Always on my mind

Chapter 1

"Stay with me"

It was the annual Christmas party at KPW firm; the employees were getting drunk while reggae music played in the background from the karaoke machine. Sakura Kinomoto, an accountant for the company stood by a corner trying hard to smile against the tears that were swelling up her tired eyes. She playfully danced the wine glass between her long slender fingers as she wondered how she will get home tonight. She could not stand this crowd anymore and she just wanted to go home. It was a night of true colors; even Doreen, the shy secretary was rumored to have flashed a boob or two out. In all her two years of working there, this year was certainly nothing like the previous year.

Her eyes peered the room and she was aware for a moment of how anti-social she was being. She could see her colleague Syaoran Li from the corner of her eye. She glanced at him for a moment then rolled her eyes and shook her head. On his arm was his latest conquest, a beautiful woman, a model, Sakura concluded from her tall slender frame and beautiful face. Seeing Syoaran made her pity herself even more; her hand trembled and she turned her back and vision from Syaoran. She thought how could one person could be so shallow and she then she wondered how it was like to be one of Syaoran conquests. She shook the thought out of her head and carried on sulking with an aching heart. She could see them approaching her. She sighed and thought about quickly walking away before they notice she was avoiding them. But alas, they caught her. .

"Sakura." Syaoran said in a cool tone that told her that he had not been drinking tonight.

Sakura pretended to be startled "Oh, hi...I didn't see you there."

He smirked and his eyes lit up at her response as though he knew she was pretending to be surprised.

"Did you see Georges Karoke? You wouldn't think he is the same guy who gives us a hard time every day" Syaoran cackled but Sakura kept a straight face.

"Why aren't you on the dance floor?" he asked her speaking a bit louder.

She completely turned to face him and looked him in the eyes "Why aren't you?" there was disdain in her tone that took Syaoran aback. He held back a grin and instead, he awkwardly placed his hands in his pockets. "Its better than last year..."

While they exchanged small talk, Syaoran's model female friend just stood there next to him. She was motionless and she appeared bored and impatient. She kept her face away from Sakura for the most part. Sakura found it odd that he made no attempt to introduce her. He was an asshole. The scene reminded her of those high school movies, where the popular guy would ignore his cheerleader girlfriend while he chatted to the dorky science nerd. She was not a dorky science nerd...well not anymore.

The six foot model suddenly leaned in and whispered something in his ears. He said to her "We'll leave in an hour."

Sakura gave an awkward smile. "Syaoran, aren't you going to introduce us?"

"Oh, Sakura, this is Nami." He said hastily as though almost embarrassed.

Sakura extended her hand for a handshake and said "Its nice to meet you."

Nami responded with "Where is the bathroom?"

"Down the hall, on your left." Syaoran gave Sakura a "see what I have to deal with" kind of look.

Nami nodded and walked off.

"Your girlfriend beautiful." Sakura commented.

"She is beautiful, not my girlfriend though. Her left eye is blue and brown. She wants to leave, says she hates things like this." Syaoran said biting his lower lip aware that he sounded cocky and almost as though he was showing off. He saw Sakura's lower lip tremble for a moment and he could see tears slowly filling her eyes. He could not believe that it took him this long to realize how sad she was. The Sakura he knew had a bright warm personality. She was cold and somewhat distant tonight.

He reached out and dramatically grabbed her forearm, startling her and forcing her to look straight into his eyes "What's wrong?" he asked her.

Sakura pulled away easily and muttered "You're a jerk" She said drinking up her wine. "Like all men."

"Come on really, tell me what's wrong." He said in a half whisper.

Sakura was quiet.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head "No."

"Lets go outside." said.

Sakura just stood still then a single teardrop ran down her face. She wiped it off quickly with her fingers.

"Okay, you are going to make me hug you and cause a scene and everyone will start looking at us." He could hardly believe he said that. He could feel a lump in his throat and suddenly he was nervous. He hated seeing her so sad, his mind started to wonder what could possibly bring tears to this beautiful ray of sunshine.

"Alright." She finally said.

They walked outside to the balcony. Syaoran loosened his tie while she settled comfortably on the wooden floor. He sat next to her, surprised that she wanted them to sit down. He concluded she was slightly drunk. She settled the glass of wine next to her. There was a beautiful night sky overlooking them. The were 10 stories high above the ground. Tokyo had never looked as lovely as it did tonight.

