Chapter 1: "Ain't nothing in this world for free

No, I can't slow down

I can't hold back

Though you know I wish I could

Oh, no, there ain't no rest for the wicked

Until we close our eyes for good"

Ain't No Rest for the Wicked- Cage the Elephant

"Alluka!"

My knuckles rap in a familiar pattern against my little sister's door. It's our secret code, a way to say it's safe enough to open the door.

"Wake up, little sister! It's time for school, come on, get up!" My voice is loud and insistent. I open her door this time and rapidly flick her bedroom light on and off so much that it annoys her. Long, brown hair bursts out from an all pink comforter and flips pillows in its wake.

"I'm up! God!" Alluka groans the way she does every single morning, blue eyes still thick with sleep, squinting at the brightness and nose pinching up in displeasure. I have to control the urge to laugh at the picture in front of me and almost feel bad; our waking up earlier than usual is due to my needing to run a few errands before getting to school.

"Hurry, I'll make a quick breakfast. We have to head to Moogs' place early. Me and Meruem have some stuff to take care of before school starts."

"Okay..." she grumbles, but I don't believe her. If I don't come back within five minutes my sweet baby sister, who is not a morning person, whatsoever,will fall back asleep and miss a day of classes.

Heading back upstairs, I turn on the lights throughout the dim hall and staircase to further annoy her. My footsteps are quiet against the carpet-covered steps, knowing fully well which ones creak and avoiding them entirely.

Hesitating on the last step, my ears perk listening for any sound throughout the house and continue moving forward only after hearing none. Everyone's at work already...Good.

Making my way into the kitchen, I purposely slam cabinets shut and bang together pots and pans in the cupboard to create as much racket as possible, hoping to pull Alluka from her bed.

Okay, so oil this shit… Turn this little knob on.. Okay, good. Fuck yeah, I'm a goddamn chef!

Chancing a glance at my phone for the time, I decide to give my baby sister a few more minutes while breakfast is being put together: pancakes and scrambled eggs with lots of cheese.

The pitter patter of feet smacking against tile is loud against the quiet house around me. The eggs are sizzling lowly in the pan when I sprinkle more cheese on, and a voice reaches me that makes goosebumps break out along my skin.

"Killu, you're making breakfast for me, little brother?" a hoarse voice chortles.

My hand locks tighter around the pan in front of me. Fuck, I thought he was gone!

"Milluki." My throat feels dry, I compulsively swallow and my teeth gnash together. "I thought you were at work with Father already."

"I was allowed a late start today." My older brother makes his way closer, opening cabinets beside me to reach for plates and silverware. Without preamble, he scoops up the pancakes I managed to make and all of the eggs for Alluka.

One word and I could make him stop.

But, one word and I could make it worse.

Part of me desperately hoped Alluka would stay in her room this morning, it was my mistake to assume the house was empty and put her in an unsafe situation.

My hopes are dashed as a melodic voice flows down from the hallway seconds later, calling my name. Small feet pound against the tile rising in volume until my little sister is standing in the entryway. Her cheeks are flushed and a smile graces her features before catching the look on my face and losing it altogether.

"Oi! I-is that a dress, Alluka?! What kind of guy wears pink dresses!" Milluki starts as he sits down at the bar top across from us. "You should be glad mother isn't around to see her son cross-dressing!" He laughs, short, black bangs falling into his face. He enjoys this, the sadistic son of a bitch. He enjoys the way he makes Alluka feel like less than a person.

My little sister cowers in her corner, head down and long hair falling over her face. Anger bubbles up inside of me, hating the image of my sister looking so timid, so quiet and weak against this utter piece of shit. Knowing even I was powerless against it.

Milluki was still laughing as he filled his face, the breakfast made especially for my little sister going straight down his throat.

"Milluki!" My voice was louder in volume than intended to be, being spurred on by pure anger and resentment. Lately, it was becoming more difficult to stop myself from these outbursts.

My older brother quiets, black eyes narrow and a wicked smile forms across his fat face. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end, my next move had to be considered carefully.

"Breakfast is gone. These were the last of the eggs," I said dejectedly, clearing my throat and keeping the tone as light as possible. Even if I wanted to throttle the bastard. And these few eggs were the last, I remembered throwing the carton away before putting the eggs into the pan earlier.

