Disclaimer: We (that is, Tai and Moon) do not own Superman or any of that. This is a spoof of the movie Superman Returns. This is not to be taken too seriously… Obviously. I, Moon, love Superman. And I, Tai, do not. This ought to be interesting…
On the distant planet of Krypton-
Moon: Hold on. Hold on. Wait a minute.
Narrator: What now?
Moon: Well, we have to correct you.
Tai: Yeah, technically Krypton isn't a planet. It's a dwarf planet.
Moon: -nods- Yeah, it got demoted along with Pluto.
Narrator: -sighs- Fine! I must have missed the memo.
Tai: Yup. It's too lame to be considered a real planet.
Moon: Only dumb planets get blown up.
Tai: Yeah, look at Alderaan. It must have not been cool enough if Darth Vader blew it up.
Narrator: Are you two finished interrupting me? May I continue?
Moon: Yeah.
Tai: Well, for now…
Narrator: Okay then. –clears throat-
On the distant dwarf planet of Krypton, a wise scientist-
Moon: Wait!
Narrator: What?!
Tai: Can we really call him a wise scientist?
Moon: Yeah, what kind of dumbass sends his infant son into outer space? Anything can happen to him and they would never even know!
Tai: Yeah, not to mention Krypton is around 51 light years from Earth. That's a long ass way.
Narrator: All right. What would you like me to describe him as?
Tai: Well, I think Moon said it best when she called him a "dumbass."
Narrator: Fine! –glares- May I continue?
Moon: Please do. –smiles-
On the distant dwarf planet Krypton, a dumbass scientist placed his infant son into a spacecraft and launched him to Earth. Raised by a kind farmer and his wife, the boy-
Tai: Excuse me!
Narrator: What?!
Tai: Actually, the whole "kind farmer" thing is a common misconception. It was actually a pimp and his hoe.
Moon: What are you talking about, Tai? Of course they were farmers!
Tai: No, no. That was just a cover-up. –nods- I'm telling you that man was a pimp and that kindly old lady? Totally one of his prostitutes.
Moon: They were old!
Tai: Old people need love too, dude. I'm not saying I support it. I'm just giving you the facts.
Moon: That's impossible, though. The farmer and his wife are the whole reason he ends up as Superman. They were nice and taught him how to be kind.
Tai: Who says pimps can't be nice?
Moon: I didn't s-
Narrator: May I please continue?
Moon: Fine.
On the distant dwarf planet Krypton, a dumbass scientist placed his infant son into a spacecraft and launched him to Earth. Raised by a pimp and his hoe (Moon: Farmer and his wife!), the boy grew up to become our greatest protector… Superman. (Tai: More like Stupidman, amirite? Moon: Oh, shut up!) But when astronomers discovered the distant remains of his home world, Superman disappeared.
Narrator: That's it, isn't it? And you didn't interrupt me on the last sentence?
Moon: Well, actually-
Narrator: Oh I quit!
Tai: Good riddance, if you ask me. What a complainer.