Author's Note:
This is a yaoi pairing story and it's a copy of a writer's swap submission I have posted over at Y! Gallery.
If you don't like yaoi (gay) fiction, please don't read.
The implied pairing is Gaara and Naruto as Semes and Lee as Uke. This is a one shot and written to be very tongue in cheek.
Songs featured in the story in order are – I feel pretty from Westside story, You are my beloved from Kismet and Some Enchanted Evening from South Pacific.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters. I don't make a red cent off this fiction. I just do this for fun. Enjoy.
A youthful Proposition
Two sets of chopsticks paused mid air as they distinctively heard someone obviously drunk cheerfully mangling a familiar show tune.
"I feel dizzy,
I feel sunny,
I feel fizzy and funny and fine,
And so pretty,
Miss America can just resign!"
Naruto chuckled lowly as the kanji for love climbed higher on his companion's left temple when a deeper voice started to sing.
"lalala la lalala….."
Both shinobi smirked knowingly as they also heard, "This is embarrassing. I should have let you two find your own way home."
"We should go and assist him." murmured the Kazekage as he put his chopsticks down.
The blonde nodded in agreement as he pulled his frog purse out and paid the tab before they got to their feet and walked out of the restaurant.
"It sounds like you have your hands full." remarked Naruto with a bright smile as he took in the normally immaculate Hyuuga genius looking slightly harassed trapped between the two singing tai jutsu masters.
Lee: "See the pretty girl in that mirror there:"
Gai: "What mirror where?"
Lee: "Who can that attractive girl be?"
Gai: "Which? What? Where? Whom?"
"Are you going to help me with these two drunken idiots or are you just to stand there and wait for a written invitation?" hissed out Neji coldly as the two shinobi starting swaying and singing louder.
The kazekage merely folded his arms and Naruto replied with a toothy grin, "It's seems a shame to interrupt them when they're getting to the best part."
Twin smirks ghosted the two jinchuuriki's faces as Lee draped an arm about Neji's shoulder.
Lee: "Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!"
Gai: "Such a pretty me!"
"I think he's going to kill them." Murmured Gaara, his jade eyes not moving from the spectacle in front of him.
"Not yet but I have a feeling that he's going to have a reason to, judging by the nasty twitch next to his left eyeball." Muttered Naruto.
Both taijutsu masters leaned in and cupped Neji's face before tilting back their heads and warbled in an ear splitting screech, "I feel stunning …and entrancing… feel like running and dancing for joy… for I'm loved…by a pretty wonderful boy!"
"Do it now."
Sand whipped out of the gourd and caught Neji's hands before they struck their targets.
"Release my hands!" growled the brunette, struggling against the sand bonds.
"No. Your hokage will be displeased with you if you killed them." Returned Gaara somberly.
"Is there a reason why they're so…jovial?" asked the blonde as he strolled over to Lee and easily caught the flying fist before looping the arm about his broad shoulders.
"Naruto! My heart leaps with joy to see your smiling countenance!" exclaimed the young taijutsu master before giving the blonde a loud sloppy kiss on the cheek.
"We usually meet for dinner to celebrate the end of summer. These two decided to have an impromptu drinking contest." replied Neji with a hint of disgust in his tone.
"What better way to shelebate the sheason than with a few rounds of shar-key." exclaimed Gai squinting across at Lee as the younger man nodded vigorously in return.
"They're both idiots." muttered Neji under his breath.
"Neji-kun…you disapprove of our youthful celebration?" countered Lee, his round eyes filling up with tears.
Naruto glanced over at his friend ready to blow a gasket before he turned to Lee and murmured, "It's not that, Lee-san. I think Neji is just exhausted. You and Gai-sensei are not exactly light weights."
"We will take Lee-san home."
"Panda-kun! My eyes are glad to see you! It has been too long!" exclaimed Lee letting go of Naruto and Neji before pitching forward towards the road.
Sand whipped out once more, this time to cushion the taijutsu master's fall, only to meet with air.
"You get more handsome every time I see you!" gushed Lee, his head hovering scant inches from the ground.
"You will need to be careful around Lee. Booze tends to make these two amorous." grumbled Neji under his breath.
"I would never have guessed by their current behavior." murmured the Kazekage with a quirk of his lips.
"Wait, they tried to grab you?!" exclaimed Naruto, more than a little surprised by that revelation.
"Groped and propositioned…several times before they finally gave up and started that noise they refer to as singing." replied the brunette with a groan.