"Are they, Killua? Well, that's too bad." He sighs, not looking at all like he regretted it. "Anyway, I have a long day at my job with Father, I need my energy." He pats his large stomach before standing from the bar stool and throwing his still fucking full plate of eggs and pancakes straight into the trash. "See ya!" Milluki laughs, waving as he slings his satchel around his shoulder and makes his way out through the back door. We stare on in silence, holding our breaths until he leaves.

I let my anger get the best of me, picking up the empty pans from the stove and throwing them harshly into the sink to rattle and bang off the inside loudly.

Alluka flinches, and I sigh in frustration, rubbing the palms of my hands into my eyes harsh enough to see stars before stopping.

"I'm sorry, baby sister," I apologize, sending her a small smile to show my regained calm. My beautiful, sweet, baby sister smiles back in understanding. "Your dress is really pretty today, Alluka. Is that bow in your hair the same one Moogs bought you for your birthday last year?" I ask, attempting to distract her, and nodding my head her way.

Alluka had a habit of matching her entire outfits from head to toe. Today's theme was pink and bows, reminding me a little of Minnie Mouse.

"Mhm!" She nods and my efforts weren't completely in vain, watching her light up under the praise and observance on my part. "Actually— okay so don't tell her this—but I totally forgot I even had them! They were just buried in my drawer—you know, the one I keep all of my accessories in? It's actually a set of— "

My little sister rambles on excitedly, and I hang on to every word, fishing out two bowls, a box of cereal, and some milk. It wasn't exactly Chef Emerald, but it would hopefully tide her off until lunch at school and that's all that mattered at the end of the day.

We ate and finished our healthy breakfast in sporadic conversation, washing dishes and putting everything back in pristine condition. If we left a mess of the kitchen, our parents would be absolutely furious with us, and it's the last thing either of us wants.

While resenting my family and the large, lavish lifestyle that being rich afforded us, there were certain amenities I took full advantage of. One of them being the car they gifted me as a bartering chip to coax me into joining the family business of power hungry and corrupt attorneys.

My older brother Illumi had taught me how to drive at age 14, and three years later I had my license and was driving an electric-blue Dodge Charger; it even had racing stripes across the hood and body. This car was definitely my baby; it was absolutely beautiful. But, most importantly, it got Alluka and I where we needed to be, when we needed to be.

And this morning, like every other morning since I was old enough to drive, we head out and followed the daily ritual of setting towards our best friends, Meruem and Komugi. Even if some of this morning had gone to shit, seeing Moogs would make my little sister light up like a fucking Christmas tree; they've always been thicker than thieves.

"Hey, I'm gonna need you and Moogs to take a little less time getting ready today." Chancing a glance in my sister's direction, she was slouched on her side in the passenger seat, book bag in her lap. "I have some stuff to do with Mer and I don't know how long it'll take. I don't want you guys waiting until the last minute to be ready. We really can't afford to be late, again. Too many tardies and we could get a call home." I wasn't trying to make her panic, but the reality of the situation could not be changed. I was well aware of the school's policy on truancy, and we were close to more than just a phone call home, maybe even detention. It was my fault, sometimes I allowed Alluka to sleep in longer than decent or her and Moogs would get distracted while choosing outfits together and we wouldn't make it in time.

"Th-they'd really call Mom and Dad about us?" my little sister questioned, voice quiet and fearful. Even though I wasn't looking directly at her, I could her feel her staring at me, blue eyes burning into the side of my face.

"Vice Principal Bisky's enough of a hag to do it." I keep my voice light, not meaning to frighten my little sister. The last thing she should worry about is getting in trouble at school. "Look, just get ready and I'll do my best to be back as soon as possible. Don't worry, okay? Big brother won't let you be late." The smile I send her way is genuine, though she isn't looking.

"Brother…" Alluka calls after a moment, still quiet and a part of me hates it. Alluka's an incredibly excitable and happy young girl, even with all of the shit we've been through. Seeing her without a smile or gleaming eyes is like a knife in my fucking chest.

"Yeah, Alluk?" My tone is softer, using a nickname she was familiar with since we were kids.

"Do you think I'm a girl?"

It takes me a moment to register exactly what she's said because I'd never heard a more confusing question in my life. The fuck?! "W-what? What kind of question is that?!" I almost miss a left turn at the abrupt question.

