit "Have you seen her?"
"Who?"
"Don't be stupid Murdoch, Ogden, have you seen her?" Brackenreid was certainly irritable. Murdoch suspected he didn't appreciate being forced into a search party on his day off.
"No. Isn't it The Day?" Murdoch's voice showed no emotion.
"Fine, but don't do anything rash, if you see her tell her to go home, her family are beside themselves" and with that he turned on his heel and left Murdoch to close the door behind him.
Turning back into the room he found Julia sitting on the bed now, knees pulled to her chest, tears silently trailing down her beautiful cheeks. He sat opposite her looking at her for a while. "You shouldn't be here," he said at last. Her eyes met his at this; shifting onto her knees she leant forward and placed a small soft kiss on his lips. He gave no response and she sat back on her ankles. "Please William, don't ask me to leave" her voice was calm but fragile "you're the only thing I need, nothing else matters". He gazed at her unblinking until finally he closed his eyes and let his forehead come to rest on her shoulder, his arms loosely encircling her. She placed her arms around him in return, resting her cheek against his hair.
"Stay with me then" He whispered against her chest, and then looking up at her "Stay with me forever" it was a statement not a demand and he closing his arms around her tighter pulling her into his lap. The only reply she gave was another soft kiss, timid and gentle. He returned it this time, an intimate kiss full of all their sadness, love and barely just a touch of hope. He felt life returning to him, his limbs becoming stronger, more substantial, so he held her tighter. Their kiss lingered neither wanting to break it, as time passed Murdoch lay back pulling her down onto his chest. He closed his eyes as she placed tiny kisses like a rain shower over his face, his fingers tracing lazy patterns on her back. She lay tucked against his side as she placed her head on his shoulder; it was not long before they both slept in each other's arms.
It was dark this time when he awoke; looking down at her sleeping form he smiled slightly. Then a heavy knock came at the door, she woke and looked at him anxiously. This time he strode to the door more purposefully but as he opened it he was struck in the face by an angry fist. Julia gasped as she watched him stagger back and fall to the floor. "I know she's here," a hurt and angry Darcy shouted as he strode in and loomed over Murdoch. As he caught sight of her however he lowered his fist. He stared at her, a look she returned with wet eyes. She wanted to say something but she knew her actions had spoken volumes and no words could fix any of it. Darcy finally tore his eyes from her face and grunting in disgust strode back out slamming the door.
Julia scrambled from the bed to Murdoch's side, blood gushing from his nose. The worried look in her eyes made him smile and as she rose to fetch water and a cloth he joked, "well I suppose that could have been worse", he was trying to lighten the mood but she didn't smile. When she returned with the cloth he had pulled himself into a sitting position against the wall, his legs stretched out in front of him. The stream of blood now running down his chest had ruined his thermal shirt. She didn't meet his eye as she knelt astride him dabbing and wiping his face, checking the break gently. She didn't even notice the intensity with which she was being watched until she felt him place his hands on her hips, stroking his thumbs across the cavities there, it was an unusually bold move for him causing her focus to change and she met his eyes which were swimming with a dark richness.
He reached up and pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear and then let his fingers rest on her cheek, "I don't think I believe in anything except you any more", their gaze lingered unblinking until she leant forward to rest her forehead on his. "Oh William" she sighed on the verge of tears, he knew there was so much she wanted to say but it was hopeless, so he tilted his chin up and kissed her. He had meant it to be a reassuring kiss but his feelings, the situation, their position it all boiled over into a passion growing into desperation. His arms darting around her, pulling her fiercely close, her hands knotting behind his neck, fingers tangling in his hair. Pulling his mouth away briefly he breathed hotly "So much wasted time" and then he kissed her again almost franticly. Her hands slid his braces from his shoulders and sought the bottom of his shirt, breaking the kisses she spoke through gasps "I'm yours" as she pulled his shirt over his head, trying to be careful of his face "always" and their lips met again. His fingers were fumbling with the fastenings of her dress, she was running hot chaste kisses across his jaw and down his neck, running her tongue over his collar bone she bit his shoulder. The pressure was becoming too much and he tore the remaining buttons as they broke apart both pulling the dress over her head, their mouths crashing back together. The blood rushing around his head was deafening, his mind overwhelmed with urgency, he couldn't find the strength to care about wrong or right or any kind of judgement.