"I'm sorry, Nej. It sounds like they have been more than a handful this evening. What was the damage this time?" asked Naruto with a gusty sigh as he watched Neji shift his sensei's arm higher up on his shoulders.
"Two bar stools and a corner table. I gave the owner money for replacements before we left." Returned the Hyuuga genius with a tired side glance at his old teacher.
"Well, that's definitely an improvement over the last time Lee-san got juiced up." Countered Naruto with a grin.
"Don't remind me. We are still not allowed back at that establishment thanks to these two idiots." Groaned Neji as he heaved his old sensei up so that his body was draped against his side.
Two sets of eyebrows and a scarlet tattoo raised high on three foreheads as they heard Lee break into song.
"Dawn's promising skies
Petals on a pool drifting
Imagine these in one pair of eyes
And this is my beloved
Strange spice from the south
Honey through the comb sifting
Imagine these in one eager mouth
And this is my beloved"
"Lee…you stupid lovestruck fool! Shut up or we're going to get in trouble with the hokage…again." hissed out Neji in disapproval glaring darkly at Lee still hovering inches above the ground, cheerfully singing away.
"Baachan punished you for their behavior?" asked Naruto, glancing at Lee, giving the kazekage a look of adoration.
"Yes. I got a week of D rank missions because of these bakas. Their butchered rendition of phantom of the opera managed to wake up the hokage at 2 am in the morning." muttered Neji in disgust.
"And when he speaks and when he talks to me
Music! Mystery!
And when he moves
And when he walks with me
Paradise comes suddenly near
All that can stir All that can stun
All that's for the heart's lifting
Imagine these in one perfect one"
"Kuso…" hissed the Hyuuga as he felt his former sensei stirring before his ears started ringing as Gai joined Lee singing the refrain.
"And this is my beloved
And this is my beloved"
"Nej…go home. I will get my clones to take Gai to Kakashi's place." said Naruto, feeling a good deal of sympathy for the brunette as four bushkins appeared henged as Kakashi and walked over to the tai jutsu master.
"Kakashi, my eternal rival! Have you come to challenge me?" slurred Gai, delighted.
"Hn." Muttered the copy, slinging an arm of one shoulder as another copy stepped in and took the man's other arm from Neji.
"Oh how wonderful! What shall we wager?" asked Gai, squinting at the third copy standing in front of him with his Icha Icha Tactics in hand.
Naruto gave Neji and Gaara a sly cheeky smile before the bushkin turned the book towards Gai and pointed to a page.
"Oh ho, Kakashi! It's a good thing I am flexible! I accept your challenge." chortled the sensei with a saucy wink before the group stumbled down the road.
"Do I want to know what was on that page?" murmured Neji with a smirk.
"Not really but I know Kakashi is going to be in for a surprise if he loses." Replied Naruto with a chuckle.
"Thanks, Naruto. I should get home to Shikamaru. He's probably wondering where I ended up." Returned Neji with a smile before he disappeared with a puff of grey smoke.
"So, what should we do with this one?" asked the Kazekage with a lift of his kanji tattoo.
"I have no idea." muttered Naruto, watching Lee smile up at the red head with a benign look on his face.
"I know! Marry me and keep me forever! I would make an excellent wife." chirped Lee, reaching up to stroke Gaara's leg, only to be slapped away by a ribbon of sand.
"Who are you asking?" asked Naruto with a tilt of his head.
"Both of you." replied Lee with a beautific smile before breaking into song once more.
"Some enchanted evening
When you find your true love,
When you feel him call you
Across a crowded room,
Then fly to his side,
And make him your own
For all through your life you
May dream all alone.
Once you have found him,
Never let him go.
Once you have found him
Never let him go!"
"I would be interested in such a relationship but we would need to do something about his singing." murmured the kazekage after a few minutes.
"I think I know of a way to occupy his mouth. Shall we take our bride home for a proper wedding night, Kazekage-sama?" returned Naruto with a sly grin and a gleam in his eye.
Gaara returned the look with a half smile of his own as he nodded and helped Naruto pick up Lee.
"Does this mean you accept my proposal?" asked the young tai jutsu master as the two shinobi carried him home between them, his arms draped over their shoulders.
"We do but we will not grant you a divorce if you change your mind. Are you fine with this?" countered the Kazekage in warning.
"Yosh! I will be the best wife!" exclaimed Lee much to the delight of his two new husbands.
Owari