AN: I really hurt my wrist yesterday. It's horrible...I've been doing all sorts of things unthinkingly and making the pain worse. I had to tie a ribbon around it so that I would remember not to lift things with my left hand, but I'd end up admiring the ribbon (it was surprisingly well-tied for the effort of just one hand) and then forget why it was there. It hurts so much, I can't do half the things I want to. And I'm right-handed, even...
.......................................................................
Once upon a time there was a very wealthy kingdom, and this kingdom had a very wealthy prince, but he wasn't like one of those people you see in movies with a lot of money who are really rude and don't understand the problems that the poor people have so they ask them to do all these things that make it hard on the poor people and then at the end they get beheaded or put in prison or are just really, really hated by everyone. No, this prince was a pretty decent guy who just happened to have some expensive clothes and a full wallet and he was well loved by his people for his good and just nature, and he was also a bit of an alright so that kind of helped. This prince's name was Raito.
Now, Prince Raito had reached his eighteenth birthday and he still hadn't gotten married yet, which was a problem because he was an only child and was about to ascend to the throne and become king, which would of course make finding a nice girl to settle down with all that much harder because he'd be busy with all his paperwork and diplomacy and kingliness. So he walked around the castle thinking about what he could do.
'Hmm, maybe I could marry the Duke's daughter Eleanor. She was pretty enough to make living the rest of my life bound in a marriage without the basic foundation of love in our relationship seem somewhat tolerable. Or Mary, the distant cousin who my parents seem keen on. Marrying your relatives is a long tradition of royalty. But no, what I really want is to find someone that I really care for to marry...but how can I do that?' he thought.
Struck with this dilemma, Prince Raito went to his parents to ask them what he could do. They were in their royal parlour drinking tea, because in the afternoons when all the paperwork has been cleared there's not much else for kings and queens to do. Seeing their son, they offered him some of the tea.
"What the hell are you talking about, Matsuda?" he declined politely, and went on to tell them about his problem. "Seriously, what are you doing, you've just got that book open and are pretending to read it...and are you using what I'm saying as dialogue now?!" he said.
Looking up from the page Matsuda shot Raito a look. "You've got to pay more attention to the situation, or this isn't going to work," he whispered loudly.
"What isn't going to work?" Raito asked in confusion. He sat next to a seemingly unperturbed L and across the table from Matsuda, who lowered his book with a sigh.
"I thought we'd gotten this sorted. I've decided to retell some of my favourite fairytales, using all of us as characters in it. You'll all be voicing your respective characters so we can make the story all that more interesting. It's kind of a group project. Okay?"
He stared at him for a few moments before speaking. "I have absolutely no idea what you're on about."
"Oh. I guess you weren't there when I was telling everyone," Matsuda's look of annoyance disappeared and he lifted up the book again. "Well now you know, and we can get on with it."
"Hold on - you mean you told the others about this plan of yours?" Raito asked seriously.
"Mhmm."
"...and they agreed to it?"
"Look, Raito, this is rather unprofessional of you. If we could just get this going I'm sure you'll get the hang of it easily enough," the would-be narrator said pointedly.
Still confused Raito turned to L. "Were you in on this too?"
"I thought it would be an interesting activity," he replied simply. "Now if you could let Matsuda continue, I was quite enjoying the story."
"Why thankyou, L," Matsuda beamed.
"I can already tell how fun this next hour of my life is going to be," Raito said drily.
The door to the room opened suddenly and Mogi and Yagami-san came in, followed by Watari. Placing their bags on the table the two men sat down, while Watari remained standing, waiting respectfully at the end of the table.
"Are we late?" Mogi asked, short of breath but grinning widely.
"There was an incident on the train. Not a big issue, but enough to get us involved as policemen," Yagami-san explained.
"But we ran to get here on time," Mogi added.
"I'm looking forward to this..." Yagami-san said with evident sincerity.
At their words Raito had paled visibly, clearly concerned about the extent of their willingness. He contemplated leaving the table but L rested a hand on his arm and he realised he was trapped. Matsuda, on the other hand, smiled at them. "We've already started but you're just in time for the introduction of your characters."
"Before you continue, may I offer any service to you?" Watari joined the conversation smoothly.
"If you could bring us some tea and cakes, that would make it all the more believable," Matsuda told him after thinking it over. He bowed to them and left for the kitchen.
"Alright, should we start then?" Yagami-san asked, leaning over the table eagerly.
"Of course," Matsuda smiled at him and raised the book slightly, clearing his throat.
So Prince Raito had decided he wanted to find a wife he could love and gone to his parents to help him with it, and after saying some rather odd and out-of-character things they decided he had a bit of a fever, but that it would pass soon enough because royal people rarely get sick and when they do it tends to be fixed pretty quickly with a perilous quest or some singing. So he went on to explain everything to them.
"Oh, do I say something here?" he began, but it was the fever again and not just Raito being an idiot. "Who's the idiot here...I mean, yes, Mother and Father, I am here to ask you to help me with finding a woman to marry that I can both respect and love, instead of having to settle for a reasonably attractive girl or committing incest. We've got quite enough of that anyway. Can you help me?" he continued.
The queen was very happy to hear her son speaking of such things, because she herself had married a man that she loved and enjoyed her marriage to him, and had certainly not wanted the Duke's daughter Eleanor as a daughter-in-law. Unlike most queens she was not only a very beautiful and refined woman but also pretty smart with a variety of interests, so people liked to invite her to their parties and discuss a variety of things with her. The queen's name was Soichiroko.
But while Queen Soichiroko was-
"HOLD IT, STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW. RIGHT. NOW."
"Yes, Raito?" Matsuda asked him with thinly veiled irritation. "What is it now?"
"Oh, what could it possibly be? WHY IS MY DAD THE QUEEN IN THIS STORY?!" he shouted his reply, having jumped to his feet.
"Because he wanted to be," L answered calmly.
"Yeah," Matsuda, Mogi and Yagami-san himself all nodded. The door pushed open again and Watari rolled in his trolley, setting a cup of tea before everybody and placing an assortment of cakes in the centre of the table. The others thanked him and began to sip at their tea, largely ignoring Raito.
"Well...why is he named Soichiroko, then?" Raito said, his anger fading at their complete lack of reaction.
"Because Yagamiko would have sounded really stupid," Matsuda told him as he reached for a beautifully iced pastry.
"And we wouldn't want you to get your characters confused, either," Mogi added with a seriousness that was obviously fake.
"Oh, definitely," Matsuda agreed.
Defeated, Raito sat back down and covered his face with one hand. L rubbed his back with one hand as he attentively stirred his tea with the other. "This is so humiliating..." he moaned.
"I'm already having fun," Mogi grinned over his cup.
.......................................................................
AN: I find this story so amazingly easy to write, I got to the word limit I typically have for my fanfictions and had to make myself stop. As soon as this is published I'm going straight back to Microsoft Word to keep writing it. And unlike my other stories, I know exactly when and how this one will end. I should have this up and finished completely over the next fortnight or so.
'Queen Soichiroko'...good grief, I laughed so hard when I came up with that. In fact, I came up with the basic idea and then that name, and couldn't not write it! I hope you enjoy this story for all its weirdness and gender bending. :)