No sense. It made no sense. They should not be like this. He should not be like this… and yet…
When Leila had died he had been both devastated and determined. Kill him. Live for that. Don't let them know.
He had tried.
He had failed… and yet he was also close to revenge. Nergal was truly responsible. He knew that now, had opened his ears, had let himself understand the man who had killed her. He wondered what Nergal's face would look like when his Angel of Death helped take his life.
And that was just the thing wasn't it? Because he would be there next to Jaffar, next to Eliwood, and maybe next to Nino or someone else for they had personal interest in this.
Next to Jaffar.
He had become an assassin to kill Jaffar. He knew he wouldn't stand much of a chance as a thief. Legault hardly needed a fell contract anyway, and it wasn't like Matthew couldn't live without opening locks.
In the end it wasn't going to be to kill Jaffar that he was glad he had used the Fell Contract. He had given up his chance…
And the world had not destroyed itself.
Somewhere along the line Serra, Guy, and Hector had helped in their mundane reactions… in their living. Serra nagged, annoyed, flirted, and worried. Guy yelled, challenged, and amused. Hector condescended, got irritated, and amused as well. They distracted… but they also healed.
It wasn't just them. He had grown close to others… more people then he realized. Legault, through him Heath and Nino, Lyn, Wil, Dart, Florina, Lucius, Geitz even. Some were closer than others.
In his single mindedness he hadn't realized it at all. Hadn't realized he wasn't acting after a while. Hadn't realized.
Stupid.
He was stupid.
In his goal to kill Jaffar he had to get closer to him. To Jaffar. They had grown close. Not in words… but in actions.
It had started out… stupidly. A whim. Deal with those who try to get at Legault or get in his way. Quite a few mages, so Heath stayed back.
It worked well. Too well. Matthew at first disliked the idea of being a good team with Jaffar… but it got him closer.
Foolish. Silly.
Leila would smack him.
He should have learned. A man who cared so much for a young girl that he would risk death. A man who was slowly, painfully, learning how to feel. Icy on the outside, frigid, but inside was a small spark. Painful, to finally see that this man had never truly felt before. Matthew had watched. Watched and asked. Was this the man who killed Leila? A man who now was almost hesitant to kill? Did he see a Nino behind every face he slaughtered now?
Matthew… felt.
Guilt.
A man who hadn't had a chance to live yet. He felt for this man. Sympathized. Maybe even cared for.
On some level he wanted to help. To teach. To show a cold blooded killer even more about life. To show him joy. Somehow he had a feeling Leila would be proud of that…
But he couldn't. He had drawn his line. He could not erase it, not even after finally accepting Leila's death, finally accepting the true killer.
And yet… he also held on to a small bit of hate. This man had Leila's blood on his hands.
In the end, when all was said and done, Matthew gave up on metaphysical action and decided to pay attention. His thoughts could not sort out how he felt. He could only interact; only do what he had unconsciously been doing since her death.
And so he watched.
What he found surprised him.
They were a good team. Very good. Insanely good at times. Matthew wanted to understand how. Understand why.
They had been returning to Serra, the mission that Mark sent them on completed with minor injuries. The battlefield was easy to watch from their path. His eyes had drunk it in. Analyzing. Dissecting.
He found his answer in the way Eliwood shielded Ninian. He saw it in Hectors eyes and he smashed through the archer aiming for Florina. He watched as the calm monk Lucius' eyes flashed in determination as his magic tore through the enemies bearing down on Raven. It was in the way Lyn and Rath moved, so in synch, so painfully reminiscent, as they pierced through their foes. It was etched in to Erk and Guy as they stood shielding Serra and Priscilla respectively. Matthew had seen it before in the ease in which Legault and Heath worked. It had shown in the way Canas guided Nino through her first skirmishes. He had envied it, the bond Kent and Sain had always displayed: the bond that let them face any odds next to each other. Those bonds…
The way Jaffar would anticipate and move so he could attack. The way he would block incoming blades when Matthew could not dodge them. The way Matthew himself moved in for the kill before Jaffar was hit. The way that they could understand another without words, moving together easily. It was reflected to him on that battlefield.
It was Trust.