"We will be travelling this evening to an old cottage just outside of York where we will prepare for tomorrow," said Dumbledore. I was listening to my old headmaster, while tracing the veins on my fiancé's hand. I noticed how, just right around where his hand met his wrist, the blue veins became more noticeable than on any other part of his arm. I had been staring at his hand far longer than I had realized when James flipped it over to grasp mine.

"Lily, babes, do you want to grab something to eat?" he asked, trying to distract me.

I nodded and after saying goodbye, we disapparate to a pub in Diagon Ally with Sirius and most of the Order.

"James! You know what I love a woman to do?" asked a drunken Sirius, placing his arm around James' shoulder

"Shoot," he replied, a grin on his face.

"You know when you're shagging a girl, I love when they take control and just jump on top." Said Sirius, slurring his words slowly and using his hands to exaggerate. "Hell, I love to lay back and relax and let her do all the work for once. Not all the time, but that one time when you just come home from work and tired as fuck, and they just jump on you. Don't you reckon?"

James squeezed my hand. I had turned my head into his shoulder trying to hide the blush.

"Um, yeah it's great. But I like the control." He added in.

"James, I thought you said you enjoyed it when Amanda did it. You bragged all through the first half of six year." Sirius said, boosting. "Sorry, Lily," he said to me.

"No problem." I laughed.

James looked at me than back at Sirius, with his mouth hanging open, "I -"

Sirius interrupted and looked at me, "You know what though, I cannot wait until you have sex with James. It has been too long. My mate here needs good shag before -"

"Sirius!" James said. I'm not sure if he was laughing or actually serious.

Alice turned to me, "Lily," she said, "I think it's amazing that you're waiting, despite what Sirius thinks."

"Me too," James agreed. "Sirius hates all the hard work. He just likes getting to the business."

"Hey, now. That's not..." Sirius paused for a moment, "Never mind."

We all laughed.

I just shook my head. This was not the first time Sirius would get drunk and begin to share his stories of his sexual adventures and fantasies, or anything of that nature. Realistically, it was a few times at most, but nerveless, they were quite amusing. Sirius, being the best friend of James, always included James with these conversations. I reckon that James tried to edit exactly what he said whenever I was around. I did not mind James answering, but I guess I felt slightly embarrassed about the topic.

I guess I zoned out for a moment, because Marlene, who was on my left on the couch, nudged me and lipped, "Are you ok?" to me. I nodded a moment later. I leaned my head into James' shoulder.

James turned his head towards mine, still hiding in the crook of his neck between his shoulder and neck, and kissed the topic of my head. "I love you," he mumbled, before kissing me again. I brought my eyes up to his and kissed him square on the lips, letting myself linger there for a couple of seconds. James brought his hand up to cup my face, hiding us from everyone else as he slowly deepened the kiss. My mind from the world around us, the laughter, the sounds from the Quidditch match on the radio, and the sound of a drunken Sirius, drowned out as James and I shared a moment together.

"You're not still scared about tomorrow, are you Lils?" James asked me.

I lowered my glaze into my lap. "I still don't have a good feeling about it."

"You're over thinking it."

"James, it's just you and Sirius out there."

"With the rest of the Order as backup."

"Still. If we're two second too late..."

"You really don't have any trust in me?"

I shook my head, "Trust is not the right word. I trust you with my life. It's them I don't trust."

"Ok then. Umm, confidence in this mission? Lily, I graduated as one of the top duelist at Hogwarts. You've seen me fight Sirius before. We've fought before."

"James, I don't think a tickling charm counts."

"But I still won."

I paused. Giving him a smirk I replied, "James, I won that. I always win."

"No, you don't. I always win because I'm awesome."

I laughed, "Didn't your mother ever tell you that the woman always wins?"

"She actually did."

"Told you."

He leaned into me, "I still win."

I laughed at him as he kissed me again.

"I suggest a game of truth or dare!" roared Sirius.

Alice looked at him, "Sirius, you're not daring me and Marline to make out again. You had it once when we were both single, but now she and I are in relationships. I don't think Frank would like that."

"That would be kind of hot, actually," Frank replied.

"Whoa, wait!" said Remus. "I never saw nor heard of said event. I think there needs to be a repeat."

"Repeat!" repeated Sirius, throwing his arms up into the air.

"Remus, kiss Sirius then," said Marlene

The two boys looked at one another with a disguised face, then leaned away from one other, "That's disgusting," declared Sirius.

"No way," said Remus.

"Fine." Marlene said. "No kissing for Alice and me then. Sirius, truth or dare?"

"Truth," said Sirius.

"Best sex you've ever had?"

Without missing a beat, Sirius replied. "July 19, 1977. Jackie Morrison. I was at a muggle pub, we met after a Quidditch game...well she saw a football match and both our teams won. We met each other and within the hour she was riding me like a Beater rides a broom. Rough and hard. Never heard from her again...not even sure if that's her real name."