"Do you?!" she insists, voice raising, and my second glance at her grants me a look at wide and worried eyes.

"Of course you're a girl, Alluka! You're my little sister, for Christ's sake!" She would ask me these damn questions when I'm trying to fucking drive!

"Y-you don't th-think that I-I'm some...b-boy in a dress?" Her voice quivers, and I can tell from the way it breaks around certain words she's on the verge of crying. My distraction earlier was just that, a distraction, and now my brother's abuse was weighing heavily on my sister's mind and soul.

"Alluka..."

"No one believes me!" she shouts, the sound louder than even the engine's roar. "No one thinks that I'm-that I'm-"

And I can't do it anymore, can't listen to my little sister talk herself down and make herself cry.

"Fuck those people, Alluka!" Cringing at my own word choice, I make it a point to never curse around my little sister, but damn if I don't have a case of word vomit. "You are who you say you are and just fuck everyone else! You'll never have to be a boy, a day in your life, I don't care what Milluki or mom and dad or anyone says! You're my little sister, you're a girl, and I won't see you any differently unless you ask. Fuck the gender binary! I'll never be able to understand how difficult the world is for you and I won't pretend, but there are people who believe you when you tell them who you are. Moogs, Mer, me, Palm, Retz, and the rest of your friends at school. Fuck our family, Alluk! You know what? I take that back, they're not even our family, fuck them. Moogs and Mer? Those guys are our family. I know our home life is fucked, but the love and support you get from Moogs?" We're lucky to be stopped at a light as I take a good look at my little sister and make sure she's looking back even with tears in her eyes. "That's real, Alluk. That's real love and that's what family is like." Alluka needed to know and understand what happened at home wasn't normal, wasn't the world she should expect. There was more besides school and the walls of her room.

"I just wish-I just want to be normal!" she yells desperately, thin brows furrowed together, fists in her lap, scrunching up her pretty, pink dress. I'll never be able to live my little sister's experience, but my heart still breaks when she struggles.

The light turns green and I nearly floor it.

"You are normal, Alluk!" Fuck Milluki! "Don't listen to anything those bastards at the house say, you are exactly who you say you are. And, I'm always going to have your back." My voice thick with emotion because I mean it. Every word I tell my baby sister, I mean fucking everything.

Alluka's silent, and I begin to wonder if somewhere in my rant I said the wrong thing, took a wrong step, and fell off the deep end.

"Thank you for always being here, big brother," Alluka says and my heart swells. How could she not realize it by now?

Moogs' house comes into view, Mer's grey Toyota Corolla parked in the otherwise empty driveway, and I pull in beside him before shifting into park.

"Of course I'll always be here, dork." Turning to my sister and reaching my hand to ruffle my hand in her hair, she squeaks in displeasure and surprise. "Now get out of my car, and go help Moogs get dressed, she's waiting. So is Mer."

Alluka places a kiss to my cheek, wraps her arms around my neck briefly before letting go and nearly skips inside of Moogs' house. I want to go with her but can't, my frustration mounting.

Logically, I understand the way my family brainwashes Alluka will affect her perceived self image, but it never makes hearing my sister's fears any easier, doesn't make it any less frustrating. The abuse my family hurls at her is disgusting. I wish I could take away her fear and her pain, protect her from the onslaught of it all, but I battle my own demons and can only take on so much.

In my younger years when trying to defend my sister, the abuse would only get worse for her. Eventually, I learned to keep my damn mouth shut and tend to her wounds after.

Pulling out my phone, I shoot a quick text to Mer inside, knowing a good morning is difficult to come by now and eager to leave. I'll let Alluka take it.

Come outside fucker! I'm waiting

It's only a few seconds until Mer is outside, fixing his ugly ass green beanie over dark-black hair and stumbling his way to my car with a skateboard under his arm. Wait, the fuck? A skateboard?

"Dude, why didn't you come inside? Alluk said to wait for you." Meruem plops himself inside of my car, skateboard between his legs. The fuck is he doing with that thing?

"Nah, bad morning. We have shit to do anyway." Mer waves the skateboard about, trying to figure out what the fuck to do with it.