"So what's wrong." he asked her after a moment of silence. He relaxed his shoulders and kept his vision fixed on her while she stared ahead. There was a crisp wind in the night air that made the two of them shudder at the same time.

"Ryu is cheating on me..." she said bursting into tears "My best friend Tomoyo told me just about an hour ago. She buried her head in his chest and sobbed. Syaoran slowly snaked his arms around her delicate frame.

"I'm sorry." He said; perhaps he was not really sorry, he thought for a moment as he brought her closer into him. She withdrew her head and said "I trusted him so much and you know we've been together for two whole years." She drank from the glass of wine.

"Maybe you should stop drinking." He suggested.

She shook her head "No. I need to drink tonight and get drunk and do something stupid." After she said that, she realized how close Syaoran was. They had never even hugged before this day. Her cheeks turned bright red and for a moment she was cautious and shy.

Syoaran watched her sympathetically.

"I am a good woman, I do everything he asks of me and you know what, he has not even tried to help with the wedding arrangements." she started to speak louder. She stood up, took off her beige blazer and her maryjane 4 inch heels. "I don't deserve that...I don't" she said systematically and finished the wine "Oh shit, its finished." She tried to catch a drop of wine from the empty glass.

"Syaoran." A woman's' voice came from the French doors that lead to the balcony. Syaoran quickly stood up as though he had been caught doing something bad. It was Nami. She gave him a quizzical look as she approached them.

"I was looking for you." she said.

Syaoran walked up to her, looked at Sakura as she tried to pull herself together then looked at Nami. "Listen, I can't go out tonight. How about you catch a cab and we can do something tomorrow."

"Oh wow, you are such an asshole." She said to him folding her hands over her chest. Syaoran took the insult and said "My friend is going through a crisis, I'm not just going to leave her."

"Don't bother calling me." she said and walked away.

Syaoran turned around. Sakura was standing closer to the edge of the balcony staring afar. As she heard his footsteps draw closer to her, she said "That was really an asshole thing to do." She commented "All you men are the same, just vultures and cheaters..."

"I've never cheated..." Syaoran interrupted her.

She looked at him unconvinced.

"And Ryo is an idiot for cheating you."

She turned around and he walked closer to her. He put his arms around her and muttered "I'm sorry." She cried for another minute before peeling herself away from him.

"I think I should go home."

"Ill drive you home." He told her.

She nodded agreeably. She didn't want to go back home to an empty apartment.

They strolled to the parking lot not exchanging any words. While there were in the elevator, there was a moment where Sakura looked at him, her emerald eyes no longer tearful. Despite the fact that that they had worked with each other for four years, they were not friends in the strictest sense. They hardly did anything together that was not somehow related to their jobs and the work environment. This was a huge leap for their friendship. She remembered how she could not get over how handsome he was the first time she met him. They argued quiet a lot and at the same time got on very well. She was always brutally honest with him as he was to her.

The elevator stopped at the ground floor. Standing outside was Eriol, a friend of Syaorans from the engineering department. He looked at the both of them then smirked at Syaoran.

"Where are you two going?" he asked sounding nosy.

"I'm just dropping her off." Syaoran said feeling like he had to defend himself.

Sakura shot Eriol a smile and walked past him towards Syaoran car.

"Its not what you think." Syaoran said in a high whisper.

"Someone's finally getting lucky. Have you told her you love her." he said.

"Shut up and I don't...I...just shut up" Syaoran said to Eriol and walked past him.

"Well, you two kids be safe okay." he said commending Syaoran with a wink. "The accountants are gonna get it on." he said.

Syaoran wanted to take off his shoe and throw it in Eriols' face. "Dumb ass." he muttered.

Syaoran sighed. He found Sakura leaning against his car. She looked tragic staring back at him. He could feel his heart beating in his throat. She was beautiful in every way. The moment took his breath away. He took out his car keys, unlocked the car and opened the door for her.

"Thanks." She said.

As he started the engine she muttered "You know where I live right."

"Yeah, remember that week where your car broke down and I gave you a lift home 3 times."

"Oh, yeah." She said in a low tone.

"You're going to be alright Sakura. You are strong." Despite saying this, no one had ever broken his heart. He had never been with a woman he felt madly and passionately about. The women that often came his way were obnoxious and shallow. Perhaps that was why he was so drawn to Sakura from the day her met her. She was outside his social circle. Very humble, clumsy, different and beautiful. He was not the only man who noticed her in the office; Syaoran was convinced they all liked her secretly. Since he met her however, she was someone's girlfriend and then fiancé. Nonetheless, even if she was single, he didn't think he would have had the guts to ask her out anyway.