The heat between them was becoming unbearable so bringing his knees up and pushing against the wall with his right hand he brought himself to his feet holding her against him, she wrapped her legs about his waist kissing him with continued ferocity. Carrying her across the room to the bed, he sat on the edge fingers working on the lace of her bodice, as it came free he dropped it to the floor eyes locked on hers. They were speaking in silences again. Her hands were at the fly of his pants which she made quick work of. Moving to stand before him she pushed him flat against the bed, bending to pull his trousers off discarding them in a heap. He knew they had come too far to stop now, too much water under the bridge of their relationship already. As she straightened up they reached for each other closing the distance between them. Rolling them over he pulled her hands above her head their fingers intertwining as he pushed against her. His mouth was now leaving a burning trail down her throat eliciting moans that translated not as sound but as a physical pulse that moved through his body. He continued down her body kissing her exposed breasts, tracing his fingers over the skin covering her ribs, running his tongue down over her diaphragm to her navel where he place feather kisses revelling in the arching of her body against his ministrations. He pulled back fingers sliding down to remove her bloomers, looking down at her with dark eyes he paused "you're so beautiful" he breathed, she sat up at this bringing their lips together again "Julia" he moaned against her mouth as she slid his underwear off to join hers on the floor. He moved her softly back against the bed trying to steady his breathing, calming himself enough to treat her gently, suppressing the urgency tearing at his heart and loins. Lowering himself slowly he pushed inside her just a little at first letting her grow accustomed to him. "William" she gasped as he set a slow rhythm sliding further in with each thrust. Their kissing was hot and wet now constantly falling between their gasps and moans. Their fingers still entwined, grasping the sheets as the tension grew with their pace until arching her back she brought them both tumbling into ecstasy. He collapsed against her now, unable and unwilling to move, their breaths coming in synchronous gulps. Time passed unmarked as they lay in the comfortable heat of the afterglow. Finally he withdrew from her and pulled her into a tight embrace, the silence enclosing them in peace until they drifted into a deep sleep.
When he woke the room was warm from the sun, blinking in the day light he knew they had slept a long time. Their limbs were still tangled and the sight of her hair plastered across his chest as she slept, her head resting against him, brought a small smile to his lips. She was very still, just the slight movement of her breathing letting him know she slept peacefully. He knew everything had changed now; he considered their predicament and began to formulate a plan. Once he had run through his plan several times he let his mind wonder back to the events of yesterday, it was a challenge to recall clearly as he had spent half the day feeling as if he was outside himself. He knew one thing for certain; she was all that mattered now. Looking down at her again the memories of last night returned to his mind in searing brilliance, causing his body to twitch of its own accord. He allowed himself the pleasure of trailing his fingers over her sleeping form, tracing the swells and ebbs of her body. He had not meant to wake her but when her eyelids fluttered open and her quite voice questioned "William?" he could not resist placing soft kisses across her cheeks and lips. "I'm here, my love" he replied tenderly between kisses. "Thank goodness" she breathed sleepily "I was afraid it had all been a dream" she snuggled into him returning his kisses, only then noticing his black eyes and swollen nose. "William," she placed a small kiss on his nose "what a sight you are." He didn't seem to care about this though and his hands were caressing her now pausing for a moment to look at her seriously, keeping his voice steady and flat he spoke "I think I've finally found my vice", she watched his eyes with concern until she saw the twinkle there and burst into laughter. She kissed him lightly "Well don't let me deprive you" she said smiling as he went to work exploring her body again. This time their love making was more tentative, they took time the urgency of last night would not allow, discovering each other and the new aspect of their relationship.