Everyone laughed at Sirius' story and some rolled their eyes.

"Frank. Truth or dare?" Sirius asked.

"Dare." He answered with a grin.

"That group of chick, across the pub," Sirius said, pointing towards a group of girls, all who looked ten years Frank's senior. "I dare you to ask them if any of them are willing to have an, and I quote, 'casual sex with you, then in the morning you'll make them a proper English breakfast and send them on their way.'"

"Oh Lord," said a blushing Alice.

Frank jumped up rather quickly and bounced right over to the ladies with a Butterbeer in hand. We all turned our heads in his direction, as we saw Frank lean his arm against a headrest on one of the chairs of the ladies. They all went silent when Frank approached. We couldn't heard what he had said, but it was obvious it was not taken in light humour when one of the ladies, looking like the oldest in the group and rather angry, stood up and threw the content of her drink at Frank. She approached him and slapped him straight across the face. Our group lead out a loud laugh as a hurt Frank came walking back towards us.

He slouched down beside Alice who took his head into her arms, and kissed his crown. Alice took out her wand and said an air-dry charm to dry off Frank.

"Aw, poor baby." She said, with a slight laugh.

Sirius was tumbled over in his chair, still laughing hysterically as Frank winced in pain.

"Fuck you, Sirius" said Frank.

Suddenly, a very large man made his way over to Frank "Did you just talk to my wife?" he asked, his voice low and intimidating.

Frank was in complete shock. Before he could act, Sirius stood up and stood face to face with the man. "I was trying to get shag. I didn't see any nut balls over there so I decided to check it out."

The man, angered by the insult and fuelled likely from Firewhiskey, pushed Sirius square in the chest, "What the fuck did you say to me?"

"Don't bloody touch me," Sirius spat back as he lunged towards the man. At this point James, Frank and several other guys from our group and had stood up to tried and peel the two boys away from one another.

Two bar security came over.

"Oi!" they said to Sirius and the man, "Get the fuck outta here!" The guards took Sirius and the man by the collar and threw them out. James and Frank followed the boys out, and after paying for our drinks, we met them outside the pub. Sirius was swearing up a storm.

I drew up hand into James' and kissed him, rather aggressively, straight on the lips.

Marlene spoke, "I guess we should be heading back?"

"Yeah, get a good night's sleep before the shitfest tomorrow." said Remus.

We apparated to the home of Alice and Frank were our meeting earlier that day had occurred. Dumbledore had a few errands to run, but shortly after we arrived so did he. We gathered all our stuff and with a portkey, we arrived in small groups in the middle of the forest. Dumbledore taking the lead walked us to a large cottage at the end of a dirt road.

Once we entered into the house, Dumbledore announced where the rooms were. Before Dumbledore even finished, Sirius passed out on the first couch he spotted without missing a beat.

"Lily?" said someone. I spun around and it was Marlene. "Can you please do something for me?"

"Of course,"

"Can you room with me tonight? I really don't want to be with Fabian." She said.

I knew they have been fighting, but for my best friend, I'd do anything. "Of course." James and I never actually mentioned if we were sharing a room, and it was never automatically assumed.

I walked up to James who was talking to Frank. "Hey James," I told him, "I'm going to bunk with Marlene tonight. She asked me."

He smiled, "I was going to ask you, but if she asked I can`t really argue with it." He kissed me.

Alice came up to Frank. "Frank, I need a stress reliever," she said with a grin.

Frank grabbed his bag, said goodbye rather quickly to us, took Alice's hand, and quickly walked towards a bedroom at the far end of the cottage.

I said goodbye to James and kissed him goodnight. Marlene and I chose a room and I dragged my stuff in there while Marlene ran into the ensuite bathroom to have a quick shower.

I threw my rucksack onto an unclaimed bed and crashed down. I could not stop thinking about the following day. Specifically the risks involved, especially with the one I loved more than anything in the whole world, right in the middle of it all. I knew James was great, not even that, amazing at duelling, and could take care of himself, but I was still worried. I had seen him and Sirius in dozens of duels before, with the Order and them just playing alone. I knew it would take multiple and great duellist to beat him, but that was what I and the rest of the Order were for. As a backup. But I thought, what would happen if the Death Eaters ganged up on him or if he turned his back for one second? I never wanted to think about that. The pain of losing half of myself in just a second.

I thought back to the conversation after the meeting, when everyone was just laughing and enjoying their time before tomorrow. It was not just then that I thought about James and myself, together, intimately; I have had this idea for a few weeks now. My decision about staying a virgin until marriage is one that I held since before Hogwarts. I felt that if I were to be with anyone except for the person I married, it would be like I was dividing my heart up, and these pieces were handed out to every person I was with. So I made a decision when I was little to wait.

But then I started to think. If I was waiting for love before I decided to be with him, wasn't it more the idea of marriage than it was the right person. And I already found the right person.

This was my epiphany several weeks ago, and it was reconfirmed tonight.

So then I knew it had to be tonight.

