Death by a Beauty Contest
By Cherry-sama

Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time, but I do own the troubles Link must go through! Mwahahaha!

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome to the first chapter of Death by a Beauty Contest!

Link: So what happens in the fic?

Cherry-sama: You'll host a Beauty Contest!

Link: What's a Beauty Contest?

Zelda: Never mind, Link. Just vote for me!

Malon: For me!

Ruto: For me!

Link: I'll vote for…

Girls (except Cherry-sama): (leans closer to Link)

Link: I'll vote for 'HELP MEEEEEEEEE'!

Zelda: -.- Please read this.

"Link loves me!" Zelda yelled at her two best friends, Malon and Ruto.

Today was one of those regular days at Hyrule Castle. The maids were cleaning/maiding, the guards were guarding (badly I might add), the cooks were cooking, the gardeners were gardening, the king was kinging, and the girls (Zelda, Malon and Ruto) were girling. Err… Grilling? No! Fighting! That's it!

"No he doesn't! He loves me!" Ruto protested.

"Why don't you girls admit it? He loves me more than either of you!" Malon exclaimed.

By the way, my definition of a regular day at the castle means chaos at the castle… For the king.

"Who would love a farm girl?" Ruto yelled at Malon, while walking away from her and stopping abruptly to turn around, facing her. "He would only marry royalty!"

"That means he will marry me!" Zelda exclaimed.

"No! He's engaged to me!" Ruto told Zelda.

"Says who?" Malon asked crossly.

"Says me!" Ruto exclaimed, kicking a nearby side table and knocking it down, breaking the priceless vase on top.

The king hated whenever all the girls got together. They would either rip each other's hair out or break everything within the room. If only Zelda's mother hadn't died, she could sort this out. In fact, if only all the girls' mothers hadn't died, they wouldn't be fighting in the first place! But they were all dead and the law was that only a female could come to the castle to give reports on their areas. Why did it have to be these two (excluding Zelda for now)?

"Link would only marry a princess!" Zelda yelled.

"It's unhealthy to date outside your species!" Malon sneered.

"That's what makes us original!" Ruto protested, kicking the carpet, as result there was a large hole in it. "It's so boring to marry a regular princess!"

"The hero marrying a princess isn't original either! It's more creative if he marries a regular farm girl!" Malon exclaimed.

"Why do you girls always fight over this 'Link' guy?" asked a maid nearby, who had just walked into the room and started cleaning up the mess with a black and white feather duster, for the king had called her to clean up.

"Because these two girls believe that Link loves them!" Zelda told her maid, walking over to the maid, Zelda's finger pointing at the other two.

"BECAUSE HE DOES!" the other two girls protested.

"Why do you even care about this 'Link' character?" asked the maid.

"Because he's so dreamy…" Malon sighed, camera zooming in on her, now looking all calm, oddly staring at the ceiling, and having numerous hearts floating idly about her head.

"And he saved me…" Ruto sighed as the camera zoomed on her now and she looked the same as Malon.

"And he works for me…" Zelda sighed, as the camera zoomed out to look at all three girls who had somehow stood to line up in a row, having the same facial expressions.

"Oh! So all he is to you is another servant!" Malon hissed, first to break out of this odd hypnosis.

"He saved me so he must love me!" Ruto exclaimed, next to break out, making Zelda break out and look all evil like.

"Well, if you want to find out who he loves most, all you have to have is a Beauty Contest!" the maid exclaimed.

The girls paused for a moment, then said together…

"Naw." The girls told the maid in a lame voice.

"And the winner gets to marry Link…" the maid continued.

The girls froze.

"OwO GETS TO MARRY LINK!" all the girls happily yelled.

"Yep." the maid told the girls, all looking very happy.

"Alrighty! Where should it be held?" asked Malon.

"Not in a public area like Hyrule Field… That would look very odd." Zelda told the girls.

"Should I get a messenger to tell Link?" the maid asked Zelda, the maid adding a little bow.

"Yes! But don't tell every detail to the messenger!" Zelda told the maid, not wanting Link to know that he was first prize, and she knew that the messenger was a blabbermouth.

"As you wish princess." The maid told the girls before leaving the room.

The maid left the room, where the King was expecting her. He was standing right outside the door, waiting for the maid to come back out either in pieces or dead.

"How did it go?" the King asked, seeing that her hair wasn't pulled out of their roots.

"O.O Your highness! You're out of your throne!" the maid gasped horrified, examining the King from heads to toe.

"Never mind that, Tiffany. I see you're still alive… How?" the King asked.

"-.- You need another female in your life…" Tiffany the maid sighed, basically saying that the King needs another wife.

