Lois pressed herself against Clark. Resting her head on his chest, she sighed. He inhaled deeply, taking in her scent and the way she felt against him--her warmth. His hand trailed down her arm and he entwined his fingers with hers.
"So, Lana wrote me a letter," Clark announced.
"She did?" Lois asked, trying to hide the twinge of pain that tugged on her heartstrings.
"Yeah," he replied, "I want to write her back, but I also want to close the door on some of my past. Like you said 'it would invite stuff in.'"
"What do you mean 'stuff?'" Lois asked, instantly regretting bringing his feelings for Lana into the equation.
"I don't know. I just--I remember the way she used to make me feel. How much I really cared about her. She was the first person outside of family that I cared about heavily," he explained.
"Look, Clark, I know you loved her," Lois pulled away and locked into Clark's eyes, "but I can't sit back and listen to all of your heartfelt stories about your 'picnic under the oak tree' or the angst about your breakup. I don't want to be sloppy seconds."
His face twisted into a frown, "what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I want you to stop tip-toe-ing around the watering hole and just decide who you want to be with. If you want to track her down and remake history, fine! But do it fast, because I'm not going to sit around and wait forever," she announced, tears welling in her eyes.
"I'm not tip-toe-ing around anything!" he demanded firmly.
"Bull!" she screamed, "Clark, you think about her more than you think about me. You talk about her more than you talk about our relationship. I don't know. I just feel like, sometimes, I don't know. Forget it---nevermind."
She stood from the couch and began to walk into the kitchen.
"You just feel like what, Lois?! Tell me!" he declared, chasing her out the door.
"Your heart is with her!! Okay?! I feel like your heart is with her and I'm just wasting my time with an emotion that is ten times bigger than me and I'm going to get hurt worse than I already am," tears flowed from her eyes and she pushed them away with her clenched fists. Her blue and black sleeves hung over her fingers, and her make-up was smeared onto the cuffs.
Clark's mind reverted to one of his final ancounters with Lana:
"Look me in the eyes...and tell me that you don't love me," Lana demanded in a whisper.
Clark turned slightly and eyed the person before him. It took him a minute to finally manage words, "---I don't love you."
She stepped back and sat down on the arm of the couch that was in the loft. The same one that they had caught sunsets up through Junior Year. The same place they had shared their first real kiss on his make-shift birthday. The same place that they had made out when they were supposed to be locating nails for the barn raising. It wasn't true that he didn't love her, but what was he supposed to do? Just stay in the relationship and live with the guilt that he was lying to her every single day of his life? --Well, he always could've told her the truth. NO!
"It's over, Clark...forever," she announced then waltzed out of the loft.
"I don't know what you want," Lois whispered, feeling completely and utterly hopeless...as an understatement, "just tell me what you want."
Silence hung tangibly in the air. "Well?" she pressed, "how can I make you happy if...if you don't even want to be with me?'
"I want to be with you, Lois, I do," he began, "but-."
She raised her eyebrows when, once again, silence deafened the room, "but what?"
His eyes scanned her. God, she was beautiful. The way her hair hung around her face and her eyes shone so brightly. The way her smile could light up a room and the way her skin was always incredibly soft, no matter what. The way that she blushed when she was nervous or...embarrassed. And to think, he was the one that made her eyeliner run down her face and her waste face muscle exercise to frown.
"But...you'd rather be with her," her cheeks cracked a hopeless smile. A smile that pretty much said: 'I'm only doing this because I feel completely hopeless and I've finally figured you out.'
"Lois," he stated, completely out of words, "I can't even be with Lana since the incident with Lex embedding kryptonite into her blood stream."
"Would you still be with her if he didn't? Am I just the rebound?" she asked, no longer yelling, just longing for answers to the questions that had been bothering her for a good three months.
"I don't know, Lois!"
"I love you, Clark, but I can't do this anymore. I can't sit back and watch you love another girl while I'm giving you my heart and trusting you not to break it. --I'm done," she said. Then, he watched her leave.