I had found the right person; I knew that to the bottom of my heart. But then sinking in was these thoughts of what would happen if one of us did not make it out alive?

What were the real things I wanted out of life: Love, career and family. I knew that in days like these, career and family were difficult possibilities, but I could still find love.

I needed to find him.

I got up from my bed and walked over to the door, but paused half way and leaned my head against the wall: it had hit me, I couldn't believe what I was about to do. A giggle shot through me and a smile crept upon my face. Then, in the same moment, my stomach dropped, at I had no idea what the hell I was getting myself into, but I knew we would figure it out.

I took a deep breath and walked over towards the door. The door beside it then opened and Marlene walked in.

"Hey, what's up?" she asked, noticing I was about to leave the room.

I didn't know whether I should tell her the truth or not, she would notice that I've been gone from my bed for a few hours. But I knew it would have been an awkward conversation if I told her what my plans were. So I told her the basics, "I'm just going to talk to James."

She noticed my delay, then cocked her head to the side, a habit for whenever she was confused, "But it's a little late – oh Lily, does this have to do with anything from before?"

I sighed. Great, she caught me.

"Lily," she said as she walked over towards me, "Nothing's going to happen to any of us tomorrow. You don't have to go-"

I cut her off, "Please Marlene, don't lecture me."

"Please tell me you're not going to find him to BE with him. Don't give up yourself like that."

"Well...," I was lost for words. There was really no solid excuse for betraying a belief I've had since I was little. "To be honest, we're in a war right now, Mar. For all I know, a Death Eater could show up half way through the mission and he could get kidnapped or killed or something."

"Lily, listen. There are over twenty of us; some of the best dualists are in this Order." She spoke more slowly, emphasizing her words, "Nothing is going to happen to us tomorrow. Not to you, not to me, not to James, not to Sirius."

"We never know what's going to happen tomorrow."

"Exactly. So why do you think anything bad will happen tomorrow?"

"You've known I had a really bad feeling about this mission from the start. Merlin , I've had so many nightmares this past week than I normally do in a month about this going badly."

Tears began to pool in the corner of my eye and Marlene took notice.

"Ok, Lily, listen. I won't stop you from seeing him. But just let me say I don't want you to regret having slept with him. Make sure you're one hundred percent certain before. Believe me, I regret my first time, and I would take that back if I could."

I began circling my engagement ring on my finger. I couldn't even look her in the eyes, "I'm not going to regret this. I've already found the right person. I've figured out that all I was looking for all along. No paper can truly make a difference."

She sighed, "You're not giving up on this are you?" I shook my head "`Fine. You're really stubborn sometimes, you know that?"

"So I`ve been told."

"Then go and find him," she encouraged. I looked up into her eyes and I knew she was being honest. Then she smirked. "I want to know the full details straight after."

I laughed. "Find, I promise you'll be the first to know," I had nothing to say to that so I smiled and just walked out the door.

After leaving our room, I nervously walked down to the basement to James' room, where he was planning on sharing with Sirius, if Sirius ever got up from the couch. I walked over and I could hear some shuffling around in his room. After taking a deep breath I knocked quietly on his door.

A second later I heard a quick, "Just one second," then James opened up the door, half putting his shirt on. He was in his boxers and it looked like he was almost getting ready for bed. When he saw me he looked like he was confused, like he was not expecting me. But then a smile crept upon his face.

"Hey, Lily. What's up?"

I suddenly got really nervous, "Sorry, if you were going to bed-"

"No, I was just about to read, but you can always find me. I'm never too busy for you."

He opened up the door, inviting me in. With my back to it, I closed the door and locked it without James noticing.

Soon after he took my face into his hands and kissed me. It was quick but I didn't kiss back.

He took my hand, "Do you mind if I talked to you for a minute? I have a question for you." I walked over to the bed to sit down, and he followed sitting down beside me.

"Yeah, sure. What is it Lils?"

Oh, how I loved the way he said my name, like his own, personal nickname for me.

"Um," I had not really though this through on how I was going to say this to him. "I'm just going to say this frankly-"

"Lily," he interrupted, "This is not about tomorrow, is it? Nothing's going to happen to you."

"James. Please don't lecture me, Marlene already gave me one. Plus, it's not so much me that I'm worried about, more you."

"Hey, I'm not going to deny that there are not some risks involved. But we have back up plans and some of the best witches and wizards to protect us if something goes wrong."

I was tired of arguing. I knew I was losing. I knew my worries were nothing to be overly worried about, but I still had that lump in the back of my throat. "James, I'm not going to say that did not have some influence on what I'm about to say, but believe me, it did not make the final decision."

"Well, what were you going to ask me?" he wondered. He almost looked nervous, like if I was going to say something bad.

I looked into his eyes and slowly spoke, "James, I want you. Tonight, here, right now. I've made up my mind and decided I don't want to wait until we're married, if that's alright with you. But I think right now, tonight, is just perfect."