When they lay collapsed in each other's arms again, his left hand was lightly stroking the skin of her shoulder as he held her against him, she felt close to dozing again doodling absentminded patterns with her finger across his stomach. It was sometime before he broke their happy silence "Julia, I've been thinking" his voice was serious but soft. "Ut-oh" she replied teasingly and placed a small kiss on his cheek when he frowned like a child. "I've been thinking about our situation and, well, I have a friend, a priest in a village near Montreal, I am sure he will marry us and we could build a new life there or even go further, maybe to Halifax and book passage to England, as long as we are together I know I shall be happy" he finished earnestly watching her for her response. She seemed to be mulling over his words carefully for some time and he was beginning to feel anxious "run away together you mean?" she finally asked with gentle curiosity. William felt ashamed all of a sudden, he hadn't really thought of it as running away, he opened his mouth to protest but before he could speak she finished for him "Oh William, how impossibly romantic" she giggled hugging him to her. He let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, this was a fine game to play he thought, neither of them wanted to dwell of the unhappy circumstances that had truly led to this decision. He got up, slipping from the bed and walking over to his draws, he couldn't help but blush under her watchful gaze, he realised it might take some time to get used to this nudity business. "What are you doing William?" she asked after he stood rummaging for a moment. "I've got something for you, something I wanted to give you, should have given you a long time ago" he corrected himself, straightening up with a small silver object in his hand. Striding back to the bed she watched him with curiosity as he knelt down beside her, "I know the circumstances under which I am asking this aren't what I might have hoped for" he began before she interrupted "I confess the nudity is a surprise", they both laughed at this before he continued "Julia Ogden I wonder if you will do me the great honour of being my wife?" and he held out the ring he had picked out for her almost a year before. Her eyes were wet now as she looked between the ring and his earnest face "William Murdoch it would be my pleasure to marry you" and she began to cry as he placed the ring on her finger and leant forward to place a soft kiss on her mouth.
"I should go and make arrangements" he spoke softly after time had passed in their embraces. She nodded but didn't release him at first, she felt foolish but the prospect of going out was like a sour stone in her stomach. For once he seemed to sense her discomfort "You should stay here sweetheart, there's no need for both of us to face the world just yet". How strange the word sweetheart sounded coming from his mouth, she smiled and kissed him with thanks. He rose from the bed again to wash and dress "Oh William" she sounded concerned "will you be able to find me something to wear?" she didn't even want to look at the discarded dress on his floor. He turned to her and tried to smile with more confidence than he felt "I'll see what I can find". She rose for one more embrace and kiss before he left promising to return as soon as he could.
She felt cold in his apartment without him so she rummaged through his wardrobe and pulled on one of his shirts revelling in the smell of him that rose from it, wrapping her arms around herself. She then decided to explore his bookshelf choosing an interesting volume and sitting back on the bed she curled her legs underneath her and began reading.
William's first port of call was to send the telegram to his friend, warning him of their arrival and their desire to marry. He kept his head down and tried to ignore and whispering regarding the state of his face. He then stopped to by a few groceries that they could take with them for the long journey. There were short letters to post too, one to Brackenreid explaining he had unfortunately decided to do 'something rash' as the inspector had put it and that he would not be returning. He said that he would put in for a transfer when he was settled but in truth he didn't know if he would. He'd also written to Crabtree, wishing him farewell and luck in the new detective position he would no doubt hold very soon. He then went to double check the train route and times and then it was time for his final task, find Julia some clothes. Well he could hardly go to her home, he thought to himself imagining her angry family, he was frankly surprised that none of them had arrived pounding on his door demanding her return. Perhaps they simply knew how fruitless it would be to fight with Julia's stubborn nature or maybe they loved her enough to give her some space, either way he wasn't going to push his luck going around to find out. He was also concerned about the attention it would draw if he went shopping for ladies clothing; he was certainly in a dilemma. After wandering for some time he came to a quieter part of town, he noted a dressmakers that looked fairly empty and took a chance looking at the display in the window. It wasn't long before the owner came out to offer her assistance; she was pleasingly young and as a result didn't look at him judgmentally, even despite his bruising. "It's my sister's birthday and I'm looking a gift" he lied. "Certainly, I'm sure I can find something suitable" and she led him inside, "so what size is your sister?" she smiled at him. "Er well" he made to gesture at her height "and she's quite slim" again he gestured and then blushed. She couldn't help but giggle at him, which made him turn a darker shade of red. "And what's her favourite colour?" She was looking now through one of the racks against the wall. "Blue and, er, maybe green" he shifted uncomfortably. Some minutes passed as she pulled things out and replaced them, until finally she approached him with three dresses, one a plain sky blue, one dark ivy green with embroidery on the skirt and finally one claret red. She explained the styles to him as he tried not to look blank and in the end he just decided to buy all three and hope they would suffice. He thanked the girl profusely and then exited at some speed. He was glad to be in the open air again and on his way back to Julia. He hurried through the streets, eyes on the floor so as to avoid any unwanted conversations.