"Hey! Watch that fucking skateboard! This is a car I keep in pristine fucking condition!" I yell, feeling like a vein in my forehead is about to pop when the dirty wheels brush the roof of my car.

Mer snorts at me, stuffing the skateboard delicately in the backseat. But seriously, this car has been cleaned out several times a week since I got it years ago.

Meruem mock salutes me, dark skin of his forehead wrinkling in feigned seriousness. "Yes, sir! Sorry about that, sir! Don't want to mess up the interior of your car, sir!"

My eyes roll so hard they almost fall out of their sockets. "I fucking hate you, Mer," I joke. My best friend smirks, and we pull out from Moogs' driveway.

"So, what's all this bad morning business?" he asks after a few moments of car ride silence.

Sighing in frustration, I relay what happened earlier at home to my best friend of five years, knowing he already understood.

"Milluki was being a fucking bastard. I don't know, man. I need to get Alluka out of there quick, the fucking damage they're doing to her head is just fucked up. I can only protect her from so much," I say, scrubbing my hand over my face in resignation. No one should have to be talked down to the way my little sister was.

"Your brother really is a piece of shit. But, she's only got one year left, right? She'll be a senior in the fall and, yo, Alluka is goddamn brilliant, bet she could get a scholarship anywhere." Mer finds the silver lining though I'm hesitant to see it the way he does.

"I just hate the idea of her being there for another year, I'd have to stay with her too. Go somewhere local," I reply. It was our senior year, but Alluka was still one year behind us. There was no way she could be left alone while I went to some dumbass university to escape.

"Don't your parents want to send you to some prestigious school a million miles away?" Mer asks, studying his phone, but knowing he's listening, knowing his attention is still on this conversation.

"Fuck them and their dreams. I'll never be some disgusting attorney whose sole interest is lining my own pockets," I spit, disgusted at the number of underhanded things my family has done to get where they are and be known as some of the best attorneys this side of the country. They were heartless, power hungry, had no sense of justice or injustice, simply favoring whoever could pay them the most.

"So, you'd just rather be a drug dealer whose sole interest is lining his own pockets." Mer's joking. I know he is because we're in this together and we both have things we're fighting for, but the comparison still chafes me like sandpaper on my skin.

"My sole interest is keeping Alluka safe, everything else can go to hell."

"I get you. Dude, me and Moogsy were talking about getting our own place when we head off after graduation. Alluk could come with us?" Mer offers, eyebrows raised in question, but I shake my head.

"That sounds like a dream come true, but my parents would never let that happen. They love the control they have over her. Besides that, they think she's some embarrassment. Remember those times in middle school when we had to climb through her window to get her 'cause they fucking locked the outside of her room?" Recalling the memory made my own blood boil, climbing the tree in the backyard of my family's estate several years ago just to get Alluka out of the house when they felt she needed to be "punished".

"Not something I ever want to relive," Mer speaks our shared sentiment.

After that, Alluka was always with me, with us. After school we'd hang out until night fell or until my mother called and ordered us back home, never leaving Alluka home alone. "But, that's what I'm saying, dude! We can't let shit like that happen anymore. If there's an out, you gotta take it. And, I'm offering one," he insists.

"Mer, come on, you know what my family is capable of. You know who they are. It's bad enough they dislike you and Moogs for being my friends, but if they found out you took Alluka away with you?" My head shakes back and forth, blood running cold at the thought of my family touching my best friends in any way. "They could do anything, Mer." My warning comes quiet, barely audible over the engine.

I don't want Mer to fight back on this. I don't want him to directly involve himself because if something were to happen… It'd be my fault.

Nah, I'll take care of this. I have to.

Mer shrugs beside me in the passenger seat. "We'll put our heads together and figure something out." He sighs, letting it go. And there's always been a certain sense of calm that came with Meruem in times like this, when knowing others stood in solidarity with you, especially friends.

We reach our destination, entering a neighborhood that looks too nice for its seedy dealings. Rows and rows of nice, little, suburban houses.

Our supplier, main vein to the drugs Mer and I push to dumbass high school students, lives in a very plush two story home. White with red roofing, a patio with an awning, and wind chimes blowing in late August wind. No matter what time of day, this place never stopped giving me a sense of discomfort, or maybe it was more the man who was inside.