As they drove out of the office estate, he could not help but think of his previous interaction with Eriol. Suddenly, he was thinking about sex. He tried to shake it out of him head. He thought about how it would be like to stop his car someone and just do it right there in the front seat. It was wrong, why was he even thinking about it. He started to feel aroused. His face turned red and he looked over at Sakura's breasts in swift motion. He took a deep breath. What Sakura needed was a gentleman and not some horny pervert. He told himself.

"What was Eriol saying?" She asked him.

"Nothing really." He chuckled "He is an idiot."

They arrived at her place. She lived in an apartment in a quiet part of town. They walked her up to her door.

"Thank you." She said clenching the blazer she was holding. "You are really nice."

He smiled at her.

"Do you wanna come upstairs...for tea or wine?" She sounded confused "I just don't wanna be alone right now."

"Sure." He replied immediately cautious of how desperate he sounded.

As she struggled to find her keys in her bag he wondered what was going through her mind. She was not easy to read. She smiled slightly upon finding them.

"My place is a total mess." She said sounding sober.

She opened the door and he trailed behind her, easing the door closed behind him. They stood there for a moment, feeling awkward with each other. It was a big studio apartment with light wooden floors, a big kitchen, huge windows and cream colored walls. Everything was in one room except the bedroom which she assumed was up the spiral staircase in one corner of the room. It really suited her and her personality.

She walked over to the kitchen counter, took out a bottle of red wine and wine glasses while she spoke about her home and how she inherited it from her grandmother. She handed him a full glass "Make yourself feel at home." He said slowly before taking off his jacket.

"Its a really nice place." He said.

She raised her shoulders "Its alright. The view sucks."

"Are you feeling better though?" He asked her. He was surprised at her sudden change of mood.

"I don't know...no"

She sat next to him and thought for a moment "I feel like I should have seen it coming. He is always gone, I'm always alone here." She ran her fingers through her short auburn hair. "At the same time I don't believe it. I keep wondering who this woman is and what's so special about her and what I did wrong. Maybe it's the way I dress or my boobs are not big enough."

"Your boobs are fine..." he let it slip.

She put an arm around him "Thanks. You are a great friend and Im glad you're here. Drinking with me. Id be crying in bed right now." Sakura was not sure what had come over her. She felt heavily attracted to Syaoran. She loved the feel of every muscle of his body as he snaked his arms around her.

"Maybe I should leave..." Syaoran said but Sakura was not listening. She thought of every sexual thought she ever had of Syaoran. She wondered how it was like to kiss him and to have him on top of her...would be be too heavy? She noticed he had a few hairs on his chest peeking out of his shirt. Her heart sank and she knew she was being overcome with arousal. She had always told herself that even though she was engaged, it was only natural to be physically attracted to him. His hair was unruly, his eyes were like dark chocolate and he carried himself in such a masculine confident but not cocky kind of way.

"Sakura.." he interrupted her train of thought.

She leaned into his face and planted a kiss on his lips. It took him aback. He closed his eyes as he accepted it. The smell of her perfume immediately seemed to overpower him with sensuous desire.

Suddenly, she pulled away.

"Sorry." She blushed. She felt disorientated but she could not deny how much she enjoyed kissing him.

Syaoran looked down and smiled to himself "I don't mind." He felt hot and nervous.

Sakura slapped his chest playfully "You and I can never happen. We work together and I don't think I wanna date anyone in a while. Office romance is never a good idea."

He was silent for a moment, out of fear of getting rejected if he tries, he said "Yeah...good point."

"And like you and I are good friends...relationships complicate things." She nervously laughed.

"Alright you made your point." Syaoran sighed sounding bored.

She smiled blushing "I'm not making fun of you. I just laugh some times when I'm nervous." she collapsed back on the chair.

"Fine. Let's change the subject. Pretend that didn't happen."

She sat up and gobbled down her the glass of wine.

"I'm thinking of moving to Takada Corp. They are such a proactive company. They are so many opportunities there, apply with me. 10 percent pay raise..."he said.

"Do you really wanna talk about work?" She asked him, the alcohol slowly kicking in again.