Link sighed; he was lying on the grass of Hyrule Field. The grass felt so soft. The sun was so bright yet, not too bright. The sky was the prettiest shade of blue he had ever seen since he had left the forest. He was lying on a slop, not too step, not too flat. Navi was flying around his head in a slow way, as she admired the scenery, not too fast, but not too slow.

This was the kind of day Link would call perfect.

"MESSAGE FOR MR. LI-WHAT'SHISFACE!" yelled the bunny-hood guy.

Link sat up to see the bunny-hood guy running straight for him. Link was about to get up but his reaction was slow so he was run over, right over his belly. xO… Ouch…

"AUGH! AIEEE!!!! ZITTTTTT!!!" Link yelled in pain.

"I told you not to laze around…" Navi hissed.

"Are you Mr. Li-what'shisface?" asked the bunny-hood guy who just realized Link was there.

"My name's Link…" Link muttered, getting up while clutching his stomach.

"Oh well. Even if you aren't Mr. Li-what'shisface, I'll give you the message!" the bunny-hood told Link.

"-.-" Navi looked.

"The Princess Zelda, the Farm Girl Malon, and the Princess Ruto want you to be judge of their yearly Beauty Contest! Like always!" the bunny-hood guy exclaimed, apparently a royal messenger.

"Yearly Beauty Contest?" Link asked, for this wasn't fitting under his definition of a perfect day.

"I've never heard of that!" Navi told Link, the reason she hadn't heard of it because this was the first year of doing their so-called 'yearly Beauty Contest'.

"And they are holding it at the Lost Woods!" the bunny-hood guy continued. "Or was it the Shooting Gallery?"

"Well, which is it?" Navi asked annoyed.

"I think it's the Shooting Gallery…" the bunny-hood guy paused.

"Why me?" Link asked, for he knew nothing about these 'Beauty Contests', or even been in one!

"Because they…they…I have no clue, but I think it's a secret!" the bunny-hood guy told Link. "Now, I must be off to find Mr. Li-what'shisface!"

And with that, the bunny-hood guy left the scene of the crime.

"Secret, eh?" Navi asked, sounding Canadian with the 'eh' added. "Well, you'll have no trouble finding it out! You always are told secrets!"

"Yeah…but…" Link paused. "What if I won't find out until it's too late?"

"Naw! That's just crazy talk!" Navi exclaimed.

So Link started to walk off into the sunset, but realized he was going the wrong way so he walked to Kakariko Village, to the Shooting Gallery, when really the Contest was to be held at the Lost Woods.

Meanwhile… At the Lost Woods…

"Honestly, what's keeping Link?" Malon asked, in a pretty outfit, at least prettier than her usual one.

"Maybe he ran away to get Zora's Engagement Ring!" Ruto exclaimed, wearing a sluttly bikini.

"I hope the messenger got the details right…" Zelda paused, wearing a rather short skirt and a sleeveless top with some fur perching on her shoulders.

Then, then bunny-hood guy ran to the Lost Woods, to Zelda.

"Princess! I wasn't able to find Mr. Li-what'shisface but I found this guy named Link!" the bunny-hood guy exclaimed.

"You were suppost to tell Link! Not Mr. Li-what'shisface!" Zelda hissed.

"Oh. Well, I told Link and he started to come here!" the bunny-hood guy exclaimed.

"Good." Malon told the bunny-hood guy.

Silence.

Then, something struck Zelda!

"Ouch!" Zelda hissed, for a bug had bitten her and got her royal blood.

…Then, an idea struck Zelda. …It made a loud…bonk?

"Owww…" Zelda muttered, for an abnormally large light bulb had just fallen out of the sky and hit her on the head, thus giving her an idea.

Zelda got an idea.

"Messenger…" Zelda paused, holding an icepack on her head (which appeared randomly), seeming to ignore the fact that she had just been bitten by a bug and had a goose egg on her head from a technology that is beyond her time.

Malon and Ruto snickered at the ramble that I just finished.

"Yes, Princess?" the bunny-hood guy asked.

"Where is here?" Zelda asked, making a test of this man's knowledge.

"Why?" Malon asked, giggling evilly.

"Don't you know?" Ruto smirked.

"I do, but does he know?" Zelda asked the girls.

Silence.

"This is the Shooting Gallery in Kakariko!" the bunny-hood guy exclaimed.

Zelda froze. Link, knowing his geography, had obviously gone to Kakariko instead of the Lost Woods. Zelda felt so shocked, so horrified, so mad, that she could only say one thing without ripping the bunny-hood guy to shreds.

"You're…fired." Zelda told the bunny-hood guy.

Cherry-sama: Chapter one!

Link: (shifts eyes)

Navi: Don't mind him.

Zelda: If you want to find out what happens next, review! Cherry-sama is having more chapters for this! Who will win? Me?

Malon: Me?

Ruto: Or me?

Zelda: Find out in the next chapter!