"Yo, did you do that shit for Knov's class?" My hands dig into my pockets, shutting my car door with my hip as we trail up the driveway to Hisoka's house.

"That weird chemistry thing?" Mer replies. "Yeah. Oh, dude, I didn't fucking tell you what happened!" He bursts out into laughter, full genuine laughter, and stutters through a story about an assigned chemistry project gone wrong. It's moments like these that I cherish the most, no matter how ridiculous it sounded even to myself, when me and Mer could bullshit and laugh without worrying about a single, goddamn thing-it made me feel like a normal high school kid.

Bracing myself and turning the knob to enter Hisoka's, my drug dealer's, house is always an act of courage. The fucker was creepier than a man in a white van.

He was sitting in his living room, dyed, flame-red hair sticking up into waves. Hisoka was so focused on the task before him, dividing up money and drugs on his living room table, he didn't even bother looking up when we entered. He knew we were coming anyway.

"Yo," I greeted, not needing to say much more than that. The last person me or Mer wanted to chat with was this dude, but it was the only choice we had when it came to good shit and better money.

"Ah, young Killua. Meruem. My two favorite boys, take a seat, please." He waves his hand out before him, palm up and offered up two round chairs he has set up across from him. Me and my best friend share a look before slowly making our way towards them and taking a seat.

Hisoka pays us no mind, continuing to organize his cash and supplies. It's a tense kind of silence for a few moments, both Meruem and I sitting in the chairs like fucking idiots surrounded by a room full of paintings of naked bodies on the walls, until he decided to speak again. "Have you both done well on your sales these past few weeks? I do expect to see quite a good turn out for the pills I pushed you two." And there's no force behind the voice but there's a certain sinister tone that never leaves.

"Here's your money, man."I reply. "Just give us the same thing you did last time. Maybe double up on the pills. They go crazy for these shits." Digging into my pocket and pulling out the wad of cash this lascivious business came with. Some of it was mine, but most of it was Hisoka's.

The students of Padokea High were greedy in their need for escape, pills for raves and parties, weed to mellow them out and make them look cool in front of their other bullshit friends.

Me and Mer were their suppliers.

"Of course, Killu! Anything for you. Tell me, how is your brother, Illumi?" His voice is a little like velvet and it's the weirdest fucking thing, that such a voice belonged to a creepy fuck who wore clown make-up most days for fun.

My muscles tense at the mention of my brother's name. There were times I forgot Hisoka's bizarre relationship to Illumi.

Officially, Hisoka was Illumi's quasi-confidant when it came to certain drug dealing business. Hisoka was something of a devil's advocate, giving up names of those who were trying to butt in on his turf and sometimes giving up names of those he worked with for the simple pleasure of watching them burn. Dealing with him was a double sided coin. Be on the right side. Or else.

"S'fine. Working." Short, clipped answers were all I was willing to give, thinking Hisoka and Illumi were cut from the same cloth. Both demented and depraved.

"I would ask you to say hello to him for me, but," And, this time he did glance up, golden eyes wild and unfocused. "Well, I'm sure I'll see him soon, in any case." He smirks, and I feel like he can see into my soul; his gaze is so goddamn fucking unnerving. Fucking fuck! He refocuses his attention on the table in front of him, divvying up pills and baggies of weed, then sliding them over to me and Mer. Money and drugs exchange hands, and we don't stick around for tea and fucking cookies afterward.

There's a certain sense of unease I always leave with when stepping outside of Hisoka's place, as if his home is a portal into a frightening world. But once out of there, it sticks like tar, adds a certain weight no matter how far you run.

Mer and I don't speak after leaving Hisoka's place; my guess being he feels the exact way I do. It stops us short, makes us feel wary even within our own company. Only after driving a few miles and coming closer to Moogs' place is the silence broken, like popping a bubble.

"Call Moogs, Mer. We're heading close, tell them to be ready so we can head out."

Mer nods wordlessly, adhering to my instructions, and we speed off their way. The day's only just begun, yet it already feels like the longest in a while. Senior year is already kicking my ass.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey guys! This was my submission for the Hunter x Hunter Big Bang on tumblr for this year! I really hope you guys enjoy it, the first 6 chapters have already be written and I'll be updating this soon with the second chapter. Don't be afraid to leave comments and the like, thank you!