"No...It's just that I feel like you are trying to seduce me and I think you are drunk and I have way too much respect for you..."

His words trailed off when she kissed him once more. "I just had to do in again." she whispered into his lips.

Suddenly they were making out intensely. She climbed up on top of him her legs on both sides of his hips. Her hands snaked around his neck. He found his hands moving up her shirt slowly as though asking for approval. He gripped her skin as though desperate to feel as much of her body in a short space of time. He kissed her neck then gently squeezed her perky but. Sakura loved it. She could feel weakness in her knees. It was dirty, a little bit rough, a little bit romantic and sensual.

"Let's go upstairs." She whispered in his ear.

She came off on top of him and smiled before heading up the stair case. Syaoran heaved a sigh and muttered "Oh my gosh. I know I should go home...but..." he got up and followed her.

He followed her upstairs to find her lying on her back on the bed with her trousers now off. She was just wearing her shirt and a pair of light yellow cotton panties with think lace along the edges. He took off his shirt and trousers and climbed up on top her.

"You are so sexy." she told him. "And you kiss so beautifully."

Syaoran kissed her lips gently. She pulled away and said "I've always found you attractive, always and I've fantasied about this moment." Her audacity made him want to laugh. She was just so drunk; he had never seen her like that.

He smirked now kissing her earlobe and then down her neck "This won't make things awkward between us right. And I'm not really cheating because as far as I'm concerned I'm a single gal"

She felt him stiffen against her inner thigh. She gasped "Is that your?"

Syaoran nodded and Sakura blushed "wow."

Syaoran stopped for a moment and looked into her eyes "You are acting like virgin."

"I'm not." She said defensively. "I've just only slept with one person so..."

He looked into her eyes meaningfully and said "We don't have to do this."

"I want to."

She raised her head to kiss him. Syaoran pulled away. He moved away from her, got off the bed and started putting on his trousers. Sakura was so surprised it took her a minute to say something.

"Where are you going?"

He took a deep breathe "Home."

"Oh, so that's how it is. You turn this engine on and then leave."

Syaoran chuckled audibly at the expression and then he said "You are a drunk mess." he said "I've only had one glass of wine and I'm not going to be one of those guys. I'm not going to take advantage of you."

He started buttoning his shirt and Sakura sat at the edge of the bed "I want to be taken advantage of. I'm asking you to have sex with me." she sounded desperate and it was not a good look.

"You are hurt. Someone has broken your heart. You want revenge. You think you will feel better once you've slept with me but trust me, you won't. And then you and I will have to see each other every day at work and you probably won't talk to me the way you used to anymore."

Sakura was quiet.

He walked over to her. She stood up. He pulled her head into his shoulder and ran his hand through her soft, short auburn hair "Call me if you need anything." he released her and started his way out.

Sakura stood there feeling stupid. Tears streamed down her face and now she could feel the cold winter air on her body. She shivered. She could hear his feet gently hit the floor as he walked. Suddenly, she thought, she didn't want him to leave. She did not want to be alone. She rushed down the staircase and caught him as he was about to close the door.

"Please...don't leave." she begged him out of pure desperation. "Stay with me."

He turned around and looked at her. She walked towards him tears trickling down her fair features. "We don't have to do anything. We don't need to have sex. Just. Stay with me."

He started to walk towards her and they met each other halfway and hugged. His eyes were full of sadness as were hers.

That night, nothing really did happen. He heated some pizza for her in the microwave, encouraged her to drink a lot of water so that she is not hangover tomorrow. They crawled into her bed. He was in his boxers and she wore a vintage t-shirt on top of her panties. They shared a few more kisses aware of the boundaries this time. They spooned, each not saying a word until she drifted into a peaceful sleep.

That night Syaoran could not sleep. He wondered about Sakura's fiancé. He had never seen the guy...two years working with Sakura and not once did he ever come to pick her up or attended any of the office socials. He found himself extremely worried about her while realizing that he hardly knew her. Their relationship never extended past the office building and he worried that this was the closest he will ever be with her. He worried that he will never get to kiss her or hold her the way he did that night. He worried that once the sun rays beam through the shutters this big adventure would be over. He watched her as she slept. She looked peaceful and beautiful.

He buried his chin in the river of her neck. She moved her head as though signaling him to stop that. Slowly, he let her go. He quietly got off the bed...picked his clothes up from the floor and left.

...

To be continued.