Dean's fingers grip the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles turn white. Beside him, Sam buries his head in his shaking hands and groans. Behind them, in all his proud glory, Lucifer opens his mouth and speaks,
"I want to go to McDonalds," he says and he pouts in a way that makes Dean grip the wheel harder, "I'm hungry."
It isn't actually going down how Dean expected; he expected pestilence, plague and at least a few frogs. Instead Lucifer is sitting in the back seat of his baby, tapping long nailed fingers in time to mullet rock and smiling happily.
Lucifer looks – well – how you would expect him to look at least. He has a red, well-muscled chest, long arms, goat legs and feet and a long, pointy tail. He looks like a cartoon come to life and Dean can't help but think 'Possess someone at least even though it makes him feel guilty as hell.
Beside him, Sam is looking a little twitchy but who can blame him. Sam possibly expected to be the 'Boy King' ™ by now but instead he is, sort of, nursemaid to a fallen angel and Dean guesses this was not part of the plan – AT ALL.
"I'm real hungry," Lucifer says and Dean waves a placating hand.
"Next exit," he says and Lucifer smiles, showing bloodstained fangs. Dean sighs again and bites his lip hard. Maybe, he muses, he could tempt Sam into drinking demon blood again – wouldn't be hard to find some at the moment…
Lucifer orders up a storm and Dean has to pay.
What makes it worse is that, finally, Lucifer decides to possess an innocent but plumps for the spotty, bespectacled geek who works in the drive through. The guy is SO not cool and does not belong in the back seat of Dean's beloved baby.
"I want to go to the cinema," the geek announces in Lucifer's deep baritone, "let us go."
Sam winces and turns blood shot eyes to his brother.
"This cannot be good," he says, sipping on his strawberry shake (and Dean does not miss the irony here as the shake looks a lot like thick, red blood). "He probably wants to see some depraved sex flick," Sam continues and Dean nods, hoping that it is true.
Dean wishes he still had Ruby's demon killing knife cos at least, then, he could gouge out his own eyes. He stares at the screen just as Zac Efron bursts into another love song and the chicks go starry eyed. Beside him, Sam turns and winces, rubbing his own eyes over and over.
"Is this Hell Dean?" He asks – knowing he is the one that subjected them to all this.
Dean – having been there and knowing the pure torture that goes on downstairs – nods.
"Yeah Sammy – it is."
"I want to see 'Mamma Mia," Lucifer whines insistently and Dean grits his teeth.
"Fuck off," he says – not caring if the four fucking horsemen ride down and snatch him away, "we are SO not going there."
"I was lonely in the pit," Lucifer tries for the sympathy vote, "and Earth holds such wonderful pleasures."
"'Mamma Mia' is not a pleasure," Sam's nose is buried in some Latin text and Dean knows he is trying to find a way to send Lucifer packing.
"How about 'Marley & Me'?" Lucifer's face is hopeful.
Dean starts drawing a devil's trap.
Castiel finally comes to rescue them with a long speech about how God is sorry for what Zachariah has done and how he is willing to take Lucifer back into his kingdom and how he is willing to forgive Sam for what he has done and how he is going to reward them both for their sterling work in the field.
Dean asks him why it took so long and Cas just smirks – making Dean want to hit him – but he remembers just HOW much that hurt and he resists.
Finally the two of them ascend into Heaven ™ and leave Sam and Dean with a dazed and confused McDonald's geek, two free passes to a cinema of their choice and enough red, red wine to keep Sam happy for eternity.
Dean looks at his brother and sighs.
"You want to see 'Angels & Demons'?" He says.
"Thought you'd never ask." Sam replies.
Fin