Reaching his door he knocked and called out "Julia, it's only me", he waited impatiently until finally the door opened and he rushed in. Placing the packages down he turned to look at her and only then realising she was wearing his shirt, it stirred strange feelings in his stomach. They moved to embrace almost instantly and he had to walk them over to lock the door awkwardly. He sat on the bed lifting her into his lap, they shared a deep kiss before she pulled back "Detective, you're insatiable" she said teasingly prodding him in the ribs, he blushed at this which she decided was impossibly cute and kissed him again. "So how did you get on? Did you manage to find me some clothes?" they sat with their arms loosely about each other. "If I say no maybe you can just wear this all the time" he smiled wickedly at her tugging the front of the shirt she was wearing. She laughed, "I think I've incited enough scandal, don't you?" he laughed with her pulling her back into a tight embrace. "Well then it's probably just as well that I did managed to get you a few things, troubling as it was" and he recounted his experience shopping to her which had her doubled up with laughter. As he laid the dresses out for her though she stopped laughing, "Oh William they're beautiful, thank you" throwing herself into his arms she kissed him soundly. "The train is in two hours so we should probably get ready my love" he said before breaking their hold.
She removed his shirt and he turned to start packing his few things so as not to be distracted by the sight of her. She washed and dressed in the green dress, which thankfully fit just fine. As he finished closing his bag her turned to see the vision of her in the green dress with her golden red hair pinned up loosely, tumbling free slightly in places, it took his breath away. "You look stunning" he whispered. "Thank you" she laughed pushing his arm playfully but as she did he took her hand pulling her closer, their eyes locking, the heat was rising between them again. They just gazed at each other for one hot moment before she finally croaked "William we should go" he just nodded still struggling to tear his eyes away from her. Finally he shook himself trying to settle his physical desires. With that he placed his thick coat around her, picked up the bag, took her hand decisively and led her out of his apartment.
Out on the street he signalled a carriage, which delivered them safely to the train station. It was growing dark, they would be taking the sleeper train but it would be evening tomorrow before they arrived. They stood in the lamp light at the station, there were only two others at the station and they showed no desire to engage in conversation. "Are you sure about this?" he whispered at last, she simply nodded and gave his hand a quick squeeze. They watched the steam approaching from the distance as the train pulled into the station. He helped her up into the carriage and then glanced back once he stepped onto the train, thankful to be with her this time. As they found a compartment she took the seat by the window while he placed the luggage into the rack before sitting beside her. They jolted slightly as train pulled away and they sat in silence watching the lights of Toronto disappear into the dark. It was some time before he realised tears were sliding down her cheeks quietly dripping into her lap. "Are you ok?" he asked as tenderly as he could. "I'll be fine William" she replied leaning against his shoulder, she laced her fingers with his and gave a gentle squeeze, closing her eyes. They sat like this for a long while, until it was late into the night and she dozed against him, their old lives now miles and miles away. Finally he stirred, lifting her sleeping form placing her on the bottom bunk and covering her with the blanket. He pulled himself into the top bunk and fell sound asleep much quicker than he had expected to.